spark42

ah, grasshopper... this moment is all that exists...

coffeenut

I asked my husband to put dinner leftovers in the fridge last night. I found them on the counter this morning. He swears he put them away...and there are just 2 of us here!

Oh, I forgot to mention, he quit drinking 2 weeks ago.

Sometimes stuff just happens.

Fubar, I loved your story!

gneiss

Today was the roughest day since I quit, I think. I wrote that my sense of timing was off and I did not immediately put it together. I was grinding my teeth really badly today, my neck and jaw are sore from it, and yesterday I was scratching my scalp, almost until it bled and I have not been able to sleep well. I've had the taste of methamphetamine in my mouth for a couple days. I felt a bit confused and out-of-sorts. In a nutshell, I felt EXACTLY like I did when I was on meth, but I HAVE NOT TOUCHED THE DRUG IN A MONTH. I had a sort of fake hangover a week ago or so, where I felt like I had been drinking the night before but I had not been. I just kept thinking how sad it would be to make it a month and stop on my one-month "anniversary." This evening I got in a huge fight and bf won't take my calls at the moment. This is sort of standard for him until he calms down but it really stressed me out. I thought I was doing well enough to handle that sort of thing but I guess I am not yet because it made me want some drugs.

I called a friend and she came into town around 10:00 pm-- she lives 20 miles out-- and we bought some chocolate and went for a drive in the country. We found a steep hill on a straight road, the kind where when you start down the hill you get that feeling in your stomach like you're on a roller coaster. It was about midnight. We took her car up to 80 mph and did that hill about 4 times, the passenger closing her eyes as we approached the hill. Then we'd switch drivers and repeat. A bit reckless, perhaps. Next we found a cattle trail that had been messed up from washouts and some oil rigs driving on it and tried our level best to break an axle. Luckily it did not work out, and we had a good time. I still kind of feel like I'd like to do some drugs but now the feeling is not as strong as it was and I am too exhausted to take the trouble to find it. So for the time being I am out of the woods, again. That was rough though, I felt like I was going to at least drink, maybe do something else tonight. When my friend dropped me off around 1:30 am I told her thanks. She said "I know how you were acting earlier and it scared me. I've only seen you like that on meth but I had been around you all day and know you did not take any drugs. I was worried your addiction was about to take over and when you called I knew the stress would be too much. I had to come in to town, because you can't go back on drugs." She saw it when I could not.

TryingSoHard

:ghug3

I'm really glad you had someone you could call who would come over and hang out with you. That's awesome. You made it through a really rough day and that is FANTASTIC. I hope you feel better tomorrow, but you should be really proud of yourself.

Bamboozle

Hello, gneiss.

...good you found some alternatives...that sounds like fun to me.

Hope things are better for you today.

gneiss

Thanks. I am doing better this morning. Last night was rough though and when I finally got to sleep I kept waking up. I talked to bf's ex, who is living in the same town where he is right now, she said he's been acting weird. I woke up in the middle of the night and I had a moment when it sort of all came together: bf is back on drugs. I hope I am wrong but it explains so much of what is going on... plus every time I have had a moment like that I have been dead-on accurate. It is so strange to me that his ex-- who I normally don't get along with at all-- and I are starting to form a cautious friendship because of him. I don't think he can do this on his own, and she is starting to think in terms of getting an interventionist involved (this might sound over-involved for an ex, but they have a 7-month-old daughter together). The problem is that we don't *know* if he is on drugs or not. The signs are there, but he has successfully hidden any actual proof so far and all we have is strong suspicion. She's seen him on drugs before and I think she did a little here and there before she had kids, but she does not know I did drugs with him and that makes the whole situation a little sticky. I might eventually have to come clean to her in order to help him but I'll have to cross that bridge when I get to it.

lunarise

Checking in, yesterday was good, went to the pool, went shopping, saw my dad. My sister spent the night. Woke up feeling weirdly tired, maybe today will be movie day. My body doesn't want to go anywhere. Today is day 18, almost three weeks, it doesn't seem like its been that long....

PaperDolls

Fubarcdn

Me too, just checking in. I gotta clean the place today so I ain't in the greatest of moods. I hate cleaning day. The only thing I ever liked about it was when all else was done I would load the laundry in the washer and go to Boston Pizza in the attached mall for a few brewskies. I would then put it in the dryer and go back for a few more. If I forgot to take it out before my wife came home I was in the dog house so since I was in trouble anyways I would just stay and drink until closing.

I kinda miss that but not enough to drink. I haven't had a real urge to drink since I came here.

TryingSoHard

I'll check in, too. I'm about to head to the gym. I'm hoping it will lift my spirits a bit. Will be back later.

doorknob

I'm in computer hell... started a week or so ago. I bought a computer off Craig's List to set up for a back up because we've been having problems with my gf's computer. I ordered a CPU fan from New Egg because the one on my computer had been noisy since I bought it off eBay. Shortly after I placed my order, the fan stopped working all together. So, I unhooked it and started setting up the computer that I bought. Reformatted it and reloaded with XP so the OP system was pristine, did all the updates, removed all the bundled crap that HP Compaq puts on it, and cleaned the registry so it will be as fast as it can possibly be. While I was doing this, my gf's computer crapped out all together. So, I found a youngster on Craig's List who works on computers for cheap. Brought him my gf's computer and found out that it's hard drives and motherboard are both toast. While he was working on my gf's computer, my fan came and I installed it. I went to plug it in where my gf's tower was and neglected to turn the power strip off first.. I plugged the power cord into the tower and it sparked, popped, and started smoking. Took my new computer guy my tower yesterday... the power supply supply is toast (figured that, lol), the motherboard is damaged, and the hard drive is getting ready to fail. Right now, he's trying to salvage 50 GB of rare 90's Bay Area Hip Hop that I've collected over the past 2 years buying CD's (some very expensive) off eBay, copying them and reselling to buy more. I had been procrastinating on buying an external hard drive to back my music up on... So, my gf is off work today and on the one good computer. Bored as hell, I pulled out an old dinosaur and connected it to the internet to see what it will do... Here are the specs: Windows 98 SE, original Pentium processor 100 Mhz, 40 MB RAM, IE 5. But, I can use the forums, check my email, get on eBay and Craig's List, and listen to the music I have on it.

Ananda

You guys I feel like i am loosing my mind...i'm so tense it's unreal and i can't focus and i feel like i might stop breathing cause i forget to breeth....I want to cry but i'm not even sad just flipped.

I'm changing medication and dosages and it's a process...step up step down some of you probably know the drill better than i do.

this really sucks and i have a report due in teh morning and no way to focus and get it done ... so i decided to post here.....i feel like i could explode it's like i am a powerplant with no where to send the power.

I'll be fine, but I just felt it would be good for me to post about what i am going through here rather than sit here thinking i'm a nut.....i feel a little better already.

thanks for letting me rant.

TryingSoHard

DK!! That IS computer hell!! AHHHHHHHH! We've been having some issues with our two desktops lately but nothing like that! We had a hard drive die two years ago though and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

NANDS... :ghug3 hang in there honey. Rant any time!

SelfSeeking

I worked third shift last night, did yoga when I got back home (trying to unwind with something other than a cigarette), and just woke up. Time to go do it again I'm working a lot the next few days and am a little nervous about being able to do it, I have class too so I can't sleep all day in between. Oh yeah, one day at a time.
Sorry you're not feeling good, ananda It sucks when you have to play with your brain chemistry. I hope the med situation gets settled soon.

Eroica

Sorry you're not feeling good, ananda. I havent checked in here for awhile because I was weaning myself off lortabs again and i'm down to about 10 mg/day from about 25-30 mg/day earlier in the week. This **** sucks.

By the way, just out of curiosity, how old is everyone here? I'm 27

TryingSoHard

I'm 38. I'll be having my last birthday ever in 3 months.

DK, I thought of you when I saw this:

doorknob

lunarise

Im 31...woohooo

TryingSoHard

What the heck is that? LOL

doorknob

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