Bebetter

Hello out there!!

Is anyone still ever checking in here? I think of you all as the seasons go by, and hope we're all still living the lives we set out for. I'm keeping up my sobriety quite nicely - rarely does a craving ever hit me, and when it does, I have plenty of mental strength to get through.

I'm running my first half marathon in a few weeks - the opportunity fell into my lap when a friend injured herself and registered her bib over to me. I haven't been particularly training, but a friend of mine and I were running some long runs up in the 8 and 9 mile range, and so I hit 10 last week and feel prepared enough to at least finish the half. I'm nervous but excited! My kids are happy in school - my oldest in first grade and my little one started pre-school. I'm super active in the PTA this year, and as a girl scout leader with my older daughter's troop. Besides the continued struggle of trying for another baby, things are going really well.

Thinking of you all, and would love to hear how your lives are going!

petals

I'm still here.
Plodding along with my sober life.
Several challenges but still here.
Hope everyone is doing ok.xx

Bebetter

I'm glad to hear it, petals. thanks for checking in!

loulou1981

Is this thread still active?? If so, Hi!!

petals

Hi there xx

Bebetter

I'd say it's fairly dead, unfortunately.... but hi! How are you??

Ladybug2

Hi Moms/Mums,

This used to be a great thread so seeing if we can start it up again?! I've been at this for awhile and have had some good sober stints (mostly when pregnant), but have been struggling for the past 6 months or so. I am a Mom to 2 girls - a 6 yo and 14 mo. Today is Day 10 for me and I'd love to hear from other Moms/Mums, whether you've been sober for awhile or are on Day Zero.

Babs78756

Hey LadyBug! I posted not too long ago on the women's chat room. Was struggling but made it through... Jan. 31st was 2 years for me!
I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old. Phew... life is crazy, working full time, trying to launch a company on the side, a husband who travels most of the time and man, some days I just want to checkout but then I remind myself that I just have to get through the tougher days and reward myself with ice cream or a N/A beer.

How are things going for you? I agree, I'd love to get this page back up and running!

Ladybug2

Hi Babs! I remember you - your 2.5 yo was still a little baby when we were posting back then Time flies, huh? Congrats on 2+ years!! That's great! Wish I could say the same. I had over a year while I was pregnant with my second daughter and after she was born. Unfortunately, I thought I could try and moderate, but that obviously hasn't gone too well. Surprise, surprise. I am determined to get back to a 100% sober life and feel great having 10 days now. What has worked for you? Do you attend AA meetings?

Bebetter

Hi Lady & Babs,

Babs - I think of you and wondered how you've been. Congratulations on your not-so-new anymore baby! I remember you had been talking about gearing up to try for another. It does sound like your life is very busy and very full. I am such a low-energy person, everything you are doing seems impossible in a day!! I'm so glad to hear you celebrated 2 years last month!

Lady - hey, I've been thinking of you, too. I'm glad to hear you are on day 10. I was thinking of you yesterday, in fact... I quit smoking 2 weeks ago, and then yesterday, out of a silly obsessive habit of mine (not going to go into it...), I bought a pack and then I smoked one and stashed the rest in a baggie in the WAAY back of the basement freezer. And then I felt super guilty - not for breaking my quit, but because I felt like I was being totally dishonest about it to my husband, because I told him I had quit and he was really supportive. And so I told him today, because the baggage of even that was too much for me. It wasn't a big deal - he could really care less about the small amount I ever smoked, so it doesn't actually compare to what we talked about a few months ago, but I was thinking of you anyway and I hoped you were doing well

There is nothing new going on in my life, and that actually sounds kind of sad to me! I can't wait for spring, when I can get out into the garden and into the bee hives again. Thinking of chickens this year... I haven't been running as much as I'd like because of all the winter sicknesses we've been passing around. My youngest most recently caught hand/foot/mouth at the childwatch where I work out, and now my oldest and my husband are coming down with likely the same thing. I'm still sober - it will be 3 years at the end of June. I don't even think about it anymore, really. I rarely am in a situation where I crave it. I sometimes think back, nostalgically, to the times when I was young and partied and how much fun I had. And I think - awesome! I had lots of fun! But the drinking I did a decade later was not fun. It felt like it was sometimes because it was escapist and mentally freeing, but it was compulsive and it was necessary. And now it's done, and I don't miss it at all.

Dee74

I hope you guys can start it up again

D

Madwoman

Bebetter, nice to meet you.
Wow,you have come out the other side.
I'm delighted to hear you have no cravings, that I am so looking forward to.
For me, I became compulsive in the end as well and really hated the feeling of being ruled by it.
It made me depressed and teary even when I was not drinking so the decision to stop was a no brainer!
I like the idea of nothing much happening, I always have too much to do and with 4 kids juggling time is standard play.
Thanks for that remark about the no craving any more.
Just what I needed to hear.

Babs78756

Good Morning Ladies -

I have to say, I love seeing these messages in my inbox again and it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm thinking about booze more and more lately and notice it everywhere, in every movie I watch or TV show that's on - 'see that guy drinks.' 'she got drunk on that show.' 'will anyone notice I'm having a n/a beer?' I sometimes try to get into the head of my friends who aren't alcoholics and wonder, 'why do they even have one drink? and why/how do they stop?' My best friend (I call her my life partner) she says, 'I just don't really care about alcohol, I never drink, mostly because I don't want to spend the calories on something that isn't cake.' Simplified thinking that I don't remember ever having the luxury of having...

Madwoman - 4 kiddos?! You're amazing! My 2 make me think I'm superwoman or drowning woman most days. My husband is gone in the UK this week and my mom came to town to help me. It's amazing how mornings can still be tough with two people and getting everyone out the door.

How is everyone today?

Ladybug2

Hi BeBetter, Madwoman & Babs!

BeBetter, we should get together again for coffee sometime? Looking forward to the spring and being able to go the zoo. I am finding that getting out of the house is what really helps to keep my AV at bay. I did all my drinking at home, in hiding, so my AV is always lurking around here. I am glad to hear you don't miss drinking and have minimal to no cravings anymore. I hope to get to that point. At Day 11 I feel like I am still mourning the fact that I can never drink again. But, I know that I can't. I wish I had never started up again after my second daughter was born. I should have known better. Ah well, onwards and upwards, right?

Hi and welcome Madwoman. How old are your 4 kids? I am overwhelmed with 2 so don't know how you do it?!! How long have you been sober?

Hi Babs! I feel the same way when watching TV shows or going out to eat. Husband and I went out to dinner for Valentines Day (my new sobriety date) and I felt like I was the only person there not drinking an alcoholic beverage. I hate that I am obsessed with looking around to see what other people are drinking. The woman next to us was having a dirty martini (one of my old favorites) and I felt like reaching over and chugging it. Ugh. I hate this disease. One of my biggest triggers is husband going away so I give you a lot of credit for doing so well while having a husband who travels a lot. Mine works from home so that does make it easier, most of the time. I had become very good at hiding it from him, but no more. He now knows I relapsed and have been/am struggling so now he is very supportive.

Have a great day Mamas!

Anna

I'm so glad to see this thread being active again!

I'm a Mom of adult children, but I sure do remember the stress and strain of those years. In fact, I didn't drink at all until my daughter was 16 and my son 18, but once I started I was going strong. Lady, I drank at home alone, too, and my biggest trigger was my husband being away. He travelled a lot, all the time, and many trips were unexpected so it was very stressful. I think getting out of the house when possible is a great plan.

Ladybug2

Hi Anna and thanks for your post At least you were sober for your children's younger years - that's one of the biggest regrets I will have if I don't nip this in the bud now. I attended my first AA meeting when my oldest was 2 and then joined SR a year later. She is now 6 and I am still battling this Got to get it right now because she is at the age where she will start noticing (if she hasn't already) changes in her mom.

Babs78756

LadyBug - please, please, please don't beat yourself up. You do the best you can today and tomorrow if you can't do you best that's okay, just be.

I haven't gone to meetings much but I've wanted to go so I can get my two year chip. I carry chips in my wallet given to me by a friend who has since gone back to drinking. I want to have chips that are mine, that I earned.

I cannot tell you what's changed other than just being honest about it, with the people I love. I talk about it with my husband, my best friend, my mom. When friends ask about it, I'm honest and say my drinking got to a scary place with my daughter and enough so that I put it up. Some days, I'm secretly waiting for my husband to say 'we're on vacation go have a drink!' He won't. And I think about the morning after and glimpse the guilt and that's enough for me. We just went on a weekend away and I had a dream so real, when I woke up I thought I was hungover and for a minute panicked thinking I had let myself drink. That feeling was enough to get me through the next few weeks... but mostly when I'm craving booze, I say it out loud. I text my husband or my mom or my friends and once its out of my brain it lets the pressure out.

N/A beers work for me, takes the pressure off social situations and feel like a treat.

Hope you all had a great day. So, glad we're getting the band back together.

Madwoman

Hi Ladybug2,
I'll be day 7 tomorrow.
I drank when my husband was gone on a trip ( my biggest trigger) but luckily just on the first night and then I got back on the wagon again.
It's difficult not to feel like a child in a sweet shop when you know none bar you will know.
My eldest is 15 and thankfully has never seen me drunk as I tend to do this when he is in bed.
He has seen me "tired" the following day though so like you I have no wish for them to find out about this.
I don't know how to stop the cravings yet but I am hoping they will calm down with time.
My husband still drinks but understands how hard it is for me to be around him so he does it with friends. I have only vocalised my alcoholism to him and my mother and most friends have seen me fight this battle for years so I would say they will be supportive.
I had been secretly drinking to start with due to my husbands tight control on what I drank.
I thought he was controlling and judgemental.
Unfortunately as time went on I accepted the truth as it became more of a compulsion than a release.
The next day spent replacing bottles and getting rid of empties before he came home.
I hated myself and was constantly stressed. I feel so much better already.
My other children are 9,7, and 4.
I need a plan for the next time he is gone.
I can't leave the house at night when he's gone as the kids are in bed.
Any ideas for tricking my Av voice during these times?
It used to be me,a bottle of wine, some crisps and watch mindless TV.
New page,new plan.
One where I will wake up happy and proud!!!

Babs78756

Good Afternoon Madwoman...

I know those nights.. All. Too. Well. I would become so anxious when my husband wasnt traveling because his presence meant I could just drink openly and fall(literally) into bed. There was a whole ritual of lying, 'I have my wine and my single-girl dinner, watch Bravo and pretend I'm still me, no husband, no baby, no responsibility.' When it really was just me, getting drunk alone and free of judgement. Undoubtedly wake up with bruises and have to make up more lies about where they came from.... So, what did I do to snap out of it.

I totally changed my routine. I started seeing a trainer/going to the gym at night. Prepared dinners that were different (no associative triggers). I watched movies I'd wanted to see, while folding laundry. I started planning outfits for work the night before, packing bags for daycare etc. anything that kept me off that soft spot on the couch with a bottle of wine. Also, I logged on to this site and just typed and typed and typed. One day became two, became a week etc.

You can do it but you have to disrupt who you've been.

Anna

Oh yes, this was me!

And, I was hugely triggered by my husband being away, so I went out and bought some lovely bath oil and some Body Shop creams and set out to pamper myself when I was alone. It really helped me. You can do this!