Originally Posted by Lethe

is that the Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls? I can't find the Glass House. Cheers!

Originally Posted by Lethe

regarding the book - it's not just you. I have read it a couple times and always had troubles finishing it. It's been sitting on my shelve for a couple months and just got moved to the "Give Away" pile. Thanks so much for sharing all that you have here. I can't say how much I appreciate you being consistent on writing morning and evening. (actually I can say but will do that in a PM). Cheers!

Originally Posted by ZaBoozer

Hi all,

I am a 39 year old male professional. I have been a heavy drinker (I think) for the past 20 years. The first 10 was beer, the last 10 scotch. I drank about 500ml scotch per day on a weeknight, and 1000ml per day of the weekends. A couple of weeks back, my wife of three years decided she wanted a separation so she left telling me to think. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife ver much, but in the booze fueled mind that was mine - I didn't think too much about it.

From there it went downhill very quickly. I would wake up in the morning feeling very anxious, shaky, sweats you name it. I could not wait to get to work to get those first couple of vodkas in by 6:30 am. I heard you could not smell it. Anyway that would calm me down to 10, when the cycle would start again. By 12 it was the same thing. At 3 I would retire to the pub with colleagues, and get some beers in. At 8 I would go home and get the usual scotch in. This has gone on for the last six or seven weeks now.

Anyway, my plan for the long weekend was to detox, well due to some unforeseen emotional discourse with the wife, that plan was put paid to rest.

Tuesday when I went to work, before I could get my drinks in a colleague asked me to join her for a smoke as she does not like to smoke alone. This continued during the day. So there was no choice to get a drink in. By 3 is was a wreck. The shakes and sweating were so bad. I decided to just go home. Once home I lay on the bed and bargained with myself - I would have that first drink at 5. I started reading a book, and 5 came. I bargained to wait till 6 and became absorbed in the book. The anxiousness was starting to ease of a bit, and the shivering and sweating were in spells now. 6 came, bargain again. 7 came, bargain again. I was drinking copious amounts of water during this time. I had a fantastic headache. 8 came, bargain again. I bargained again at 9. The anxiousness was not too bad now.

I decided to surf the net and the first page I found was about the HAMS tapering method. But at this stage did not feel to uncomfortable. I was sweating, shaking and shivering in spells. Short ones. I had taken something for the headache. I went back to my book. I thought, I have got this far lets just cold turkey this thing out. Oh boy.

Around 11 my eyes were drooping from the book, and like I said earlier they were shorts spells and would pass quickly, so I was feeling much better than the morning where I could not get my fix. So bed time. Oh boy. Just as I was dropping off, I had my first convulsion. It lifted me off the bed. But I have had these before after a heavy session so I didn't think to much of it. Then the bugs under the skin would come, but in spells. This went on the whole night. Each time I was dozing off - blam - convulsion and bug spell. Anyway I must of dozed off for about 30 minutes just before the alarm went off.

So how did I feel then this morning. Well I had a light sweat, but at least the shaking was not that obvious. I had a nice hot bath and got dressed for work. I did not have that urgent need for a drink. To my surprise, I walked down the stairs without being a shaking idiot as has been happening to me for a while. My muscle control had returned somewhat.

To my surprise, I was quite calm on he drive to work. I did not curse and shout at every other driver around me. I got to work and went straight to the chemist and bought som B12 vitamin supplement. Took one with coffee and was feeling ok. About 8 the brain mist set in. I bought a pie, and for the first time in years was able to eat the whole pie in one sitting. This is a little meat mans pie people. I got on the net and found this site. Oh boy. I told an old friend of mine about my first evening dry and did I get it in the neck about not going to a professional before detoxing. I understand now after reading through most of these posts.

I had little shivering and sweating spells during the day, nothing major. But no craving to drink. I had a few mild anxiety and panic attacks but I had read about wave surfing so I just rode it through. By 2:30 a slight shaking had come back to my hand, nothing major like before. I have this burning feeling down one side of my face, that has been with me for a while. You know the one - just under the skin. Unlike yesterday, I did not have any of that tingling at the tips of my fingers or hands and things going numb. I got caught in a traffic jam on the way home, but did not lose my cool, again to my surprise.

I got home and made myself something to eat, again I was amazed that I could eat two sandwiches in one go. I have been drinking copious amounts of water during the whole evening. I have a slight sheen of sweat. The shaking has gone - maybe I had to eat? I have not had any shivering spells so far this evening. I have had the headache thing comming and going the whole day, but they fade after a while. As I sit here and type this, I can in all honesty say, I do not crave a drink and I have a full bottle of scotch downstairs in the kitchen. I have the brain mist, and I have that burning feeling down the side of my face. I was even able to do some work today for the first time in weeks. I did two whole days of work just in this afternoon alone.

I know that the road is long and hard. I would not advocate the cold turkey thing. I used to be very fit when I was younger, so maybe that helped.

My plan - one day at a time. I first have to heal myself before I can heal anything with my wife and the people around me that I have damaged through booze.

This is my story so far, now we live it day by day.

Cheers

ZABoozer

Originally Posted by itstheone

You basically couldnt fullfil your initial plan to quit and drank because...... "Due to unforseen emotional discourse with wife" ?????? My friend. We have the same profile. Unless you can start handling lifes very basic problems and the OCASSIONAL bad ones (unless you keep drinking they will always be and appear bad) you will never ever ever ever quit...this is the key to sobriety. I gave you that insight free!!! Get to work.

Originally Posted by ZaBoozer

Morning all,

This guy has one big pair of cajones (not sure if that is the right word).


ZAB

Originally Posted by Fluffer

"cojones", with two o's. Cajones are boxes.

Originally Posted by Olivia2011

Hi ZAB ! Leave it to me to accidentally send from my iPhone before I was done! Anyway, what is/are some of your favorite self-help/meditation books? I read Alan Carr's How to Quit Drinking (The Easy Way). It was good, common sense info. Then I read Being Sober by the guy from the Betty Ford Center. It was very good also. I've read The Big a book and such. I enjoy your posts, as well as others. I just can't figure out why I can't quit drinking! You make it look so easy! My husband and I both are workaholics and alcoholics. I was an electrical designer for 28 years. Surprisingly, it's just wine for us (used to be beer a long time ago). I'm just so tired of it. I tried AA in 2007 and loved it. It worked for four months. Then I tried again about a year ago. It didn't do anything for me this time. I feel that I live an honest life, with God as my higher power, make amends as needed (and try to keep my mouth shut so I don't have to make the amends). I guess maybe I'm not going "deep" enough. I don't know. I feel like I earn my wine but boy once I start, I can't stop! Anyway, I plan on reading and reading until something clicks or I go for some kind of outpatient treatment. Treatment is all fine but it's got to be me that wants to quit. I have to decide to quit. Words are words from treatment people. My son has been though treatment a couple times for booze. Anyway, I will quit rambling here. Thanks for your posts.

Originally Posted by Ginamarie323

Hi Za,

I just want to thank you for this thread. Just waking up to day 7 myself and reading your journey has been truly inspiring. Congratulations!

I'm a smoker too and notice I'm not smoking as much since I stopped drinking. I know I need to give it up and I really want to, but one thing at a time for me. How is that going for you?