Keepnitreal

There was a man who would come every week and pick the bottles out of the neighborhood recycle bins.....he must be so bummed that I don't drink anymore!!!!

Saskia

Good morning, Undies! A fairly quick flyby - it sounds like you are doing well. I enjoy coming here :-)

gleefan

Drake - I'm so glad to know you're always checking up!

KIR - I always wondered if my MIL, who is in the house to watch the kids before school every day, noticed that there weren't wine bottles in the house anymore. Probably not, but truth is, I felt uncomfortable and ashamed all those years that I had empty wine bottles filling my recycling bins and several full ones on the counter - along with dirty dishes. Well the dirty dishes are still there, but I don't feel bad about them anymore; they're not there because I was too drunk to take care of my responsibilities. They're there because I am preoccupied!! For me, that's an important distinction. And to set the record straight, the dishes are rinsed and waiting to go into the dishwasher. There is no grime piling up!!

I'm up early today because my face, eyes and neck broke out in a rash! I was using a different face product and a quick internet search revealed that the reaction I'm having is directly linked to this product. The reason I'm sharing this is because I want to convey how recovery is helping me handle this bump in the road.

First, this is about the 5th item in a row of bad luck that started Friday night. Before recovery, I'd wallow in self pity, wondering why a decent person like me is being burdened with one thing after another. In recovery I've learned that life happens and I need to live life on its terms, not mine.

Second, the rash scared me! I've had an anxiety disorder since childhood, and my mind jumps to worst case scenarios when things go wrong. The pipes freeze because of cold weather and I assume I'll be on the hook to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a new furnace AND new plumbing. My eyes and face have a reaction from a new lotion, and I assume I'll be intubated in the ICU. In recovery I am learning to recognize when my thoughts stem from anxiety and apply rationality to the situation & stay in the solution. Right now I washed my face and took an antihistamine.

Third, I'm up early. Before I'd be mad that I missed sleep. In recovery I can make good use of the extra time. I shared my story here with other people in recovery, and next I'm going to work on exam prep for a little while.

I take tiny steps every day towards the right direction.

waywardson8260

I have been reluctant to try AA I guess mainly because of a busy schedule and even a fear of running into someone I know at work seeing be and being outed as an alkie. Also I'm not sure how I would fit in. I know it is kind of silly.

I know this organization has helped a lot of people and I applaud everyone with the dedication to go to the meetings and going through the steps. I really do need to look into this. Sometime.

Thanks Glee and Bluefairy for posting about your experiences there!

Babs1234

oh you guys ---thanks so much for your posts this morning. I needed to read them. We are not kidding ourselves when we say we are all in this together. I love coming here--- it really does make a person have a different outlook on themselves and the kind of a day they are going to have.
thanks for being here.
hugs
Babs

BoozeFree

Hi undies
Work and my home life have been taking a major toll on me. I came so close to drinking last night I don't know why I didn't. I drove around to a couple different gas stations to buy beer and then would drive off. Today I woke up still wanting to drink really bad and was almost in tears over it several times thru out the morning. It's going to be at least a couple months until I move out. When I walked into my house last night the smell of alcohol was overwhelming. Hoping I can somehow survive staying sober until I find somewhere else to live.

Keepnitreal

BF-I'm so sorry you're in this position. This will really put you to the test, but e believe in you!
Can you go to a meeting when things get intolerable in the house?

tootsl1

Be strong BF, I know you are in an awful situation at home, but I feel you need to keep your focus on the prize, your sobriety. Of course it would be easy to say "**** it why bother? I might as well just give in." But you are fighting so hard because you don't want to give in. I suggest that as soon as you get home tonight go to your room and practice some meditation, just switch off from the reality around you, centre yourself and draw strength from the positive energy that surrounds us all. I feel that because you are being forced to continually look outward, both with the stresses at work and the specifics of your situation at home, you are forgetting to look inward. I believe that you need to constantly remind yourself of your goal, and to regularly strengthen your determination. I know you have it within you, I know you have the inner strength, I just feel that at present with all the external pressures you are allowing yourself to forget.
Keep going to AA whenever you can, if you have a coin, carry it around everywhere and touch it often to remind yourself of your strength. Most of all sweetheart. Believe. X

It is hard to stop a habit when others around us continue to indulge, harder still to beat an addiction. I know several Undies and Undie-Grads who have had to maintain their own recovery while a loved one continues to indulge their addiction. Some find it easier to quit trying, others find a way of managing to continue their recovery alongside their addicted relative, others find it too much for the continuation of the relationship, the gap between the previous drunken acceptance of the relationship and sober assessment of it, is just to much for it to survive recovery.
There really is no easy choice for a recovering addict to make when living with an active addict. Even the seemingly easy option of giving in doesn't work. Once we have accepted our addiction for what it is, it's impossible to return to the self- blinkered ignorance we previously alowed ourselves to enjoy. So we then develop a cycle of short term recovery and drunken self loathing. So, not an easy choice either.

Be Strong my Undie Friends. X

Dee74

I'm wishing you the best BF.

I really believe that with the right determination and support we can stay sober anywhere - but I'm still here for support when/if you need me.

If you start drionking in that environment it could be a very long time before you come up for air again.

Please fight it

D

amp123

Hey Bf. Nothing much to add to what Toots has said. Sounds like great advice. Just thought I'd chip in that we're all rooting for you. I've been fortunate to get sober in a fairly supportive environment and that was hard enough so I can't imagine how hard it must be for you right now.

I would encourage you to hold on. My experience has been that after 6 months or so this gets significantly easier. While that is a long time, it may help you to know that the acute suffering is finite and will not go on forever. We really can cure ourselves. You have to believe that.

Stay strong!

gleefan

BoozeFree - I'm among the folks who got sober while the people around me continued to drink. I didn't have a supportive environment at home, and my efforts to stop were not greeted warmly, so I made a support network for myself.

For me the crux of recovery was realizing that I didn't need to change the toxic, alcoholic people in my life in order to stay sober.

The only thing actually in my power, in fact, was and is creating a sober life for myself. I can do that anywhere, even in a house where people drink. For me as a sober person, it doesn't matter whether people in my house are drinking. It doesn't matter if things go wrong. I'm not going to drink. Sobriety is about what's going on inside me me, not what's happening around me.

I had to fight for it in the beginning. I had to rearrange my schedule to make time for AA meetings. I had to keep going to different meetings til I found good matches for me.

I also had to let go. I had to gently detach from toxic people. I didn't need to make hasty decisions and move out of my house that I shared with an alcoholic and create additional burdens on myself, though.

I had to open up. I had to share what was bothering me from time to time with the right people. I helped pick up after meetings to try to have conversations with others in recovery. I posted on SR in my class month and in the Undies. I reached out when I wanted to drink or when I was apprehensive about going into a new meeting or when I was sad about my living arrangements.

I had to be the change I wanted to see. I actively work on understanding my lifelong self defeating patterns and making small improvements.

None of this is beyond you, or other alcoholics struggling out there, BoozeFree.

waywardson8260

BF I know that you are in a tough situation but you can get through this until you can reclaim your life. Toots and Glee have shared some powerful words and at least know that we are here for you.

DrakeCKC

Hang in there BF! As others said the temptation to drink when everyone else is can be strong. But the rewards not to give in are greater!

Saskia

Please take care of yourself, (((BFree)))

Babs1234

you guys really make sense.
thanks for being you !!!
hugs to you BF

Babs

BlueFairy

We learn to deal! It's good!

I didn't attend a meeting until I was 6 months sober. What I wanted at that point is to get on with non addicted life. Life is completely different when not revolving around an addiction and I want to do it right this time. I was a meth addict when I was young then quit when I got pregnant and had no addictions throughout my kids childhood. I never learned anything from just quitting cold turkey though and when they weren't the center of my life anymore--of course I fell back into an addiction even if it was a different one--alcohol.

Another crappy weather day here but y'know--I'm ok with it right now because it gives me time to work the steps properly. You have to get your head right to be healthy as well right? VS body y'know--I'm not riding my bike to work or hiking right now or even getting to the gym as much so I'm taking advantage of these rare blocks of time and doing step 4.

Was reading a bit about addiction online, there's some interesting articles online about how we evolved with it. Something I thought was kind of funny and makes sense to me--someone commented on an article and said something like well our number one instinct is to procreate and how alcohol has made that pretty easy for people lol. Well, here's the article--the comments are at the bottom.
Researchers stumped by drug addiction paradox

stargazer016

Very interesting article BlueFairy!

BoozeFree

Thanks everyone for all of the support. I def need it. I no longer have a place to move into and it was only going to work bc it was a friend helping me out so now I'm stuck living at home bc I can't afford normal rates for renting a room. Trying to just hang in there but def a crappy situation to be in.
I had an interview lined up to fill a position at my work but the person was really rude so I won't be hiring them. So still doing the amount of work that would normally be spread amongst about 3 people.

tootsl1

BeFree, is there anyway to temprarily increase others workloads to incorporate some of the extra? Sometimes it is easier to be a martyr than actually delegate and ask others to share the load short term. If it is put to them in the right way, it could even increase the feeling of camraderie. Good luck I hope the right person for the job comes along soon. X

Remember HALT(S) I add S for stressed. I think you are suffering all of them quite a lot just now which lowers your defences considerably. I feel you need to find some actively positive ways to counter that X

gleefan

BoozeFree - I hear the stress and desperation in your situation.

Throughout recovery, the times I've been "stuck" in difficult situations that I can't change have been the most frustrating. For me, frustration was always a siren call to booze. Finding ways to soothe myself helped me deal with my frustration healthfully - and sober!

Once I stopped drinking, soothing my frustration and suffering with alcohol was no longer and option. I didn't have any other coping skills! I didn't know what to do!

I can only share what worked for me. Work was highly frustrating; not the work load, but the people! I turned to meditative hiking on a nature trail during my lunch break.

Home was frustrating because my husband was drinking heavily in the evenings. I turned to AA meetings, window shopping, magazines, and trips for coffee. I talked to other alcoholics. I posted on SR.

Weekends were frustrating because I spent most of them passing time at youth hockey games with other parents. I brought my kids to their games and cheered them on, but I skipped parties. I cleaned the house just enough. During my free time on the weekends I did things that I enjoyed, not things I "had" to do or "should" do or felt like burdens.

Take good care of yourself. Find things that you enjoy and do them. Even the smallest act of self care goes a long way in battling cravings.