Hey MB...be a little gentle with yourself OK?
However you're feeling, allow yourself to feel it, without thinking its wrong or 'pathetic'. Remember how you feel today isn't necessarily how you will feel tomorrow, next week or next month.
This has nothing to do with your beast, tell it to mind it's own business.
You are badass. I don't think that always means being an 'in your face, butt-kicking superhuman', sometimes it just means being quiet, reflective and totally in control of your body.
You're doing just fine, proud of you my friend xx