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Class of October 2015 Part 5

Old 12-23-2015, 12:58 AM
  # 121 (permalink)  
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You're not letting me down sydneyman - I do think you're making a very bad decision tho, and I'll be sorry if you continue to drink.

I used to think I was weak and worthless. Drink made me feel that way. It made me feel like I needed to drink to survive.

That's probably the worst lie ever told.

We're all stronger than we know....but the only way to prove that is to face the pain sober.

You can have the memory of a trip back to your family - one that may not be all good but you will want to keep those memories, trust me..you can be there for your mum and family...

or you can have a half remembered series of flashbacks, shame and embarrassment that will probably feed your drinking for another decade or more.

I'm not being melodramatic. I've lived this choice and as I said, I've made both choices.

The choice really is yours Sydneyman. Best wishes

D
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Old 12-23-2015, 05:43 AM
  # 122 (permalink)  
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Hey all,Juno and Sydney,I hate to say it but I really think its the holiday b.s messing with your quits,to me it feels like one more thing to deal with on top of everything else I deal with, hopefully when its all over we can get focused better, just cuz I haven't drank doesn't mean that the AV isn't there niggling here and there and I'm tired of it! I don't want the Christmas season to be associated with all the anxiety and obsessive drink thoughts every year,my family is still young and I want to fully enjoy them not have snippets and flashbacks of a drunken period in my life as Dee said,sheesh I've already got enough of those,Midton, good job on buying all of that healthy food,that's one thing I'm gonna focus on now,I have a messed up stomach from years of drinking poison so I digest weird,plus I'm sluggish, foggy a lot of the time and I know its the junk I eat,Grizzly,hope you're enjoying the season,off to get ready for work, hope we all have an easy day😊
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Old 12-23-2015, 07:52 AM
  # 123 (permalink)  
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I don't like to see anyone struggle, but I'd rather you struggle here than struggle alone. For myself, that's a dangerous place to be. Nobody here has let me down. I'm only disappointed if you don't keep coming back. I've grown quite attached to you all, and if anyone leaves, it shakes up what has worked for me for three months. No pressure there, right?! I don't mean to pressure anyone, it is my responsibility to stay sober, but I'm saying all this to say I want everyone to stay!
I picked up my 3 month coin last night at a meeting. I've never been to the Tuesday night meeting, and I wasn't feeling well (I think it's that damn PAWS I said I wasn't having), but I'm so glad I went. The meeting was really nice and cozy, and now I have my 3 month coin to take with me to pick up my family from the airport today. I am keeping that coin close by, I am so proud of it! I really hope everyone has a better day today. It's a new day, and we can do this sober, gang!!
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Old 12-23-2015, 11:16 AM
  # 124 (permalink)  
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Good Morning. Christmas Eve is here. Did my morning walk as the sun was rising. Just so peaceful and beautiful. Mum in law has arrived and we had a nice time. She was pleasant. Today I finish work at 1230 and then we are off to the Sydney Fish Markets with the rest of Sydney to get our seafood for tomorrow. I am ready for the challenge. Then home and put my suit and ties away for a good 4 days. Ok making my Paleo breakfast now.
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Old 12-23-2015, 02:44 PM
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Bleh,feeling PAWS-y myself Grizz,or i'm getting sick or overly tired,grr,stupid AV! Not leaving the house for anything!
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Old 12-23-2015, 02:56 PM
  # 126 (permalink)  
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I guess it's time for me to check in. Thanks for all the kind thoughts everyone. I prefer if no one leaves the group as well, EVEN IF they start drinking. Everyone has good stuff to contribute here even if we're in different places.

So I wasn't too hungover today and I credit that to dumping out a big a$$ glass of wine into the sink instead of drinking it and dumping the rest of the bottle. Also, I woke up in the middle of the night and drank two large glasses of cranberry juice (I was so thirsty) and I think that really helped me. I got through today fine but was pretty tired, so took a brief nap this afternoon.

I am committed to sobriety but feel like a fraud because I keep deliberately messing things up. I say deliberately because I know it's in my power not to drink. Anyway, I think Winslow is right - the holidays are taking a toll on me and I caved. I'm not going to drink again - not over the holidays and not in the new year and I'm going to get more into working out again after this Christmas stuff is over with. Don't get me wrong - I love Christmas and it's fun and all, but it has put a huge extra level of stress on me. So Day 1 = Dec. 23.

I wrote in my journal the following:

December 22, 2015: Off to Never World...

December 23, 2015: The Force Awakens

So I named my new counter series on my iphone "The Force Awakens". The last one that failed was called "The Miracle." Let's hope the force has more power than the miracle

Okay in all seriousness, I'm back if you can stand me and I do feel like a failure but I'm glad I have you guys and really hope Sydneyman sticks around as well. We can learn a lot from each other.

I'm a little upset that I contacted that ex last night - it turns out he has a lot of time on his hands and I have very little and he has wanted to "chat" (online) with me today. It's stressing me out because I just wanted to say hi, how are you - and go back to my regular life. Well, I'll have to figure this out. Over and out for now.
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Old 12-23-2015, 03:02 PM
  # 127 (permalink)  
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You're always welcome Juno

D
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Old 12-23-2015, 07:23 PM
  # 128 (permalink)  
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I'd also prefer if no one left this group. Those of us who remain here are certainly committed even if there have been slips.

It's a bit like a relationship. It takes awhile to get comfortable with each other and now we are. We can look to each other for support, advice and the like. Were we to "split up" we would have to find another relationship, with all the ancillary time, to rebuild again.

As much as I hope we can all stay sober I believe slips are part of the education process here. We can and should learn from these and come back stronger. I know from my experience that my slips don't come suddenly with a glass thrust into my hand at a bar/party. My slips are preplanned days/weeks/months prior. If I were going home next summer (like Syd) I know I would drink. The excitement, the flight, the lounges would be in the forefront of my mind as soon as I'd booked it. And no amount of persuasion, at the last minute,would get me to change my mind. I know that. It would be too late. My solution to this is not to go home next year. As for Syd I hope you enjoy yourself and come back refreshed and stronger.


Juno, keep fighting. Your stronger than me as I could never throw away wine in a glass or bottle, even now. I know if I drink, like Dee wrote, it will be March before I crawl back here.

As an aside I was reading something the other day which I found interesting. I'm Scottish and we seem to have a massive drinking culture and all the associated health and social problems. I knew that football in the uk grew as more and more teams were established by temperance movements. What I didn't know was that the word "alcoholic" was coined by a Scottish minister (before that inibriate was used). I almost felt a sense of pride.
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Old 12-24-2015, 12:02 AM
  # 129 (permalink)  
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So glad to see everyone's posts today!! : )
Just a quick check-in for me. I picked up my mom and her boyfriend from the airport. I really needed to go to the mall while we were in the big city because I live in a small town. They went to the bar while I was shopping. All the people had me anxious at first- I was hot and light headed and felt weird altogether. I got through it and got my shopping done, but I was so ready to come home. We stopped on the way home for them to get wine, and they were drinking on that once we got home, but I wasn't bothered and I wasn't tempted. I've been wondering for awhile how today would go, but it went just fine! Going to bed sober!
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Old 12-24-2015, 04:57 AM
  # 130 (permalink)  
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https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...-record-rates/

Not sure if I can post links here but this article was in the Washington Post recently.
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Old 12-24-2015, 05:04 AM
  # 131 (permalink)  
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Hi everyone - Christmas Eve morning. I can't believe it. My plan is to get to yoga this morning, finish wrapping gifts and do some cards, then see my psychiatrist this afternoon before settling in for a long winter's night... just kidding it's like 70 degrees here!

Yesterday was a long but interesting day. In the morning I attended my son's school "variety show" where the students get to perform in front of teachers and families. I was kind of dreading it as the kids are all special needs, some more severe than others and it was a long show (over 2 hours). But in the end I really enjoyed it and it was very uplifting to see such joy in these kids over the simple things like performing and having fun. Unexpected gift of the holiday season.

I did finish up my work so now I have a good chunk of time off (back on Monday) and then spent several hours playing Santa ,organizing and wrapping my kids gifts. Even when I was married I did the bulk of this work so nothing has changed now that I'm divorced, I just get to do things exactly as I want to with no one else criticizing me Oh I do love being single. Once in a while I miss having someone, but most of the time the ability to just do things the way I want to outweighs any loneliness that might pop up.

Everyone, have an awesome day and I'll check in when I can!
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Old 12-24-2015, 02:24 PM
  # 132 (permalink)  
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Well Christmas morning. Just another day here. Me and my wife have work. The kids have opened their present (singular). Christmas, naturally, ain't so big here. This is good for me as it means no parties and no " let's have a glass of wine cause it's Christmas". Next week and new year is slightly more dangerous but it's a family time and my wife's family basically don't drink.

Oh well Merry Christmas.
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Old 12-24-2015, 03:01 PM
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Hello friends, thought I'd say Merry Christmas now cuz I'm not sure when I'll be free to post tomorrow, Juno,its defo the holidays,while I'm not struggling hard,the thought keeps crossing my mind,booze is EVERYWHERE! Ads make it look fun,some songs are triggery,and just the stress,I wish I had quit earlier so I'd be more oblivious to it all,I just try and think that by next year it'll be a breeze to survive this time of year,Midton,its a learning process for sure and I'm the relapse queen!but since I joined SR and read RR its like my slate is clean here and I don't want to muck it up😊 so nobody should leave as we can all help each other and not feel alone,Grizzly,good on you not being tempted with your mom around drinking, that's what messed me up last time as my mom and I were drinkin buds😈 very disfunctional but we had fun in our own way I guess,I'm safe on her turf but when she invades my territory it's hard!! I hope everyone has a lovely,peaceful Christmas😊
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Old 12-24-2015, 05:08 PM
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Happy Christmas everyone! It's the eve still here - just spoke with my brother on the phone. The kids and I had a fun little Christmas eve gift exchange - everyone really happy. Still battling this yucky cold virus and the two other kids got it as well. However, nothing is going to dampen our spirits now. Santa's coming soon!

p. s. Happily sober!
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Old 12-24-2015, 07:36 PM
  # 135 (permalink)  
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Hi! It's been a busy day and a little rough earlier, but I made it. We were out shopping, and I was surrounded by booze and shopping with people that were already buzzed, so drinking did cross my mind. I replaced those thoughts with reasons why I don't drink anymore, and that really helped. Later I got frustrated with my significant other, and the thought of oh screw it, I'm just going to drink popped in my head. I told myself if I do that, I'm not allowing myself to grow and learn how to deal with difficult situations. I've matured a lot over these last three months, and if I drink to deal with a situation now, I will not only stunt my growth but also revert back to poor, immature coping mechanisms. I don't want to do that! I knew I deep down I didn't really want to drink, so I poured some sparkling juice and let those thoughts pass. And they did! Today was hard at times, but I really feel like I made progress.
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Old 12-25-2015, 12:15 PM
  # 136 (permalink)  
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Merry Christmas to all celebrating

We had a nice one here, though the weather isn't cooperating too much with the idea of Christmas. It's about 70 degrees and gray and drizzly. Hmmmm....we are struggling with our colds today and my appetite isn't all that great so I canceled the Christmas dinner with my folks - also didn't want to expose them to this cold. That's the last thing they need.

Grizzly, great job yesterday working through those thoughts. It definitely sounds rough, but you were so strong not to cave in especially when you got to the "oh screw it" mentality. That's when I usually give in to temptation, but you didn't! Way to go!!!

I'm really dreading contacting my ex on the night when I drank wine (the 22nd). There was a time when I wanted nothing more than to be with him (he dumped me) and I would have done anything to get his attention. But I've changed and I've moved on and I really don't want much to do with him at this point. A passing hello or email is fine, but I have no energy in me to back to flirting with him and playing that role. I've definitely changed as a person and if I ever to start to date again, it's not going to be with him or this way (online - he lives in Europe). At the moment I don't have any time or energy left to give anyone else after my kids, my job, my dog and my family (and friends) so I'm content with the way things are. I'm avoiding him at all costs (online) and at least I know exactly how I feel about this. Okay, attempting to get festive again. Starting feeling a little down so got to snap out of it!
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Old 12-25-2015, 04:33 PM
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Merry Christmas!!
Juno, sorry to hear you are still not feeling well. I hope you and your kiddos kick it soon! I haven't felt well today either, and I don't think I'm sick with anything, I think it's PAWS. This is my first sober Christmas in 15 years! Wow.
Alright, Christmas dinner is almost ready. I hope everyone enjoys a nice evening with their loved ones!!
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Old 12-25-2015, 04:40 PM
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So confused:/

Posting randomly cause I am very new to this site and really can't figure out how to connect! How do I become a member of a class? A group? How do you get friends? I need an orientation LOL! Any help appreciated!
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Old 12-25-2015, 04:45 PM
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Originally Posted by UnfoldingWings View Post
Posting randomly cause I am very new to this site and really can't figure out how to connect! How do I become a member of a class? A group? How do you get friends? I need an orientation LOL! Any help appreciated!
To be a 'member' of a class, you just post in that thread. Pick the month you quit in, and post in that month's class for support and strength.
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Old 12-25-2015, 04:49 PM
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Hi Unfolding Wings, welcome to the site!

So people usually join a "class" in which they have quit drinking (or whatever substance they are trying to give up) so for example if you quit in December 2015, you might want to join the December 2015 class thread (which is under "Newcomers"). This little group is fairly small - there are only 5 of us left actively posting - and in theory we all quit in October 2015, but in reality I think a couple quit September and one in October and a couple of us recently relapsed - so there are no hard and fast rules. You might find some of the newer threads more active - like December or January when the month starts, but feel free to post wherever you like including here!

Grizzly, sorry you're not feeling well, either. I just can't get my energy going today. I feel blah. And it's Christmas! But I guess I should feel some relief that the pressure is off for this Santa, and I've got a whole another year before I have to deal with it again! Phew!

Today has been relaxing, even if sort of blah, once the initial excitement of the morning wore off it's been pretty chill. I guess all in all that's okay. Happy not to be drinking today and going forward.
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