Moms and Mums Club Part 11
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 369
Hi Moms-
How is everyone? Seems mostly a good quiet here. Anyone hear from LucyG?
Bebetter, I have my fingers and toes crossed for you. I cannot pretend to know how difficult it must be. We are going to start trying for #2 (which seems so surreal) in a few months. Actually making my appointment to get my IUD removed today. I'm hoping things turn all 'positive' quickly.
We had ANOTHER office happy hour last night and I found myself standing directly over the Oregon Pinot Noir that used to be a favorite, during the speeches by my boss and guests. GREAT. I 'ghosted' as quickly as I could and went straight to the market and refocused my attention on the things I do to keep my life functional and moving in a positive direction. As you all know I've found myself with some cravings that just won't shake. I know that it will pass but its been tough and annoying too. I'm hoping tonight a workout will shake the cobwebs out, open the windows and let some fresh air into the crevices of my mind that still think of drinking as my only coping skill.
Perhaps accepting that there will always be challenging situations is the first step. UGH.
Hugs to everyone.
How is everyone? Seems mostly a good quiet here. Anyone hear from LucyG?
Bebetter, I have my fingers and toes crossed for you. I cannot pretend to know how difficult it must be. We are going to start trying for #2 (which seems so surreal) in a few months. Actually making my appointment to get my IUD removed today. I'm hoping things turn all 'positive' quickly.
We had ANOTHER office happy hour last night and I found myself standing directly over the Oregon Pinot Noir that used to be a favorite, during the speeches by my boss and guests. GREAT. I 'ghosted' as quickly as I could and went straight to the market and refocused my attention on the things I do to keep my life functional and moving in a positive direction. As you all know I've found myself with some cravings that just won't shake. I know that it will pass but its been tough and annoying too. I'm hoping tonight a workout will shake the cobwebs out, open the windows and let some fresh air into the crevices of my mind that still think of drinking as my only coping skill.
Perhaps accepting that there will always be challenging situations is the first step. UGH.
Hugs to everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
My period showed up tonight. I have huge regrets about my drinking when Erin was a baby. Huge. I drank her infancy away as each day passed. Part of me wants to do it all again sober, and I know that's part of wanting another baby. I was sober for Elise's first year, and I feel like I stole that from Erin, though I was drinking during Elise's 2nd, 3rd and 4th years, minus my pregnancy with Erin. Huge regrets. That sit on my shoulders.
I'm craving today. I remembered a time when I was driving to work as a waitress in my early 20s, with a gin and tonic in the car. I got pulled over in a school zone and was ticketed for speeding. The cop pulled over 3 cars at once and didn't notice my drink, and I wasn't buzzed - just a pre-game cocktail. Once, at my job as a librarian on the evening shift, the dean came over to talk to me and I had a G&T in my coffee go-mug. I was buzzing. I could have been fired, I suppose. No one ever called me on these things. 16 months ago, I called myself on it all. My history is so entwined with the stupidity of my addiction. I hate myself through these regrets and memories. I think those feelings are antithetical to my sobriety. I took so much away from my kids. I took myself away from them, and it's enough regret to make me crave a drink. How ludicrous is that?
I'm just hit with so many feelings of anger over how hard life has turned out sometimes. I'm sure my hormones at the moment are fueling it.
I can turn the page on all that and remind myself of who I am now, but I still feel fraudulent most of the time. Can I convince myself that I'm an athlete now that I run with the fast girls at the gym? No. I still feel like that awkward unathletic school girl. Can I convince myself that I have a strong, beautiful body? No. I still notice every roll on my belly, every chunky part of my thighs. Can I convince myself that I'm a good mother? No. I still feel like I'm cruising through my days making mistake after mistake in discipline and raising my kids. Can I convince myself that I'm an active community member through my work at the library and as a volunteer in girl scouts and the PTA? No. I still feel like it's all a show and that I don't belong.
Wondering where passion comes from. And where I can find that passionate flow state that so many people seem to find. When do people feel like they have become themselves? When do the regrets of the past stop resurfacing? If ever.
I just want to cry, but I won't because it gives me a headache and I don't want my husband to worry about me being fragile. I won't drink. I know that. I know that deep inside my mind and body. These feelings will pass, and there will be more amazing days that I go above and beyond just getting by. It feels like a 2 cigarette kind of night. Like I used to have when I drank, and felt alone. Only then, I was soaring in my head.
I'm craving today. I remembered a time when I was driving to work as a waitress in my early 20s, with a gin and tonic in the car. I got pulled over in a school zone and was ticketed for speeding. The cop pulled over 3 cars at once and didn't notice my drink, and I wasn't buzzed - just a pre-game cocktail. Once, at my job as a librarian on the evening shift, the dean came over to talk to me and I had a G&T in my coffee go-mug. I was buzzing. I could have been fired, I suppose. No one ever called me on these things. 16 months ago, I called myself on it all. My history is so entwined with the stupidity of my addiction. I hate myself through these regrets and memories. I think those feelings are antithetical to my sobriety. I took so much away from my kids. I took myself away from them, and it's enough regret to make me crave a drink. How ludicrous is that?
I'm just hit with so many feelings of anger over how hard life has turned out sometimes. I'm sure my hormones at the moment are fueling it.
I can turn the page on all that and remind myself of who I am now, but I still feel fraudulent most of the time. Can I convince myself that I'm an athlete now that I run with the fast girls at the gym? No. I still feel like that awkward unathletic school girl. Can I convince myself that I have a strong, beautiful body? No. I still notice every roll on my belly, every chunky part of my thighs. Can I convince myself that I'm a good mother? No. I still feel like I'm cruising through my days making mistake after mistake in discipline and raising my kids. Can I convince myself that I'm an active community member through my work at the library and as a volunteer in girl scouts and the PTA? No. I still feel like it's all a show and that I don't belong.
Wondering where passion comes from. And where I can find that passionate flow state that so many people seem to find. When do people feel like they have become themselves? When do the regrets of the past stop resurfacing? If ever.
I just want to cry, but I won't because it gives me a headache and I don't want my husband to worry about me being fragile. I won't drink. I know that. I know that deep inside my mind and body. These feelings will pass, and there will be more amazing days that I go above and beyond just getting by. It feels like a 2 cigarette kind of night. Like I used to have when I drank, and felt alone. Only then, I was soaring in my head.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 369
BeBetter I want to hug you. I read your stories and a million of my own mortifying moments flashed through my head as well.
I guarantee te other women at the gym, women on the street, volunteers, moms, friends, etc. etc. etc. I bet they all feel like they're faking it too. I know I do.
How about, just for tonight tell yourself that you are enough. Tonight, right now, in this moment, you are enough. Tomorrow you can go back to the doubt and guilt and we'll work through it but for tonight, ease into your bed, let it envelope you, breathe in and say 'who I am is enough.' All your baggage will still be there in the morning but you can give it the night off. Tonight, be your own best friend. Put yourself to bed, tuck your covers in tight and exhale. BeBetter, who you are is enough.
Will write more tomorrow.
Xo
I guarantee te other women at the gym, women on the street, volunteers, moms, friends, etc. etc. etc. I bet they all feel like they're faking it too. I know I do.
How about, just for tonight tell yourself that you are enough. Tonight, right now, in this moment, you are enough. Tomorrow you can go back to the doubt and guilt and we'll work through it but for tonight, ease into your bed, let it envelope you, breathe in and say 'who I am is enough.' All your baggage will still be there in the morning but you can give it the night off. Tonight, be your own best friend. Put yourself to bed, tuck your covers in tight and exhale. BeBetter, who you are is enough.
Will write more tomorrow.
Xo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Bebetter- We love you so much! You are so awesome. It comes through in each post. We all have voices inside our heads that tell us we aren't good enough. My 10 year old daughter lives that everyday. It breaks my heart. But she's coming out of her shell. She said this is my year!
I've hit a rough patch! Hubby relapsed. He couldn't ween himself off this time. He was being kind but I couldn't have the kids see him like that. Trying to recover at home. So I told him to go. He ended up with a DUI. It's been a long time coming.
He agreed to go back to rehab. New place. I think he's comfortable. He will continue to work a bit while there.
He's in a much better place mentally, physically and he's calm. I really think this recovery thing is a process. We learn how to do it with each failure.
I get advice from all sides. His best friend blamed me on the DUI, saying if I hadn't kicked him out and he had nowhere to go. My hubby was furious with him. Then my neighbor blamed me on his relapse saying I haven't been tough enough. They don't know our struggles. Our family has united with this disease, realizing it's a disease and we are all closer than ever.
Turning my back on him now would be terrible. My only boundary is you cannot drink if you want to live with me. So he's getting more help.
I told him if the roles were reversed and I was still drinking and very sick would he turn his back on me? I think he finally understood how difficult this is for me. He cried literally 5 days straight.
I can't believe how messy life can be. How painful. I hate alcohol and drugs. Addiction should be way more talked about than it is.
For any of you struggling with having babies. I've been there too. I started on my second at 34. I got pregnant easily but had miscarriages. When you get older it just takes longer. But I know how consumed you get with it. Like there is someone waiting to be born and you can feel it. It will happen. It's so biological. I wish our moms told us to start having babies younger. I think that an FYI should be out on that too!
I hope you all have a fantastic day. I've got lots of work the next few weeks so that's keeping me busy:-)
Xox
I've hit a rough patch! Hubby relapsed. He couldn't ween himself off this time. He was being kind but I couldn't have the kids see him like that. Trying to recover at home. So I told him to go. He ended up with a DUI. It's been a long time coming.
He agreed to go back to rehab. New place. I think he's comfortable. He will continue to work a bit while there.
He's in a much better place mentally, physically and he's calm. I really think this recovery thing is a process. We learn how to do it with each failure.
I get advice from all sides. His best friend blamed me on the DUI, saying if I hadn't kicked him out and he had nowhere to go. My hubby was furious with him. Then my neighbor blamed me on his relapse saying I haven't been tough enough. They don't know our struggles. Our family has united with this disease, realizing it's a disease and we are all closer than ever.
Turning my back on him now would be terrible. My only boundary is you cannot drink if you want to live with me. So he's getting more help.
I told him if the roles were reversed and I was still drinking and very sick would he turn his back on me? I think he finally understood how difficult this is for me. He cried literally 5 days straight.
I can't believe how messy life can be. How painful. I hate alcohol and drugs. Addiction should be way more talked about than it is.
For any of you struggling with having babies. I've been there too. I started on my second at 34. I got pregnant easily but had miscarriages. When you get older it just takes longer. But I know how consumed you get with it. Like there is someone waiting to be born and you can feel it. It will happen. It's so biological. I wish our moms told us to start having babies younger. I think that an FYI should be out on that too!
I hope you all have a fantastic day. I've got lots of work the next few weeks so that's keeping me busy:-)
Xox
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 369
LucyG - I'm so sorry. This disease has had such a terrible hold on your husband. I can only imagine the depths of his despair. He will get there. I truly believe he will get there. You are an incredible support and you have the knowledge and the strength that he will need to overcome it. Hopefully he can see how you are getting stronger and strong and finding so much happiness in sobriety. I'm really pulling for you both. You were so right to get him out of the house. The kids and you need to get stronger each day and focus on building the healthy parts of your family.
Hugs to you!!
How you doing BeBetter? Better today? When I used to have my period I would take a Vitamin B supplement and that really helped with the sadness and depression. It might help. Just a thought.
I'm sending big hugs to you all.
Hugs to you!!
How you doing BeBetter? Better today? When I used to have my period I would take a Vitamin B supplement and that really helped with the sadness and depression. It might help. Just a thought.
I'm sending big hugs to you all.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Hi ladies...
Bebetter...I completely understand your feelings. I am always struggling with feelings if inadequacy. That is why I drank so much I think. I am working on it, but still have those days. Always afraid I not a good mother in terms if discipline etc. Sometimes I feel I am too easy on my daughter because I am making up for all the times I wasn't totally present for her when I was drinking. Hang in there...the hormones don't help, but that will pass too.
Lucy....oh hon, so sorry your husband relapsed:-(. I think you are doing the right thing, and it does sound like he really wants to get sober. Going to pray he is successful...I feel he will be!
Bebetter...I completely understand your feelings. I am always struggling with feelings if inadequacy. That is why I drank so much I think. I am working on it, but still have those days. Always afraid I not a good mother in terms if discipline etc. Sometimes I feel I am too easy on my daughter because I am making up for all the times I wasn't totally present for her when I was drinking. Hang in there...the hormones don't help, but that will pass too.
Lucy....oh hon, so sorry your husband relapsed:-(. I think you are doing the right thing, and it does sound like he really wants to get sober. Going to pray he is successful...I feel he will be!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Petals- I'm a professional petsitter and I love animals so much. So I understand completely. Loosing a pet right now would break me! I'm so sorry for your loss.
Happy Halloween! I will have a house full of children:-). I'm excited!!!!
Feeling grateful I still have a house, car and money in the bank!
One day at a time.
Happy Halloween! I will have a house full of children:-). I'm excited!!!!
Feeling grateful I still have a house, car and money in the bank!
One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Hi moms,
Yesterday passed and I never realized it was my 18 month mark!
Took my daughter trick or treating with friends and it was fun, but felt a out of place. These friends of my daughters from school live in an upscale neighborhood up the road from us, and I must say...what a bunch of snobs some of the parents were!!! They were commenting a few times about "people coming into their neighborhood" to trick or treat, and there I was one of them:-)
We live in a townhouse in a community of mostly older people that don't give out candy, so yes...I try to have my daughter hook up with friends in another neighborhood to make it more fun, but don't make me feel like some lowly leech!
Ah well...time for my chocolate:-)
Yesterday passed and I never realized it was my 18 month mark!
Took my daughter trick or treating with friends and it was fun, but felt a out of place. These friends of my daughters from school live in an upscale neighborhood up the road from us, and I must say...what a bunch of snobs some of the parents were!!! They were commenting a few times about "people coming into their neighborhood" to trick or treat, and there I was one of them:-)
We live in a townhouse in a community of mostly older people that don't give out candy, so yes...I try to have my daughter hook up with friends in another neighborhood to make it more fun, but don't make me feel like some lowly leech!
Ah well...time for my chocolate:-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
Oh geez, Dolly - that's right! The 30th for you and me! Congratulations on 18 months. I think of you daily and am glad you're on this journey along with me. 16 months and 1 day for me today...
We were also interlopers at trick or treat today. There are few homes on our street (like 15 over the full mile), and no sidewalks, so no one trick or treats here. We went to our old neighbors' (the drinker) in their new neighborhood, and had a great time. She was drunk, as always, but everyone else was very cool with their booze, which helped. The girls had a fantastic time, and completely melted down at the end. I ate TONS of sh!t - I made homemade sticky buns, which I'm going to work towards perfecting this holiday season. I'm planning to make them for every single party and event I'm invited to, and so far, I have 4 events lined up, so hopefully I'll be a pro by the time I make them for my family as I always do on Christmas morning.
So... with my belly full of a disgusting amount of pizza, candy and sticky buns, I'm leaving October behind and looking forward to November. I'm going to get a handle on my eating and try to lose some of the weight that has crept up over the past 2-3 months. I'd like to lose 7 by Christmas, which will be tough, since I'm short and already in my healthy BMI range to start with, but that's my goal anyway. Also, I'm participating in the National Novel Writing Month like I did last year, which is a challenge to write a novel in a month - 50,000 words (which isn't actually a novel, but it's challenging yet manageable). I sketched out a plot outline and have been thinking of my characters, and hope I can do it! I also signed up for my first 5K on Thanksgiving morning, and my goal is to run under 28 minutes.
I'm excited about working towards these 3 goals, and am feeling much better than I was a few days ago. Thank you all for your support. I know you know where I am in my mind more than many of the people I run into on a daily basis, and it helps me a ton. <3
We were also interlopers at trick or treat today. There are few homes on our street (like 15 over the full mile), and no sidewalks, so no one trick or treats here. We went to our old neighbors' (the drinker) in their new neighborhood, and had a great time. She was drunk, as always, but everyone else was very cool with their booze, which helped. The girls had a fantastic time, and completely melted down at the end. I ate TONS of sh!t - I made homemade sticky buns, which I'm going to work towards perfecting this holiday season. I'm planning to make them for every single party and event I'm invited to, and so far, I have 4 events lined up, so hopefully I'll be a pro by the time I make them for my family as I always do on Christmas morning.
So... with my belly full of a disgusting amount of pizza, candy and sticky buns, I'm leaving October behind and looking forward to November. I'm going to get a handle on my eating and try to lose some of the weight that has crept up over the past 2-3 months. I'd like to lose 7 by Christmas, which will be tough, since I'm short and already in my healthy BMI range to start with, but that's my goal anyway. Also, I'm participating in the National Novel Writing Month like I did last year, which is a challenge to write a novel in a month - 50,000 words (which isn't actually a novel, but it's challenging yet manageable). I sketched out a plot outline and have been thinking of my characters, and hope I can do it! I also signed up for my first 5K on Thanksgiving morning, and my goal is to run under 28 minutes.
I'm excited about working towards these 3 goals, and am feeling much better than I was a few days ago. Thank you all for your support. I know you know where I am in my mind more than many of the people I run into on a daily basis, and it helps me a ton. <3
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Congrats to you too Bebetter! 16 months...so great, and we have been rocking this thing together from almost the start...amazing, and I am proud of us both, as I am of all you gals fighting this day in and day out. Your strength is inspiring!
Ah the time change tonight. It's nice to only look at it as an opportunity to get an extra hour of sleep instead of an extra hour of drinking!;-)
Well the Halloween weekend chocolate binge is well underway, and speaking of which...some Special Dark awaits:-)
Ah the time change tonight. It's nice to only look at it as an opportunity to get an extra hour of sleep instead of an extra hour of drinking!;-)
Well the Halloween weekend chocolate binge is well underway, and speaking of which...some Special Dark awaits:-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Dolly and Bebetter! You are an inspiration! People come and go and I am so happy you have stayed!
We had a fantastic time trick or treating in our neighborhood. People come here from near and far. It gets very busy. We've been here 13 years now and have all the same kids around. It's so much fun!!!
My group of parents took alcohol with them as always. The whole neighborhood did really. People had ice coolers and wagons of booze. For them it's still fun. I could have let it bother me, but I didn't.
The boys watched a horror movie and the girls had a sleepover. I loved hearing their chatter.
When I drank, I just felt lonely when I was the only adult. Now I find it so endearing knowing I'm providing a safe place for all these beautiful children. Memories of a great Halloween.
I hope you all have an amazing moment in time this weekend. Life changing. Or you just find peace within yourselves! I am enough!!!!! Xox
We had a fantastic time trick or treating in our neighborhood. People come here from near and far. It gets very busy. We've been here 13 years now and have all the same kids around. It's so much fun!!!
My group of parents took alcohol with them as always. The whole neighborhood did really. People had ice coolers and wagons of booze. For them it's still fun. I could have let it bother me, but I didn't.
The boys watched a horror movie and the girls had a sleepover. I loved hearing their chatter.
When I drank, I just felt lonely when I was the only adult. Now I find it so endearing knowing I'm providing a safe place for all these beautiful children. Memories of a great Halloween.
I hope you all have an amazing moment in time this weekend. Life changing. Or you just find peace within yourselves! I am enough!!!!! Xox
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,327
Extra stressed right now
.... hubby has been contacting his ex again. She cheated on him with his best friend and they got a divorce. Then he met me...... and now he's txting and phoning her...he gave her his mobile number. ... hes friends requested her on Facebook too and she's accepted and they send private messages. I've tried talking to him and he knows how insecure she makes me feel. ...but he says that she is a very good friend that he has known for longer than me.
I know it won't help but I really feel like hitting the wine.
Now he's telling me may have to work away.... he never has time to txt or talk to me but is making time for her.
Sorry for the rant but you guys are my closest friends.x
.... hubby has been contacting his ex again. She cheated on him with his best friend and they got a divorce. Then he met me...... and now he's txting and phoning her...he gave her his mobile number. ... hes friends requested her on Facebook too and she's accepted and they send private messages. I've tried talking to him and he knows how insecure she makes me feel. ...but he says that she is a very good friend that he has known for longer than me.
I know it won't help but I really feel like hitting the wine.
Now he's telling me may have to work away.... he never has time to txt or talk to me but is making time for her.
Sorry for the rant but you guys are my closest friends.x
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 369
Petals.....
Wow. That's a really negative situation you're in, it will do a number on your peace of mind, you're sense of security, safety all of it. I don't know what you're wiling to do or not do but you have to protect yourself and keep yourself in the right frame of mind 1.) to stay sober 2.) keep the high quality of life you deserve.
People can be mean, cruel, break our hearts and make us feel scared or unsafe. I know you have it in you to rise above this and make the tough decisions to get to a safe place that you construct.
The longer you stay, you're allowing the mental and psychological abuse. You are not crazy, untrusting or any other adjective that may get thrown your way to make you doubt your gut. The one thing you have that you can choose to use or not, is your gut instinct. We're here to support you.
I'm so sorry this is happening. My heart hurts for you. I've been there.
XOXO
Wow. That's a really negative situation you're in, it will do a number on your peace of mind, you're sense of security, safety all of it. I don't know what you're wiling to do or not do but you have to protect yourself and keep yourself in the right frame of mind 1.) to stay sober 2.) keep the high quality of life you deserve.
People can be mean, cruel, break our hearts and make us feel scared or unsafe. I know you have it in you to rise above this and make the tough decisions to get to a safe place that you construct.
The longer you stay, you're allowing the mental and psychological abuse. You are not crazy, untrusting or any other adjective that may get thrown your way to make you doubt your gut. The one thing you have that you can choose to use or not, is your gut instinct. We're here to support you.
I'm so sorry this is happening. My heart hurts for you. I've been there.
XOXO
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Petals-So sorry! Babs is right. No matter what you are going through it's not worth drinking again. It's so much harder to cope with things when your drinking too. You will end up doing something you will regret. Guys and having another connection with someone other than their spouse is the most hurtful thing. I'm so very sorry. I hope he wakes up and realizes he has you to confide in. But regardless of what he's doing right now, you need to get yourself to a good place! I feel for you and we are all here for you. Gosh, that makes me so mad. They don't understand how hurtful that is. I'm so very sorry!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
petals - (((hugs))) I don't know what to say! I think your husband has misplaced his priorities! The big question in my head is, why? why is he willing to endanger your trust for her? It's cruel that he said he's known her longer - it sounds like he's saying that makes her more important, in a sense, and that makes NO sense! I assume there are good reasons she's his ex... I really have no advice on dealing with it. Doesn't he think to put himself in your shoes? How would he feel if you were privately chatting with an ex?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Should I take a job at the sports club that is only 9 hours a week but interferes with taking kids to school and homework? It's such a pain! Being a mom and trying to work is so difficult. I'd get a free membership and extra money. But my kids would suffer. Is it worth it? I only have 2 hours to decide too:-(
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 369
LG - will their be any cost with getting the kids off to school? If there is, does the pay form the club cover it and make it worth the hassle? I think you all have built such a great team and the kids know that now is a time to really band together and chip in... this could help bring you all closer. Will your kids be able to come in sometimes too? Wouldn't that be great if they could take a class here and there?
Additionally, if you take the job, you could angle for a different schedule as soon as you get on board and maybe get more hours.
I'm of the mindset that a bit of financial freedom can go so far in peace of mind....
Best of luck in the decision making! Keep us posted.
Additionally, if you take the job, you could angle for a different schedule as soon as you get on board and maybe get more hours.
I'm of the mindset that a bit of financial freedom can go so far in peace of mind....
Best of luck in the decision making! Keep us posted.
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