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Old 01-11-2010, 03:54 PM
  # 221 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by unbrokenchain View Post
In my case, big dates are important but if they become too important they can weaken one's efforts....
I have seen this with other people too... you're not alone on this one. Picking a special date, and associating that as your quitting day, is one of the few things I have yet to see work here... unless those who do that successfully are simply not reporting back. Otherwise, I have observed people quit using all sorts of methods--including cutting back slowly. Yes, I have spent wayyy too much time on this here site reading most everybody's story and following strangely named people's lives...

It's a very complicated problem (drinking!) and there are so many factors involved any one person or organization that claims to understand COMPLETELY and offer guaranteed results is in my HUMBLE opinion NOT being completely honest.
Agreed... mighty complicated. Although I haven't found anybody guarantee me anything... except a rehab which guaranteed me that I couldn't quit drinking for the 60 day waiting period to get in. They were right too... which made me mad, but what can I say, it was my fault--I was the one who picked that bottle back up.

((ND)) hope you can sleep tonight.

Well, I almost drank yesterday but didn't. Today I'm feeling better about it--and I went and bought about 15 pounds of candy just in case. Even though I don't like candy like I didn't like whiskey by the end, I think I'd rather eat the darn candy... it seems to me back when I was eating candies I didn't have the cravings so bad.

Take care y'all,
TB
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Old 01-11-2010, 04:44 PM
  # 222 (permalink)  
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Day 28 here and I'm feeling strong.

I'm curious to hear about what we are all doing to support our recoveries...

I know some are attending meetings, exercising, etc.- I'd like to hear more about what's working for everyone.

One thing I've done is made the decision to slow down for awhile. The last few years have been so stressful, the pressure of a very competitive academic setting, parenting... I've been burning the candle at both ends for years. I have one class left to complete my second degree in Fine Art. (it's one very difficult class that I kept putting off) I've decided to wait until spring quarter, and cut my teaching schedule to just one class this quarter. I do have a show coming up but without everything else I don't feel nearly as much pressure from that as I usually would. This will be the first show I've ever had or attended w/out a drink in my hand!!
Sometimes I question whether this 'vacation' is foolish, I took a big cut in pay... but I don't trust myself in super stressful situations yet. I feel like I should be doing more w/ this time to aid my recovery and healing. Curious to hear what's been helping you all.
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Old 01-11-2010, 04:55 PM
  # 223 (permalink)  
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Blackbirdsing,

Your question is a good one! I had to slow down, too. I was working in a stressful job, had two busy teenagers and a husband who travelled constantly. I was going full-speed until I hit the wall and then I had no choice but to slow down. I started working part-time and was so, so grateful that I was able, financially, to do that. I started saying 'No' to many things coming my way. I think I knew instinctively that I was going to have to use my energy to work on myself. It was very hard for me to say No, and it was another lesson in recovery, when I accepted that I couldn't be all things to all people.
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Old 01-11-2010, 07:46 PM
  # 224 (permalink)  
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Great question blackbirdsing. Thanks for asking.

I'm on Day 15 this time around, and you pose a great question. Here's what's working for me thus far...

I attend NA meetings every day, twice daily at least 4x a week. I talk to my sponsor every day and am starting to work the steps. I read the NA basic text every day. I speak with friends in recovery and look to make new friends in recovery.

I have a daily meditation practice for 30 minutes in the morning and at night. In the morning i pray, setting my intentions for the day. Also, i do a little pranayama in the morning with some light yoga poses. In the evening after meditation i review my day(inventory) and note where i could've done better/ made better decisions. I need/want to start writing this down in a journal.

I'm getting 20-30 minutes if exercise after work, before my meeting during the week and on saturday.

I'm reading more than watching tv. In addition to the basic text i'm reading Taking the leap:Freeing ourselves from old habits and fears by Pema Chodron, One Breath at a time: Buddhism and the 12 stepsby Kevin Griffin, and Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Also read some from the Dhammapada each evening. Keeping my head in recovery/spiritual books really helps foster acceptance and peace within which really is making recovery enjoyable and perhaps even possible for this longtime addict.

Taking what i read/practice in meditation to my daily life is what i'm attempting to do. One exercise in Pema's book that i'm using is to pause and take 3 breaths to become present before i drive, log onto my computer at work, answer the phone, etc.. Especially when i find stress or resentment, anger, come up during the day i attempt to pause, breathe, become present, let go. Let the thoughts cravings die a natural death without giving more life to them. I can honsetly say it's working when i choose to do this, but it's difficult to remember or be willing to pause rather than to get hooked into thought patterns.

I think though that these thought patterns and getting hooked into them are a significant part of my addiction and hope that recognizing this and moving to not get hooked as much will aid me in my recovery. It's helped so far.

I'm feeling pretty good about my recovery today and am trying to do as much sa i can for it. For this addict it requires much attention and a balance of 12 step fellowship, step work, spiritual practice, exercise, and healthy diet are all needed to grow and recover. I hope i can continue with the momentum i've gained in these two weeks.

Thanks again for asking this question. It's good to put it all down so i can see what i'm doing and what i need to do.

All the best to you all.
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Old 01-11-2010, 08:15 PM
  # 225 (permalink)  
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Well I am back to try again. I joined in june 09 and was sober for 42 days, then I made a mistake and thought I could have just one beer. Well I have been drinking ever since.

I have been sober for six days again, and this time it is even more difficult because I quit smoking the same day. I am coping but I need sleep, And I hate this feeling of helplessness, and worthlessness. It is getting better day by day though.

This is a constant war and I am determined to beat it.

Congrats to all.
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Old 01-12-2010, 12:10 AM
  # 226 (permalink)  
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Welcome back Pnewman.

Oh, and rereading my post earlier, I might have seemed harsh towards Unbroken... wasn't my intent at all. I can relate. Boy, can I relate. Bad problem of mine, forgetting that all y'all see of me is what I type... not used to this internet stuff and I've been playing in here for 6 months now.

Well, day 22 got locked in a lot easier than day 21. Thank Heaven. I was not gonna be able to keep going on like I was, day after day of struggle. I got some f2f support this time, but still... seems like strangers really. Nice strangers, mind you, but... hard to reach out all the time when I know I'm just a mess some of the time and--well, I was raised not to be a mess around people. Strangers. Haha.

What am I doing, Blackbird? Well, this time 'round (and there've been plenty of time 'rounds lately, although from what I see/hear, I'm a newbie at that game too) I've been going to AA meetings every day, and I picked a sponsor (ironically, the lady sent to me by the lady on the phone) and listen to her--mostly. I'm not the best at that, but I'm trying.

Do as she says, although she claims she's only "suggesting." Shoot, I know how to go get drunk... I'ma listen, see how/if this works out. 90 days, no point in doing it halfway--cause then I'd never know if it worked or not, and I'd have to come back (assuming I drank again... which is roughly along the lines of assuming the sun will rise again in the east in my case) and start all over again.

I read the Daily Reflections, have a morning list of stuff to do, basic stuff mostly (I have some memory problems nowadays), and make sure I get down to the street in time to be picked up for the meeting. Go to the meetings, try and talk to a bunch of people. Pray in the morning and at night. Play on the internet almost constantly when I can, and do what I have to do--which isn't much, I'm on break between semesters and this place is pretty much emptied out. Listen to music, especially motivational stuff (well, I think it's motivational for me), and smoke a bunch more than I used to. Oh and candies--I don't even like them, but they seem to keep the physical cravings down. I'd quit more or less (got sick of candies) for a week... look at what happened. I think I'd rather have candy addiction than liquor addiction for now...

Take care y'all,
TB
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Old 01-12-2010, 02:41 AM
  # 227 (permalink)  
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Day 24....still nobody ouside SR knows.

After a hellaciously busy workday, I came home to serve as human trampoline/playmate for the rugrats. It's not that I don't love them, it just that when I would come home and down a couple, I seemed to have the extra power to propel me through until bedtime. After tuck-in, I was a literally a human zombie, having been awake since 4:30 that morning, and collapsed into bed at 8:45 pm.

I guess that got me to today, which is what matters most.

Best of luck to all today.
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Old 01-12-2010, 05:06 AM
  # 228 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by noubledegative View Post
so anywayz, if any of yous wanna chat or get to know me a little better
im on facebook, and would love to have sober buddies to connect with. just search for: doublenegative john (got a photo as me as a little boy for my profile pic)

bye 4 now
nd
Hi doublenegative john.

Well done on being sober. I checked out your page. You have loads more friends than me
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Old 01-12-2010, 05:11 AM
  # 229 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by blackbirdsing View Post
Sometimes I question whether this 'vacation' is foolish, I took a big cut in pay... but I don't trust myself in super stressful situations yet. I feel like I should be doing more w/ this time to aid my recovery and healing. Curious to hear what's been helping you all.
Hi Blackbirdsing,
I think your instincts are serving your right and that you need to slow it down and the thoughts that you are being foolish are you alcoholic mind talking to you.

You don't know how your life with take its course in the future in your recovery, so this small diversion here, while you need time to heal, may just very well be the making of you.
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Old 01-12-2010, 06:36 AM
  # 230 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Pnewman View Post
Well I am back to try again. I joined in june 09 and was sober for 42 days, then I made a mistake and thought I could have just one beer. Well I have been drinking ever since.

I have been sober for six days again, and this time it is even more difficult because I quit smoking the same day. I am coping but I need sleep, And I hate this feeling of helplessness, and worthlessness. It is getting better day by day though.

This is a constant war and I am determined to beat it.

Congrats to all.
Crazy how that one drink sets off a chain reaction, huh? I had one margarita back in July after 5 months sober and within 2 weeks i was back to snorting 200-350mg of oxycontin a day and it took me 6 months to get clean again.

I have no delusions that i can control it anymore. I hope you've reached that point as well.

All the best...
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Old 01-12-2010, 06:39 AM
  # 231 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Stealthealer View Post
Day 24....still nobody ouside SR knows.

After a hellaciously busy workday, I came home to serve as human trampoline/playmate for the rugrats. It's not that I don't love them, it just that when I would come home and down a couple, I seemed to have the extra power to propel me through until bedtime. After tuck-in, I was a literally a human zombie, having been awake since 4:30 that morning, and collapsed into bed at 8:45 pm.

I guess that got me to today, which is what matters most.

Best of luck to all today.
By the emoticon you appear frustrated that nobody knows that you've gotten clean. Have you considered a support group or joining one of the 12 step fellowships? It works for me. I can't imagine doing this **** alone. I'm sure that it can be done and have no judgements toward those that do, but having support and community really helps me through this.

Whatever you do, i wish you all the best. Namaste.
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Old 01-12-2010, 06:59 AM
  # 232 (permalink)  
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"Taking what i read/practice in meditation to my daily life is what i'm attempting to do. One exercise in Pema's book that i'm using is to pause and take 3 breaths to become present before i drive, log onto my computer at work, answer the phone, etc.. Especially when i find stress or resentment, anger, come up during the day i attempt to pause, breathe, become present, let go. Let the thoughts cravings die a natural death without giving more life to them. I can honsetly say it's working when i choose to do this, but it's difficult to remember or be willing to pause rather than to get hooked into thought patterns."

This is awesome August, thank you so much for sharing.
Hoping I can remember to do this just once today, I'll get back to you
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:37 AM
  # 233 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by augustwest View Post
Crazy how that one drink sets off a chain reaction, huh? I had one margarita back in July after 5 months sober and within 2 weeks i was back to snorting 200-350mg of oxycontin a day and it took me 6 months to get clean again.

I have no delusions that i can control it anymore. I hope you've reached that point as well.

All the best...
I have came to the conclusion, that when I drink alcohol it controls me.
So the only way to control alcohol is to stay away, because we have a love-hate relationship.

Congrats on being sober.
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:54 AM
  # 234 (permalink)  
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"This is awesome August, thank you so much for sharing.
Hoping I can remember to do this just once today, I'll get back to you"

Hey, it's my honor to share as so many have and are still doing the same for me...
Good luck with being mindful, present. I look forward to hearing how it goes for you...
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:59 AM
  # 235 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by blackbirdsing View Post
"Taking what i read/practice in meditation to my daily life is what i'm attempting to do. One exercise in Pema's book that i'm using is to pause and take 3 breaths to become present before i drive, log onto my computer at work, answer the phone, etc.. Especially when i find stress or resentment, anger, come up during the day i attempt to pause, breathe, become present, let go. Let the thoughts cravings die a natural death without giving more life to them. I can honsetly say it's working when i choose to do this, but it's difficult to remember or be willing to pause rather than to get hooked into thought patterns."

This is awesome August, thank you so much for sharing.
Hoping I can remember to do this just once today, I'll get back to you
Originally Posted by unbrokenchain View Post
That 3 breath pause sounds like the key moment one would want to focus on.
I mean for certain people drinking seems to be sparked at a particular time each day. Probably for most when they finish work or family duties for the day
and they feel, "It's my time now!" I'm at the stage where I can consciously anticipate that moment, sit and watch my mind ponder buying a drink, taking the 3 breaths, understanding it's not going to do anything and sometimes NOT
but sometimes buying the first drink. SOmetimes I think, I'm on the edge I can go either way and when I don't, I'm like< YEEEEAAAAAY! I made it.

But when I do I have the two and stop. Start drinking tea. I agree this moment where spark meets flame has to be reflected upon, needs to be recognized before one can 3 breath pause, and lastly it needs to be SEEN
that going thru with the act is not going to do anything to help matters.

3 phases for me and just recognizing it took the most time.

The technique is very powerful and most importantly IT WORKS! For me i have to pause, then let go. I simply cannot allow myself to indulge my cravings for alcohol/drugs because i know from longtime experience that just one will lead be back to the horrible depravity of a junkie's life. But the key is that whateever works for each person!

This technique works great for stress, anger, and resentments. For me, those things trigger the drug taking pattern of thought/behavior, and they're generally unhealthy too.

Nice to see you back unbrokenchain. We didn't meet before but i read your post about leaving. Are you a grateful dead fan btw? Your screenname would lead one to believe so, as would mine!

namaste
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Old 01-12-2010, 05:54 PM
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Originally Posted by augustwest View Post
By the emoticon you appear frustrated that nobody knows that you've gotten clean. Have you considered a support group or joining one of the 12 step fellowships? It works for me. I can't imagine doing this **** alone. I'm sure that it can be done and have no judgements toward those that do, but having support and community really helps me through this.

Whatever you do, i wish you all the best. Namaste.
Thanks, Augustwest...but like Groucho Marx once said, "I would never join a club that would be willing to have me as a member." Let's just say a local "coming out" would be professionally disasterous...possibly even stressing me to the point of a detour to the liquor store. My options are (a)leave the area for a meeting or (b)anonymously type away around here. Option (a) is impossible as my work and home schedules are pretty rigorous.

So far, I'm holding serve...but damn...mood swings and agitation even in day #24??!!
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Old 01-13-2010, 06:28 AM
  # 237 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by unbrokenchain View Post
Thanks for sharing that technique. It appeals to me being kind of like a form of meditation. Watching the thought arising, "to have a drink" but not activating the thought, or getting lost in it. Thoughts are merely straw dogs, no flame no game.

I'm back, never gone but I haven't abstained completely as was the original plan from Jan 1, yet I haven't exceeded 2 a day and working towards 1 by february.

"November and more as I wait for the score.
THEY TELL ME FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY TO EVERY DOOR
A slow winder day A NIGHT LIKE FOREVER
Sink like a stone, float like a feather."

Yeah it's definitely a form of meditation. Same concept really but used in daily life. I'm reaping benefits daily....

"Thoughts are merely straw dogs, no flame no game."
Couldn't have said it better! That's the dang truth.

Good luck with everything. I'm certain you can find the balance you look for if you work for it. I'm going to see further in hampton, va in february and am stoked. Might be the last time to see phil and bobby play those songs of our own....

And this augustwest will get to attend a Wharf Rat meeting at the setbreak. That ought to be fun. Take care friend. Keep us posted.

Unbroken chain of sorrow and pearls, Unbroken chain of sky and sea.
Unbroken chain of the western wind, Unbroken chain of you and me....
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Old 01-13-2010, 09:33 AM
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It just occurred to me I am 30 days sober today. Rather than celebratory that realization makes me feel peaceful, dare I say the tiniest smidge of serenity is creeping in?
I think I might just be due for a little pampering today, I see a bubblebath in my near future

Big thanks to all of you!
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Old 01-13-2010, 09:53 AM
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Just an update...I'm still in the December class, but my date is the 28th, not the 9th as it had been originally...thanks to a little relapse I had after Christmas shopping with my mother in law
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Old 01-13-2010, 09:59 AM
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Blackbirdsing,

Pat yourself on the back and smile at your serenity today! Good for you!

Unbroken Chain,

I'm glad you are finding ways to deal with things. For me, walking was the answer, and it still is.

Lostmyway,

Hang in there, and I'm glad you're back!
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