Good for you, juno! It sounds like you really made a point to take care of yourself this weekend, and it helped. That's great!
I went to the doctor yesterday for this cold I've had. It's the first time I've been to the doctor in years, and it was kind of a big deal for me to take that step and actally go. While I was there, I was going to talk to her about quitting drinking almost four months ago and still having the shakes, but before I did that she said she would prescribe me cough syrup with codeine in it. That made me change my mind about saying anything about addictive behavior. When she asked if I could take it, part of me was like no you shouldn't and part of me was like yes you can, and the part saying yes you can won. As soon as I had that script, something in me changed. I went to one pharmacy and waited just to find out they were out of it, so I went to another pharmacy. I was on a mission. After I got it filled, I went to get movies, and I locked my car but then locked it again so nobody would take my cough syrup. After I took my dose, I was staring at the bottle to see how much I had left then I kept going back to check on it. I haven't taken anything pain pill related in a couple of years, and I thought I was over that kind of behavior, but when given the opportunity, the obsessiveness of it all came right back. It was disturbing. I'm going to take it as directed because it's helping, but when I'm over this cold I want it out of the house. Case in point for even after being off a substance for a long time, I quickly go back to where I left off.