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Moms and Mums Club Part 11

Old 12-16-2014, 05:59 PM
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Hi ladies - so quiet here!

Babs - how are you doing, getting through the time while your hubby is away?

Lady - updates?

Congratulations on 10 months, Lucy!!

I have a girls night tomorrow night that I think I'm going to pretend to be sick for. It's my old neighbor's... remember my stories about her? Anyway, it's not the copious amounts of drinking that I want to avoid, it's actually the gift exchange... the idea is to bring 3 items that you love or can't live without - all the same, $10 or under, and everyone will be trading and end up with 3 different gifts to take home. I KNOW that at least 50% of the people will be bringing bottles of wine. Anyway, I don't have money to blow on people I barely know. I know it's only $30, but it all adds up.... the school teachers, the girl scout leaders, the dance teachers, the bus driver, plus all the family! I swear we go broke every Christmas no matter how much we try to hold back.

Now that my kids are in so many things, and you have to buy for a million different people, I understand more why people hate the holidays.... I am completely non-materialistic. I hate "things," I hate shopping, and I hate gifting out of expectation. I hate crap laying around my already tiny house, and I don't need another cookie to have to run off.

What a freaking scrooge I am!! I DO like quiet evenings with the Christmas tree, seeing family and friends, and picking out special gifts for those I love. So I'm not THAT terrible! Right?

Excuse me while I go devour the gingerbread house we made last weekend.
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Old 12-16-2014, 06:29 PM
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Hi Moms!

I've been meaning to check in all day. I just finished some leftovers and relaxing with NA beer and RHOBH.

BeBetter - I don't blame you at all $30 is a lot, I think! Especially if you're going to be going home with two bottles of booze, potentially. You're right it does it add up. I'd just say you're so tired from all the festivities and are going to sit this one out and have a quiet night with the family. No one can blame you for that. You're not a ba-humbug. You're quality not quantity. Gifts must not be your love language.

Speaking of gifts.... any suggestions on what I should get the teachers at my daughter's day care? Friday is the last day. I was going to get $25 Whole Foods gift cards for each of them (there are 3) and maybe another $10 gift card to a lunch place nearby. Is that appropriate or should I do more? Less? I'm lost. How do you say thank you for taking care of my child?!

Husband is away again. I feel fine about my sobriety, lonely and still wanting to isolate but working on that.

I got a call today from a friend wanting some career help from my husband, so he was asking if it would be okay to contact him. Anyway, he was mentioning a time long ago when he and his wife and my husband and I all got together and he said 'remember that night, we all got so plowed at dinner...' I barely remember the night actually. There's nothing like someone from your past life innocently reminding you of the mess you once were. We were all a mess that night but it was a moment to remind me how badly I don't want to go back there. Ouch. It was a brief moment of relived humiliation. Please remind me again what a drunk I am....

How is everyone else? Everyone hanging in there as we approach next week?

My turn to devour some ice cream....

XO
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Old 12-17-2014, 05:44 PM
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Hi ladies,

Bebetter...I agree, hate those types of gift swaps. There isn't much in the $10 price range that isn't booze or lottery tickets. No thanks.

Babs...that sounds extremely generous if you for teacher gifts. I usually do something in the $15-$20 range. It is true...by the time we gift the teachers, coaches etc., it gets quite pricey. These are people that are getting paid to do what they do, so I think just something as a token if thanks is sufficient.

I'm almost ready for Christmas. Shopping is pretty much done...just have to get my mom a gift certificate, and buy all my wrapping supplies this weekend. I am doing Christmas dinner, so still have to plan that menu and food shop, but that's okay...that's fun for me:-). I love hosting dinner parties:-)

Anxiously waiting for word on Lady...hope her newest princess arrived smoothly:-)
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Old 12-19-2014, 01:21 PM
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Hi ladies!

So sorry it has taken me so long to check in. Our little girl, Abigail, was born on Dec 6 at 1:38am and she is so sweet and wonderful. 8.7lbs and full head of dark hair, which really surprised us. My older daughter was born with red hair and is now a strawberry blonde. Weird how they can be so different?! Anyway, I am finally getting caught up on sleep. She has been a really good baby .... so far lol. Feeling very blessed this holiday season Hope everyone here is doing well - need to go back and catch up on all of your posts. Will write more later. Hugs to all xxxxx
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Old 12-19-2014, 02:53 PM
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Congratulations .have a great Christmas. Lb cc
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Old 12-19-2014, 04:10 PM
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Aw...congrats Lady!!!! I remember when you first told us you were expecting, and here she is Miss Abigail:-). What a blessing...so happy for you!
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Old 12-19-2014, 05:46 PM
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Congratulations, Lady!!! You family is beautiful. I'm so happy she's here, and that you're doing well. I think of you daily and hope that life continues to flow well for you. I know you worried about not being able to keep up your sobriety after the baby came, and I just want to say again that we are here for you during this big life change.

(Yes.... I knew Lady's baby was here safe and sound thanks to FB, but obviously it wasn't my fantastic news to share!)
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Old 12-19-2014, 06:53 PM
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So happy for you and your family lady! What a blessing having a new baby for Christmas!!! Congratulations:-)
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Old 12-25-2014, 03:19 AM
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Merry Christmas, everyone! I'm up early, as always, on Christmas morning, and waiting to hear the patters of the girls' feet above me. I'm glad to be waking up with no hangover, though I can't deny a small wistfulness that I felt last night for my usual champagne Christmas morning. Remembering the too-warm tired-buzzy feeling I'd have around 11am, though, is a turn-off.

I hope you all have a wonderful day today, and that those who might be following along and struggling without comment will have an easy day without the trouble of cravings. So many of the regulars here are maintaining long-term now, and I am just so proud of all of us!
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Old 12-25-2014, 07:19 PM
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Hi moms...

Hope everyone had a great Christmas. Mine was very busy, but it was great! My daughter had a fabulous day with lots of gifts and fun with family. Received 2 bottles of wine as gifts, but no desire to drink them.

One bottle I could re-gift I guess...it's a nice bottle, but the other is a more budget friendly large bottle...Was actually what I always drank before. It's not something I would re-gift, so not sure what to do with it. Oh well...hate to waste it, but am thinking it will get dumped.

Bebetter...I too had a few brief moments of wistfulness thinking about having wine while cooking dinner today, but happy to be going to bed with no purple lips and only regretting that second helping of scalloped potatoes (okay 3rd helping)....yep, looking in the mirror tomorrow morning will be much nicer this way.

Time to call it a day ladies...check back tomorrow:-)
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Old 12-25-2014, 10:33 PM
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Hi moms - it's the first time posting on this thread for me - wanted to say hello and share a bit. I have two little ones 3 yo and 9 yo. Today was a fun, sweet and sober christmas with the family. A first for me and I am beyond grateful for this peace and calm.
However... I am feeling it's a little bittersweet because the 9 yo tricked me into admitting that I was santa! She got gloves in her stocking and waited a few hours and then off handedly asked me where I bought them (she was trying on....) I was distracted and answered "oh sports chalet I think" and I was caught! There was no backtracking. She was very briefly put out that we had "lied to her" and then delighted to be in the know. We talked about the magic of the season and the classic story A Christmas Carol and how it is all about kindness, giving, and togetherness with no Santa mentioned at all. She got it and wants to help make the magic happen for her brother.

Although I was relieved she wasn't upset and clearly she was ready to know since she was trying to catch me on it I am still sad. She isn't going to have that innocent dream and hope anymore. I bet when it sinks in about all the little details likes the elf on the shelf, the letters to Santa, and who eats the cookies and carrots she may be sad too. Oh well. Part of me is hoping that tomorrow I can somehow get her to believe again. Am I being self indulgent here or has anyone else gone through this or both?? Thinking about this is the only thing that gave me the urge to have a glass of wine. So sadness must be a trigger. Maybe guilt too. I'm fine - I won't - but here are some clues for me for triggers. I hope you all had a great day and thanks for letting me get that off my chest!
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Old 12-26-2014, 03:46 AM
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Hi Stars...

Merry Christmas, and welcome to the thread. I have an 8 yo daughter and feel this year was our "bridge year" with Santa. She still believes, but I got all the telltale questions at the beginning of the season..."how does Santa make it to every house in the world in 1 night?"..."how can he carry all those gifts?"...etc. she seems to have believed our explanations this year, but I fear next year, when she is even more logical...(coupled with the fact she is already hearing whispers at school about not believing), it might be the end of the Santa era for us too:-(

The idea does make me a little sad as well. I think sadness is a trigger for many here. For me personally...it's worry that triggers me. If I am worried about something like my daughters health, that is a huge trigger for me. My daughter is overall a healthy child, but I tend to be a hypochondriac so I stress about every little ailment she encounters, and that was always a big trigger for me.

That is why my drinking spiraled out of control after she was born...became a daily habit slowly with a few glasses each evening, until it progressed to morning drinking before work as well.

Happy to say I am sober now for almost 20 months (will hit that on the 30th) sober:-). I have occasional rough days, but my life is so much better and easier now!

Anyway...welcome again and glad you are joining us:-)
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Old 12-26-2014, 07:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Dollyangel17 View Post
I think sadness is a trigger for many here. For me personally...it's worry that triggers me. If I am worried about something like my daughters health, that is a huge trigger for me. My daughter is overall a healthy child, but I tend to be a hypochondriac so I stress about every little ailment she encounters, and that was always a big trigger for me. Happy to say I am sober now for almost 20 months (will hit that on the 30th) sober:-). I have occasional rough days, but my life is so much better and easier now! Anyway...welcome again and glad you are joining us:-)
Thank you DollyAngel,
Yes she was questioning last year too - enjoy it while you can ☺️ And wow did you hit the nail on the head with health worries. I kind of buried the real story. My 3 yo has developed asthma and he was wheezy last night. Didn't even realize how worried i was til I tossed and turned and kept checking on him. I was totally in denial on that.

Congratulations on 20 months!! I am day 56 today. It feels great even though I'm tired and sick. Yay for us!
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Old 12-26-2014, 05:43 PM
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56 days is great Stars! Keep it up...you can definitely do this. I honestly used to think I couldn't live without alcohol in my life, but I have discovered how much fuller my life is now that it isn't being ruled by the bottle. I feel much freer now!

Your poor little guy...my daughter doesn't have asthma, but does have wheezing issues sometimes too. She has an in
haler for the past few weeks due to a nasty upper respiratory thing she had going.

I know what you mean about tossing and turning...when my girl is sick I spend half the night touching her forehead while she is sleeping watching for fever. Wish I wasn't such a nervous Nellie when it came to her.
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Old 12-27-2014, 05:52 PM
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Welcome Stars! I have 2 little girls, ages 5 and 2.5. I am nearly at 19 months sober (always count on Dolly remembering her sober date, and then I subtract a month!). I was drinking daily, with thoughts every night that I wouldn't drink the next day. I would have 3-5 drinks a night over the course of a few hours, not usually getting buzzed til the kids were in bed. But I was increasingly getting pass out drunk from binges, and finally quit the madness. I find lots of comfort and support on this board, and hope you will too. I also have tendencies towards hypochondria.... I think stemming largely from my husband's cancer dx 12 years ago, but honestly, drank way too much before that point, too. In fact, right now, I fear a resurgence of his cancer (comes and goes - not the cancer, but my fear), I fear that I have throat cancer, and I fear that my 2 year old is going to have pneumonia. Yeah. That's me....

So.... we are not going to Florida this week. We got a call from hubby's brother on the 23rd telling us that his mom was put on a ventilator and is heavily sedated. The ICU doesn't let kids in, so we decided to cancel the trip (we made plans a few weeks ago when she was struggling, but still at home). Yesterday we arranged for him to fly down today for who knows how long. I am not good at being home alone, and the madness started swirling in my head today. It was a beautiful day and I craved margaritas hard. And then white wine, and then my mind traveled to drinking whatever was in the barn fridge. Beer, gin, my brother's homemade moonshine. I had mild panic and intrusive thoughts. Fears that I couldn't care for my kids. Fears that I would lose control and do something stupid. I had no plan for this change in our plans - for his being gone and me being alone for who knows how long. I'm still afraid. Why does this happen? As a stay-at-home mom, I do the lions share of caregiving no problem most days. But I didn't have a plan for all this to happen, and I feel shaken. I am emotionally strained by my sadness for my husband and his family. I'm physically strained by an awful night last night with my 2 year old - she was coughing and vomiting, with a fever and I was up every hour with her. And I'm worried about the real possibility that I may have to break the news to my oldest daughter that her beloved Nana passed away. I went to the library with the girls today and got some magazines, which will hopefully get me to sleep okay, and my oldest wanted to sleep in my bed, so that will help me feel comforted. I've looked on the internet for things to do with the girls each day, including a fun little festival with fireworks in a town near us on NYE. I know I'm strong. I know the biggest gift I can give to my husband and his family was giving him the space and support for him to travel down there to be with them. I think the thing I need to remember most is that I have several sets of amazing friends and neighbors to rely on, and my parents are just an hour away, and have told me to call if I need anything. And I have to do it. I need to not wait until I'm completely stressed out to call on help - a playdate here and there with a good friend to talk it out... a drop-off playdate for my older girl when my youngest is napping to give myself some free time. I know women raise kids all by themselves all the time, but I'm not used to it!

Thanks for letting me vent it all out... I'm going to try to work on boosting my self-confidence and not let the doubts rule my thoughts.
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Old 12-28-2014, 07:12 AM
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Hi ladies!

Merry Xmas to all of you (sorry it's belated). Had a very nice and sober Xmas in our new home. Thank you for all of the nice comments - baby is doing well and just so in love with her

BeBetter, hang in there. I could relate so much to your recent post. I'm sorry you are struggling. I always struggle when my husband is away too. It sounds like you have some good plans in place to keep busy, but if you need to get out and vent we could always meet somewhere for a coffee? My hubby is going away next month for 4 days and I am already anxious about my AV giving me a hard time. I am 9 months sober and have been ok so far, mainly because I am bf 24/7 and still just too tired to think about drinking, but I know I will struggle when hubby leaves and baby is sleeping more though the night. Keep posting here and we'll help you through. Big hugs!!

Hope everyone else is doing well. What does everyone have planned for New Year's Eve/day? I have a hard time getting excited about spending NYE without champagne I was sober last year, but it was hard
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Old 12-28-2014, 06:42 PM
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Thanks for the offer, Lady.... we are thinking of going to Peepsfest for NYE, but nothing at night. So I will be stuffing my face with peeps rather than a glass of champagne. What are you planning on doing?

I'm feeling so much better today already. We had a pretty good groove today, with lots of coloring, a trip to the farm, some Christmas present returns and just hanging out. Thinking of taking the girls to a cheap theater tomorrow for their first movie (do you know the Roxy, Lady?) - it's just $3.00 a seat, so if they freak out, no problem. The Peepsfest on Wed, hitting the gym on Monday and Tuesday. I am so bloated from Christmas and need to set some new fitness goals. With all that's going on with my MIL, I'm once again toying with the thought of quitting smoking. I'm just dragging my feet on it, even though I barely enjoy it anymore... Maybe a New Year's Resolution. I smoke 2-3 cigs a day, so you'd think it would be easy to quit, but at the same time, I'm always telling myself it's ONLY 2-3 cigs a day, so how much of a big deal is it? I have a hunch, like when I quit alcohol, I'll learn that it affects me much more than I think, and that I'll shave a minute a mile off my runs or something.
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Old 12-29-2014, 02:11 PM
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BeBetter, I don't know of the Roxy, but sounds like the Emmaus Theatre close to me that only charges $2 a seat. Of course you don't have the selection of movies or stadium seating, but it's great for kids!! A day or night at the movies sounds like a good idea. Maybe I will take my daughter when my hubby goes out of town? Oops, guess I can't take a newborn lol. Can't really leave her either since I am bf every couple of hours.

No plans for NYE - just a quiet night at home.

Hope you are still doing better today

Hope everyone else is doing well too!
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Old 12-29-2014, 04:52 PM
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9 days sober. Stay at home Mom to an 8 year old and a 9 month old.
Happy to find this forum.
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Old 12-29-2014, 06:17 PM
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Welcome Suzie!!! That's the hardest part, those first few days. Good for you!!! Keep on keeping on!!

I'm off to an Alanon meeting tonight. I can't wait. I've only been to one meeting in about a month and a half. I miss the people and the vibe. I really start falling off my spiritual path without it.

Christmas was easy and low key. We are hoping to be headed off to the snow any day now. I'm such a baby in the cold weather:-(

Hugs
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