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doorknob 12-07-2008 01:36 PM

Spectacular Connections Check-in Part II
Time for a fresh thread! Here's a link to the first:

Ananda 12-07-2008 02:41 PM


I'm first.....

So happier and am writing checks as we speak :)

glad it was good for you DK...

doorknob 12-07-2008 02:53 PM

You still write checks...? :09:

windysan 12-07-2008 04:09 PM

I ate lots of mustard greens yesterday and today I made green Christmas poop !! HOORAY !!

doorknob 12-07-2008 07:14 PM

I've been eating like I have the munchies... if I'm not careful.. I'm gonna end up with a dickydo...

windysan 12-08-2008 02:24 AM

lol @ dickydo

shockozulu 12-10-2008 11:41 PM

Yeah, a new thread! Thanks DK for starting part II.

Bamboozle 12-11-2008 12:38 AM

Hi everyone.

Last night wasn't good at all...gave it my best to be sober the previous day and I was...I was feeling good. It didn't last. I can go from good to crap in a couple of minutes. Unbelievable super dooper mood swings. I can’t be happy because I can’t control it.

Started drinking in the evening even though I was really pissed through about three while listening to my ipod and it completely crapped out. It just froze up and a hard reset wouldn’t fix it. No, I just couldn’t calmly set it aside to worry about it later. I beat the ever loving sh!znit out of it. It's completely destroyed. My parents heard me slamming it around and tried to get in my room...I wouldn't let them in because I was so angry. I couldn’t be around any people at the moment...I then proceeded to finish of the pack of beer.

...Just woke up. I'm still angry. If you're thinking about buying an ipod, don't. It's a cheaply made electronic. I figure I’ll just buy a cheap CD player that will last at least a year and be done with mp3 players.

I’m reading this post over and I’m laughing about my own bad behavior. I need help, but I’m intimidated by the process. I don’t know if I need a referral to go see a therapist. I’m short on cash right now. Seems like everyone around me is getting married or having babies and having holidays that they enjoy and I have to spend money to please them because it’s part of tradition (yes, I’ve been celebrating Christmas in a secular way. It used to be fun exchanging gifts)… now I hate this time of year. I’m sick of the music and the gaudy decorations and the cold weather. I’m ready for spring.

If I can’t help myself, maybe this will help someone else. If you’re thinking about relapsing, don’t. It just gets worse and it’s harder to quit again.

Sorry to crap on your spectacular thread... :(

Ananda 12-11-2008 04:30 AM

bam....I'm so sorry you are in so much pain :(

I struggled and acted out what...tuesday was it??? You are alway welcome here and I think each of us wishes we could reach through the computer and hug the crap out of you.

Maybe you could pm DK and ask for some of his expereince on the system and getting some help with medication. It isn't a cure all, but can help and we will all be here with you as you journey through the process...Just a thought bam...

I celebrate a secular christmas too...we have a "buddha bush" :)

I always feel a little lonely at Christmas very much the way you described...

hugs and love to you bam

Bamboozle 12-11-2008 04:48 AM

Originally Posted by ananda (Post 2019411)
I struggled and acted out what...tuesday was it???

I read about that earlier today. How are you doing now?

What do you do to get through it?

I was in a rage last night and I took all of my anger and hatred out on that ipod. I was out of control. I called off of work again today. That makes two times in a week.

I want to get out of the house, but I have nowhere to go because I don't have a car. Even if I did have a car, where would I go? I don't like feeling this way...a little trapped...and I want to run...but to where?

I feel like such a little kid. When my parents find out what I broke, they'll be upset (although I'm the one who paid for it). They'll probably ban me from using their computer (in fear that I'll destroy it). They don't understand why I've been behaving like I have. Remember, "people don't suffer from depression." They probably think I'm trying to get attention. It's so frustrating. I just need someone close to me to understand.

I need someone to help me. I can't do it myself. This is why I moved home. I was living on my own and slipping into the abyss. Silly me for thinking that reaching out to my parents would help. They think I'm full of sh!t.

Bamboozle 12-11-2008 09:26 AM

Just talked with my was a very calm and short conversation...I told her exactly what I did and why (and also why I wouldn't let them in the room)...she said it before I did: (I) need to see a therapist.

Whew...that makes me feel a little better. So maybe she does least a little.

Ananda 12-11-2008 10:54 AM

:Val004:the key thing here bam is to focus on that she WANTS to understand....that is really the important part....No one can understand me exactly I mean it's impossible...but we can try our best...

What helped me was posting on SR...even if I was a creep about it, then a friend called and was able to gently point out some stuff I need to look at, and mostly just by listening in a non-judgemental way and really thinking about a response....then, and this was key too....I was able the next day to talk with my sponsor who supports me and even if she doesn't get it...she wants to really bad.

Now...that may not be a solution for you bam, but you seem to really try to utilize SR and do your best..thats all anyone can expect. I really think the face to face councoling will be helpful, but it does take time to build a relationship and history to wher they can be of maximum helpfulness.

Using SR pm and chat too ..... I've grabed a friend in chat several times when i felt the earth was shattering and i was about to fall apart...

Just hang in there and keep finding new options to try.:Val004:

doorknob 12-11-2008 11:54 AM

Bam, try and find a LCSW for a therapist, who will bill you on a sliding scale. Social workers can be awesome. Mine actually called me the other night, just to see how I was doing. :)

Bamboozle 12-11-2008 02:58 PM

Thanks, everyone. I'm going to have to make some phone calls soon...see what my options are. One of my good friends is a social worker. I should give her a call soon, haven't talked to her in a while. She lives far away, though. Much closer to you, DK.

How are you doing, ananda?

How are you doing, DK?

Bamboozle 12-14-2008 11:27 AM

Just checking's been okay so far. Trying not to think... :). Thinking always gets me in trouble (even when it's in the subconscious (I'm not sure I believe in that crap. :lmao). If every day could go like today, I think I'll be alright and I can move on. It's not a stellar day, but it's also not a crap day. As usual, I'm crossing my fingers and doing my best to RELAX...(a hot tub would be nice right about now...).

:) I cheated on my diet. I ate some chocolate. I shouldn't have...

doorknob 12-14-2008 12:49 PM

Glad you're doing okay, Bam. I'm tired and am going to take a nap. :)

doorknob 12-14-2008 04:31 PM

I'm tolerating Prozac very well (always have). I called one of the gymnastic clubs in Spokane yesterday to find out about an open gym, and the owner is interested in putting me on staff as a sub and to do birthday parties. I sent her a resume and she wants to meet with me this week. :D

doorknob 12-14-2008 04:40 PM

I'm thinking about driving back to Spokane, lol, for an SOS (Secular Organization for Sobriety) meeting that is held at a coffee house & bakery. I wish there was a contact number to make sure it is still going...

doorknob 12-15-2008 12:39 PM

The last few days I've been working on a snow fence all the way around the yard so the dogs can play this winter. It's really starting to materialize. :D

Bamboozle 12-15-2008 01:36 PM

How high are you making it?

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