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One Year and Under Club Part 51

Old 02-20-2016, 09:44 AM
  # 281 (permalink)  
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BlueFairy---loved your display case. Great Job.
Oh man Key---I'm so glad you stirred the pot---I got so much out
of your posts and your responses. I'm going to make it through this day
just fine. thank you and everyone who responded.
Hugs to all of you
Babs
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Old 02-20-2016, 12:03 PM
  # 282 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by KeyofC View Post
I think somehow I am trying to fix my past or change it or have someone pat me on the back and say "I forgive you". It's not going to happen and I know better than to have expectations. I have got to get past this and forgive myself or I'll be stuck in this spot.
Forgiveness from within has been the crux of my recovery. Going to AA, living by the principles of recovery, going to Al Anon, reading and posting on the alcoholic and friends/family sides of SR, and working on the 12 steps with a sponsor I trust are bringing me there. Our next adventure is going to be doing a codependency 12 step work group with a small group of women. Others on this site have taken different paths. I can only share what worked for me - forgiving myself, which increased my self respect, which made me choosy about who I share my life with, which means only people who are awesome.

I've had ups and downs trying to define these boundaries (which I've discussed ad nauseum here over the past two years), but so long as I keep my compass pointed in the right direction, I'm good!!

I know you'll find it, Key.
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Old 02-20-2016, 12:31 PM
  # 283 (permalink)  
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Blue Fairy - Keep up the good work!

Toots - I totally agree about that S in Halt(s). For me stress and sobriety are linked. Stressful times call for increase in self care to ensure sobriety, not matter how far along I am.

WWS - You have such a good head on your shoulders. What's your secret for staying so composed?

Saskia - Hello! I enjoy all your insights. Your messages always make me stop and think.

It's a beautiful day here. There's still snow on the ground but it's 50 degrees, a sneak preview of spring. As I drove my kiddo to a home game, I was thinking about all the times I felt jittery and anxious from hangovers, and dreaded the 10 minute drive there. I still have anxiety, but I live through it! The youngest has a friend over, and my older son is coming home from his game with one of his friends. I don't feel like I need to sleep away the afternoon!

I am so incredibly grateful for all the people in my recovery circle for making this possible.
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Old 02-20-2016, 09:43 PM
  # 284 (permalink)  
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Damn it I want to drink one day soon. Not today or this week, but it's being a persistent pain in the ---!!!!!! I don't like this.
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Old 02-20-2016, 10:09 PM
  # 285 (permalink)  
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I replied to you in another thread KIR, but whats your recovery plan like? what's your strategy for nights like this?

D
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Old 02-21-2016, 01:21 AM
  # 286 (permalink)  
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KIR I feel it is something we all go through ( or hit like a brick wall at 100 mph) that feeling of ' nope, I'm never gonna not drink ever again' ( sorry about the double negs there!) but yeah I hear you. Fact is, this like every other temptation AV throws at you passes as you learn to accept that alcohol to us, is poison - pure and simple.
The thing here though is that you are forgetting a hugely important thing... Choice. You are choosing not to drink. Not being forced to stop, you chose not to drink because it you know that to continue would be to destroy what you have. And to start drinking now would destroy what you have achieved in your sobriety.
You don't need to think about tomorrow or next month or next year, let them take care of themselves. All you need to do is make sense of today. X
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Old 02-21-2016, 01:31 AM
  # 287 (permalink)  
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KIR, I suspect that many of us have some really rough spots where we feel like throwing in the towel. When I feel that way, I think it through to the end - I.e. I realize that if i drink, I'll be going through miserable feelings about myself and will again go through all the struggles to become and stay sober. By the time I get through imagining all that, I have no more interest in drinking. If it goes from thinking about it to real cravings (after the first several months sober), then it's important to have f2f contact with someone you trust or an AA meeting.

It does get easier :-)
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Old 02-21-2016, 06:10 AM
  # 288 (permalink)  
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KIR- this is a link I've posted before from Anna with a lot of good info on cravings. It is in my list of subscribed threads.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Two things that helped me was to have a list of ready to go distractions such as going for a walk or calling someone to talk about anything else until the craving passes (and it will). Whatever works for you. Another thing that has helped me was urge surfing where you look inside of yourself and what you are feeling during the craving until it passes.

A cup of green tea has a calming effect and helps me.

Hope you got through it.
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Old 02-21-2016, 06:16 AM
  # 289 (permalink)  
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Just checking in to make sure everyone is okay here and to wish you all the best
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Old 02-21-2016, 08:06 AM
  # 290 (permalink)  
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Thank you guys (hug, hug, hug)! You're amazing on all sorts of levels
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Old 02-21-2016, 10:28 AM
  # 291 (permalink)  
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Have a great week ahead everyone
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Old 02-21-2016, 04:17 PM
  # 292 (permalink)  
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KIR - Did something happen in particular that triggered a future-date craving? Are you struggling with closing the door forever on drinking?

I can't go back in time, rewind, and become a moderate drinker. Because I'm an alcoholic, the first drink gets me drink. For me, to take another drink would be to dive into the insanity of active alcoholism. What made you decide to stop? When I decided to stop I felt angry, ashamed, and lost. I know from listening to other alcoholics, its progressive nature makes every subsequent relapse darker.

It's helpful to have a plan when cravings strike. I am not religious, but I like to redirect my thoughts with the serenity prayer: "...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

From there, I developed ways to release stress, fill time, and enjoy myself without booze - or toxic individuals who make me want to drink or want me to drink. My sponsor has been a great resource as I build my sober life. Do you have one who you can reach out to if the urge strikes?

Today I had a stressful afternoon. No tragedies, nothing terrible, just garden variety stress and aggravation. I heard myself droning on and on and on and on. I realized my nonstop chatter was just perpetuating my bad mood, so I used one of my tricks to stop it. I sat down in a comfy chair, wrapped up in a blanket, and took some deep breaths. I overheard my oldest ask where I was. He said "well she did have a stressful afternoon complaining about other people's kids." So true!

I can share my aggravations or I can share my triumphs, right? So I picked up SR, and decided to share with other alcoholics what helps me.
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Old 02-21-2016, 07:43 PM
  # 293 (permalink)  
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Hi all. Thank you for u so much for your support today. Looking back I think my trigger this time was spending the afternoon with my BF. I haven't seen her since I stopped drinking so I think that may have been bothering me. I tend to struggle the first time I get together with one of my past drinking buddies. (although our relationship has been life long and much deeper)
I hadn't planned on drinking today, my plan was for down the road when I felt like it, but I was bugging so bad that before I picked her up I decided I was going to drink some wine with her. Then I thought it out a bit and got on SR and read all of your posts. I then said a quick prayer and decided that I wasn't drinking today, and I didn't. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
Glee-yes, I think I am still struggling with never. My AV is saying " you've never really relapsed after quitting for this long so how do you know you can't occasionally get drunk and then not drink again for a few months?" Dangerous thinking, but to be honest thats where I am. Did any of you ever feel that way? If so, how did you power through it?
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Old 02-21-2016, 07:54 PM
  # 294 (permalink)  
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I think everyone's felt that way at some time or another.

I'm grateful I finally accepted the fundamental toxicity of my relationship with alcohol - it never works out.

Remember that KIR - and remember too the AV always lies

D
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Old 02-21-2016, 08:22 PM
  # 295 (permalink)  
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Every time I felt like I was "ready" to being done with being stopped and just have just a drink or two ended up being a long toxic road. Each time was worse than the last. For me, bottom line, it wasn't about the taste of the drink, it was about the feeling, the buzz, the high from the booze. I was hesitant to give that feeling up because my life turned pretty gray when I stopped drinking. I wondered if the whole rest of my life was doomed to be a dull shade of gray. Folks promised me it got better, so I kept sober one day at a time, and it turns out they were right. It took a while for my mind to wrap itself around my sobriety, but it did and it's far from gray! In fact, I see colors I never saw during my alcohol induced highs.
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Old 02-21-2016, 11:00 PM
  # 296 (permalink)  
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I can't wait to see colors!!!!!
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Old 02-21-2016, 11:18 PM
  # 297 (permalink)  
The Long and Winding Road....
 
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hey you guys......

good to catch up with some posts from the last couple of weeks.

grateful to be sober.....and working at this when I get down.......

got a little part time job working as a bike messenger for a food delivery service.....its hard living on welfare so the extra money will help out......

been driving dad to and fro from the hospital......that's really hard at the moment just seeing him waste away........

im just glad I aint drinking

van
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Old 02-21-2016, 11:42 PM
  # 298 (permalink)  
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Hi all. Funny thing happened tonight, thought I'd gotten past the emotional ups and downs of early sobriety -- and I'm still early, New Years' Day with one lapse at the end of January -- and have had a very decent day emotionally, even through problems with my truck (wouldn't start, must take to shop tomorrow).

But sometime tonight towards the end of my shift at work, I just got awful damned needy, and started doing the dreaded mulling over the past, and now here I am wondering why these emotions are coming up again.

I need to get moving on an answer to this or it's going to bite me in the backside.
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Old 02-22-2016, 12:00 AM
  # 299 (permalink)  
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I think it's natural to have ups and downs. People tend to think of recovery as linear but it's not always that way, especially in the beginning.

Just my outside perspective but I think you're doing well Thumpa. The bottom line, the prerequisite for growth, is not drinking and you seem to have that pretty well down now?

D
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Old 02-22-2016, 12:17 AM
  # 300 (permalink)  
Alive in the Superunknown
 
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Yeah, I'm doing fine with my sobriety. And I knew it wouldn't be linear -- especially considering that of the many issues I have to deal with on my own road to recovery, some of them are pretty large and I have not addressed them at all yet, so I know there'll be quakes to come.

I guess I'm just mystified why these particular emotions, which I had thought I had settled?

I read it in another thread tonight, and it's something I've said in different forms at different times, Dee, but I personally think that my recovery is much more important than my sobriety, insofar as I see that for myself, my lasting sobriety will only happen when I address the underlying issues to reach some sort of emotional resolution (or serene acceptance of irresolution, if that's what it takes, y'know?) I guess I had thought that I had resolved these emotions, and am surprised to find them still running around.

Anyway, thanks for listening, bud.
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