Be strong BF, I know you are in an awful situation at home, but I feel you need to keep your focus on the prize, your sobriety. Of course it would be easy to say "**** it why bother? I might as well just give in." But you are fighting so hard because you don't want to give in. I suggest that as soon as you get home tonight go to your room and practice some meditation, just switch off from the reality around you, centre yourself and draw strength from the positive energy that surrounds us all. I feel that because you are being forced to continually look outward, both with the stresses at work and the specifics of your situation at home, you are forgetting to look inward. I believe that you need to constantly remind yourself of your goal, and to regularly strengthen your determination. I know you have it within you, I know you have the inner strength, I just feel that at present with all the external pressures you are allowing yourself to forget.
Keep going to AA whenever you can, if you have a coin, carry it around everywhere and touch it often to remind yourself of your strength. Most of all sweetheart. Believe. X
It is hard to stop a habit when others around us continue to indulge, harder still to beat an addiction. I know several Undies and Undie-Grads who have had to maintain their own recovery while a loved one continues to indulge their addiction. Some find it easier to quit trying, others find a way of managing to continue their recovery alongside their addicted relative, others find it too much for the continuation of the relationship, the gap between the previous drunken acceptance of the relationship and sober assessment of it, is just to much for it to survive recovery.
There really is no easy choice for a recovering addict to make when living with an active addict. Even the seemingly easy option of giving in doesn't work. Once we have accepted our addiction for what it is, it's impossible to return to the self- blinkered ignorance we previously alowed ourselves to enjoy. So we then develop a cycle of short term recovery and drunken self loathing. So, not an easy choice either.
Be Strong my Undie Friends. X