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Old 04-09-2010, 07:39 PM
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Hey

just checking in. I am alive so that is good. I love to see the posts here, and they motivate me. I am not sure I am curable if I dont take a rehab stint (another.) I (i realize i am saying i a lot)... I am working so much, and stress from one of my daughters that I dont sleep, I just feel like things are wrong....I know they are. I am not drinking much (for me) - around 3 glasses of wine per night, it's what I have done for over 20 years- I dont drink liquour at all. But I feel like crap, I almost feel insane whatever that means. Just sitting here and thought I would post.
Love to you all
Dub
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Old 04-09-2010, 07:46 PM
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(((Dubs))))

Good to see you again, my friend! When are you going to take the plunge and just get sober? You have the tools, you know the way to get to sobriety so what's holding you up?

For me, I had to make the decision to be sober. Drinking could no longer be an option.

I hope you're doing well. And I am really glad to see you!

Much love,

Lenina
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Old 04-09-2010, 07:50 PM
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I am trying Lenina- thanks for being there.
Dub
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Old 04-09-2010, 07:54 PM
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I must add that I drank a lot more and doped for a long time also during my little 20 year stint, for those that decide to read this. for what its worth....
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Old 04-09-2010, 08:17 PM
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I hope you can find your way to sobriety soon. Staying sober is so worth the effort.
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Old 04-10-2010, 12:51 AM
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Just curious Dub, it says that you joined Dec 08 and I'm assuming that you have pondered the thought of sobriety since that time. I understand that people relapse and they come on here looking for suggestions and a plan to quit the insanity. Please dont take this in a negative way but how come you come on here with no intentions of quitting drinking? For me, every time I promised myself that I wouldnt drink and ended up relapsing, the shame, embarrassment, disappointment and guilt was that much worse. I have read a few of your posts and it seems like you sorta want to quit but you arent taking any actions to do it. So what is holding you back?
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Old 04-10-2010, 05:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Recovery1983 View Post
Just curious Dub, it says that you joined Dec 08 and I'm assuming that you have pondered the thought of sobriety since that time. I understand that people relapse and they come on here looking for suggestions and a plan to quit the insanity. Please dont take this in a negative way but how come you come on here with no intentions of quitting drinking? For me, every time I promised myself that I wouldnt drink and ended up relapsing, the shame, embarrassment, disappointment and guilt was that much worse. I have read a few of your posts and it seems like you sorta want to quit but you arent taking any actions to do it. So what is holding you back?
Hey Recovery
Thanks for asking, and you are 100% right. The last (and first) time I quit was last year. I went to rehab/detox and my BP got so high they almost sent me to the hospital. They were also giving me anti-seizure meds as I couldnt even hold a small cup of water I was shaking so bad. As most will tell you and you probably know, the first 2-3 days are very sick when you have my history.
Long story short- I know I have 5 days of not being able to function- at all- at my work when I quit. That isnt an option (I have bills and a family) until I take a vacation and go to rehab. My job requires interaction and presentations etc etc...so to keep from killing myself with a stroke or heart attack I need a supervised detox for 5 days, I have experienced it. What's holding me back is I need that 5 days to get through it without stroking. My worst mistake in my life was taking that first drink after months of sobriety last year, I now know that. So action plan? I need to take some time off to go to rehab- that time isn't available (without losing my job) until late May. I drink less now, but for some reason I still feel cravings etc that I didnt feel last year after about 2 weeks. Maybe that doesnt make sense....but it's what's in my head right now.
Peace and Love- and thanks
Dub
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Old 04-10-2010, 10:23 AM
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Originally Posted by dedubya View Post
just checking in. I am alive so that is good. I love to see the posts here, and they motivate me. I am not sure I am curable if I dont take a rehab stint (another.) I (i realize i am saying i a lot)... I am working so much, and stress from one of my daughters that I dont sleep, I just feel like things are wrong....I know they are. I am not drinking much (for me) - around 3 glasses of wine per night, it's what I have done for over 20 years- I dont drink liquour at all. But I feel like crap, I almost feel insane whatever that means. Just sitting here and thought I would post.
Love to you all
Dub
No such thing.

Staying clean and sober for me is one day at a time. One day at a time will add up and the insanity will calm down. If I can do it,..........so can you

The first thing you need to do is reach a place in your head and heart where picking up is no longer an option!

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Old 04-10-2010, 10:29 AM
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Wink

Originally Posted by dedubya View Post
just checking in. I am alive so that is good. I love to see the posts here, and they motivate me. I am not sure I am curable if I dont take a rehab stint (another.) I (i realize i am saying i a lot)... I am working so much, and stress from one of my daughters that I dont sleep, I just feel like things are wrong....I know they are. I am not drinking much (for me) - around 3 glasses of wine per night, it's what I have done for over 20 years- I dont drink liquour at all. But I feel like crap, I almost feel insane whatever that means. Just sitting here and thought I would post.
Love to you all
Dub
Dubya it Takes What it Takes.. God Bless You and Keep Trying!
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Old 04-10-2010, 11:59 AM
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Dedubya,

5 day detox with your history? I think you might be looking more at a full week before you start to stabilize enough to feel comfortable working a full day again. I only say this because, just a few days ago, I just got out of a 10-day detox/inpatient stay, and I can still see a slight tremor when I hold something. The DT danger zone will probably be a good 5 days, but I really hope that when May comes, you get enough time to stay in a medical facility for as long as you can. Find a place that isn't just a detox center (you know, where they bring everyone, DWIs, bar fight folks, street drunks, etc), but also has an inpatient set-up. The one I went to had people stay as little as 36 hours all the way up to 70+ days (one guy had been there 78 days). Whatever your insurance and employer will allow - do it! Psychologically, it makes the detox process sooooo much better to have your vitals checked every few hours, medicine for your anxiety, counselors and psychiatrists around, and other alcoholics/addicts going through various stages of what you're going through.

Okay, I've rambled enough. I really wish you the best!

Nap time for real now
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Old 04-10-2010, 03:57 PM
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You're not doing it the way I'd do it Dub, but I hope it works out.
Roll on late May hey?

D
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Old 04-10-2010, 04:51 PM
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Hello Dub. Glad you are still with us.

It may get down to this: At some point you will, hopefully, come to realize how, at your present rate of drinking, that you be useless to your employer, your family, and yourself. What I see repeatedly are words which have come from my own mouth: My family this, my job that, bills over here, possessions over here, image wrapped all around everything, and denial glossing all of it over. You are of no use dead! I hope you arrive at a true surrender soon and realize how all of your words (excuses) were no more than you being manipulated by the predator inside of you; stalking you through your mind and emotions.

Hang in there Dub.

Don't give up, regardless!!
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Old 04-11-2010, 08:23 AM
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Dub, so much wisdom here. What a wonderful support team you've got as well.
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Old 04-11-2010, 02:56 PM
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thanks- I feel overwhelmed....
Love u all
Dub
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Old 04-11-2010, 03:30 PM
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(((Dubs)))

Can you see your doctor about getting some detox meds? Do you feel like that's something you could manage at home? Could your wife be willing to keep an eye on you and control the meds?

I worry so much for you. I don't want you and your family to have to deal with a stroke. An acquaintance of mine had a stroke and is unable to move her left side. I don't what that for you!

Please, do what it takes.

Love,

Lenina
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Old 04-11-2010, 04:48 PM
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Nice to see you post. I haven't posted in 2 months I don't think. And hear/can relate to you on keeping wine on hand to get through the day. I am back to having wine on occasion - and its more frequent. 2 glasses about twice a week. Within range but I know if I don't recommit I'll be back to another 20 years of 4 or 5 glasses per night. *Nothing* the body (especially female body I believe!) was designed to handle. Guess I need to login in more often as at least a place to start. Hope you'll stick around too!
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