AVRT to cope with emotional binge eating
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by bloss 
I've identified a few foods I have particular difficulties with, in other words if I start eating it, I will not stop until the container is empty. So embarrassing because it is odd things like mayo on bread. So, mayo is not a necessity to survive, it's out. Anyway, hang strong friends. Have a positive weekend.
Bloss
Bloss
The worst part was sometimes the foods shifted.
I once had someone describe recovery with food stuff to a rollarcoaster. In the begining there is a lot of high ups and a lot of low downs...as you recovery they become closer and closer together.
That helped me to see that this was part of the recovery....not that I was crazy.
Sober since October
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, pals. I am currently reading the book War of Art. And though it's for writers struggling with their resistance and doubts, I found there's a lot here that relates to our addiction-fighting journey as well. I know that I'm afraid of success, I more or less even know why, but I couldn't find the precise words to describe it. Finally this description hit home for me. I've decided to share it with you.
And I think that, though I am still struggling a lot with my eating issues, and sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, and it's still a bloody war, I've made quite a progress. And on this journey I met you, my badass pals, my new friends in sobriety, my "pals in arms".
"Fear That We Will Succeed.
That we can access the powers we secretly know we possess.
That we can become the person we sense in our hearts we truly are.
This is the most terrifying prospect a human being can face, because it ejects him at one go (he imagines) from all the tribal inclusions his psyche is wired for and has been for fifty million years.
We fear discovering that we are more than we think we are. More than our parents/children/teachers think we are. We fear that we actually possess the talent that our still, small voice tells us. That we actually have the guts, the perseverance, the capacity. We fear that we truly can steer our ship, plant our flag, reach our Promised Land. We fear this because, if it’s true, then we become estranged from all we know. We pass through a membrane. We become monsters and monstrous.
We know that if we embrace our ideals, we must prove worthy of them. And that scares the hell out of us. What will become of us? We will lose our friends and family, who will no longer recognize us. We will wind up alone, in the cold void of starry space, with nothing and no one to hold on to.
Of course this is exactly what happens. But here’s the trick. We wind up in space, but not alone. Instead we are tapped into an unquenchable, undepletable, inexhaustible source of wisdom, consciousness, companionship. Yeah, we lose friends. But we find friends too, in places we never thought to look. And they’re better friends, truer friends. And we’re better and truer to them."
And I think that, though I am still struggling a lot with my eating issues, and sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, and it's still a bloody war, I've made quite a progress. And on this journey I met you, my badass pals, my new friends in sobriety, my "pals in arms".
"Fear That We Will Succeed.
That we can access the powers we secretly know we possess.
That we can become the person we sense in our hearts we truly are.
This is the most terrifying prospect a human being can face, because it ejects him at one go (he imagines) from all the tribal inclusions his psyche is wired for and has been for fifty million years.
We fear discovering that we are more than we think we are. More than our parents/children/teachers think we are. We fear that we actually possess the talent that our still, small voice tells us. That we actually have the guts, the perseverance, the capacity. We fear that we truly can steer our ship, plant our flag, reach our Promised Land. We fear this because, if it’s true, then we become estranged from all we know. We pass through a membrane. We become monsters and monstrous.
We know that if we embrace our ideals, we must prove worthy of them. And that scares the hell out of us. What will become of us? We will lose our friends and family, who will no longer recognize us. We will wind up alone, in the cold void of starry space, with nothing and no one to hold on to.
Of course this is exactly what happens. But here’s the trick. We wind up in space, but not alone. Instead we are tapped into an unquenchable, undepletable, inexhaustible source of wisdom, consciousness, companionship. Yeah, we lose friends. But we find friends too, in places we never thought to look. And they’re better friends, truer friends. And we’re better and truer to them."
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
'We fear discovering we are more than we think we are'
This is really relevant to me right now. I feel I'm changing as a person, becoming more confident, taking charge. But there is still that inner voice whispering.... Suppose you've got this all wrong Jen?
This is really relevant to me right now. I feel I'm changing as a person, becoming more confident, taking charge. But there is still that inner voice whispering.... Suppose you've got this all wrong Jen?
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, pals.
Quick check-in from me for now.
In low moods again, so the Beast has its field day.
It keeps telling me that I am pathetic. I know I have to find a way to deal with my low moods and still sort out many issues in my life. But..
But I don't listen to AV. And I was too tired today to do so. So I just told: "Even if I am pathetic, I'd better be fit and healthy pathetic, rather than food-dependent and unhealthy pathetic. So, shut up".
I know, the Beast wants to diminish all my efforts in training and healthy nutrition, so it will gain its advantage over me. But - no way!
So, had an intensive weightlifting workout and nutrition is find by far)
See you later, pals.
Have a great day.
Quick check-in from me for now.
In low moods again, so the Beast has its field day.
It keeps telling me that I am pathetic. I know I have to find a way to deal with my low moods and still sort out many issues in my life. But..
But I don't listen to AV. And I was too tired today to do so. So I just told: "Even if I am pathetic, I'd better be fit and healthy pathetic, rather than food-dependent and unhealthy pathetic. So, shut up".
I know, the Beast wants to diminish all my efforts in training and healthy nutrition, so it will gain its advantage over me. But - no way!
So, had an intensive weightlifting workout and nutrition is find by far)
See you later, pals.
Have a great day.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hey MB...be a little gentle with yourself OK?
However you're feeling, allow yourself to feel it, without thinking its wrong or 'pathetic'. Remember how you feel today isn't necessarily how you will feel tomorrow, next week or next month.
This has nothing to do with your beast, tell it to mind it's own business.
You are badass. I don't think that always means being an 'in your face, butt-kicking superhuman', sometimes it just means being quiet, reflective and totally in control of your body.
You're doing just fine, proud of you my friend xx
However you're feeling, allow yourself to feel it, without thinking its wrong or 'pathetic'. Remember how you feel today isn't necessarily how you will feel tomorrow, next week or next month.
This has nothing to do with your beast, tell it to mind it's own business.
You are badass. I don't think that always means being an 'in your face, butt-kicking superhuman', sometimes it just means being quiet, reflective and totally in control of your body.
You're doing just fine, proud of you my friend xx
Sober since October
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hey, Jeni.
Thank you, my friend)
You got it right - "butt-kicking superhuman" - I am trying too hard to be superhuman, I think)
To be gentle with myself - so easy and so difficult... But I should learn how to do it.
I think I will start with a good sleep today, will go early to bed and leave all my worries behind the bedroom's door)
Thank you, my badass pal. Hope your day is fine.
Thank you, my friend)
You got it right - "butt-kicking superhuman" - I am trying too hard to be superhuman, I think)
To be gentle with myself - so easy and so difficult... But I should learn how to do it.
I think I will start with a good sleep today, will go early to bed and leave all my worries behind the bedroom's door)
Thank you, my badass pal. Hope your day is fine.
good Monday, won't listen to negative self talk today
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, pals.
I've decided to add a pinch of humour to this all-serious thread)
Kid Frost & Big Tank - I'm a Bad Ass - YouTube
Doing not bad by far.
See you later)
I've decided to add a pinch of humour to this all-serious thread)
Kid Frost & Big Tank - I'm a Bad Ass - YouTube
Doing not bad by far.
See you later)
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, pals. Quick check-in from me. Had a long busy day. I've completed my additional education, so started looking for a new job. Plus current projects, intensive workouts, other things. But I am ok)
The beast keeps a low profile right now. It tries another strategy, instead of straightforward whimpering and whining, it bites of pieces of my self-esteem every day.
I think I am stepping into the most dangerous zone of coping with the beast. At the moment I don't even feel cravings for sweets, don't even imagine how great it would be to have a cake or cookies. But I am approaching the phase when I have to fight my resentment, every day, fight hard for my goals, chase my dreams, be strong every day.
The beast is holding to it like to the last stand.
How's everyone doing here?
See you tomorrow, pals.
The beast keeps a low profile right now. It tries another strategy, instead of straightforward whimpering and whining, it bites of pieces of my self-esteem every day.
I think I am stepping into the most dangerous zone of coping with the beast. At the moment I don't even feel cravings for sweets, don't even imagine how great it would be to have a cake or cookies. But I am approaching the phase when I have to fight my resentment, every day, fight hard for my goals, chase my dreams, be strong every day.
The beast is holding to it like to the last stand.
How's everyone doing here?
See you tomorrow, pals.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi MB, pleased you're doing well and fighting the good fight.
I'm off work now for the next month or so, and am keeping pretty busy. Truly reaping the rewards of my sober life now. This time last year I was only a couple of months on the wagon and still in that newly sober freaking out a bit phase...lol. Life here is pretty awesome. I'm facing and working through a lot of issues with my parents. My smoking beast has been more than a bit annoying through this and I've been having fairly strong cravings. Whatever. That part of my life is just over, I don't smoke and that's the end of it. The eating thing has not been very successful, but I'm still trying, and to be honest I'm taking a bit of time off the need to constantly strive to fix the next bit of me. I'm just wanting to settle a bit, re-claim my life and let myself just be.
I will do things that feel good to do and be ok with that. My head sometimes spins so fast with all the things I juggle in my life that I get a bit lost. It just feels good to operate on my own timetable and not somebody else's for a bit.
I'm looking forward to our family holiday in Crete in a few weeks. I've got myself a place on a mindfulness meditation course starting when I get back. All in all, I'm in a good place, and stronger than I ever have been.
Keep going badass pals xx
I'm off work now for the next month or so, and am keeping pretty busy. Truly reaping the rewards of my sober life now. This time last year I was only a couple of months on the wagon and still in that newly sober freaking out a bit phase...lol. Life here is pretty awesome. I'm facing and working through a lot of issues with my parents. My smoking beast has been more than a bit annoying through this and I've been having fairly strong cravings. Whatever. That part of my life is just over, I don't smoke and that's the end of it. The eating thing has not been very successful, but I'm still trying, and to be honest I'm taking a bit of time off the need to constantly strive to fix the next bit of me. I'm just wanting to settle a bit, re-claim my life and let myself just be.
I will do things that feel good to do and be ok with that. My head sometimes spins so fast with all the things I juggle in my life that I get a bit lost. It just feels good to operate on my own timetable and not somebody else's for a bit.
I'm looking forward to our family holiday in Crete in a few weeks. I've got myself a place on a mindfulness meditation course starting when I get back. All in all, I'm in a good place, and stronger than I ever have been.
Keep going badass pals xx
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, pals.
Feeling extremely low today, like a big time loser. I feel as if all that I do is to escape reality, and again I have no idea what is reality and what is not.
Just want to crawl under the blanket with a bunch of cookies and stay there forever.
Sorry to sound like this. I just don't know... Just don't understand myself...
Feeling extremely low today, like a big time loser. I feel as if all that I do is to escape reality, and again I have no idea what is reality and what is not.
Just want to crawl under the blanket with a bunch of cookies and stay there forever.
Sorry to sound like this. I just don't know... Just don't understand myself...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi MB... I had a day like that last week. You know, it felt like I was walking through treacle and although I had tons of things planned to do, the energy and motivation to do them just sort of disappeared. I ended up lost in my own thoughts and did nothing. Then of course I beat myself up for wasting a day and being a general ungrateful waste of space..blah blah blah.
Mine started when i found an old school report of mine from when I was in Junior School. I read the comments from my teacher written when I was about 8 years old. She described me as being a very quiet and serious child. I felt really sad reading that, it sort of reminded me that life was fricken serious at that point in my life and I sort of mourned the carefree and happy existence I should have been having. I dunno, can you mourn something that never existed? Probably not.
But it's ok. I needed that day maybe. We can't always be on the top of our game can we?
One step backwards and half a dozen forward...and is any time spent reflecting on things wasted? I guess this living life sober thing takes some work you know. We had years of running away from things, burying them, masking them. We can stop doing that, and then we can learn to face life head on.
If you are finding these dark spells getting closer and closer together MB, maybe it's time to have a chat with your doc or your therapist? I know for sure I would be lost without counselling now.
But hiding under the blanket? Naah, you don't need to do that. You will get through this x
PM me any time today, I am around but not necessarily logged on to SR. Big hugs x
Mine started when i found an old school report of mine from when I was in Junior School. I read the comments from my teacher written when I was about 8 years old. She described me as being a very quiet and serious child. I felt really sad reading that, it sort of reminded me that life was fricken serious at that point in my life and I sort of mourned the carefree and happy existence I should have been having. I dunno, can you mourn something that never existed? Probably not.
But it's ok. I needed that day maybe. We can't always be on the top of our game can we?
One step backwards and half a dozen forward...and is any time spent reflecting on things wasted? I guess this living life sober thing takes some work you know. We had years of running away from things, burying them, masking them. We can stop doing that, and then we can learn to face life head on.
If you are finding these dark spells getting closer and closer together MB, maybe it's time to have a chat with your doc or your therapist? I know for sure I would be lost without counselling now.
But hiding under the blanket? Naah, you don't need to do that. You will get through this x
PM me any time today, I am around but not necessarily logged on to SR. Big hugs x
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Thank you so much, Jeni, for this wise and insightful post.
"I dunno, can you mourn something that never existed?" - I think we can. At lease, I do it regularly.
Yeah, hiding under the blanket is not an option. That's what the beast wants me to do.
And though I can somewhat recognize the addictive voice when it tell me to go to buy myself cakes and ice-cream to "fix" my low mood, it's still hard to recognize it when it tell me that I am kind of the most useless person in the world. That all I do I do in vain. That I am just fooling myself and I have to keep my head low and dig the mud because it's the only thing I deserve... bla bla..
And it tell me that my giving up on my dreams and goals I am fighting my "pridefullness", and so on. Damn, I am even sick to read it...
Thank you, my pal. Your support means a lot and keeps me fighting.
"I dunno, can you mourn something that never existed?" - I think we can. At lease, I do it regularly.
Yeah, hiding under the blanket is not an option. That's what the beast wants me to do.
And though I can somewhat recognize the addictive voice when it tell me to go to buy myself cakes and ice-cream to "fix" my low mood, it's still hard to recognize it when it tell me that I am kind of the most useless person in the world. That all I do I do in vain. That I am just fooling myself and I have to keep my head low and dig the mud because it's the only thing I deserve... bla bla..
And it tell me that my giving up on my dreams and goals I am fighting my "pridefullness", and so on. Damn, I am even sick to read it...
Thank you, my pal. Your support means a lot and keeps me fighting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I totally understand that voice that whispers and puts you down...I've got one of them too. I'm learning not to listen. Loud music helps....and singing along too. Lol
Remember, this is your life. You are capable of doing anything you choose to do. Nothing is holding you back except what that voice is telling you and we already know its a liar don't we? Heck, mine told me a while back that I wouldn't survive without a cigarette...blatently untrue!
You can do this.
Hey, and you think you've got problems...I'm going cold turkey from ice cream, cakes, biscuits and CHOCOLATE today!! Chocolate being my staple diet!! I'm a complete sugar addict. There I've admitted it.
Now. Time to turn that music up and not listen. The beast has no chance with me. Zilch.
P.s this weekend will be 3 months of not smoking! I know counting isn't important but hey, that's pretty cool isn't it? Xx
Remember, this is your life. You are capable of doing anything you choose to do. Nothing is holding you back except what that voice is telling you and we already know its a liar don't we? Heck, mine told me a while back that I wouldn't survive without a cigarette...blatently untrue!
You can do this.
Hey, and you think you've got problems...I'm going cold turkey from ice cream, cakes, biscuits and CHOCOLATE today!! Chocolate being my staple diet!! I'm a complete sugar addict. There I've admitted it.
Now. Time to turn that music up and not listen. The beast has no chance with me. Zilch.
P.s this weekend will be 3 months of not smoking! I know counting isn't important but hey, that's pretty cool isn't it? Xx
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Jeni, congratulation on 3 months of not smoking!!!!!
It's just fantastic, awesome, bloody cool!!!
You are real badass, my friend. I think you have every reason to pamper yourself today and remind how great you are doing.
Happy to be your pal in badass-ness))
It's just fantastic, awesome, bloody cool!!!
You are real badass, my friend. I think you have every reason to pamper yourself today and remind how great you are doing.
Happy to be your pal in badass-ness))
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I have had to learn to separate out some of it.
I did feel like staying in bed and eating ice cream all day.
The ice cream got me in trouble....but the staying in bed and letting myself feel down is not a bad thing....especially if I watched cheesy 80s movies, read sappy books etc. It was actually being with my feelings instead of stuffing them away for me to deal with them as food later.
For me the only way through it was through. Gosh it was so hard at first, and still remembers to be.
I did feel like staying in bed and eating ice cream all day.
The ice cream got me in trouble....but the staying in bed and letting myself feel down is not a bad thing....especially if I watched cheesy 80s movies, read sappy books etc. It was actually being with my feelings instead of stuffing them away for me to deal with them as food later.
For me the only way through it was through. Gosh it was so hard at first, and still remembers to be.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
For me, and this is ONLY from my perspective, the staying in bed thing is a no-no and I will fight with everything I've got not to let that happen. When my kids were little, I suffered from real depression for many months, and I COULDN'T get out of bed. I use to drag myself up, do their meals, take them to school and then go straight back to bed. It was a very bleak time and the start of my real issues with drinking.
There is no way in the world I would want to go back there. I haven't come this far, got rid of the drink and the smoking, come off anti-depressants and undergoing some pretty intensive and gruelling therapy to let it all slip away.
Yes, I have my low times. I still get scared and anxious, and there are days when I worry my mental health issues will overwhelm me and I will never be able to experience emotions the way I think others do. But, I will do whatever it takes for that not to happen the same way as I was willing to do whatever it took to stop drinking.
My therapist tells me it's ok for me to take days to feel sad when I need to, but for me it's a slippery slope. I can feel sad and take a walk, or go to the gym. As long as I don't smoke or drink then that's ok, but I don't shut down completely. Exercise, and company can pull me out of it. I eat badly but not as a response to emotion. I just eat badly!
But I don't put myself to bed. But that's just me. Too many bad memories of not being able to get myself back up again.
Big hugs to you both. And where's Bloss? X
There is no way in the world I would want to go back there. I haven't come this far, got rid of the drink and the smoking, come off anti-depressants and undergoing some pretty intensive and gruelling therapy to let it all slip away.
Yes, I have my low times. I still get scared and anxious, and there are days when I worry my mental health issues will overwhelm me and I will never be able to experience emotions the way I think others do. But, I will do whatever it takes for that not to happen the same way as I was willing to do whatever it took to stop drinking.
My therapist tells me it's ok for me to take days to feel sad when I need to, but for me it's a slippery slope. I can feel sad and take a walk, or go to the gym. As long as I don't smoke or drink then that's ok, but I don't shut down completely. Exercise, and company can pull me out of it. I eat badly but not as a response to emotion. I just eat badly!
But I don't put myself to bed. But that's just me. Too many bad memories of not being able to get myself back up again.
Big hugs to you both. And where's Bloss? X
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
Hey Guys
Ugh, don't want to moan, but insomnia struck last night. So, I'm functioning on low today.
Jeni: congratulations on 3 months! That is fantastic.
M.B. Don't listen to the negatives from the AV (it just wants the substance whether it's food/booze/cigarettes/whatever)
LifeRing So true, the only way through is through
Glad the weekend is over, I seem to handle the AV regarding my eating much easier on weekdays. Take care all
Bloss
Ugh, don't want to moan, but insomnia struck last night. So, I'm functioning on low today.
Jeni: congratulations on 3 months! That is fantastic.
M.B. Don't listen to the negatives from the AV (it just wants the substance whether it's food/booze/cigarettes/whatever)
LifeRing So true, the only way through is through
Glad the weekend is over, I seem to handle the AV regarding my eating much easier on weekdays. Take care all
Bloss
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