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Class of October 2015 Part 5

Old 12-31-2015, 05:27 PM
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Woo hoo on 100 days Grizz😁
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Old 12-31-2015, 05:30 PM
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congrats on 100 days Grizz

D
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Old 12-31-2015, 05:47 PM
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Congrats on the 100 days, Grizzly! That's huge!!! Way to go!!!

Sounds like we've both had a difficult couple of days the last two days. I hope tomorrow will be easier for both of us. One good thing - for the first time in forever, I'm not setting an alarm. Going to get to sleep in
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Old 12-31-2015, 10:02 PM
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Griz,

Well done. I think it was around 100 days when I, without realising, became far more comfortable in sobriety. I also stopped counting and have no idea what day I'm on. Like you I'm also getting bouts of depression and that's a first for me. At 100 days I was so used to not drinking the AV had lost most of its power.



I'm just back from the gym and have enjoyed a healthy meal. I'm going to try and tackle my sweet tooth this year and today's a great day to start.
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Old 01-01-2016, 07:31 AM
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Good morning and Happy New Year!

I'd like to thank both Dee and Winslow for helping to point out that starting at Day 1 just because it's 1/1/2016 was a bad idea. It was, and I'm so glad to be plugging away at Day 10 as I start 2016!! Midton and Grizzly, doing great - both over 100 days now!!

As I start 2016, I have a few resolutions which I like to call changes more than resolutions:

- It goes without saying that I won't drink. I also start the year Facebook free, Instagram free (I saw a picture that made me sad the other day - who needs this social media, not me), and ex-boyfriend being able to chat with me whenever he wants free. Starting the year from a position of strength and blank canvas.
- Start of 2016 journal. One of my Christmas gifts to myself was a couple of cool journals bought on Etsy (I love crafts and artsy stuff!) I set up one for 2016 and one for 2017 - they will be my sober journals for the next 2 years where I chronicle my life and trials and experiences. All without the influence of wine.
- Healthy living: set up 2 small calendars - one for physical one for mental health - where I will give myself a star for each thing I do for myself - whether exercise, meditate, attend a session or a meeting, etc. The idea is not to beat myself up when I don't make it to yoga x number of times per week, but to "do what I can" for myself each week.
- healthier eating - eating healthy when I can, no strict rules but try to eat healthy most of the time.

I hope everyone is starting the year in a good way! I'm grateful to be here in 2016.
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Old 01-01-2016, 10:16 AM
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Good for you, Juno!
Thank you for your post, midton! That was helpful to me. I really appreciate it : )
Thank you for all the support last night! It made me smile : ) it is great to know that the bad feelings pass and to actually have the patience now to wait it out.
It is a beautiful sunny day here. I remember exactly one year ago today I wanted to go run, but I drank first to try to settle my shakes. I felt so gross. For the last couple of years, I would usually drink before I would run, and now when I recall those times, I think yuck! I still have some of the scars from taking tumbles during my drunk running. Today I will run sober, re-pot some plants, go to the library, and just enjoy this beautiful day. I am so grateful to wake up sober and hangover free. It is a wonderful feeling!
I hope everyone has a great sober day today!
Sydneyman, I haven't forgotten that you said you would check in after the new year. I'm waiting patiently...
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Old 01-01-2016, 12:33 PM
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I'm up before 5 again but after a great night's sleep. I'd ordered some books before new year and went to bed early (around 8) to make a start on one of them. Going to bed sober, grabbing a book and becoming sleepy is something I really enjoy at the end of my day.

Going to the gym later but the gym is on a holiday schedule, opening at 10 rather than 8. Bit of a pain for an early riser like me.

I'm in a great mood recently and feeling very positive about the year ahead. Yes, I'm over the moon about getting through the holidays sober but I think the culmitive effect of almost 4 months sober is that I'm getting mentally and physically better every day. I almost feel like I did as a teenager when I looked forward to each new day.

I have absolutely no anxiety and am successfully not allowing things I can't control to stress me. Physically at the gym I'm having great workouts and, fingers crossed, injury and niggle free.

I wish I gotten sober earlier but don't we all.
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Old 01-01-2016, 01:37 PM
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Midton, great post! Your optimistic post makes me feel optimistic. Thanks!
Several times at meetings, people have looked directly at me and said "I wish I would have gotten sober earlier. Stick with it." It took a little while for me to understand that, because early on I wondered if I would be missing out on all the great drinking years I had ahead of me. Talk about AV lies! Those years were not going to be great, and I had a feeling I wasn't going to live to be very old drinking the way I was. True, don't we all wish we'd done it sooner. I think about this quote from Kung Foo panda "you may not get it the first time, or the third time, or the 30th time, but you'll get it when you need to." Happy to be here now : )
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Old 01-01-2016, 03:50 PM
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Great, like Sydneyman, I'm sort of crumbling... I wish this thread will keep alive with the people that can do it - with lots of sobriety! I've got to duck out, for now, Bye for now
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Old 01-01-2016, 06:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Juno11 View Post
Great, like Sydneyman, I'm sort of crumbling... I wish this thread will keep alive with the people that can do it - with lots of sobriety! I've got to duck out, for now, Bye for now
What do you mean, juno? Like bye for tonight or bye bye long term? You can help keep this thread alive and have lots of sobriety! Help us keep it alive, juno!!
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Old 01-01-2016, 07:16 PM
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Juno,

You've just got to keep trying and believe that one day it will click. If I'm being honest when I came back here in September I never, in my heart of hearts, thought I would get this far. I hoped for a break before drinking again. Something happened though. I don't know what but this time things fell into place.

One day things will fall into place for you too. Maybe not today or tomorrow, even next week or month. Maybe, you'll just wake up one day and know enough is enough.

I wish I could help more.
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Old 01-01-2016, 07:27 PM
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I never believed I could withstand a craving or work hard enough to actually not drink when I was wobbly and stay sober, but I did.

I'd hate anyone here to fall victim to the lies of the AV.
We can be sober and happy - honestly!!.

I had to take drinking off the table as a viable option if I wanted to get anywhere.

I thinking staying here on SR is a major part of the process tho, at least in the beginning.

If you're struggling, this is the place to come.

If you want examples of successful recovery there's hundreds here on this board - ask for help

Fight for yourself - you're worth it Juno

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Old 01-01-2016, 10:10 PM
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I will be back - with a clear head.

Thank you, all. I feel like sometimes I wish for someone to be stronger than me in the family (like when I was married and had someone to hug me and tell me everything would be okay - I felt like I could let go of things) and now I don't have that anymore - I'm in the position of having to be the strongest one all the time. Between my kids at difficult ages, and my aging parents who can't always handle things- I'm always the one who has to have it together. The stress is too much for me at times. I will return to the thread. I am not drinking anymore; so this is it. But I have to put myself together again - tomorrow. Catch you all soon and thank you...
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Old 01-02-2016, 05:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Juno11 View Post
I will be back - with a clear head.

Thank you, all. I feel like sometimes I wish for someone to be stronger than me in the family (like when I was married and had someone to hug me and tell me everything would be okay - I felt like I could let go of things) and now I don't have that anymore - I'm in the position of having to be the strongest one all the time. Between my kids at difficult ages, and my aging parents who can't always handle things- I'm always the one who has to have it together. The stress is too much for me at times. I will return to the thread. I am not drinking anymore; so this is it. But I have to put myself together again - tomorrow. Catch you all soon and thank you...
Good to hear
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Old 01-02-2016, 07:49 AM
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It kind of goes without saying that it was a horrible experience. One last big bad horrible binge.

The toilet was my best friend from about 1:00 to 4:00 am - but at least I cleared my stomach. I had crippling panic attacks all night long, of the worst variety. Alcohol withdrawal or hangovers, whatever you want to call them, can be a version of hell on earth. I'm just typing it here so you guys can hear it - I already journaled about it but going into great detail is too painful right now.

Thanks for the support - I'm pretty down on myself at the moment but hope to come back. I hate drinking and want a sober life from today foward.
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Old 01-02-2016, 09:28 AM
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Hi juno. I just woke up and am not real articulate right now, but I logged on here right away hoping that you let us know how you are. Thank you! I have a lot of respect for you. You have so many responsibilities, and you bounce back quickly. I know you can do this! I don't know that I would bounce back so quickly. I admire you! Is there anything I can do to help? You know we're here for you and support you 100%!!
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Old 01-02-2016, 09:56 AM
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Thanks Grizzly, I think you guys ARE helping just by not letting me run away and hide my head in shame, as I have felt like doing. I need to keep plugging away at sobriety day by day as everyone else here does and I need to use my "tool box" the way it's supposed to. The counter starts again at 1 today. Starting to feel a little better, but I know I'll feel better tomorrow. Thanks so much for caring!!!
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Old 01-02-2016, 05:48 PM
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You are welcome, juno! We're in this together : )
Winslow, how's it going?
I had a good day. After not liking how I was feeling Wednesday and Thursday I decided yesterday that I want to add more tools to my toolbox. Throw the whole flippin book at my AV! Take that beast! I'm up for the fight! Sometimes I get a little carried away in my head : ) So I read on the AVRT website, that was helpful, and I looked high and low for two of the books today. I couldn't find them so I'm going to order them online. I read Dee's 101 tips to stay sober. Thank you Dee! I bought two journals today to start writing in. I keep hearing that's helpful, so I will do that too. I called my 90 year old neighbor from back home. I'd been meaning to do that for awhile so today I said then do it! I did it because I love her dearly and think of her often, but I realized afterward that it also really helped me to get out of myself. I just had a really nice run, and I'm going to end my day watching basketball. Nice. Some days it takes more effort, but it's always worth it.
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Old 01-02-2016, 08:12 PM
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Wow, that is amazing Grizzly - how you are taking on things proactively and setting out new plans. You sound really good!

Even though today was Day 1 and the first half of the day was pretty miserable, I had a really good second half of the day. Some of my relatives were visiting and came over. We had pizza, salad and some Sprite and Diet Coke. Worked out well and was uplifting to spend time with extended family. Even Day 1 can be a good day, if we recover.

I'm grateful I recovered but I do feel like a cat who has 9 lives but has used up maybe 7-8 of them. The withdrawals from alcohol are pretty horrific, even after a one night binge. I don't have it in me to do it again. Here's to health, hard work, sober living and hopefully some happiness in 2016!
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Old 01-02-2016, 10:52 PM
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After getting up at 5 yesterday I was up at 10 today, the latest I've gotten up in years. The tiredness came from nowhere. The weather here was around 18 today and sunny. So far this winter has been great weather wise. Tomorrow is also forecast to be sunny and warm. It makes a big difference to my outlook.

I'm back at work tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. I need and like routine. Much as I'm successfully not drinking I'm failing badly with my chocolate intake. It's becoming similar to how I was with alcohol.i wake up promising, that today I won't partake then I workout, come home and have a healthy meal then I have a massive crave for chocolate. If I succumb, and I inevitably do, I just binge until I fall asleep.

How many people are left here now? I'm hoping Syd comes back after he gets home.

I'll reach 4 months sometime this week. I don't want to be over-confident but have nothing on the horizon in the next few months and should see myself at half a year come the end of winter here.
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