2 Days in (48 Hours)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by saoutchik 
Is that Sixto Rodriguez that you are talking about? He was on a TV show with Jools Holland a while back. He was good
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Evening all,
And so I have reached the end of day twenty seven. Seems like a long time ago. Anyway, business first.
Physically I am fine. I am a little tired. I woke early for the boxing. I did have to take something for the headache, but by lunchtime it had passed and has stayed away. My body is sore, not from exercise but from clearing all the mess left by the builders and tilers and then cleaning the house. I am not used to that sort of work. My appetite was good today, I even ate some vegetables. The cheek numbness is there, but less than this morning.
Mentally I am good. Read some more during the day. I quite enjoy it. It beats just staring at the book pissed and not being able to recall anything. I am still playing with my Rubik's cube. I love that thing. I think it is good for stimulation.
Emotionally it was an ok day. I had a few low moments, but they passed fairly quickly. I was even very tolerant and relaxed whilst speaking to my parents this evening. I used to get very agitated before. This time I had patience. It just came out of the blue. A good sign I am sure. I even had a good laugh discussing my potential book and the chapter format with the EB. Apparently I am not allowed to publish the book in gothic script. I would have liked windings though. I am also not allowed to use the people's real names. Now where is the fun in that?
So the house is as clean as I could get it in one day. The tiles look stunning now that they are cleaned. I will have to try and post some pics at some stage. It really lightens the place up. I think the tile color was a good choice. It at least cheered me up after this mornings dismal boxing. Fight of the century? Ha! Let me rather leave it at that.
I still have a lot of cleaning to do outside. Rubble that has to be removed. Furniture moved back inside. Rubbish that has to get chucked. I can't believe how much crap this little renovation has spawned.
I have been reading a lot of posts here on SR today. Part of my dealing with another lonely weekend. I see a lot of new people joined yesterday and today on their day one. This got me thinking to my own plight twenty seven days ago. That feeling of utter desperation, panic and anxiety that sets in. The shivering, shaking, sweating. The nausea. That horrible brain mist. That female dog known as insomnia. The convulsions. The disgust and self loathing. The fear of just trying to make it through that day and then that night without a drink and without dying. God, what a mess we were on day one. There were times when we had to focus on just making it through the hour without drinking, never mind the day. Hell, sometimes it even went down to minutes.
An interesting post I read by TS, but has been a recurring theme - I fear or never want that hangover again that I had when I stopped drinking. I recall the day I stopped, I wasn't that hungover as I was still hammered at work. Hell, I was still a bit hammered when I got home. The thing that got me was physically needing a drink an hour into the work day. I mean really physically needing it. At times I thought my body was going to give in if I didn't get that drink. Those of you that have followed this thread know what kept interfering and preventing me from getting that drink. For me, that was the last straw. That is the thing I never want to feel in my life again. That horrible physical dependence on booze.
If you are a newcomer and happen to read this, drink lots of water. Try to eat something, even if you have to have little bits at a time. If at any stage you feel really bad - get to your doctor. This is no game you are playing. Take it one day, one hour, and if need be, one minute at a time. I do promise you, with all my heart, the withdrawal symptoms will go away with time. For some, sooner, for others, later, but pass they will. Keep close to SR. Post what you are feeling. If you feel tempted, get on SR and post or pick up your phone and call someone. Read the threads here on SR, there are some very motivational stories out there. Start your own thread and keep a journal of your progress. If you want a drink, go back and read your journal to remind yourself why you gave up. And remember, you only have to say no to that first drink. No more and no less.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
And so I have reached the end of day twenty seven. Seems like a long time ago. Anyway, business first.
Physically I am fine. I am a little tired. I woke early for the boxing. I did have to take something for the headache, but by lunchtime it had passed and has stayed away. My body is sore, not from exercise but from clearing all the mess left by the builders and tilers and then cleaning the house. I am not used to that sort of work. My appetite was good today, I even ate some vegetables. The cheek numbness is there, but less than this morning.
Mentally I am good. Read some more during the day. I quite enjoy it. It beats just staring at the book pissed and not being able to recall anything. I am still playing with my Rubik's cube. I love that thing. I think it is good for stimulation.
Emotionally it was an ok day. I had a few low moments, but they passed fairly quickly. I was even very tolerant and relaxed whilst speaking to my parents this evening. I used to get very agitated before. This time I had patience. It just came out of the blue. A good sign I am sure. I even had a good laugh discussing my potential book and the chapter format with the EB. Apparently I am not allowed to publish the book in gothic script. I would have liked windings though. I am also not allowed to use the people's real names. Now where is the fun in that?
So the house is as clean as I could get it in one day. The tiles look stunning now that they are cleaned. I will have to try and post some pics at some stage. It really lightens the place up. I think the tile color was a good choice. It at least cheered me up after this mornings dismal boxing. Fight of the century? Ha! Let me rather leave it at that.
I still have a lot of cleaning to do outside. Rubble that has to be removed. Furniture moved back inside. Rubbish that has to get chucked. I can't believe how much crap this little renovation has spawned.
I have been reading a lot of posts here on SR today. Part of my dealing with another lonely weekend. I see a lot of new people joined yesterday and today on their day one. This got me thinking to my own plight twenty seven days ago. That feeling of utter desperation, panic and anxiety that sets in. The shivering, shaking, sweating. The nausea. That horrible brain mist. That female dog known as insomnia. The convulsions. The disgust and self loathing. The fear of just trying to make it through that day and then that night without a drink and without dying. God, what a mess we were on day one. There were times when we had to focus on just making it through the hour without drinking, never mind the day. Hell, sometimes it even went down to minutes.
An interesting post I read by TS, but has been a recurring theme - I fear or never want that hangover again that I had when I stopped drinking. I recall the day I stopped, I wasn't that hungover as I was still hammered at work. Hell, I was still a bit hammered when I got home. The thing that got me was physically needing a drink an hour into the work day. I mean really physically needing it. At times I thought my body was going to give in if I didn't get that drink. Those of you that have followed this thread know what kept interfering and preventing me from getting that drink. For me, that was the last straw. That is the thing I never want to feel in my life again. That horrible physical dependence on booze.
If you are a newcomer and happen to read this, drink lots of water. Try to eat something, even if you have to have little bits at a time. If at any stage you feel really bad - get to your doctor. This is no game you are playing. Take it one day, one hour, and if need be, one minute at a time. I do promise you, with all my heart, the withdrawal symptoms will go away with time. For some, sooner, for others, later, but pass they will. Keep close to SR. Post what you are feeling. If you feel tempted, get on SR and post or pick up your phone and call someone. Read the threads here on SR, there are some very motivational stories out there. Start your own thread and keep a journal of your progress. If you want a drink, go back and read your journal to remind yourself why you gave up. And remember, you only have to say no to that first drink. No more and no less.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Good morning all,
It is the start of day twenty eight for me. I now have a whole four weeks sobriety under my belt. Who would have thought that four weeks ago? Business first.
Physically I am fine. I did not have a headache this morning. The cheek numbness is there, but it is so barely perceptible. I slept fine last night. I only woke once, not sure why, but it was as easy as roll over and back to sleep. My hands are a mess, but that is from the building renovations. My body is crying for exercise, so no more procrastination. I am famished. It is a great feeling to have an appetite again.
Mentally I am great. I am back at work this week and am looking forward to it. I don't think that I will have that much to do, but you never know. I have started reading a new book - real meditation for real alcoholics. I hope it is not going to be another "ram AA down your throat, for there is no other way" type book. So far so good.
Emotionally, I am good. I find that writing this thread, and reading your feedback is really cathartic for me. I have never been much of a writer, but hey, it is never too late. I do have the occasional twinge, but it does get easier every day.
I have given some serious thought to this book lark. I think that it is doable. I have the idea of the framework in my head and am going to start today. After my chat with the EB (editor buddy), I have decided that it has to be a totally honest account. There can be no holding back at all. If it offends some - tough ****. As promised, there will be sex; drugs and rock 'n roll in it. I am not sure anyone would believe that stuff that I got up to, but hey, I was there and I lived it. One thing that I am sure of is whether to include photographs or not. I am against it at the moment as I would have to either get peoples permission or black their faces out. This sort of goes against the point of including the photograph in the first place. The other thing that is bothering me is that I have to either change peoples names, or get their permission to use the real name. This also irritates me as it is my story, tough **** if they happened to be in it. EB also things the title is too vague. I am not sure "Getting leg over" or "Chasing high" are good titles either. EB reckons to write the book then come up with a title. Apparently I am not allowed to do advance signing either - I am supposed to write the book first. What a crock of shite - don't people understand that this is going to be a bestseller?
The last bit of renovations need to be done. The walls painted; the granite kitchen tops extended; the cupboards put back and the skirting boards re-installed. I am thinking of moving the fireplace in the master bedroom to the lounge, and then installing a closed system fireplace in the master bedroom. This would give me a nice ambiance in the lounge if I ever do decide to entertain. I must say that so far, the house is looking great inside. You would not recognize the inside if you had seen it before.
Aahh well, work has decided to intervene with my day. I suppose I should get it done. First though, time for a smoke and a cup of coffee. Then time to earn my keep.
Be safe and be strong,
Cheers
ZAB
It is the start of day twenty eight for me. I now have a whole four weeks sobriety under my belt. Who would have thought that four weeks ago? Business first.
Physically I am fine. I did not have a headache this morning. The cheek numbness is there, but it is so barely perceptible. I slept fine last night. I only woke once, not sure why, but it was as easy as roll over and back to sleep. My hands are a mess, but that is from the building renovations. My body is crying for exercise, so no more procrastination. I am famished. It is a great feeling to have an appetite again.
Mentally I am great. I am back at work this week and am looking forward to it. I don't think that I will have that much to do, but you never know. I have started reading a new book - real meditation for real alcoholics. I hope it is not going to be another "ram AA down your throat, for there is no other way" type book. So far so good.
Emotionally, I am good. I find that writing this thread, and reading your feedback is really cathartic for me. I have never been much of a writer, but hey, it is never too late. I do have the occasional twinge, but it does get easier every day.
I have given some serious thought to this book lark. I think that it is doable. I have the idea of the framework in my head and am going to start today. After my chat with the EB (editor buddy), I have decided that it has to be a totally honest account. There can be no holding back at all. If it offends some - tough ****. As promised, there will be sex; drugs and rock 'n roll in it. I am not sure anyone would believe that stuff that I got up to, but hey, I was there and I lived it. One thing that I am sure of is whether to include photographs or not. I am against it at the moment as I would have to either get peoples permission or black their faces out. This sort of goes against the point of including the photograph in the first place. The other thing that is bothering me is that I have to either change peoples names, or get their permission to use the real name. This also irritates me as it is my story, tough **** if they happened to be in it. EB also things the title is too vague. I am not sure "Getting leg over" or "Chasing high" are good titles either. EB reckons to write the book then come up with a title. Apparently I am not allowed to do advance signing either - I am supposed to write the book first. What a crock of shite - don't people understand that this is going to be a bestseller?
The last bit of renovations need to be done. The walls painted; the granite kitchen tops extended; the cupboards put back and the skirting boards re-installed. I am thinking of moving the fireplace in the master bedroom to the lounge, and then installing a closed system fireplace in the master bedroom. This would give me a nice ambiance in the lounge if I ever do decide to entertain. I must say that so far, the house is looking great inside. You would not recognize the inside if you had seen it before.
Aahh well, work has decided to intervene with my day. I suppose I should get it done. First though, time for a smoke and a cup of coffee. Then time to earn my keep.
Be safe and be strong,
Cheers
ZAB
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Fresno
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by ZaBoozer
Hi all,
I am a 39 year old male professional. I have been a heavy drinker (I think) for the past 20 years. The first 10 was beer, the last 10 scotch. I drank about 500ml scotch per day on a weeknight, and 1000ml per day of the weekends. A couple of weeks back, my wife of three years decided she wanted a separation so she left telling me to think. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife ver much, but in the booze fueled mind that was mine - I didn't think too much about it.
From there it went downhill very quickly. I would wake up in the morning feeling very anxious, shaky, sweats you name it. I could not wait to get to work to get those first couple of vodkas in by 6:30 am. I heard you could not smell it. Anyway that would calm me down to 10, when the cycle would start again. By 12 it was the same thing. At 3 I would retire to the pub with colleagues, and get some beers in. At 8 I would go home and get the usual scotch in. This has gone on for the last six or seven weeks now.
Anyway, my plan for the long weekend was to detox, well due to some unforeseen emotional discourse with the wife, that plan was put paid to rest.
Tuesday when I went to work, before I could get my drinks in a colleague asked me to join her for a smoke as she does not like to smoke alone. This continued during the day. So there was no choice to get a drink in. By 3 is was a wreck. The shakes and sweating were so bad. I decided to just go home. Once home I lay on the bed and bargained with myself - I would have that first drink at 5. I started reading a book, and 5 came. I bargained to wait till 6 and became absorbed in the book. The anxiousness was starting to ease of a bit, and the shivering and sweating were in spells now. 6 came, bargain again. 7 came, bargain again. I was drinking copious amounts of water during this time. I had a fantastic headache. 8 came, bargain again. I bargained again at 9. The anxiousness was not too bad now.
I decided to surf the net and the first page I found was about the HAMS tapering method. But at this stage did not feel to uncomfortable. I was sweating, shaking and shivering in spells. Short ones. I had taken something for the headache. I went back to my book. I thought, I have got this far lets just cold turkey this thing out. Oh boy.
Around 11 my eyes were drooping from the book, and like I said earlier they were shorts spells and would pass quickly, so I was feeling much better than the morning where I could not get my fix. So bed time. Oh boy. Just as I was dropping off, I had my first convulsion. It lifted me off the bed. But I have had these before after a heavy session so I didn't think to much of it. Then the bugs under the skin would come, but in spells. This went on the whole night. Each time I was dozing off - blam - convulsion and bug spell. Anyway I must of dozed off for about 30 minutes just before the alarm went off.
So how did I feel then this morning. Well I had a light sweat, but at least the shaking was not that obvious. I had a nice hot bath and got dressed for work. I did not have that urgent need for a drink. To my surprise, I walked down the stairs without being a shaking idiot as has been happening to me for a while. My muscle control had returned somewhat.
To my surprise, I was quite calm on he drive to work. I did not curse and shout at every other driver around me. I got to work and went straight to the chemist and bought som B12 vitamin supplement. Took one with coffee and was feeling ok. About 8 the brain mist set in. I bought a pie, and for the first time in years was able to eat the whole pie in one sitting. This is a little meat mans pie people. I got on the net and found this site. Oh boy. I told an old friend of mine about my first evening dry and did I get it in the neck about not going to a professional before detoxing. I understand now after reading through most of these posts.
I had little shivering and sweating spells during the day, nothing major. But no craving to drink. I had a few mild anxiety and panic attacks but I had read about wave surfing so I just rode it through. By 2:30 a slight shaking had come back to my hand, nothing major like before. I have this burning feeling down one side of my face, that has been with me for a while. You know the one - just under the skin. Unlike yesterday, I did not have any of that tingling at the tips of my fingers or hands and things going numb. I got caught in a traffic jam on the way home, but did not lose my cool, again to my surprise.
I got home and made myself something to eat, again I was amazed that I could eat two sandwiches in one go. I have been drinking copious amounts of water during the whole evening. I have a slight sheen of sweat. The shaking has gone - maybe I had to eat? I have not had any shivering spells so far this evening. I have had the headache thing comming and going the whole day, but they fade after a while. As I sit here and type this, I can in all honesty say, I do not crave a drink and I have a full bottle of scotch downstairs in the kitchen. I have the brain mist, and I have that burning feeling down the side of my face. I was even able to do some work today for the first time in weeks. I did two whole days of work just in this afternoon alone.
I know that the road is long and hard. I would not advocate the cold turkey thing. I used to be very fit when I was younger, so maybe that helped.
My plan - one day at a time. I first have to heal myself before I can heal anything with my wife and the people around me that I have damaged through booze.
This is my story so far, now we live it day by day.
Cheers
ZABoozer
I am a 39 year old male professional. I have been a heavy drinker (I think) for the past 20 years. The first 10 was beer, the last 10 scotch. I drank about 500ml scotch per day on a weeknight, and 1000ml per day of the weekends. A couple of weeks back, my wife of three years decided she wanted a separation so she left telling me to think. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife ver much, but in the booze fueled mind that was mine - I didn't think too much about it.
From there it went downhill very quickly. I would wake up in the morning feeling very anxious, shaky, sweats you name it. I could not wait to get to work to get those first couple of vodkas in by 6:30 am. I heard you could not smell it. Anyway that would calm me down to 10, when the cycle would start again. By 12 it was the same thing. At 3 I would retire to the pub with colleagues, and get some beers in. At 8 I would go home and get the usual scotch in. This has gone on for the last six or seven weeks now.
Anyway, my plan for the long weekend was to detox, well due to some unforeseen emotional discourse with the wife, that plan was put paid to rest.
Tuesday when I went to work, before I could get my drinks in a colleague asked me to join her for a smoke as she does not like to smoke alone. This continued during the day. So there was no choice to get a drink in. By 3 is was a wreck. The shakes and sweating were so bad. I decided to just go home. Once home I lay on the bed and bargained with myself - I would have that first drink at 5. I started reading a book, and 5 came. I bargained to wait till 6 and became absorbed in the book. The anxiousness was starting to ease of a bit, and the shivering and sweating were in spells now. 6 came, bargain again. 7 came, bargain again. I was drinking copious amounts of water during this time. I had a fantastic headache. 8 came, bargain again. I bargained again at 9. The anxiousness was not too bad now.
I decided to surf the net and the first page I found was about the HAMS tapering method. But at this stage did not feel to uncomfortable. I was sweating, shaking and shivering in spells. Short ones. I had taken something for the headache. I went back to my book. I thought, I have got this far lets just cold turkey this thing out. Oh boy.
Around 11 my eyes were drooping from the book, and like I said earlier they were shorts spells and would pass quickly, so I was feeling much better than the morning where I could not get my fix. So bed time. Oh boy. Just as I was dropping off, I had my first convulsion. It lifted me off the bed. But I have had these before after a heavy session so I didn't think to much of it. Then the bugs under the skin would come, but in spells. This went on the whole night. Each time I was dozing off - blam - convulsion and bug spell. Anyway I must of dozed off for about 30 minutes just before the alarm went off.
So how did I feel then this morning. Well I had a light sweat, but at least the shaking was not that obvious. I had a nice hot bath and got dressed for work. I did not have that urgent need for a drink. To my surprise, I walked down the stairs without being a shaking idiot as has been happening to me for a while. My muscle control had returned somewhat.
To my surprise, I was quite calm on he drive to work. I did not curse and shout at every other driver around me. I got to work and went straight to the chemist and bought som B12 vitamin supplement. Took one with coffee and was feeling ok. About 8 the brain mist set in. I bought a pie, and for the first time in years was able to eat the whole pie in one sitting. This is a little meat mans pie people. I got on the net and found this site. Oh boy. I told an old friend of mine about my first evening dry and did I get it in the neck about not going to a professional before detoxing. I understand now after reading through most of these posts.
I had little shivering and sweating spells during the day, nothing major. But no craving to drink. I had a few mild anxiety and panic attacks but I had read about wave surfing so I just rode it through. By 2:30 a slight shaking had come back to my hand, nothing major like before. I have this burning feeling down one side of my face, that has been with me for a while. You know the one - just under the skin. Unlike yesterday, I did not have any of that tingling at the tips of my fingers or hands and things going numb. I got caught in a traffic jam on the way home, but did not lose my cool, again to my surprise.
I got home and made myself something to eat, again I was amazed that I could eat two sandwiches in one go. I have been drinking copious amounts of water during the whole evening. I have a slight sheen of sweat. The shaking has gone - maybe I had to eat? I have not had any shivering spells so far this evening. I have had the headache thing comming and going the whole day, but they fade after a while. As I sit here and type this, I can in all honesty say, I do not crave a drink and I have a full bottle of scotch downstairs in the kitchen. I have the brain mist, and I have that burning feeling down the side of my face. I was even able to do some work today for the first time in weeks. I did two whole days of work just in this afternoon alone.
I know that the road is long and hard. I would not advocate the cold turkey thing. I used to be very fit when I was younger, so maybe that helped.
My plan - one day at a time. I first have to heal myself before I can heal anything with my wife and the people around me that I have damaged through booze.
This is my story so far, now we live it day by day.
Cheers
ZABoozer
Ryan
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by itstheone
Love the honest story. I hope the determination provides enough time dry for you to aqcuire new ways...Thank you Ryan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Hi all,
I am now at the end of day twenty eight. I cannot believe how late it is. I got into something and before I realized what had hit me, the evening has flown. Business first.
Physically I am feeling a little tired. I did have a bit of fatigue this afternoon. I suppose that is typical of being back at work. I have had slight headaches coming and going during the day. I have not taken anything for them. They fade naturally enough if I drink water. The cheek numbness is there, but much less than this morning. I did get my exercise done this afternoon. I am concentrating on even effort. My muscles actually feel great after that session. I now need to quit the fags. This should be my next step with regards to the physical recovery.
Mentally it has been a so-so day for me. It is not that I was not able to focus. My mind was just elsewhere. I have been giving some serious thought to this book idea. So my mind was all over the place, trying to put a framework together, trying to remember and that sort of thing. More on this later.
Emotionally, it has been an ok day. For the most part it has been stable. It wasn't so good when I had free moments, but did improve dramatically once I got into my exercise. I think exercise is going to be the key to gain control of this demon.
So, I have decided to write this book. I am going to take it seriously. I've spent most of my work day thinking about it and what I would like to achieve by it. I didn't get much clarity on that at the time. I did start putting a framework together. I wrote a bit of the prelude at work. It still needs a lot more meat to go into it.
I got home, put on my running gear and got out onto the road. I had my iPod with me, so I had some good tunes going. This is probably what I needed. Good old classic rock. The tunes got the memory working. I got back home an hour later. I was impressed with the workout. I am definitely on track for my 10K in a few weeks.
I had some dinner and checked out a few posts here on SR. Then I started on the first chapter. I have re-read it a few times and changed a few things here and there, mainly wording and I have got to say, there is some funny stuff there. I don't want to give too much away, but this part is still in my early childhood. It is amazing how the memories just flood back. Things that I thought I had forgotten. No fear though, I have even written the things down that make me cringe.
I am finding the process of remembering and writing the things down sort of a healing process. I cant believe some of the things that I got up to, but I cannot change them, so I may as well laugh at them now.
Well it is late this side, so I am going to turn in. I have the fire going, maybe that is part of the inspiration. The cats are cuddled up to me. It is nice to feel that physical touch. Chilly outside and my eyes are starting to droop.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
I am now at the end of day twenty eight. I cannot believe how late it is. I got into something and before I realized what had hit me, the evening has flown. Business first.
Physically I am feeling a little tired. I did have a bit of fatigue this afternoon. I suppose that is typical of being back at work. I have had slight headaches coming and going during the day. I have not taken anything for them. They fade naturally enough if I drink water. The cheek numbness is there, but much less than this morning. I did get my exercise done this afternoon. I am concentrating on even effort. My muscles actually feel great after that session. I now need to quit the fags. This should be my next step with regards to the physical recovery.
Mentally it has been a so-so day for me. It is not that I was not able to focus. My mind was just elsewhere. I have been giving some serious thought to this book idea. So my mind was all over the place, trying to put a framework together, trying to remember and that sort of thing. More on this later.
Emotionally, it has been an ok day. For the most part it has been stable. It wasn't so good when I had free moments, but did improve dramatically once I got into my exercise. I think exercise is going to be the key to gain control of this demon.
So, I have decided to write this book. I am going to take it seriously. I've spent most of my work day thinking about it and what I would like to achieve by it. I didn't get much clarity on that at the time. I did start putting a framework together. I wrote a bit of the prelude at work. It still needs a lot more meat to go into it.
I got home, put on my running gear and got out onto the road. I had my iPod with me, so I had some good tunes going. This is probably what I needed. Good old classic rock. The tunes got the memory working. I got back home an hour later. I was impressed with the workout. I am definitely on track for my 10K in a few weeks.
I had some dinner and checked out a few posts here on SR. Then I started on the first chapter. I have re-read it a few times and changed a few things here and there, mainly wording and I have got to say, there is some funny stuff there. I don't want to give too much away, but this part is still in my early childhood. It is amazing how the memories just flood back. Things that I thought I had forgotten. No fear though, I have even written the things down that make me cringe.
I am finding the process of remembering and writing the things down sort of a healing process. I cant believe some of the things that I got up to, but I cannot change them, so I may as well laugh at them now.
Well it is late this side, so I am going to turn in. I have the fire going, maybe that is part of the inspiration. The cats are cuddled up to me. It is nice to feel that physical touch. Chilly outside and my eyes are starting to droop.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Good morning all,
Well I am at the start of day twenty nine. The sun is coming out. I have opened my office blinds to watch the sun come up as well as the daily hustle and bustle of the city. I am having my cup of coffee while I type this off. But first, to the business end.
Physically I am in a good place this morning. I slept like a baby. I did not wake during the night at all and awoke with the alarm clock this morning. I still don't recall any dreams. The cheek numbness is only just there. It is getting less and less noticeable these days. I had a slight headache when I woke. I have not taken anything for it. It seems to be fading on its own. I can feel my muscles this morning after yesterdays exercise. They are not sore or tender, but I can feel them - that good sort of feeling. I managed to break my silver cigar, so I am off to get another one during the course of this morning.
Mentally I am good. I am excited about the writing. I am focussed. I have a bit of work to do and I am even excited about that. It has been a very long time since I have felt this motivated.
Emotionally, the day is still early. I cant help wondering about things. It sort of eats at you. It really is **** when you're kept in the dark. Childish I think. Sooner or later though, I am going to be the adult in this thing and make a decision - for better or worse. It is funny, with sobriety comes maturity. I really do not have time for children's games anymore.
I have been reading the posts here on SR and have noticed that there have been quite a few relapses lately. One of the people that I admire and have a lot of respect for relapsed while I was asleep last night. It is strange how one can observe the personality change from the writing. What is even more strange is that one can observe the build up to the relapse from the posts.
I think the important thing to take from the relapse is the lessons that can be learnt from the event. What triggered the relapse? How to avoid or change the trigger. Those sorts of things. The more we can learn from these lessons, the better we can prepare ourselves against future relapses.
My thoughts are there with those of you that have recently relapsed, especially you FL. Hang in there, you can do this. Remember, the only choice you have to make is to not drink that first drink.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Well I am at the start of day twenty nine. The sun is coming out. I have opened my office blinds to watch the sun come up as well as the daily hustle and bustle of the city. I am having my cup of coffee while I type this off. But first, to the business end.
Physically I am in a good place this morning. I slept like a baby. I did not wake during the night at all and awoke with the alarm clock this morning. I still don't recall any dreams. The cheek numbness is only just there. It is getting less and less noticeable these days. I had a slight headache when I woke. I have not taken anything for it. It seems to be fading on its own. I can feel my muscles this morning after yesterdays exercise. They are not sore or tender, but I can feel them - that good sort of feeling. I managed to break my silver cigar, so I am off to get another one during the course of this morning.
Mentally I am good. I am excited about the writing. I am focussed. I have a bit of work to do and I am even excited about that. It has been a very long time since I have felt this motivated.
Emotionally, the day is still early. I cant help wondering about things. It sort of eats at you. It really is **** when you're kept in the dark. Childish I think. Sooner or later though, I am going to be the adult in this thing and make a decision - for better or worse. It is funny, with sobriety comes maturity. I really do not have time for children's games anymore.
I have been reading the posts here on SR and have noticed that there have been quite a few relapses lately. One of the people that I admire and have a lot of respect for relapsed while I was asleep last night. It is strange how one can observe the personality change from the writing. What is even more strange is that one can observe the build up to the relapse from the posts.
I think the important thing to take from the relapse is the lessons that can be learnt from the event. What triggered the relapse? How to avoid or change the trigger. Those sorts of things. The more we can learn from these lessons, the better we can prepare ourselves against future relapses.
My thoughts are there with those of you that have recently relapsed, especially you FL. Hang in there, you can do this. Remember, the only choice you have to make is to not drink that first drink.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 1,303
Originally Posted by ZaBoozer
What is even more strange is that one can observe the build up to the relapse from the posts.
I think the important thing to take from the relapse is the lessons that can be learnt from the event. What triggered the relapse? How to avoid or change the trigger. Those sorts of things. The more we can learn from these lessons, the better we can prepare ourselves against future relapses.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
I think the important thing to take from the relapse is the lessons that can be learnt from the event. What triggered the relapse? How to avoid or change the trigger. Those sorts of things. The more we can learn from these lessons, the better we can prepare ourselves against future relapses.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Totally agree with you, this is my 3rd or 4th serious attempt to maintain sobriety and I felt a relapse coming on way before I picked up a drink.
I am also keeping a journal where I am jotting down little nuggets of knowledge from others on here who are much more experienced. Dee posted that there are 3 key indicators for a relapse:
1. False confidence...when you believe you are strong enough for 1 drink without falling back into addiction.
2. Changes in attitude or behaviour...lean on your support system more than ever if this happens.
3. Stress..
I also agree with you on the quitting of fags, go for it Zab take the plunge, don't let fear stop you!
Also agree with the exercise..I'm off to the gym now
Martina
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by martina12
Morning ZaB
Totally agree with you, this is my 3rd or 4th serious attempt to maintain sobriety and I felt a relapse coming on way before I picked up a drink.
I am also keeping a journal where I am jotting down little nuggets of knowledge from others on here who are much more experienced. Dee posted that there are 3 key indicators for a relapse:
1. False confidence...when you believe you are strong enough for 1 drink without falling back into addiction.
2. Changes in attitude or behaviour...lean on your support system more than ever if this happens.
3. Stress..
I also agree with you on the quitting of fags, go for it Zab take the plunge, don't let fear stop you!
Also agree with the exercise..I'm off to the gym now
Martina
Totally agree with you, this is my 3rd or 4th serious attempt to maintain sobriety and I felt a relapse coming on way before I picked up a drink.
I am also keeping a journal where I am jotting down little nuggets of knowledge from others on here who are much more experienced. Dee posted that there are 3 key indicators for a relapse:
1. False confidence...when you believe you are strong enough for 1 drink without falling back into addiction.
2. Changes in attitude or behaviour...lean on your support system more than ever if this happens.
3. Stress..
I also agree with you on the quitting of fags, go for it Zab take the plunge, don't let fear stop you!
Also agree with the exercise..I'm off to the gym now
Martina
It's good that you are keeping a journal. You should share sometime when you are ready.
I like the three indicators that you have listed. No 3 is the easiest to conquer I think - exercise. No 2 and 1 I think are much more difficult.
Thanks for sharing, much appreciated.
Cheers,
ZAB
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posts: 440
Just read this from beginning to end and can relate to so much of what you are saying.
I have had numerous relapses (in fact most of them I don't think are officially relapses as I only had a day or two between drinks!) but people like you - talking through things the way you have - inspire me to do it this time!!
Thank you
I have had numerous relapses (in fact most of them I don't think are officially relapses as I only had a day or two between drinks!) but people like you - talking through things the way you have - inspire me to do it this time!!
Thank you
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Originally Posted by VirginiaWoof
Just read this from beginning to end and can relate to so much of what you are saying.
I have had numerous relapses (in fact most of them I don't think are officially relapses as I only had a day or two between drinks!) but people like you - talking through things the way you have - inspire me to do it this time!!
Thank you
I have had numerous relapses (in fact most of them I don't think are officially relapses as I only had a day or two between drinks!) but people like you - talking through things the way you have - inspire me to do it this time!!
Thank you
Maybe you should start your own journal. Something you can go back and read if you feel the need to drink. Maybe just to remind yourself of the horror and pain that awaits.
Baby steps, one day at a time. One hour at a time. If all else fails, one minute at a time.
It is my pleasure.
Cheers,
ZAB
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Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Evening all,
Well it is the end of day twenty nine for me. It is a bit chilly out, but I have the fire going. I am lying here sipping on one of those NA beers - Bavaria lemon. Not bad at all. Business first.
Physically I am tired. The fatigue hit me around 13:00. I did have the headache thing throughout the day but have noticed that it fades when I drink water. I have not taken anything for it. The numbness in the cheek is gone. I woke with it, but somewhere during the day it went. I am hoping that I am rid of this as it will be one of the last symptoms left. I did have my afternoon exercise session. My muscles feel great. My calves are a little sore, but nothing to write home about. I really need to stop smoking though.
Mentally I am fine. I did have a little work to do. The rest of the day was spent adding some more foundation to the book. I am quite amazed how the memories are coming back. I am just trying to capture them at the moment but I cant seem to type fast enough. I will go back and add the meat later. I asked my smoking buddy to have a read this afternoon. She thinks it is funny.
Emotionally it was a neither here neither there day. Yes there were moments, but they seem to bother me less each time. I am able to move out of the situation quickly. I know that the real tests will come later on, but this is giving me a foundation to work with.
I have started my book on meditation for alcoholics. I can't comment on it yet as I still have to finish the introduction. I am going to try and get a reasonable early night tonight. I am hoping against all odds that I can sleep through the whole night. We shall see. I still have not had any physical cravings for a drink. I am thankful for that. I was invited for brunch today by one of my colleagues. For some strange reason I had no appetite. I have not been feeling hungry the whole day. I hope this is just a temporary thing.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Well it is the end of day twenty nine for me. It is a bit chilly out, but I have the fire going. I am lying here sipping on one of those NA beers - Bavaria lemon. Not bad at all. Business first.
Physically I am tired. The fatigue hit me around 13:00. I did have the headache thing throughout the day but have noticed that it fades when I drink water. I have not taken anything for it. The numbness in the cheek is gone. I woke with it, but somewhere during the day it went. I am hoping that I am rid of this as it will be one of the last symptoms left. I did have my afternoon exercise session. My muscles feel great. My calves are a little sore, but nothing to write home about. I really need to stop smoking though.
Mentally I am fine. I did have a little work to do. The rest of the day was spent adding some more foundation to the book. I am quite amazed how the memories are coming back. I am just trying to capture them at the moment but I cant seem to type fast enough. I will go back and add the meat later. I asked my smoking buddy to have a read this afternoon. She thinks it is funny.
Emotionally it was a neither here neither there day. Yes there were moments, but they seem to bother me less each time. I am able to move out of the situation quickly. I know that the real tests will come later on, but this is giving me a foundation to work with.
I have started my book on meditation for alcoholics. I can't comment on it yet as I still have to finish the introduction. I am going to try and get a reasonable early night tonight. I am hoping against all odds that I can sleep through the whole night. We shall see. I still have not had any physical cravings for a drink. I am thankful for that. I was invited for brunch today by one of my colleagues. For some strange reason I had no appetite. I have not been feeling hungry the whole day. I hope this is just a temporary thing.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Sounds like you well Zab, good for you! I read today that everyone is here (on earth and alive) for a reason, and when you figure out your true purpose, which is something that you are passionate about, it makes the world of difference. You find true happiness, and it seems like you have found yours. Thank you for sharing,you are helping so many people, and possibly changing lives.
Last edited by Cauliflower; 05-05-2015 at 01:01 PM. Reason: spelled your name wrong!
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Originally Posted by Cauliflower
Sounds like you well Zab, good for you! I read today that everyone is here (on earth and alive) for a reason, and when you figure out your true purpose, which is something that you are passionate about, it makes the world of difference. You find true happiness, and it seems like you have found yours. Thank you for sharing,you are helping so many people, and possibly changing lives.
It is my pleasure, if it helps even one person, then mission accomplished.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Good morning all,
Today is the start of day thirty for me. The sun is coming out, but there is that autumn chill in the air. I think we might just be in for a bitter winter here in SA. At least I have a fireplace. So to business.
Physically I am fine. I did wake with a headache, but I have not taken anything for it. I am going to ride it out and see if the water helps. It is not a sharp headache, but rather a dull mist. The numbness in the cheek is still absent this morning. I hope it has finally decided to pack it in. I slept well last night, I did wake for a bathroom visit, but was able to fall asleep very quickly again. I really must stop drinking water at least thirty minutes before lights out. My muscles feel good. I will exercise again this afternoon. Fitness is coming along, but I really need to stop smoking. I have my silver cigar with me and am puffing away here in the office.
Mentally I feel fine. I do not have many foreseeable mental challenges at work. It is all routine stuff that does not really require problem solving. At least I have the book to stimulate my memory. I am quite enjoying that. I am still playing online chess. This helps me with planning or thinking ahead.
Emotionally I am ok. This is not to say I have no feelings, but rather that I am coping with it. If I don't particularly enjoy the feeling, I am able to move along to the next one rather quickly. I think that this is part of the reason that our mental state recovers the quickest. I know that we need to embrace and work through the emotions, but I am not ready or strong enough for that yet. The road to recovery is a long one, and I have the time.
I am working through my book on meditation. I am still unclear on what the author is trying to get at. When I think of meditation, I think of relaxation, focus, deep breathing and calming of self. I really hope this is what he is trying to get to. I am not particularly interested in prayer or anything. No offence intended, but I believe that God helps those who help themselves. There would be no point in God just fixing everything without us having to do anything would there?
I have had a few brief moments with my AV over the past few days. It is not as strong or as intense as it was in the beginning. It passes rather quickly. I have the occasional thoughts of having a drink. This too passes rather quickly. It is as if the voice goes in one ear and out the other before I even get to respond. I am not that naïve to believe that I have it under control, or that I can think more than one day ahead. I do know that it is a sneaky and very powerful monster that can come back with an intensity to startle at anytime.
I have to guard against this and make sure that I am prepared for it. I cannot now sit back on my laurels and tell myself that I have overcome. I suspect that that I will fight this battle for the rest of my life. I am not scared of the fight, but neither am I that arrogant to believe that it will be easy. I think that with time, it will get easier, but I do know that I have to be on the lookout for that one moment that will come out of the blue.
What could I possibly tell those of you starting your journey? Well in summary, the physical withdrawal passes the quickest. The uncomfortable things like the shivering, shaking, sweating and nausea pass within a week. Headaches and insomnia take a bit longer, but ease up a little more every day. Your mental recovery is also rather quick. Your mind will clear within a few days. The brain mist lifts quickly It will take a bit longer for the memory, but that comes back more each day too. The emotional aspect is the time consumer. As sober people, we beat ourselves up for the things we did when drunk. I know that it is not easy, but we have to let go. We cannot change what was done, we can only go forward. What do we gain by hanging onto the guilt and pain? Nothing. By hanging onto the pain and beating ourselves up over it - we only set ourselves up for relapse.
I read a response on one of the threads where a poster advised someone not to let go of this guilt too easily. I can understand the too easily bit - but I am not going to carry this around forever. Too easily implies a time frame. So how long should you or I carry it around for? A week? A month? A year? A decade? I think that as long as you recognise the error of the deed and that you are sorry for it - let it go. The more you can let go, the less you have to carry around. The less you have to carry around, the more you can concentrate on now. The more you are able to concentrate on now, the easier it will be to defeat the temptation to drink.
Well, coffee time. Then time for a smoke. Then I will pretend to look intelligent for the rest of the day.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Today is the start of day thirty for me. The sun is coming out, but there is that autumn chill in the air. I think we might just be in for a bitter winter here in SA. At least I have a fireplace. So to business.
Physically I am fine. I did wake with a headache, but I have not taken anything for it. I am going to ride it out and see if the water helps. It is not a sharp headache, but rather a dull mist. The numbness in the cheek is still absent this morning. I hope it has finally decided to pack it in. I slept well last night, I did wake for a bathroom visit, but was able to fall asleep very quickly again. I really must stop drinking water at least thirty minutes before lights out. My muscles feel good. I will exercise again this afternoon. Fitness is coming along, but I really need to stop smoking. I have my silver cigar with me and am puffing away here in the office.
Mentally I feel fine. I do not have many foreseeable mental challenges at work. It is all routine stuff that does not really require problem solving. At least I have the book to stimulate my memory. I am quite enjoying that. I am still playing online chess. This helps me with planning or thinking ahead.
Emotionally I am ok. This is not to say I have no feelings, but rather that I am coping with it. If I don't particularly enjoy the feeling, I am able to move along to the next one rather quickly. I think that this is part of the reason that our mental state recovers the quickest. I know that we need to embrace and work through the emotions, but I am not ready or strong enough for that yet. The road to recovery is a long one, and I have the time.
I am working through my book on meditation. I am still unclear on what the author is trying to get at. When I think of meditation, I think of relaxation, focus, deep breathing and calming of self. I really hope this is what he is trying to get to. I am not particularly interested in prayer or anything. No offence intended, but I believe that God helps those who help themselves. There would be no point in God just fixing everything without us having to do anything would there?
I have had a few brief moments with my AV over the past few days. It is not as strong or as intense as it was in the beginning. It passes rather quickly. I have the occasional thoughts of having a drink. This too passes rather quickly. It is as if the voice goes in one ear and out the other before I even get to respond. I am not that naïve to believe that I have it under control, or that I can think more than one day ahead. I do know that it is a sneaky and very powerful monster that can come back with an intensity to startle at anytime.
I have to guard against this and make sure that I am prepared for it. I cannot now sit back on my laurels and tell myself that I have overcome. I suspect that that I will fight this battle for the rest of my life. I am not scared of the fight, but neither am I that arrogant to believe that it will be easy. I think that with time, it will get easier, but I do know that I have to be on the lookout for that one moment that will come out of the blue.
What could I possibly tell those of you starting your journey? Well in summary, the physical withdrawal passes the quickest. The uncomfortable things like the shivering, shaking, sweating and nausea pass within a week. Headaches and insomnia take a bit longer, but ease up a little more every day. Your mental recovery is also rather quick. Your mind will clear within a few days. The brain mist lifts quickly It will take a bit longer for the memory, but that comes back more each day too. The emotional aspect is the time consumer. As sober people, we beat ourselves up for the things we did when drunk. I know that it is not easy, but we have to let go. We cannot change what was done, we can only go forward. What do we gain by hanging onto the guilt and pain? Nothing. By hanging onto the pain and beating ourselves up over it - we only set ourselves up for relapse.
I read a response on one of the threads where a poster advised someone not to let go of this guilt too easily. I can understand the too easily bit - but I am not going to carry this around forever. Too easily implies a time frame. So how long should you or I carry it around for? A week? A month? A year? A decade? I think that as long as you recognise the error of the deed and that you are sorry for it - let it go. The more you can let go, the less you have to carry around. The less you have to carry around, the more you can concentrate on now. The more you are able to concentrate on now, the easier it will be to defeat the temptation to drink.
Well, coffee time. Then time for a smoke. Then I will pretend to look intelligent for the rest of the day.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
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Originally Posted by lillyknitting
Awesome. Pour the scotch down the sink, now.
But many thanks for the comment nonetheless.
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Good evening all,
It is the end of day thirty for me. I am lying here watching the fire. Nice and cosy. To the business.
Physically I am tired. The fatigue set in around 12:30 today. By home time I was really shattered. I am hoping for a good sleep tonight. The numbness in the cheek is still absent. I will monitor this. My headache got worse on the way home, so I took something for it. My muscles feel good, although I had a rest day today. Other than these few niggles, I think the physical symptoms of withdrawal are almost gone.
Mentally it was not really a challenge for me today. I didn't have to think much. Human interaction is easier, but there was really no stimulation today.
Emotionally it was one of those roller coaster days. I will be happy to put it behind me. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Today was just one of those time out days. Nothing went according to plan. My AV was more noticeable today in the sense that the b@stard visited me regularly. There was no physical craving. I did drink too much coffee and not enough water. I didn't eat. And yes, the loneliness continued to kick me in the pit of my stomach the whole day. So I know what caused the AV, H an L. Not much I can do about L at the moment. I also suspect that the caffeine stimulates something in me that is not good. I will have to guard against this.
I did not do any work on the book today. I was just not up for it I guess. A day off in more ways than one. I am going to try reading some more on this meditation book. I hope the guy gets to the point soon. I am getting bored with the disclaimers and anti sales pitch. Maybe I am just too tired or feeling too down at the moment. I need to motivate myself some and to pull myself out of this rut. There is a lot to be thankful for, and I need to see the positives more than the negatives. I can see that this is another thing that I am going to need to learn how to deal with.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAb
It is the end of day thirty for me. I am lying here watching the fire. Nice and cosy. To the business.
Physically I am tired. The fatigue set in around 12:30 today. By home time I was really shattered. I am hoping for a good sleep tonight. The numbness in the cheek is still absent. I will monitor this. My headache got worse on the way home, so I took something for it. My muscles feel good, although I had a rest day today. Other than these few niggles, I think the physical symptoms of withdrawal are almost gone.
Mentally it was not really a challenge for me today. I didn't have to think much. Human interaction is easier, but there was really no stimulation today.
Emotionally it was one of those roller coaster days. I will be happy to put it behind me. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Today was just one of those time out days. Nothing went according to plan. My AV was more noticeable today in the sense that the b@stard visited me regularly. There was no physical craving. I did drink too much coffee and not enough water. I didn't eat. And yes, the loneliness continued to kick me in the pit of my stomach the whole day. So I know what caused the AV, H an L. Not much I can do about L at the moment. I also suspect that the caffeine stimulates something in me that is not good. I will have to guard against this.
I did not do any work on the book today. I was just not up for it I guess. A day off in more ways than one. I am going to try reading some more on this meditation book. I hope the guy gets to the point soon. I am getting bored with the disclaimers and anti sales pitch. Maybe I am just too tired or feeling too down at the moment. I need to motivate myself some and to pull myself out of this rut. There is a lot to be thankful for, and I need to see the positives more than the negatives. I can see that this is another thing that I am going to need to learn how to deal with.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAb
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