Spectacular Connections Check-in Part II
sentient puddle
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Essex, UK
Posts: 180
Hope you're all well, fellow infidels! 
My mum had a (mild) heart attack on Thursday, she's in hospital having some checks done to find out what the problem is.
Bit of a shock really! She's only 59 and losing my parents isn't something i thought i'd have to think about for a while yet... It's only a mild one - she thought it was a pulled muscle from the gym - a full on one and she would have been on the deck.
There are lots of emotions and feelings going on, and the urge to have a drink has been very strong. One of my many triggers is strong emotions, i drank on them for a long time. It's just tricky now sometimes dealing with them, sorting them out, etc.
But i remind myself that these days i am at least attempting to deal with them, albeit with varying success. Before i was just hiding from them, or trying to blot them out.
Main thing is i haven't had a drink. It's been hour by hour at times. There's been some strong internal dialogue going on. But i know it's not worth it!
My mum had a (mild) heart attack on Thursday, she's in hospital having some checks done to find out what the problem is.
Bit of a shock really! She's only 59 and losing my parents isn't something i thought i'd have to think about for a while yet... It's only a mild one - she thought it was a pulled muscle from the gym - a full on one and she would have been on the deck.
There are lots of emotions and feelings going on, and the urge to have a drink has been very strong. One of my many triggers is strong emotions, i drank on them for a long time. It's just tricky now sometimes dealing with them, sorting them out, etc.
But i remind myself that these days i am at least attempting to deal with them, albeit with varying success. Before i was just hiding from them, or trying to blot them out.
Main thing is i haven't had a drink. It's been hour by hour at times. There's been some strong internal dialogue going on. But i know it's not worth it!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
spark...sorry to hear about you Mom....feeling our emotions is tricky in the beginning...stay strong!
Ananda....congrats on the house!!! Interest rates are great right now...some even around 4%....don't let the brokers fool you!
Anthony....Keep up the great work!
Ananda....congrats on the house!!! Interest rates are great right now...some even around 4%....don't let the brokers fool you!
Anthony....Keep up the great work!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Glitzville
Posts: 334
Hi Nands! You've got a full plate, but know that everything will work out fine during this transition and with your mom there. Congrats on the sale and on the new home coming up. Even with the bumps along the way it is so exciting to be making such a positive change. 
Spark - I'm sorry to hear about your mum and hope that she'll be fine. She'll bounce back and know how to take good care of herself. Yes, these kinds of emotional jolts are difficult. We have to face them head on without resorting to escape. I think that by handling them the best we can, even though it feels tortuous, we grow and are better prepared for whatever life throws our way that is out of our control. You and your mum are in my thoughts. :ghug3
Hi Paul, Zen, Bam, SS and all. Hope you're doing well.
Hugs to all,
Donna
Spark - I'm sorry to hear about your mum and hope that she'll be fine. She'll bounce back and know how to take good care of herself. Yes, these kinds of emotional jolts are difficult. We have to face them head on without resorting to escape. I think that by handling them the best we can, even though it feels tortuous, we grow and are better prepared for whatever life throws our way that is out of our control. You and your mum are in my thoughts. :ghug3
Hi Paul, Zen, Bam, SS and all. Hope you're doing well.
Hugs to all,
Donna
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
ah sparkey (hug) yeap the very thing to make me think that maybe i should drink. Don't forget it ok to be human and if the emotions come out a little raw to others thats ok...and forgive those around you if they come off a little hard or crazy too.....just a tough time for everyone.
My father died while i was in detox several years ago....getting to be with him was something my actions of drinking took away from me. I was fortunate that we had made our peace years before and had had time to say goodbye in the 6 weeks before his death.
Just hang in there, and come hre and vent and talk all you need...private messages aer always welcome if you feel uncomfortable on the threads and chat room is an option for more interactive communications (hug)
twice when i was really tempted cause of emotions i couldn't deal with, i came to sr before i took a drink (or bought a bottle for that matter) and was able to sort out and express my emotions before they got so big i couldn't handle it.
The tools are here if you can get yourself to use them (hug)
My father died while i was in detox several years ago....getting to be with him was something my actions of drinking took away from me. I was fortunate that we had made our peace years before and had had time to say goodbye in the 6 weeks before his death.
Just hang in there, and come hre and vent and talk all you need...private messages aer always welcome if you feel uncomfortable on the threads and chat room is an option for more interactive communications (hug)
twice when i was really tempted cause of emotions i couldn't deal with, i came to sr before i took a drink (or bought a bottle for that matter) and was able to sort out and express my emotions before they got so big i couldn't handle it.
The tools are here if you can get yourself to use them (hug)
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Checking in...maybe I'll have some good or bad news (shoot, maybe it'll be inconclusive news...) later today. The way I am, even if it's good news I still won't believe them...I know something's wrong and I'm tired of thinking/worrying/getting pissed off about it.
They'll probably brush me off because I'm a poor person/self payer.
They'll probably brush me off because I'm a poor person/self payer.
sentient puddle
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Essex, UK
Posts: 180
Thanks everyone, i'm touched by the support, really appreciate it!
We're all in a bit of shock here, but at least now she's off the machine / monitor thing, so i guess they don't think another attack is likely.
She'll be in hospital for the rest of the week at least, while they sort out a something-o-gram to find out exactly what the problem is. I think then they'll know whether it has to be an operation or medication etc.
Still sober and glad to be so. Going to a meeting tonight. Urges / compulsion to drink is easing off, it feels selfish to be worrying about my sobriety with this going on - don't know if that makes sense? However i know the truly selfish thing would be to drink on these strong and confusing emotions...
Thanks so much again, you guys are great.
Hope you're all well too?
We're all in a bit of shock here, but at least now she's off the machine / monitor thing, so i guess they don't think another attack is likely.
She'll be in hospital for the rest of the week at least, while they sort out a something-o-gram to find out exactly what the problem is. I think then they'll know whether it has to be an operation or medication etc.
Still sober and glad to be so. Going to a meeting tonight. Urges / compulsion to drink is easing off, it feels selfish to be worrying about my sobriety with this going on - don't know if that makes sense? However i know the truly selfish thing would be to drink on these strong and confusing emotions...
Thanks so much again, you guys are great.
Hope you're all well too?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Everyday i was asked to say this:
May I be more compasionate toward myself and others.
and the most compasionate action i can take toward myself and others is to not drink or use.
sounds like you are on track and doing well sparky :ghug3
May I be more compasionate toward myself and others.
and the most compasionate action i can take toward myself and others is to not drink or use.
sounds like you are on track and doing well sparky :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
well..by the time you read this it will be over lol but i feel angry and pi$$y and all i want to do is have a big fight with someone.....so i'm putting my self in time out till the mover comes to do a bid....
i HATE this...arghhhhhh
i HATE this...arghhhhhh
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Well...
...The doctor just called. I'm so glad he's my doctor. He's doing what's within his power to get to the bottom of this. He is trying to refer me to a cardiologist...Most specialists do NOT take self-payers, so everyone please keep your fingers crossed for me in hopes that I can see a cardiologist. I need this so badly so I can move on with my life.
...The doctor just called. I'm so glad he's my doctor. He's doing what's within his power to get to the bottom of this. He is trying to refer me to a cardiologist...Most specialists do NOT take self-payers, so everyone please keep your fingers crossed for me in hopes that I can see a cardiologist. I need this so badly so I can move on with my life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I'll miss you when you wake up and check in sparky...so hope you are doing well and have a good day...keep us posted
Bam..i can't wait to hear what you find out...you need to move to canida or england and get proper care
Windy...what can i say lol
:ghug
Bam..i can't wait to hear what you find out...you need to move to canida or england and get proper care
Windy...what can i say lol
:ghug
sentient puddle
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Essex, UK
Posts: 180
Hey everyone - hope you're well today?
Fingers are crossed for you bam! The healthcare situation over there seems odd to us brits, watched a documentary on it last night, hopefully Obama will sort it out...
Hope you're calm and chilling nands! This too shall pass...
It never rains but it pours eh? I've been off sick due to anxiety and depression, and retraining as an electrician (used to work in stockbroking), they are now trying to force me back to full time work before i'm ready, and even are saying i should be prepared to give up my college course to take any full time work available - in theory meaning i would have to give up my training course, which will finish in june, to stack shelves at a supermarket or clean toilets... Got a letter saying as much yesterday.
Very upset! Head is just a jumble of everything at the moment. Incredibly strong urges to give in and drink - but staying strong. It's just the excuse my addiction needs though, first my mum, then this!
Fingers are crossed for you bam!
The healthcare situation over there seems odd to us brits, watched a documentary on it last night, hopefully Obama will sort it out... Hope you're calm and chilling nands! This too shall pass...
It never rains but it pours eh? I've been off sick due to anxiety and depression, and retraining as an electrician (used to work in stockbroking), they are now trying to force me back to full time work before i'm ready, and even are saying i should be prepared to give up my college course to take any full time work available - in theory meaning i would have to give up my training course, which will finish in june, to stack shelves at a supermarket or clean toilets... Got a letter saying as much yesterday.
Very upset! Head is just a jumble of everything at the moment. Incredibly strong urges to give in and drink - but staying strong. It's just the excuse my addiction needs though, first my mum, then this!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
just remember thats exactly what it is ... an excuse....won't help a thing
I find that being sober may mean immediate irritation, pain and anger...but means i can actually do something productive with it....
it helps if you know otherrs who have been in the system and can teach you a trick or two for how to deal....When i had my fall from the middle class I had a lot to learn..thank god for the people i met who'de lived low income all thier lives they saved my a$$ showed me the loop holes and the ways around the beurocracy.
hang tight and keep us posted
I find that being sober may mean immediate irritation, pain and anger...but means i can actually do something productive with it....
it helps if you know otherrs who have been in the system and can teach you a trick or two for how to deal....When i had my fall from the middle class I had a lot to learn..thank god for the people i met who'de lived low income all thier lives they saved my a$$ showed me the loop holes and the ways around the beurocracy.
hang tight and keep us posted
sentient puddle
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Essex, UK
Posts: 180
Thanks, i guess i prefer life to be really simple, i had to go back to basics and start from square one in recovery...
If things are nice and simple i find it easier to cope...
Things feel far from simple at the moment!
However, i keep telling myself that a drink (which would mean a bender, as it always does) would not help make things simpler - in fact it would complicate things even more!
The best way to be able to deal with it all is sober...
If things are nice and simple i find it easier to cope...
Things feel far from simple at the moment!
However, i keep telling myself that a drink (which would mean a bender, as it always does) would not help make things simpler - in fact it would complicate things even more!
The best way to be able to deal with it all is sober...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I really liked this and thought you might all like it too
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwyy6ThpQbI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwyy6ThpQbI
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