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Class of October 2015 Part 5

Old 01-30-2016, 07:25 PM
  # 341 (permalink)  
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I wanted wine this evening too, Juno. I cleaned this morning, went into work this afternoon, and ran some errands this evening. I got home and fed the pets and had to bring the plants in, and one of my cats ran out the door. I was outside looking for him with a flashlight. I found him, and I was mad. I probably should have let him know that, but I really don't fuss at my pets for anything. I brought him in and was like ugh, I still have to cook dinner and fold laundry. That's when I wanted wine. I was thinking I need a break! But I know I'd be sorry tomorrow, and I will handle all of this better not drinking. Tomorrow I need to go into work again, and my son and I are going to look at houses with our realtor. I need a clear head for that, not a hangover!! Good job us, we didn't drink today : )
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Old 01-30-2016, 09:19 PM
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I got everything done tonight and then some, and I'm so glad I didn't drink! I'm going to finish watching Everest that I started last night. I think I'm going to take my kiddo to brunch in the morning at a nice little cafe. We're going to be with the realtor later in the afternoon. I'm looking forward to tomorrow!
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Old 01-30-2016, 11:05 PM
  # 343 (permalink)  
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I drank.


I went out last night and drank. I started real slow but ended up greedily drinking. Was really drunk and was sick when I got home ( I haven't been sick in years from drinking so my almost 5 months of sobriety was probably the reason. I'm now deeply depressed and angry with myself.

Normally when I drink I don't get sober again for a long time but I'm going to try right away. I don't want to drink but I didn't really want to drink last night either.
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Old 01-30-2016, 11:25 PM
  # 344 (permalink)  
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I'm really glad you resisted griz

I'm sorry you drank tho Midton - glad to see you back right away tho.

If you didn't want to drink, what got you?

peer pressure? FOMO (fear of missing out)? not wanting to be different?

D
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Old 01-30-2016, 11:38 PM
  # 345 (permalink)  
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Dee,

I've actually been thinking about that myself. I'm thinking it was habit. I was in a bar and people drink in bars and I've generally always drank in bars.

I went to this bar a couple of months ago and didn't drink. But that time I made sure I was aware before I went that I wouldn't drink. This time I just went and without thinking much ordered alcohol. In fact when I was asked what I wanted I wasn't sure (as I haven't been drinking) so I had time and opportunity to choose something nonalcoholic.

I went to 4 bars and in the last bar I was by this time really drunk but I was caught up in the occasion and wanted the night to continue. The people in the bar immediately brought and opened a bottle of wine for me as this is what I always drank there. I knew there was no way I was in a state to drink it and even tried to protest but it seemed to go over their head.

I know we've all been there but this feeling of despair really is emotionally crippling.
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Old 01-30-2016, 11:45 PM
  # 346 (permalink)  
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I understand, Midton. Sometimes I am surprised at how quickly I can go from feeling fantastic in sobriety to mentally being in drinking danger zone .
Thank you for your honesty. I know you had a really hard week. Do you think that's what got to you? I agree with Dee- I am SO happy to see you right back here!! It happened, but it doesn't have to go how it usually does. You can change that. I support you 100%!!!! I really appreciate your post and your honesty, Midton, and I'm so glad to have you here.
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Old 01-31-2016, 12:33 AM
  # 347 (permalink)  
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Griz,

I did have a bad week but time is the real culprit. Time quickly makes you forget or remember less well. We've all been through this many times but we think, after a period of sobriety, that we are fine, cured and able to moderate.

I really want to remember how hungover, sick and low I feel right now with my mind racing at 100 miles an hour with negative thoughts. Why do we/I do this when we can get avoid it and get so many benefits from simply not drinking.

I'm so grateful for this site and the people , especially on this thread, who understand and offer support.
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Old 01-31-2016, 01:56 AM
  # 348 (permalink)  
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Don't lose yourself in despair Midton - you've done really well and had a good long stretch of sober time. It may be your plan needs a little tweaking now you're back in on home ground.

It took me a few tries to learn that staying sober one night or two in a bar did not grant me permanent immunity.

I decided I would either have to give up bars or give up recovery so I chose bars.
It was a jolt but not really that much of a sacrifice now I look back at it.

I only ever remembered the first hour anyway...

D
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Old 01-31-2016, 05:21 AM
  # 349 (permalink)  
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Midton, I'm so sorry! We are here for you. I totally understand that feeling of despair - I have felt it after a few of my recent relapses. We are here for you!! Just remember you have managed almost 5 months of sobriety - that is awesome. I'm so glad you're getting right back on your feet. Speaking from experience, that feeling of despair goes away quickly if you stop drinking. Keep with us

Grizzly, so sorry about your cat but glad he's okay. That might have made me want wine as well. I think we both had a challenging weekend but got through okay. Have fun looking at houses today!

Winslow, I hope your cold is better by now!

Sydneyman, we're still thinking of you!!

I've got a busy Sunday on tap. First going to get some work done, then take it from there. Fingers crossed that my days of having a construction zone in my house are numbered!
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Old 01-31-2016, 07:27 AM
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100 days😊 freakin finally! Its only taken 4 long years haha,Juno,I love to shop at Sprouts,its a health food chain but my goodness they have a HUGE beer and wine wall! Its not even the fancy,organic stuff,its like miller,bud light,all the usual suspects, crazy,crazy,Midton,makes me sad you drank😕 not trying to make you feel any worse but I just see you as really strong,just surprised me I guess,please get back on track quick my friend, Grizz,sometimes I get cravings,mine usually hit at 1 to 3 pm I've found that eating kills them in a flash,the only bad part is for me it takes ALOT of eating,oh well whatever works for this first year,I'll do it, I hope we all have a great Sunday😊
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Old 01-31-2016, 01:45 PM
  # 351 (permalink)  
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Monday morning now and I'm still feeling jittery. Although I'm not in the mood I'm off to the gym before work. I should feel a bit better after a workout and some work. Food for the soul.

I'm going to post a bit more to help me focus my mind on not drinking. I'm also going to void bars. I wouldn't have drank if I hadn't been in a bar.

I'll post in about 6 hours, in the afternoon, and I expect my mood to be on the up.
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Old 01-31-2016, 02:04 PM
  # 352 (permalink)  
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Post as much as you need to Midton - thats why we're here

Congrats on 100 days Winslow

D
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Old 01-31-2016, 06:42 PM
  # 353 (permalink)  
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Congrats on 100 days, Winslow!!!
Those sound like good ideas to me, Midton. It also sounds to me like how bad you felt after drinking wasn't worth what you got out of drinking. That's a wonderful thing to realize!! You learned lessons from it quickly, and you are moving forward with sobriety, and that is awesome!! : ) Re-reading your last few posts when you get the urge again could be very helpful. My takeaway from your experience is the good we get from sobriety is better than whatever we get from being drunk. I really appreciate that, Midton!!
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Old 01-31-2016, 06:50 PM
  # 354 (permalink)  
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Thank you, Juno! I had a lot of fun with my kiddo today. Brunch was really nice. We talked about Mount Everest and space travel and Mario Kart- you know, the serious things : ) House hunting was entertaining. Wow, did we see some things today. Didn't find the right one for us, but I'm seeing another house tomorrow, and I'm optimistic about it.
I am really grateful for the time I had with my son today. I was thinking today that I've wanted to take him out to brunch before, but I ususally didn't follow through with it because my hangover got in the way. Today I'm like yeah, we're doing it! It was a really nice feeling. I definitely do feel a lot closer to him since I haven't been drinking.
Yes, sydneyman, we are still thinking of you and hoping to hear from you soon!!!
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Old 01-31-2016, 07:32 PM
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Hey everyone - just wanted to post a quick hi.

Winslow, way to go - 100 days! Woohoo! That would be (will be!) a first for me as well. Congrats!

Midton - good job getting back to the gym. You've got me thinking a little about bars. The last time I was at a bar was sometime in the fall drinking wine with a good male friend. He and I had a love of wine and I have to admit, sometimes I would arrange a night to see him just because I had a craving for wine and didn't want to drink alone. He recently texted me and said he'd love to see me sometime. I'm going to make a point to make it a coffee "date" rather than a bar date because I don't trust myself once I get in that environment. Maybe I'm lucky my life is so busy because I don't really have time to go out - and that's a good thing right now.

Grizzly, so glad you are enjoying time with your son. Spending time with my kids is something that makes me happy, too, and I'm much better Mom now that I'm fully there for them, not hungover, and on top of things. Having kids is something that led me to drink more when they were young, but is now something that helps make it easier not to drink. A bit ironic, but true. I have an alcohol free but kid filled household and it suits me well.

My alcoholic voice was quiet today after giving me a hard time the past two days. I was very tired, though. Worked hard (nearly 4 hours of work at home), ran on the treadmill, coordinated a nice playdate for my son with his best friend, and dealt with the contractor who was working at the house a bit. I'm hoping the project will be done by next weekend. I'm praying and hoping....

Tomorrow is Day 20 for me - I think I'll try to mention the numbers in tens as they come. I'm optimistic now. Good night all!

p.s. Finished Sober is the New Black. Not great, not terrible. I wouldn't classify it as a novel - more of an extended journal written by a woman who gave up drinking. I think she drank more than I did, but my hangovers were worse! Next book I'm going to read is going to be a good one - The Girl on the Train.
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Old 01-31-2016, 07:46 PM
  # 356 (permalink)  
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Windslow ,

Yeah congratulations on 100 days. It's something to cherish and protect.

Griz,

I probably got one hour of fun drinking before it became a blur. Then I had at least 18 hours of mental anguish not to mention the money spent. Yip, not remotely worth it.

Juno,

I think I'm beginning to experience hangovers like you get. Mine get worse and worse, especially the mental aspect.
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Old 02-01-2016, 06:23 AM
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Hey all,Midton,you made a good point about the one hour of enjoyment, how many times I drank to get out of a funky mood and only ended up crying, listening to music,alone, then blacking out,if got yo where I didn't know what kind of trip I was gonna get a happy drunk or a sad drunk,totally unpredictable so just not worth it,Juno and Grizz sounds like you both had a good weekend,I did too but now back to reality,hope everyone has an easy day😊
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Old 02-01-2016, 06:24 AM
  # 358 (permalink)  
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Midton, I can relate to those feelings. The one thing I have noticed with my personal version of alcoholism (using the term loosely) is that maybe the amount I drank didn't progress as all the conventional wisdom suggests, and I think that is in large part because I worked so hard at controlling it, but the hangover progressed with intensity and severity. The last few were unbearable. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when I had 2 glasses of wine and still had withdrawal symptoms, even on a lower scale. My body has rejected alcohol fully and I've got to respect that.

Had some cooooool dreams last night involving encounters with hot male celebrities. I love my sober sleep

Now at 20 days sober and I need to focus on dropping a few pounds before some events in the spring. I'm not full on porked out, but not happy with my present state and want to drop a few pounds - 5 or so. Time to work on this some more. I know what to do - exercise and watch the food intake. Now to actually do it

Off to work and getting back to a normal schedule this week - at least I hope so.

Also, my college roomies want to get together for a weekend this summer. They are not heavy drinkers (like me) but they do drink alcohol and alcohol is always involved in these weekends. Have to start thinking about how to make it through this one sober. Not going is not a good option. I've got time to think about this - it will probably be in July or August. Just wanted to get it out there for thinking about.

Also, in early April I have an offsite company meeting at a hotel/conference center where I will stay for two nights. The alcohol flows here, too, and in particular wine will be free flowing. Again, not going is not an option - everyone in the company is expected to go. Time to start planning for this event as well.

Good Monday to all!
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Old 02-01-2016, 06:27 AM
  # 359 (permalink)  
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Winslow, you are so right. The last time I drank I didn't even experience that warm, cozy happy buzz I was after. I just felt foggy and confused. Ugh. Not worth it at all!!
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Old 02-01-2016, 07:41 AM
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On the Verge of the Big 100

Good Morning Everyone,

Tomorrow I will be 100 days sober! I am so excited. Things have been great when I am awake. Still having nightmares or intense dreams at night that are causing me to have pretty bad sleep patterns. I chalk this up to my AV realizing that it doesn't have a shot of winning when I am awake and it is trying to sway me by going through my sub-conscious. My friend who has also quit a few bad substances has suggested melatonin. That stuff kicks my butt so I am not sure. We will see. I'm hoping it just passes with time.

Yesterday, I was speaking to my wife and talking about how proud I am that I have been able to do so well. She mentioned that not only was she proud, but "everyone" was. This made me pause for a minute. I asked her "who is everyone?" She mentioned a number of her close female friends who had been her support system for all these years while I was drinking. All these people who were never really sure why she stayed with me have now been shown why. My wife always believed there was hope for me. She always believed that once I truly made the decision to quit, that I would be successful. Interesting turn of events now is one of her friend's husband is drinking non-stop, doesn't believe he has a problem, and it is possibly causing them to divorce. Now she is coming to my wife asking for advice on how "we" did it and if I would be willing to speak with her husband. That is a great feeling.

I want to thank everyone on this site for their continued support. I want to encourage anyone who is just starting out to be strong and stick with it. Life really is better sober.

We are all in this together!
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