2 Days in (48 Hours)
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Morning all,
So we now start day twenty six. The sun is coming out and the world is still at this time. A good time to focus the thoughts and "clear house" so to speak of this addled brain. Business first.
Physically I am fine. Slept like a baby. It is getting easier to drop off at will these days. Sleep is deep and refreshing. I still don't recall any dreams. I have no physical cravings for booze. The cheek numbness is sort of there this morning. Although I did not have a headache when I woke, it is starting to creep up on me. I will try to ride it out with water again. My body feels good. I need exercise. Hopefully the tilers get done today.
Mentally I am great. Nothing new here that I can add until I get back to work or some other confrontation takes place. I am sure though, that I am up to it. I have become a little lazy by pushing things out. Instead of just doing them now, push them to tomorrow. This is something that I am going to need to work on fairly urgently.
Emotionally I am better than last night, which is a plus. The L from HALT really caught me off guard. I suppose that after six years of companionship to no contact for God knows how long now would eventually catch up with me. I think that riding this through alone without a "support" group is going to be hard. It does get a little better everyday. I know it doesn't feel like it at the time, but that is why a journal us so important - we can go back in time and see where we were and compare it to now. I do know that my brain will reason this out and resolve it.
So, I am lying here in the bath composing this mornings entry. I need to go to the hardware and get a few fittings and pipe extensions. I added a dishwasher to my kitchen and now the drain hoses don't reach. I also need to split the water supply to the dishwasher and washing machine. I need some polly filler to fill up the holes from all the photos that I took down. The tile work is looking good. I have a sort of white/grey tile with light grey grout. It really has made the house more light filled. I bought so many spare tiles, that I have enough to do the outside patio. I am seriously considering this.
Once the tilers are done, the builders come back to paint and put cupboards back as well as additional cupboards. I think that then the house is done. The next task is that blasted garden. Aahh well, Rome was not built in a day.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
So we now start day twenty six. The sun is coming out and the world is still at this time. A good time to focus the thoughts and "clear house" so to speak of this addled brain. Business first.
Physically I am fine. Slept like a baby. It is getting easier to drop off at will these days. Sleep is deep and refreshing. I still don't recall any dreams. I have no physical cravings for booze. The cheek numbness is sort of there this morning. Although I did not have a headache when I woke, it is starting to creep up on me. I will try to ride it out with water again. My body feels good. I need exercise. Hopefully the tilers get done today.
Mentally I am great. Nothing new here that I can add until I get back to work or some other confrontation takes place. I am sure though, that I am up to it. I have become a little lazy by pushing things out. Instead of just doing them now, push them to tomorrow. This is something that I am going to need to work on fairly urgently.
Emotionally I am better than last night, which is a plus. The L from HALT really caught me off guard. I suppose that after six years of companionship to no contact for God knows how long now would eventually catch up with me. I think that riding this through alone without a "support" group is going to be hard. It does get a little better everyday. I know it doesn't feel like it at the time, but that is why a journal us so important - we can go back in time and see where we were and compare it to now. I do know that my brain will reason this out and resolve it.
So, I am lying here in the bath composing this mornings entry. I need to go to the hardware and get a few fittings and pipe extensions. I added a dishwasher to my kitchen and now the drain hoses don't reach. I also need to split the water supply to the dishwasher and washing machine. I need some polly filler to fill up the holes from all the photos that I took down. The tile work is looking good. I have a sort of white/grey tile with light grey grout. It really has made the house more light filled. I bought so many spare tiles, that I have enough to do the outside patio. I am seriously considering this.
Once the tilers are done, the builders come back to paint and put cupboards back as well as additional cupboards. I think that then the house is done. The next task is that blasted garden. Aahh well, Rome was not built in a day.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by martina12 
Morning Zab...now you are inspiring me to sort out my house 
!!
!!
But in the end it is so worth it. I have really spoiled myself though. Tiles are easy to mop. Even though I am the only person here now, I have got a dishwasher. No excuses for not cooking now. Just don't know how to pack the blasted thing. And a fireplace for cosy reading. I think the next thing might be fireplaces in the guest bedrooms. 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Evening all,
I have reached the end of day twenty six. Bit of a frustrating day for me, but business first.
Physically I am in a good place. I had a headache, but took something for it. I now know what is causing it - not enough water. I am drinking too many NA beers and this is dehydrating me. The headache is similar to that I would get whilst drinking. So I am going to cut the NA beers down. Maybe one every now and then. The cheek numbness is only just there. This has now become the inverse to the early sobriety days. In the beginning of the day I feel it and by the end of the day it has faded almost completely. I did not get to my exercise today, but the body is feeling good.
Mentally I am sharp as a pack of tacks. Didn't have to think too much today. Just overseeing the tilers. Still reading and still playing chess.
Emotionally it was an ok day. It had its moments, but that is to be expected. Another lonely weekend. I am starting to make peace with this by forcing myself to enjoy the peace and quiet.
Well today was a helluva day again. The tilers arrived late which pissed me off immensely. They took the whole day to finish off the little bit that they had to do which added to the frustration. To top it off, they caused a huge fracas with the security of the complex that I live in. There are procedures to get in and out and they didn't want to follow them. So I ended up mediating between the security and the tilers. Not an ideal way to end the day. On a positive, at least they are now done and it looks good. Tomorrow I will have to dust, sweep and mop to actually see the colors. I have to let everything dry.
I also came to realize today that a dishwasher is a chicks toy. It took me hours to figure out how to pack the thing (all my plates are full of dust from the renovations). Then after a go, the dishes were still wet. I was ready to donate this b@stard thing at that stage. Enter help from the GB, open the door slightly after the thing is done. Bugger me, why don't they print this in the manual. Now I am chuffed with the thing. I don't know why I didn't get one sooner. Spotless and dry. Being one person at the moment, it is going to take me forever to fill this thing up. Mind you that is fine, I have more than enough cutlery.
I have finally figured out how to burn anthrecite (coal) in my fireplace. An arcane art if ever I saw one. This stuff gives off heat like you cannot believe. And your fire burns the whole night. The secret with coal us that it needs air from the bottom to control the burn. You also need to build a decent bed to keep it burning. To thin and it goes out. It is a clean burning fossil fuel and is way cheaper than wood. Also has much more heat. So no beautiful yellow flames leaping around, but hey it does have little purple dancing flames.
I am not really tired this evening. Found some movie on the Telly with Jason Statham in it - Redemption. I really enjoy his movies. Not chick sort of movies unless you enjoy a hard knock type of guy. I cannot wait for tomorrow morning. I don't think that the boxing is going to go all the way and I suspect that it is going to be boring. But hey, I haven't seen a heavyweight boxing match in decades. Something to look forward to.
I have been thinking about a title to my book. I think "Moth to a flame, there and beyond" might be ok. I have been listening to some music on and off today. Well, the same artist really. A chap by the name of Rodriguez. He is from Detroit in the US of A, but his music didn't really take off there. Really hard hitting lyrics and great tunes. I think he was way ahead of his time. The thing though, he says the things in his songs that we are too scared to say aloud. Some say his music is depressing, I suspect that it is because he hits directly on a nerve that might be unresolved within them.
"And you measure for wealth by the things you can hold
And you measure for love by the sweet things you're told
And you live in the past or a dream that you're in
And your selfishness is your cardinal sin.
And you want to be held with highest regard
It delights you so much if he's trying so hard
And you try to conceal your ordinary ways
With a smile or a shrug or some stolen cliche.
'Cos emotionally you're the same basic trip
And you know that I know of the times that you've slipped
So don't try to impress me, you're just pins and paint
And don't try to charm me with things that you ain't.
And don't try to enchant me with your manner of dress
'Cos a monkey in silk is a monkey no less
So measure for measure reflect on my said
And when I won't see you then measure it dead.
'Cos don't you understand, and don't you look about
I'm trying to take nothing from you
So why should you act so put out for me?"
Deep. The songs name - Like Janis. Feel free to check it out on YouTube.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
I have reached the end of day twenty six. Bit of a frustrating day for me, but business first.
Physically I am in a good place. I had a headache, but took something for it. I now know what is causing it - not enough water. I am drinking too many NA beers and this is dehydrating me. The headache is similar to that I would get whilst drinking. So I am going to cut the NA beers down. Maybe one every now and then. The cheek numbness is only just there. This has now become the inverse to the early sobriety days. In the beginning of the day I feel it and by the end of the day it has faded almost completely. I did not get to my exercise today, but the body is feeling good.
Mentally I am sharp as a pack of tacks. Didn't have to think too much today. Just overseeing the tilers. Still reading and still playing chess.
Emotionally it was an ok day. It had its moments, but that is to be expected. Another lonely weekend. I am starting to make peace with this by forcing myself to enjoy the peace and quiet.
Well today was a helluva day again. The tilers arrived late which pissed me off immensely. They took the whole day to finish off the little bit that they had to do which added to the frustration. To top it off, they caused a huge fracas with the security of the complex that I live in. There are procedures to get in and out and they didn't want to follow them. So I ended up mediating between the security and the tilers. Not an ideal way to end the day. On a positive, at least they are now done and it looks good. Tomorrow I will have to dust, sweep and mop to actually see the colors. I have to let everything dry.
I also came to realize today that a dishwasher is a chicks toy. It took me hours to figure out how to pack the thing (all my plates are full of dust from the renovations). Then after a go, the dishes were still wet. I was ready to donate this b@stard thing at that stage. Enter help from the GB, open the door slightly after the thing is done. Bugger me, why don't they print this in the manual. Now I am chuffed with the thing. I don't know why I didn't get one sooner. Spotless and dry. Being one person at the moment, it is going to take me forever to fill this thing up. Mind you that is fine, I have more than enough cutlery.
I have finally figured out how to burn anthrecite (coal) in my fireplace. An arcane art if ever I saw one. This stuff gives off heat like you cannot believe. And your fire burns the whole night. The secret with coal us that it needs air from the bottom to control the burn. You also need to build a decent bed to keep it burning. To thin and it goes out. It is a clean burning fossil fuel and is way cheaper than wood. Also has much more heat. So no beautiful yellow flames leaping around, but hey it does have little purple dancing flames.
I am not really tired this evening. Found some movie on the Telly with Jason Statham in it - Redemption. I really enjoy his movies. Not chick sort of movies unless you enjoy a hard knock type of guy. I cannot wait for tomorrow morning. I don't think that the boxing is going to go all the way and I suspect that it is going to be boring. But hey, I haven't seen a heavyweight boxing match in decades. Something to look forward to.
I have been thinking about a title to my book. I think "Moth to a flame, there and beyond" might be ok. I have been listening to some music on and off today. Well, the same artist really. A chap by the name of Rodriguez. He is from Detroit in the US of A, but his music didn't really take off there. Really hard hitting lyrics and great tunes. I think he was way ahead of his time. The thing though, he says the things in his songs that we are too scared to say aloud. Some say his music is depressing, I suspect that it is because he hits directly on a nerve that might be unresolved within them.
"And you measure for wealth by the things you can hold
And you measure for love by the sweet things you're told
And you live in the past or a dream that you're in
And your selfishness is your cardinal sin.
And you want to be held with highest regard
It delights you so much if he's trying so hard
And you try to conceal your ordinary ways
With a smile or a shrug or some stolen cliche.
'Cos emotionally you're the same basic trip
And you know that I know of the times that you've slipped
So don't try to impress me, you're just pins and paint
And don't try to charm me with things that you ain't.
And don't try to enchant me with your manner of dress
'Cos a monkey in silk is a monkey no less
So measure for measure reflect on my said
And when I won't see you then measure it dead.
'Cos don't you understand, and don't you look about
I'm trying to take nothing from you
So why should you act so put out for me?"
Deep. The songs name - Like Janis. Feel free to check it out on YouTube.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Also a Rodriguez fan. I recently watched a documentary about a guy who was determined to find Rodriguez - just recently. It was a great documentary. I watched it on "Crackle" - which is a free internet channel I found. I bet it is online somewhere. Really good.
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lol
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Also a Rodriguez fan. I recently watched a documentary about a guy who was determined to find Rodriguez - just recently. It was a great documentary. I watched it on "Crackle" - which is a free internet channel I found. I bet it is online somewhere. Really good.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Morning all,
We are now at the start of day twenty seven. Up early for the boxing, no comment. Sun is out shining, birds are singing and I am being lazy in the bath. Business first as usual.
Physically I am great this morning. I had a slight headache when I woke, but drinking water seems to be forcing it to retreat. I am famished, so some toast for breakfast with some poached or boiled eggs seems to be on the cards for me. The cheek numbness is the same intensity as it was when I went to bed last night. This is a good sign as I think this symptom is now also in its dying stages. I slept well last night, just the usual bathroom call. Note to self, stop drinking water at least thirty minutes before lights out. My body feels good and today I have no excuses to keep me from exercising. I will be using my heart rate monitor to keep me in the aerobic levels of exercise as this brings the maximum fitness in the shortest time. I think it is also time to bring out the treadmill for those rainy days.
Mentally I am good. My mind has been in overdrive already this morning with more plans and things for the house.
Emotionally I am ok. The normal twinges. Not so much self pity, more anger, frustration and loathing. Thankfully it passes soon. I have realized that my mind can box or banish these emotions at will as it were. Just a stern command from the brain to the heart seems to work for me. I think I have had too much time off work and therefore not enough to keep me occupied. The lack of exercise is also to blame.
So today is the beginning of operation cleanup. After the bath, something to eat and then dust out the house. Sweep, vacuum and mop. This should take me the better part of the morning. I cannot wait to see what the tiles look like. Then I need to clean the fireplace and vacuum the master bedroom. Chuck in the washing and that will be the end of operation cleanup.
Cats have joined me and are sitting on the side of the bath trying to look nonchalant. I guess they want breakfast.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
We are now at the start of day twenty seven. Up early for the boxing, no comment. Sun is out shining, birds are singing and I am being lazy in the bath. Business first as usual.
Physically I am great this morning. I had a slight headache when I woke, but drinking water seems to be forcing it to retreat. I am famished, so some toast for breakfast with some poached or boiled eggs seems to be on the cards for me. The cheek numbness is the same intensity as it was when I went to bed last night. This is a good sign as I think this symptom is now also in its dying stages. I slept well last night, just the usual bathroom call. Note to self, stop drinking water at least thirty minutes before lights out. My body feels good and today I have no excuses to keep me from exercising. I will be using my heart rate monitor to keep me in the aerobic levels of exercise as this brings the maximum fitness in the shortest time. I think it is also time to bring out the treadmill for those rainy days.
Mentally I am good. My mind has been in overdrive already this morning with more plans and things for the house.
Emotionally I am ok. The normal twinges. Not so much self pity, more anger, frustration and loathing. Thankfully it passes soon. I have realized that my mind can box or banish these emotions at will as it were. Just a stern command from the brain to the heart seems to work for me. I think I have had too much time off work and therefore not enough to keep me occupied. The lack of exercise is also to blame.
So today is the beginning of operation cleanup. After the bath, something to eat and then dust out the house. Sweep, vacuum and mop. This should take me the better part of the morning. I cannot wait to see what the tiles look like. Then I need to clean the fireplace and vacuum the master bedroom. Chuck in the washing and that will be the end of operation cleanup.
Cats have joined me and are sitting on the side of the bath trying to look nonchalant. I guess they want breakfast.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by FrankLapidas
Boozer, I hadn't read your journal in several days, but am now caught up. Great stuff, as always. How would you describe the central theme of 'Moth to a Flame, There and Beyond'?
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