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Class of October 2015 Part 5

Old 01-14-2016, 03:43 PM
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I'm sorry - I guess my post was a little worrisome. Didn't mean to alarm anyone.

I don't know what to say except 2016 hasn't been kind to me. My troubles picked up right where they left off in 2015 and seem to have accelerated. Maybe it's just that there's too much going on all at once, and there will be relief once some things get settled.

My daughter is in crisis, perpetually, and it's really difficult not to get overwhelmed with the whole problem. My son is having to switch schools for next year and it's a lot of work and a big deal to get him placed somewhere new, so I've been working on that. On top of that, we had a leak in one of the bathrooms and I decided to re-model the whole thing instead of doing it piece-meal . Normally that would be a fun thing, but with the timing of everything it's almost putting me over the edge. I've had six dental appointments in the last 2 weeks - 2 for me, 2 for my daughter and one for each of my son's. My daughter has had a UTI and a sinus infection and I've had to spend a good part of a day getting it sorted. I found out both of my sons need braces (one now, one starting in the summer - my daughter already went through that). All 3 kids see therapists either weekly or bi-weekly, and both my son, daughter and I have had psychiatrist's appointments. I have my group therapy and though I like it, am beginning to think I might have to give it up. Something's gotta give.

I haven't been able to exercise during the week and feel like crap. I had my "time of the month" this week and without exercise, I turned to wine (just 1-2 glasses) on Tuesday night. I regret it, but I did stick to the small amount and dumped the rest. The surprising thing to me was that I had a pretty significant hangover, even if on a smaller scale than my normal ones, but it was a hangover. Hot flashes, panic attacks and headache - avoided the throwing up, but still, had all those symptoms. The thing I learned is that even 1-2 glasses of wine causes the bad symptoms, so there is no point in going back to that thought - that only if I stick to one glass I'll be fine. I won't be fine, because my body can no longer tolerate alcohol - even in reasonable amounts. As I said, I learned something that I didn't really know before.

Now my daughter is throwing another negative hissy fit because I can't bring her and her boyfriend away for the weekend. I'm trying to keep my calm but there is no pleasing her, so I'm just going to have to accept that. The one good thing: I just got on the treadmill for the first time in a couple of weeks.

I hope things start to get better and I have to look at ways to simplify my life. I just don't know what else to cut out. I have cut out Facebook, relationships that were not serving me in any way, even most of my socializing. I don't know what else I can get rid of.

I'm sorry to worry you, Dee - I hope that helps. I know drinking doesn't help and makes everything worse. I need to just get on that treadmill more during the week and even get to yoga more...... that is what I need.

Hope everyone is doing better than me
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Old 01-14-2016, 03:53 PM
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No worries Juno - I just wanted to make sure you were OK

I'm sorry you have so much going on - I really hope you can make some time for you to relax and do the things you need to do.

D
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Old 01-14-2016, 03:56 PM
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Thanks, Dee - I appreciate the concern!
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Old 01-14-2016, 05:17 PM
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Hi Juno! I'm sorry to hear about all the stressful things you have going on. That is a lot at one time! I was getting a little worried because usually when we don't hear from you it means things have gotten hectic for you. I know you don't have a lot of free time, but I second your idea of running on the treadmill as much as you can during the week. It works wonders! You learned from your two glasses of wine. Knowing then remembering that even a little bit doesn't go well for you is a good thing. Hang in there, juno. You have a lot going on, but I know you can handle it : )
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Old 01-14-2016, 05:26 PM
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Thanks so much, Grizzly! That helps a lot. Last week was really hard. This week was even worse. Looking forward to next week, it really can't get any worse, it can only get better. I'm going to be an optimist. And you're right - if I can get on the treadmill even 30 minutes everyday, it's going to help. I did learn my lesson about the two glasses - not worth the aggravation.

I hope you're doing well with all your changes, and everyone else, too!
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Old 01-14-2016, 05:26 PM
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Juno,

Life can be so overwhelming sometimes and alcohol can give some relief from that. It like an automatic pause button where you go from 100 mph to 0 mph in one glass. I never thought I get over this, I thought I'd always need it. At present somehow I don't.

There came a time where I, difficult as it was, I didn't drink despite the pressures of life. Then the next time I felt overwhelmed it was easier and the next and the next. Now when I feel stress I also feel glad that I'm facing it without drinking.

Remember most kids have problems, some bigger than others, but they, for the most part, always turn out ok adults.
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Old 01-14-2016, 05:48 PM
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Thanks, Midton! That really helps. That's exactly why I drink or used to drink. To stop the 100 mph feeling and get down to 0. Unfortunately it left me in the negative numbers the next day. I have other ways to slow down now and I just need to use them and not let the sneaky AV convince me that 1-2 can't hurt. Now I know that 1-2 can in fact hurt.

I worry about my kids a lot. I guess worrying isn't going to help one bit. I am doing things to help them along and that's all I can do. Some things are not in our control. I'm starting to think my daughter has bi-polar disorder. No one has ever diagnosed her with that, but I'm going to keep my eye on her symptoms with that in mind. She has terrible moods swings, extreme irritability and inability to get things done. After she proposed this spur of the moment trip this weekend, I was beginning to suspect manic type behavior. Something to watch for and talk to her doctor about. I might even feel better if she had something that had a name instead of non-descipt mental problems. Okay, I'm going to Home Depot to look for a new shower faucet then call it a day. Day 2, btw.
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Old 01-15-2016, 06:08 AM
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Hey all,Juno,my worry over the kids has caused me to drink millions of times and after I'd drink I'd be sick but everything i was worried about turned out to be fine so I drank and punished myself for nothing! Now I try and keep that in mind and not drink AT people or situations that I can't control,still humming along here,I bought 3 stones at 7-11 yesterday one says"gratitude" the others"serenity" and "hope" pretty much sums up my sober journey😊 Midton,I liked when you were posting the things you're grateful for,keep that up,Grizz,are you guys warming up any? I've been using the fireplace in the evenings and apparently I suck at fire building cuz it always just smokes then I hafta open the door,let all the cold air in,grrr,defeats the purpose! I hope we all have a fabulous Friday😊
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Old 01-15-2016, 03:30 PM
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My brain used to go at a million miles an hour too - it still does. But I stopped being scared of it, and embraced it instead.

I also learned a heck of a lot about balance - if I give out all my energy there's none left for me and that starts a domino kinda thing.

I found healthy ways to relax and recharge and I know you guys can do that too
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Old 01-15-2016, 03:48 PM
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Hi guys - I'm doing better today. I made it through the week. Phew. Today was a busy day but I didn't get too stressed. My son and I are going to see an animated flick (Norm of the North) in a few minutes. It got terrible reviews, but we both said, "We don't care. We're going to see it anyway."

The work started on my bathroom today. The next couple of weeks will have the added element of construction in my already busy life, but the reward will be a nice, new bathroom. I can do this.

I'm sooooooo happy it's the weekend. I do need to work (from home) a bit each day, but it's okay. It's going to be more relaxed than during the week. And I've already decided that the worst week is behind me and next week will be better, even if only slightly.

Dee, you are so right about giving everything out and having nothing left over for myself. I'm going to have that as a big goal going forward - not to get so depleted that drinking seems to be the only option. We all know it's not!

Happy weekend!!!
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Old 01-15-2016, 04:01 PM
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Glad you're doing better today, Juno!
Winslow, we warmed up to 60 today! It's really windy though, and that's keeping it chilly. It's better than a week ago when it was snowing and sleeting.
I am going to my 5:30 meeting then we have dinner at a friend's house. I just happened to run into her a month ago, and before that I hadn't seen her since we lived in Germany eight and a half years ago. She was saying on the phone last night that they have beer and wine so we don't need to bring anything. I don't want to drink, so I don't think it's going to be hard for me to decline it. I'm just kind of dreading going because I'm really tired after being sick all week. I warned her we're still not feeling well, but she still wants us to come, and I comitted so we're going.
Enjoy your movie, juno! I hope everyone has a great sober weekend!!
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Old 01-16-2016, 09:59 AM
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I am excited to say I had a lot of fun last night without drinking! When we got there, they immediately offered drinks, and my friend's husband seemed disappointed for a split second that I wasn't drinking alcohol. He had gotten a new bottle of crown and wanted to share it. So after the brief moment of diasappointment, nobody said anything else about it. It was no big deal! I did get to see a "normal" drinker in action. He had one crown and coke that lasted him a long time. I couldn't help but notice that after one drink he didn't decide to guzzle the whole bottle. I would have. Seeing and comparing somebody drink so casually and controlled versus how I get as soon as I start drinking was enlightnening. The whole experience was really good for me.
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Old 01-16-2016, 02:18 PM
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Juno - I really have to work at that too...

great work Grizz
Hope everyone is having a great weekend

D
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Old 01-16-2016, 04:47 PM
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Brief check in.

Dealing with snow and look like I will be for the next few weeks. Despite having a machine it is so monotonous day after day.
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Old 01-17-2016, 06:45 AM
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Hi guys, just checking in on a Sunday morning. Things have been busy this weekend, but overall pretty good and I'm feeling positive. Back on Day 5 after the 2-wine "slip." Moving forward! No cravings this weekend. When I'm able to take care of myself and take my medicine, that's usually the case. When I start to get stressed and stop taking care of myself, that's when the cravings come in. At least I've figured that out. I have no desire to ever drink again - the stuff is evil.

Lots going on here at home - kids' stuff and bathroom renovation. The renovation is a little disruptive but I keep telling myself that the more work that gets done, the sooner it will be finished and we can get back to normal. The bathroom is on the lower level and it's the one my daughter uses so she's going to have a beautiful bathroom when it's all done. Some day I'll save enough money to do my own bathroom (which is a lot bigger and will be a lot more $ to fix, but someday!)

Other than that, went to yoga yesterday and have a special workshop today. That's all the "taking care of me stuff." I've been journaling, too. Decided not to work as much this weekend as I had planned and just use some of my vacation time. It's kind of necessary for my well being not to work too much on the weekend when I'm so busy during the week.

I was sound asleep around 12:30 am last night when my daughter woke me up with pain she was having and a whole bunch of other symptoms. Without going into too much detail, I made the decision NOT to take her to the emergency room and to give her some pain medicine to help her sleep. It was a good decision because she woke up happy and feeling a lot better this morning. She may have been having a reaction to an antibiotic she was taking, but I'm no doctor so it's hard to diagnose all these things. The good thing is that we have an appointment with her regular doctor on Tuesday morning. I was able to go back to sleep with the help of my anxiety med and felt tired but okay this morning. Nice to have my daughter feeling better.

How's everyone else doing? Midton, we haven't had one flake of snow yet (knock on wood!) Grizzly, good going with you dinner party on Friday night. I think you did awesome and must feel so good about it! Winslow, how's the weekend? Sydneyman, check in!!

p.s. My son and I enjoyed Norm of the North on Friday night. It wasn't the best movie we've ever seen, but was fun and we enjoyed it. Never mind the negative critical reviews - the audience clapped at the end!
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Old 01-17-2016, 09:58 AM
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Good for you, juno! It sounds like you really made a point to take care of yourself this weekend, and it helped. That's great!
I went to the doctor yesterday for this cold I've had. It's the first time I've been to the doctor in years, and it was kind of a big deal for me to take that step and actally go. While I was there, I was going to talk to her about quitting drinking almost four months ago and still having the shakes, but before I did that she said she would prescribe me cough syrup with codeine in it. That made me change my mind about saying anything about addictive behavior. When she asked if I could take it, part of me was like no you shouldn't and part of me was like yes you can, and the part saying yes you can won. As soon as I had that script, something in me changed. I went to one pharmacy and waited just to find out they were out of it, so I went to another pharmacy. I was on a mission. After I got it filled, I went to get movies, and I locked my car but then locked it again so nobody would take my cough syrup. After I took my dose, I was staring at the bottle to see how much I had left then I kept going back to check on it. I haven't taken anything pain pill related in a couple of years, and I thought I was over that kind of behavior, but when given the opportunity, the obsessiveness of it all came right back. It was disturbing. I'm going to take it as directed because it's helping, but when I'm over this cold I want it out of the house. Case in point for even after being off a substance for a long time, I quickly go back to where I left off.
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Old 01-17-2016, 04:10 PM
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Grizzly, sorry about your cold. I haven't had experience with prescription cough syrup with codeine, but I think it's wise for you to take it exactly as directed and then get rid of it. Several people in my SMART recovery group have addictions to more than one substance, or at least have abused more than one substance in the past. As for me, I've never abused anything other than alcohol (thankfully) - alcohol was just the thing that got me every time. I think growing up with a nurse for a mother I had a huge amount of respect for the medical field in general and never thought to abuse anything prescribed to me. I guess that's a good quality that my Mom instilled in me. And I'm glad the medicine prescribed to me by the psychiatrist has been so successful for me - so I'm lucky there.

I had a pretty good day overall. I spent the morning doing grocery shopping and spent the afternoon at my yoga workshop. Really good thing for me to do today. Gearing up for the new week tomorrow, and hoping that things will be a bit easier this week for me. I'm optimistic.

No wine cravings. I wish the weekdays were as easy as the weekends for me. Maybe I can work toward that.
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Old 01-17-2016, 07:38 PM
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Juno,

This year has been great for snow, a lot less than average, but i still have to clear some. I'm surrounded by ski resorts within about 30 minutes. Google "kurobe snow" for an idea of what we get yearly.
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Old 01-18-2016, 06:11 AM
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Hey all,Midton, I'll bet the snow is beautiful to look at,I dunno if I could handle the coldness though,brr,Grizz,I'm paranoid of taking things too,I won't touch nyquil with a ten foot pole,or anything else that might make me feel"off" Juno,if you don't mind me asking can you pm me what your doc gave you for anxiety? It seems to work for you,glad you liked the movie,I never listen to what the critics say anyways,sounds like everyone is doing well, I hope we all have a great Monday😊
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Old 01-18-2016, 06:44 AM
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PM just sent

Good lord, Midton, that's a LOT of snow!! I had no idea any part of Japan got that much snow. Shows how much I know!!

We got a few flurries yesterday with no accumulation. Today is frigid all of a sudden. I wasn't expecting it and went out for a quick dental appointment with no hat or gloves. Big mistake. On the way home I had to put air in my tires and I did it without gloves and my fingers froze and couldn't feel them. Fun, fun. I think it was 17 degrees F this morning (well below freezing).

Off to my busy day. I'm planning to get on the treadmill today!!
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