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One Year and Under Club Part 51

Old 02-22-2016, 12:31 AM
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Breakups always affected me for a long time - of course I wasn't sober then, but those kind of wounds always cut deep with me.

The downside to being a romantic I guess, Thumpa?

D
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Old 02-22-2016, 12:37 AM
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Thumpa, recognising issues and understanding them is a huge step towards moving forward. But I feel you may need to realise that the emotions attatched to those issues still need to find a way out. And not just once. When someone we love dies we don't just cry once and it's over, we need time to grieve, to allow those emotions to feeland respect those emotions. For a long time you have suppressed the emotions around the issues you have hidden from through drinking. Now, those emotions are seeking acknowledgment. A while back I referred to the early days of recovery as 'a projectile vomit of emotions' they come from every aspect of your drinking days, issue you may well have thought long forgotten will rise up along with others you may have recently faced. Allow acceptance of these emotions, they are valid and need to be accepted.
You are doing great, and being here gives you the chance to express your discomfort with current problems so you will continue recovery. X
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Old 02-22-2016, 12:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I think everyone's felt that way at some time or another.

I'm grateful I finally accepted the fundamental toxicity of my relationship with alcohol - it never works out.

Remember that KIR - and remember too the AV always lies

D
^^^^ what Dee said
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Old 02-22-2016, 12:42 AM
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Hey guys! I just passed 10 months on Saturday. The first milestone I didn't notice till a couple of days after it had passed. I think that's a good sign!

Interesting posts here. I seriously wondered where the fun and joy in life was going to come from when I stopped last year. I was stopping because my drinking had got out of hand. For me at that point, the decision was either to live a joyless grey life or destroy myself and those around me. Joyless and grey won, but that didn't last too long. Things started to feel better after 3 months and after 6 I began to feel almost comfortable with the new me. Right now I'd say I'm probably happier than I've been any time in my life since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and have been caught in a closed circuit of depression - drink (fun)- hangover - self loathing - depression - drink - etc since I was in my teens. The last 10 months have seen me abandon things I thought I loved but were actually toxic for me, and embrace others I had neglected. There were emotional times, especially around 3 months. I remember having to pull over on a motorway listening to a Jay Hawks album because I was crying and couldn't drive. All that emotion that we used to offset with drink started coming out. It was scary and a little lonely for myself and those around me. I'd recommend reaching out. SR, AA, a mentor, sponsor or sober friend. Whatever it takes. I owe it all to this website, so thank you one and all!

Have a great week!
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Old 02-22-2016, 12:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Breakups always affected me for a long time - of course I wasn't sober then, but those kind of wounds always cut deep with me.

The downside to being a romantic I guess, Thumpa?

D
That's part of the malaise that hit me tonight, definitely -- slipping back to the depression phase of the grieving process. Then ruminating over the Cause. The ole washing-machine started churning for a little bit there earlier tonight. I just have to stop flogging myself for it. What's done is done and no one can change a whit of it.
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Old 02-22-2016, 03:04 AM
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Amp, one of the many joys of being part of SR is watching friends discover their much changed lives. I'm so proud of you and so happy to see all the growth you are experiencing!
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Old 02-22-2016, 05:23 AM
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Amp- a big congratulations on 10 months! Forgetting a milestone has to be a good thing.

Thumpa- I was going to post something along the lines of what Toots posted but Toots said it much better than I could. Thanks!!! I'll just say that sobriety over time gives us the tools to deal with things in a more rational way than to hide our emotions behind a bottle.

Glad everything is going well Vadermast!

Thanks for checking in Paul. How are things going?

Excellent job staying sober with your friend KIR!!!

Everyone here posting has helped me a lot in my recovery effort. I don't think I could have done it without your support! I have had a headache over the past week but it seems to be gone now. I'm just glad and thankful for being sober today.
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Old 02-22-2016, 06:23 AM
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That makes a lot of sense to me Thump. I'm glad you're getting the feeling settled. They can be very disconcerting!
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Old 02-22-2016, 06:31 AM
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Amp- Congrats on 10 months and thank you for your insight. I quit drinking for much the same reasons as you. I was doing to cycle, but I didn't want to hurt my husband and youngest son. (my older boys made it through relatively unscathed because I wasn't drinking when they were growing up so they fought me on this whole "alcoholic" idea). Hubby suggested it.
Anyway, have a great day everybody!
Xxxxxxx
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Old 02-22-2016, 08:40 AM
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Great point Amp about the closed cycle of drinking, self loathing and depression. It's something I didn't really see while deep in its throes, but can see more clearly now freed from the clutches of alcohol.
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Old 02-22-2016, 07:07 PM
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Thumpa - I'm sorry your emotions took you by surprise. For me, learning to acknowledge my emotions and then let them go has been a big lesson in sobriety. I think of my recovery as an opportunity to learn healthy ways of dealing with stress. When I feel overwhelmed I try to remind myself that uncomfortable feelings are fleeting. This too will pass. Gratitude is soothing, too. I don't drink away my feelings anymore.

Amp - Nice job on 10 months sober. I relate to so much of what you said about the unexpected little twists and turns your life took in sobriety. I'm glad you're feeling such peace.
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Old 02-23-2016, 08:58 AM
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Originally Posted by stargazer016 View Post
Great point Amp about the closed cycle of drinking, self loathing and depression. It's something I didn't really see while deep in its throes, but can see more clearly now freed from the clutches of alcohol.
I'm so glad to have broken that cycle and never want to go back there.
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Old 02-23-2016, 03:22 PM
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Same here, Amp! I'm so much happier now. Although I still have brief spells of depression in the winter, I can pull myself out of them so much faster than I used to :-)
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Old 02-23-2016, 04:19 PM
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Hi Undies

Amp I think that forgetting you're not drinking is a special milestone!

I'm two years sober today. I feel fortunate to share a milestone with you all. The most valuable parts of my recovery are the ones I share with other people.

Today I clung close to a very special one year coin that I received after it traveled its way around a room in Dupont Circle where Carlos and I visited last winter, as well as a cool original charm that denotes the peace and serenity that I seek towards living a life that's joyous, happy and free.

Tonight I met my sponsor for dinner. With her encouragement, I've volunteered to take on the 13 week chairperson position for my home group meeting. I do not feel like I have anything extraordinary to offer as a Chair, but I do know it's important for folks to take on the roles that keep meetings going. Meetings need to be available so the next alcoholic who needs a place to go for hope or inspiration or and hour without booze -- like I once did. I'm grateful to be able give back what has been freely given me at AA and on SR.
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Old 02-23-2016, 04:34 PM
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Originally Posted by gleefan View Post
Thumpa - I'm sorry your emotions took you by surprise. For me, learning to acknowledge my emotions and then let them go has been a big lesson in sobriety. I think of my recovery as an opportunity to learn healthy ways of dealing with stress. When I feel overwhelmed I try to remind myself that uncomfortable feelings are fleeting. This too will pass. Gratitude is soothing, too. I don't drink away my feelings anymore.

Amp - Nice job on 10 months sober. I relate to so much of what you said about the unexpected little twists and turns your life took in sobriety. I'm glad you're feeling such peace.
Hoya Glee. We had a chat today that is gnawing at me because she won't say anything about any future possibility for us. I know I have to simply wash my hands of it, but my feelings aren't really cooperating with my rationality today.

It's hard living with the emptiness she filled in my heart. To her credit, she's being fairly straightforward, although in an open-ended manner that leaves my torn between hoping, and taking those hopes out back and shooting them.

Tl/dr: I know what I need to do, and right now just dealing with the unhappiness which comes with firming that decision to the point of execution.

Thanks for listening, it's much appreciated. And congrats on your anniversary. You're an inspiration!
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Old 02-23-2016, 05:03 PM
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Glee, CONGRATS on two years clean and sober, my good friend and sober bestie! I cannot believe that a whole year has passed since we met in DC for a weekend of fun, food and AA. It seems like yesterday that you were sitting in that chair made for a Queen at that mtg in Georgetown, offering your story of experience, strength, and hope.

Kudos on accepting the 13-week chair for your home group. You have been and will continue to be an inspiration to me and many others on this amazing journey. Your growth on this sober journey has been a joy to witness!!

Soooo, it appears that charm #2 has passed a year without incident.

I am now living in Florida, having moved from PA, and a couple weeks ago I met a man who had just moved here from Long Island. We were paired by the starter at a golf course. Within 10 minutes we discovered that we were both recovering alkies. He, seven years, and I am rapidly approaching a milestone I have seen celebrated on SR...1000 days. Not yet, but I looked on Sunday, thinking it was close, and, it is. Anyway, that stranger on a golf course has become a good friend. Today we played 18 in some rather brutal sun...then, hit a 5:30 meeting.

Amp, I love this quote of yours, "Right now I'd say I'm probably happier than I've been any time in my life since I was a kid." I agree, finding and working hard at recovery has set me free from the bondage of drink and self.

I still hit bumps in the road, but, I have a tool box and filtering system that keeps my lows - and, oh yes, my highs - in check.

My best to all.

Carlos
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Old 02-23-2016, 05:04 PM
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Congratulations GleeFan - a well deserved achievement

D
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Old 02-23-2016, 05:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Breakups always affected me for a long time - of course I wasn't sober then, but those kind of wounds always cut deep with me.

The downside to being a romantic I guess, Thumpa?

D

Just today as I was driving home from work and thought, oh I wouldn't mind having a glass of wine to relax. Then I realized how similair breaking up with alcohol is to ending a bad relationship. When you're in it you are miserable, resentful, and angry. When it ends you think about that guy all the time, wonder if he's found somebody to replace you, and forget about how unhappy you two were together. It's like hearing "your song" on the radio and getting that gut punch feeling. Hmmmm
I guess it makes sense that those thoughts will randomly pop in during the healing process...maybe even for longer.
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Old 02-23-2016, 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Saskia View Post
Same here, Amp! I'm so much happier now. Although I still have brief spells of depression in the winter, I can pull myself out of them so much faster than I used to :-)
Do you add a vitamin D supplement during the winter? You might ask your doctor about that.
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Old 02-23-2016, 05:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus View Post
Hoya Glee. We had a chat today that is gnawing at me because she won't say anything about any future possibility for us. I know I have to simply wash my hands of it, but my feelings aren't really cooperating with my rationality today. It's hard living with the emptiness she filled in my heart. To her credit, she's being fairly straightforward, although in an open-ended manner that leaves my torn between hoping, and taking those hopes out back and shooting them. Tl/dr: I know what I need to do, and right now just dealing with the unhappiness which comes with firming that decision to the point of execution. Thanks for listening, it's much appreciated. And congrats on your anniversary. You're an inspiration!
Thumpa and KIR -

Aligning my expectations and my acceptance was a turning point for me.

I still stress over what other people do or don't do. No matter what's gnawing at me - and lots of things do - I find it helpful to remember that I cannot necessarily control it. This gets easier with time, but for me there's been more to it than just getting easier - living this way has become fulfilling with time.

It's the inverse of feeling lonely even when surrounded by people while depressed; when I'm using my recovery tools, I can feel fulfilled even when in difficult situations.

Acceptance is the answer to most of my troubles!
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