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Spectacular Connections Check-in Part II

Old 01-26-2009, 08:16 AM
  # 241 (permalink)  
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Well, that's out of the way at least! It wasn't too bad. It was a fairly easy going person - i think before i must have spoken to a jobsworth "computer says no" type person!

They're cool with me looking for just electrical work, not forcing me into taking literally anything - at least not yet anyway! That's cool, no electrical firm would have a problem with me being at college one day a week, and it's only till june anyway.

So after three years of slowly and gradually sorting my life out, i'm now officially fit and able and seeking work,... Whether i really am ready, time will tell!

A big difference is that the work i'm seeking is something that i've found that i enjoy, and which i find more rewarding / fulfilling. Something that fits me better.

Whereas when i was in stockbroking / asset management, for about 12 years, i hated it, just did it for the money, it was eating away at me, and it definitely contributed to everything going a bit pear shaped.

So i'm keeping positive - it might be ok after all!
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Old 01-26-2009, 08:30 AM
  # 242 (permalink)  
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Just checking in. Today is much like yesterday only my wife is at work and I am here at SR as usual.

Way to go Spark that is great news that you are going to be able to have the career you want without getting hassled.

I know what it is like to have a career that you don't like even if the money is real good. I am glad I am finished with that.

I recently overheard this conversation as the stock indexes were falling.

Stockbroker: The stock market is crashing. Will you still love me if I lose everything?

Hot model type: Of course I will still love you ..........and I will miss you too.
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Old 01-26-2009, 09:30 AM
  # 243 (permalink)  
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I guess I fit right in... I'm on mental health disability (for the first time ever). I've always been able to keep a part time job or two to get by, even with my OCD and substance use. Last summer, my gf and I, in an attempt to move to a larger city (Spokane) where we both have family and would have more opportunity, ended up 35 miles out, in a very small town, after our original plans fell through. My gf had a job lined up in our little town before we moved and I was hoping to find one when we got here. I took me 3 months to land one and then I quit after a month, because it clearly was not going to work out. Shortly after that, I starting seeing a counselor, quit drinking and smoking pot, went back on meds, and filed for disablility. After a lengthy psych eval, where I had an emotional breakdown and almost got myself committed, I was awarded temporary disability. It's not much, but atleast I can contribute something towards our monthly expenses. Of course, I'm supposed to be the homemaker too, which I suck at. So, here I am, almost 40, slacking worse than when I was using...
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Old 01-26-2009, 09:45 AM
  # 244 (permalink)  
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Yeah Spark, thats great news. It is really hard to wake up everyday to go to a job that you hate so I am very excited for you. Allport, honesty is the best policy IMHO and Im glad that you were supported being honest this am. Good luck at your doctor appointment. Are you thinking about counseling? Some people find it useful, others think its a joke. It works for me but not for everyone. Well I am checking in, I cant say how glad I am that you guys are here, that this site is here, I havent been to a meeting yet, Im thinking I will go wednesday though. There is a non-AA based program here where they even do accupuncture to help with the healing. Im not so sure about getting stuck with needles but Ill look into it. Tuesday I am going to get an herbal wrap done, its supposedly detoxifying. I wonder if it works? Does anyone know anything about that? Herbal detoxifying stuff? Anywho the sun is out and I am taking the week off. I may go to the gym today. I think Ive already dropped a little weight off my beer belly, I gain like 65 pounds in 2 years from that horrible rotten juice I was drinking. Well on that happy note, Good Day to you ALL!
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Old 01-26-2009, 09:46 AM
  # 245 (permalink)  
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Checking in. Got kind of depressed last night and its continued this morning and I can't shake it. Hate days like this!
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Old 01-26-2009, 10:27 AM
  # 246 (permalink)  
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gneiss, thanks for checking in even though you aren't feeling well. Let me know if you need to vent, sometimes it helps even if your not sure whats bothering you. Thats the worst for me, when Im feeling like crap but I have no idea why. Anywho I hope the rest of your day gets better. Keep checkin in. Here is a quote that I got from my mother in law, I thought it was cute....

"Living on the planet Earth might be expensive but at least it includes a free trip around the sun every year..."
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Old 01-26-2009, 12:03 PM
  # 247 (permalink)  
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My niece said to her mother when asked if she would like to go to a dancing class " I like dancing but I don't need to go to a class because I already know how to do it"

Where does that self esteem and self posession go and how do we get it back?

Thanks vivid, I have had counselling before and it hasn't worked out but I'm always open to another go.

Katie, I really feel for you I have more bad days than good at the moment but even my bad days are bearable now, stay strong.
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Old 01-26-2009, 01:14 PM
  # 248 (permalink)  
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Thanks, vivid. I am actually doing better now. I don't know what my deal was earlier, but I finally dragged myself out of bed (I hadn't gotten out of bed yet when I posted earlier). We had a special lecture for grad students and faculty this morning so I went to that and halfway through it my mood started to lift. I got the giggles because the whole thing seemed so ridiculous. I was sitting in a dark room listening to a candidate for a geophysics professorship. This guy was from China and normally I don't have trouble understanding people with thick accents but I could not understand a word the guy said so I was trying to content myself by just reading the lecture slides. Only problem is that his slides were mostly long scary equations and seismic profiles, which are basically charts with squiggly lines. If you know how to read them they tell you what the rocks look like in the subsurface. But that's an area of geology I don't really have much experience with so I was still lost and it made me laugh. So I pulled out my phone, buried it under my jacket and had a texting conversation with a friend instead. Whatever works.

I went to lunch afterward and got the call halfway through lunch that due to an ice storm that arrived earlier than expected the university is closed for the rest of the day (and I suspect tomorrow as well, and even if it is not my prof already canceled class anyway. There was 1/8 inch of ice coating just about everything, with more on the way... 20 mph never seems fast until you're doing 20 mph sliding sideways). So here I am, sitting on my bed again, contemplating reading my homework. My geochemistry book is stuck in my car with the locks iced over so I guess I have an excuse not to read that, but the rest of my classes have homework online *grumble grumble*
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Old 01-26-2009, 06:28 PM
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gneiss, glad youre feeling better, you made me giggle...... whoa nice weather youre having eh? Well stay warm....
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Old 01-26-2009, 07:11 PM
  # 250 (permalink)  
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Yeah, lovely weather! Ha ha. Still freezing rain, about 25 degrees or so outside. Good times. A good night to stay in with the hot cocoa.
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Old 01-26-2009, 07:23 PM
  # 251 (permalink)  
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Freezing rain is supposed to be headed our way tomorrow night.



Bah.
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Old 01-27-2009, 05:11 AM
  # 252 (permalink)  
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It's snowing where I'm at now...who knows how much we'll get.

Hello, everyone!
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Old 01-27-2009, 11:43 AM
  # 253 (permalink)  
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Today its overcast and not to cold....kind of depressing though, yucky weather. Today is actually the first day since Ive quit that I feel sad, not sure why. I figured Id have some depression after quitting but I thought that it would come earlier than 2 weeks. I guess Ive been high on not being high LOL Newness of it is wearing off. hughhh, I was supposed to go get a massage today but now I just feel like staying home. I can never tell when to push myself to get out because its good for me or when to give in and sit and watch movies all day.
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Old 01-27-2009, 01:05 PM
  # 254 (permalink)  
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Cold and rainy and snowy here. My dog loves playing in snow so she has been after me all day, herding me to the door to let her out (that's what I get for having a border collie mix... herding). It's been a lot of fun playing with her in the snow and the brisk feeling in the air refreshes. I wish it were warmer, I would open the windows and get that feeling inside, too!
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Old 01-27-2009, 01:13 PM
  # 255 (permalink)  
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Good day all. Just got back from the gym. Today is pretty much the same as yesterday except I ate all the chocolates yesterday so all I have for ab afternoon snack is peanuts. Oh well at least the peanuts are good for me.
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Old 01-27-2009, 04:57 PM
  # 256 (permalink)  
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I love the snow! Can't wait for it to snow here.

Mum's in for her op on her heart tomorrow, little cage thing to keep a valve open, should be out thursday.

Feeling much better after the initial shock / stress / massively confusing emotions of everything, the heart attack, the aggro with the benefit stuff, etc.

Feel like i've got a grip on things now.

Been to my probation thing tonight, part of the community order i have to serve, which kept me out of prison after my relapse & drink driving nightmare last april.

It's helpful as it's a reminder of just where alcohol took me. I was never an aggressive or angry drunk, just a complete idiot.

The other reminder is blackouts. The small window where drink did anything for me got smaller and smaller till it was non-existent.

By the end it was nothing, nothing, nothing, *bang* blackout. Relapses were the same too.

Keeping in mind the consequences of my drinking and the fact that there's nothing there for me have really helped me in the tough times recently.
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Old 01-28-2009, 12:41 AM
  # 257 (permalink)  
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I am getting some cabin fever. I sort of count on my classes to get me out of the house. We had an ice storm come through so classes have been canceled since Monday around noon and I have not left the house. Around 10:00 pm Tuesday they announced Wednesday classes are canceled. Argh!! It will still be icy in the morning but the weatherman says it will get up to 40 or so. I was thinking about leaving town but I have an assignment due in class on Thursday. I'm going stir crazy!! Bored.
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Old 01-28-2009, 01:57 AM
  # 258 (permalink)  
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cant sleep
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:24 AM
  # 259 (permalink)  
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sparkey???
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Old 01-28-2009, 08:43 AM
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Good morning all. You still up ananda? Sometimes when I can't sleep I have a cup of warm milk with a spoon of sugar. It doesn't always help me sleep but it always tastes good. I have a mild sugar addiction.
It doesn't really hurt anything and I NEVER have any before noon. I only eat chocolates to be sociable. I can quit anytime I want.
Sound familiar?
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