Class of December 2016 Part 2
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
Hi Chloe 
I guess I haven't done much to make this day one different that the slew of others this year.
My kids are home for break (4 kids) and I have been taking 2-3 of them to my Mom's daily to help out (I don't know if I mentioned it here, but she has stage 4 pancreatic cancer). The days are just kind of bleeding together at this point.
I haven't smoked today. I know that is a major trigger for me. If I convince myself that I can have just one smoke I'll end up drinking. So no more cigarettes around the house or my car. And all of the alcohol is gone now also. But it is way to easy for me to talk myself in to stopping on any given day on the way home from my Moms. Or after basketball practice which seems to be every eventing lately for 2 of my son's. So I know I need to strengthen my resolve and change something up, but at this point I just don't know what. It's been almost 2 years since I strung 4 months together. I really want that again.
Thanks for listening all.
I guess I haven't done much to make this day one different that the slew of others this year.
My kids are home for break (4 kids) and I have been taking 2-3 of them to my Mom's daily to help out (I don't know if I mentioned it here, but she has stage 4 pancreatic cancer). The days are just kind of bleeding together at this point.
I haven't smoked today. I know that is a major trigger for me. If I convince myself that I can have just one smoke I'll end up drinking. So no more cigarettes around the house or my car. And all of the alcohol is gone now also. But it is way to easy for me to talk myself in to stopping on any given day on the way home from my Moms. Or after basketball practice which seems to be every eventing lately for 2 of my son's. So I know I need to strengthen my resolve and change something up, but at this point I just don't know what. It's been almost 2 years since I strung 4 months together. I really want that again.
Thanks for listening all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
My AV piped up tonight. I didn't really come close to drinking, but it said to me "It's the end of the year! Just go ahead and drink now and then wipe the whole slate clean for the New Year! What difference does it make if you drink on one or two of these last days of crappy 2016? You're still going to quit drinking!"
It doesn't help that I've been letting most everything else go (eating whatever, not really exercising) because I tell myself I'll make all these changes on New Year's Day. And I truly am planning to do that, write out a schedule of things I want to do on a daily/weekly basis, resolutions, etc.
Anyone else experiencing this? I will be sticking close here. Hope you all are staying strong.
It doesn't help that I've been letting most everything else go (eating whatever, not really exercising) because I tell myself I'll make all these changes on New Year's Day. And I truly am planning to do that, write out a schedule of things I want to do on a daily/weekly basis, resolutions, etc.
Anyone else experiencing this? I will be sticking close here. Hope you all are staying strong.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Gee, MeSo - I'm probably the last person to be mentioning this, but I think you'll get the point:
Remember how only last Weds (here) / Tues your time? you and I just happened to help each other out the door to a meeting? That was huge for me, and I stayed sober for the Weds and the Thurs both. Followed by drinking on each of the past 6 days, including today I'm afraid.
The reason I mention it is because I did exactly the same - 'drinking a day here or there' (literally) back in mid-November.........effectively, in the end, throwing away all the hard work of the previous 2 and a half months sobriety, which began with 3 weeks in rehab. And that's not for the first time in 2016. Or the years before that.
And it did indeed begin - as my particular 'cycle' does in recent years - with several days each week clean and sober. And with relatively mild amounts compared to earlier times. Part of it for me now is that my ageing body, with other health conditions, simply can't tolerate as much. But the cravings are the same, the triggers or 'position' the AV takes, however you want to view it. Once I pick up, however seemingly controlled for a while....I end up back drinking each day.
It doesn't have to be like that for you, MSS. If the AV piped up; it can also pipe down! because you're already sober, it's actually much easier for you to tell it just that. You, not It, are in the position of strength, y'see. You can do this.
Given the NY 'argument' put by the AV - maybe toddle on over as well to the Weekenders, and perhaps to some of the other threads already talking about NY. I believe that Ken (Weasel) will also shortly be starting up a specific NY weekenders thread, any time soon. No doubt there'll be heaps of people going through similar kinds of battles there.
x
Vic
Remember how only last Weds (here) / Tues your time? you and I just happened to help each other out the door to a meeting? That was huge for me, and I stayed sober for the Weds and the Thurs both. Followed by drinking on each of the past 6 days, including today I'm afraid.
The reason I mention it is because I did exactly the same - 'drinking a day here or there' (literally) back in mid-November.........effectively, in the end, throwing away all the hard work of the previous 2 and a half months sobriety, which began with 3 weeks in rehab. And that's not for the first time in 2016. Or the years before that.
And it did indeed begin - as my particular 'cycle' does in recent years - with several days each week clean and sober. And with relatively mild amounts compared to earlier times. Part of it for me now is that my ageing body, with other health conditions, simply can't tolerate as much. But the cravings are the same, the triggers or 'position' the AV takes, however you want to view it. Once I pick up, however seemingly controlled for a while....I end up back drinking each day.
It doesn't have to be like that for you, MSS. If the AV piped up; it can also pipe down! because you're already sober, it's actually much easier for you to tell it just that. You, not It, are in the position of strength, y'see. You can do this.
Given the NY 'argument' put by the AV - maybe toddle on over as well to the Weekenders, and perhaps to some of the other threads already talking about NY. I believe that Ken (Weasel) will also shortly be starting up a specific NY weekenders thread, any time soon. No doubt there'll be heaps of people going through similar kinds of battles there.
x
Vic
OX
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upper Left USA
Posts: 630
Yeah meSosober. Tricky beast you have there. First few day sober are the hardest. Want to do it again? No. the thoughts are understandable. But it's not you. I know I don't really want to feel like getting drunk -- depressed drive drunk or get in fights. But that's what happens. If we were happy small drinkers we probably wouldn't be here. I tell my av I see what you are doing there. And move on
Chick chick! Don't drink so don't smoke. You seem aware of the triggers so beware. Man you will be healthier than ever in a few weeks.
I'm feeling better. The mrs has been Hungover all day and feeling hell. Pretty good show of reasons to stay sober. She's rehydrating on my leftover beers I was saving for Christmas. Good to see em gone
Chick chick! Don't drink so don't smoke. You seem aware of the triggers so beware. Man you will be healthier than ever in a few weeks.
I'm feeling better. The mrs has been Hungover all day and feeling hell. Pretty good show of reasons to stay sober. She's rehydrating on my leftover beers I was saving for Christmas. Good to see em gone
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
bemyself, I think you're very sweet and very brave. Thank you for what you wrote. All of it. I WILL remember it and I know it will help me stay strong.
Thank you, too, BigShoe! You guys' support means a lot, truly. Oh, and BigShoe, I LOVE that cat.
Thank you, too, BigShoe! You guys' support means a lot, truly. Oh, and BigShoe, I LOVE that cat.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
Originally Posted by LuLu13 
Back and trying again, hello!
I have this book, Sober for Good, and the sober people who contributed to the book and discussed what they did to get sober emphasized to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP.
And you're not giving up, so good on ya. Do you have a better plan for success this time?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Dee,
That's one of those 'you just stumped me for a minute' questions. But no, I know all the whys / whats, in terms of my own alcoholism. There are multiples of those, the patterns of which I've come to identify and understand these past few years of sobriety, relapse, sobriety, relapse, sobriety....
I'd rarely ask this, as you know, but just right now - especially as others are engaged in their own struggles, heightened by this damn Christmas / NY week....I'd prefer not to go into all in detail. The shortest answer is: I picked in mid-November (i.e. the 'first drink'), managed it ok for quite some time...and of course that sets off the habitual brain-turning toward alcohol more regularly.
And to be really honest: it's just too damn hard to stop right now - discombobulating and exhausting heat, stuck indoors from same, poor appetite from same, and my usual GP and psych times are not available as they're off on leave.
That's one of those 'you just stumped me for a minute' questions. But no, I know all the whys / whats, in terms of my own alcoholism. There are multiples of those, the patterns of which I've come to identify and understand these past few years of sobriety, relapse, sobriety, relapse, sobriety....
I'd rarely ask this, as you know, but just right now - especially as others are engaged in their own struggles, heightened by this damn Christmas / NY week....I'd prefer not to go into all in detail. The shortest answer is: I picked in mid-November (i.e. the 'first drink'), managed it ok for quite some time...and of course that sets off the habitual brain-turning toward alcohol more regularly.
And to be really honest: it's just too damn hard to stop right now - discombobulating and exhausting heat, stuck indoors from same, poor appetite from same, and my usual GP and psych times are not available as they're off on leave.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I don;t want you to share anything that you're not comfortable in sharing Vic. My questions just as good when it's rhetorical
I think you're selling yourself short tho...I'm sure there's a 'perfect storm' of stuff right now...
there nearly almost was with me...but your well being is worth more than all those things.
Drinking never really helps us deal with anything in our lives. I hope you decide to make a different choice tomorrow and the days beyond that.
You're worth it
D
I think you're selling yourself short tho...I'm sure there's a 'perfect storm' of stuff right now...
there nearly almost was with me...but your well being is worth more than all those things.
Drinking never really helps us deal with anything in our lives. I hope you decide to make a different choice tomorrow and the days beyond that.
You're worth it
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
Originally Posted by LuLu13
I am working on the plan, waiting on the insurance company.
What's your plan? Nice to meet you.
What's your plan? Nice to meet you.
I did order a sobriety book off eBay that's probably waiting at the post office, but I really need to get with the program. Kinda just waiting for January 1 and trying to prepare between now and then.
There's a ton of info on developing your plan here, if you want more ideas:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
And I started a thread on the subject back in October. Which reminds me of what a crappy job I've done following through.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...king-plan.html
Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Thanks muchly for your support Dee - it means a great deal. Looking back over my years in SR - I recall how much people like yourself, and Robby (especially RR), would pound into me: 'you're worth it'. I believe that part has finally stuck....I guess it's what's given me the impetus to do the hard stuff, e.g. go to rehab, and anything else that seemed utterly impossible at the time for returning to sobriety. It took a very long time to even begin to internalise that simple statement.
After a lifetime of firstly, not even knowing of such things (it wasn't as prevalent, really, until a couple of decades ago), and compounded by all the stuff of Just Life....it can take a while for this old dog to learn new tricks. More importantly: to actually 'keepa go' with the new tricks.
(Not) 'keepa going' has cropped up (unsurprisingly) for me with this new psych therapy. It's a thing about achievement. Not just a one-off, even if that one-off takes years (e.g. a PhD or other higher qualification, a long term marriage / partnership, a long term job, parenting - not just when the kids are growing, and sure as hell: complete sobriety. For good. In that regard, I seem to have 'achieved' some things, but not many over the very long haul.
Anyway...enough of that. Currently just trying to 'keepa go' under temps of 29C in the house, more or less equalised to outside ....have the ceiling vents on for a sort of icky warm breeze effect and opened up the entire house. Wearing a damp top just out of the washing machine to help. But it's Hot. Damned Hot! (RIP Williams: Good Morning Vietnam!) A bit of rain starting.....the thunderstorms (I wish!) and wild winds on the way.
Phew.
After a lifetime of firstly, not even knowing of such things (it wasn't as prevalent, really, until a couple of decades ago), and compounded by all the stuff of Just Life....it can take a while for this old dog to learn new tricks. More importantly: to actually 'keepa go' with the new tricks.
(Not) 'keepa going' has cropped up (unsurprisingly) for me with this new psych therapy. It's a thing about achievement. Not just a one-off, even if that one-off takes years (e.g. a PhD or other higher qualification, a long term marriage / partnership, a long term job, parenting - not just when the kids are growing, and sure as hell: complete sobriety. For good. In that regard, I seem to have 'achieved' some things, but not many over the very long haul.
Anyway...enough of that. Currently just trying to 'keepa go' under temps of 29C in the house, more or less equalised to outside ....have the ceiling vents on for a sort of icky warm breeze effect and opened up the entire house. Wearing a damp top just out of the washing machine to help. But it's Hot. Damned Hot! (RIP Williams: Good Morning Vietnam!) A bit of rain starting.....the thunderstorms (I wish!) and wild winds on the way.
Phew.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 270
Hello. I am here waiting for Dry January to start. I know the motivation has to come from me but I am asking for ideas to keep me motivated. I have the Dry January app and it very helpfully tells me how many calories and quid I have saved plus how many days sober. I was thinking of donating that money at the end of the month, a bit like sponsoring myself. Do you have any other things that keep you going? Other than just willpower? Have a good sober day!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Acceptance worked better than willpower for me NL cos part of my will wanted to drink.
I think if you accept that drinking is no longer a viable option, and instead of drink next time you turn to whatever other strategies for coping that you have (or find some if you have none) you're well on the way to lasting recovery
As for being worth it Vic...if you truly treasure yourself - if you think of body and mind as a temple - it's very hard to then deliberately 'wreck the temple' by poisoning ourselves
If you're not quite sure you can 'buy' that line of reasoning yet...act like you do.
I badly needed a parent and I was the only bloke with the right insight, patience, and calling myself out on my own BS type qualifications for the job...
After all, the worst case scenario is we might miss out on a few benders?
D
I think if you accept that drinking is no longer a viable option, and instead of drink next time you turn to whatever other strategies for coping that you have (or find some if you have none) you're well on the way to lasting recovery
As for being worth it Vic...if you truly treasure yourself - if you think of body and mind as a temple - it's very hard to then deliberately 'wreck the temple' by poisoning ourselves
If you're not quite sure you can 'buy' that line of reasoning yet...act like you do.
I badly needed a parent and I was the only bloke with the right insight, patience, and calling myself out on my own BS type qualifications for the job...
After all, the worst case scenario is we might miss out on a few benders?
D
OX
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upper Left USA
Posts: 630
Dee you are always so good. I need a Dee compilation to look at for insight and inspiration. So grateful for your work here. Thank you
Good job chick chick. Tomorrow is easier. Don't want to waste todays sobriety
Meso I like the avatar too. Makes me smile. Found it on some web site
Dig yours too. I Watch a lot of Colbert clips
Good job chick chick. Tomorrow is easier. Don't want to waste todays sobriety
Meso I like the avatar too. Makes me smile. Found it on some web site
Dig yours too. I Watch a lot of Colbert clips
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