Drake - I'm so glad to know you're always checking up!
KIR - I always wondered if my MIL, who is in the house to watch the kids before school every day, noticed that there weren't wine bottles in the house anymore. Probably not, but truth is, I felt uncomfortable and ashamed all those years that I had empty wine bottles filling my recycling bins and several full ones on the counter - along with dirty dishes. Well the dirty dishes are still there, but I don't feel bad about them anymore; they're not there because I was too drunk to take care of my responsibilities. They're there because I am preoccupied!! For me, that's an important distinction. And to set the record straight, the dishes are rinsed and waiting to go into the dishwasher. There is no grime piling up!!
I'm up early today because my face, eyes and neck broke out in a rash! I was using a different face product and a quick internet search revealed that the reaction I'm having is directly linked to this product. The reason I'm sharing this is because I want to convey how recovery is helping me handle this bump in the road.
First, this is about the 5th item in a row of bad luck that started Friday night. Before recovery, I'd wallow in self pity, wondering why a decent person like me is being burdened with one thing after another. In recovery I've learned that life happens and I need to live life on its terms, not mine.
Second, the rash scared me! I've had an anxiety disorder since childhood, and my mind jumps to worst case scenarios when things go wrong. The pipes freeze because of cold weather and I assume I'll be on the hook to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a new furnace AND new plumbing. My eyes and face have a reaction from a new lotion, and I assume I'll be intubated in the ICU. In recovery I am learning to recognize when my thoughts stem from anxiety and apply rationality to the situation & stay in the solution. Right now I washed my face and took an antihistamine.
Third, I'm up early. Before I'd be mad that I missed sleep. In recovery I can make good use of the extra time. I shared my story here with other people in recovery, and next I'm going to work on exam prep for a little while.
I take tiny steps every day towards the right direction.