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Class of October 2015 Part 5

Old 12-13-2015, 11:08 AM
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Hey all,Christmas shopped this morning and got hit by overwhelming depression/anxiety,grr,I always loved to shop drunk! Its very hard to disassociate the holidays with drinking,ho hum, doing it so far but can't help but thinking that getting drunk would add some happiness, stupid AV voice! I'll be ok though, hope everyone is enjoying their day😊
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Old 12-13-2015, 01:36 PM
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Hey Grizzly, I can understand that "acting out of spite" feeling. I used to get more angry than I should about things when I drank and am ashamed of some of my behavior. One of the things I'm working on in sobriety is to be more deliberate in my actions and not act rashly. It's hard, isn't it? But good job last night with the dishes.

Winslow, yeah that shopping can be really stressful. Don't listen to the AV that tells you it would be more fun to be drunk. That's a big ole lie. It might be fun for about 10 minutes, then the aftermath would follow and it wouldn't be fun. I have found that timing my shopping trips to when the least amount of people are shopping works best for me. Like I never go to Home Depot on a Saturday. That's just suicidal! I always go there on weeknights about an hour to 1/2 hour before closing time and have the place practically to myself. With this Christmas stuff you have to be crafty and creative. I live right near a mall and never shop on Saturdays or Sundays unless absolutely necessary. It's wayyyyyy too crowded on weekends. Anyway, I hope you are doing better and hope you can enjoy some nice things about Christmas not involving alcohol. I know it's a tough season. I got invited to a "cocktail party" next weekend and I had to so say no. Partly because I knew it would be too hard for me to go without drinking and partly because I'll be busy with my kids (my daughter's birthday next weekend, and that was the perfect excuse for not going). Hang in there!!!

Hope our friends Midton and Sydneyman are doing okay.

Oh, I had a nap this afternoon after getting in over 4 hours of work. I was exhausted!!!
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Old 12-13-2015, 03:06 PM
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Hey guys, just posting here for accountability. Not about to drink, but feeling that Sunday night depression seeping in. You may recall that I drank last Sunday night when I was feeling depressed. I have a long history of drinking on Sunday nights to try to ward off the depression. When I was a little kid, I used to get sad on Sunday nights and I still feel that way. It's like the world slows down and seems sad. To make matters worse, it's dark so early so the Sunday nights last even longer.

As I said, I'm not going to drink, but just wanted to get this off my chest. I now realize why I drank a lot of Sunday nights. My plan is to finish up some paperwork, run to the pharmacy to pick up my son's meds, maybe get on the treadmill and watch my football team play on TV. I'll get through it will be great to wake up Monday morning without a hangover!
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Old 12-13-2015, 05:10 PM
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Winslow, I know the feeling. You didn't drink though, and you'll be so glad for that. Way to go Winslow!!
Good for you, Juno! I know just getting those thoughts out of my head helps. I'm glad you did that : ) enjoy your football! I'm watching basketball while getting some laundry in.
So you guys, I'm like a real adult! I paid off a credit card last night which felt amazing. I sat there and stared at my payment before I clicked the button because I couldn't believe I was really about to do that. I did, I really did do that! Then I dug through the storage room today to find a statement for this ridiculous lab bill that I owe. I've let it go for a year and a half, and it's not getting any better, so I decided I'm ready to deal with it. It's crazy how responsible I am being lately. I'm like who is this person?! I like her : )
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Old 12-13-2015, 07:35 PM
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Winslow,

I've never shopped drunk. At the end when I was drinking I got this terrible paranoia that everyone knew I was drinking and that I was a drunk, that I was effecting me a bit differently. Even entering a new bar on a night out left me feeling that everyone was staring and commenting about my drinking. Shopping g drunk would have caused me to have a panic attack I think. I drank to bring the shutters down, to escape into my mind. It wasn't a social activity for me.

Juno

I absolutely hate Sunday (nights) too. I get jittery about the week ahead and end up going to bed really early. I then keep getting jolted from near-sleep to total consciousness with thoughts of dying. Only on a Sunday though. As for Christmas shopping I love it. The music, the decorations and generally the people are nice to each other, in a better mood and there's usually money burning a hole in my pocket, no buyers regret at this time of year.

Griz,

Great news on your credit card. It must feel superb. I'm very wary of going in any kind of debt, as an ex-banker I've seen it from both sides. Most people struggle from a long time but eventually drown. Personally I only use a charge card where possible.

Syd,

Hope your not feeling to down on yourself.
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Old 12-14-2015, 04:47 AM
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Hey all - Monday morning here. This is going to be the last tough week of the year - a full week of work and school and appointments for me. The last two weeks of the year will be more chill (YAY!) because kids will be off school a lot and my clients will be taking time off, etc. So one last big push here.

Day 8 for me - I think. I'll check my app on the phone. No cravings. Staying on my meds and it's going well

Midton, I love Christmas shopping, too. The cashier at Barnes and Noble was so pleasant and it just put me in a good mood overall. I actually enjoy shopping in general. It gives me a little rush of excitement when I find some good stuff.

Grizzly, great job with those credit card and medical bills and being responsible. I used to be a person who religiously paid off every credit card bill to the penny every month. After my divorce, I wasn't managing my money as well and had a lot of expenses. I had a baby sitter last year who kept wanting more and more hours and I had to keep paying her a lot every week. It was draining. I realized I was in a lot of credit card debt last summer. Had to make some big changes - let go of the sitter, taught my kids more self-responsibility (they are old enough to stay home alone for a while) and took a loan from my 401-k plan to pay off all the credit card debt. Now I'm paying off the 401-k loan slowly (over 5 years) but it's paying back money to myself so doesn't feel as bad. Every month when I make a mortgage payment I feel a sense of accomplishment - one more month staying afloat. Someday, I hope to get to the point where I don't feel like I'm just living month to month. I am saving for retirement and have lots of safety nets in place so I can retire someday. But for now, my job means too much to me and gives me purpose. As much as I like to complain about Monday mornings, I welcome the chance to go in the office and have the connections that I have to other people.

I'm about to take my dog for his morning walk and I really don't want to risk running into the mean lady. She just about ruined a whole day for me by being mean. I can't deal with that today so will take a different route. Mean people suck

Sydneyman, thinking of you
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Old 12-14-2015, 01:13 PM
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Have a good week everyone

D
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Old 12-14-2015, 06:32 PM
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Hi everyone!

Got through Monday okay. Trying to keep calm in this very busy week. One day at a time, right? Just wanted to say how happy I am to be sober today and how happy I am to go to bed sober each night and wake up without a hangover. I know it's sounds like a simple pleasure, but it's really not for folks like us who have experienced a lot of bad stuff due to alcohol. I'm doing okay today. Hope everyone else is, too. Hi, Dee!
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Old 12-14-2015, 07:22 PM
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Nice post, Juno : )
Where is everybody? I hope everyone is doing alright!
It was a hectic Monday for me. I didn't sleep well, and I started the day really cranky and overwhelmed. I kept telling myself I didn't have to stay cranky, I could choose how I wanted my day to go. And I kept reminding myself I could only do one thing at a time and focus on that one thing while I'm doing it. It worked! I talked myself out of a bad mood, and I got everything done. I ended the day with getting my hair cut and picking up some new makeup at the mall. Now I'm having a glass of sparkling pear juice while watching basketball. I made it : )
Alright yall, check in please!!
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Old 12-14-2015, 09:34 PM
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The numbers are dwindling and, selfishly, this is the only thread I post on.

I've nothing really to write home about. Monday was busy and Tuesday is busy. I'm basically off from the 23 till January 3rd, though I have to work December 28th. I'm going to buy a new snow thrower for Christmas. It's going to cost over 4000 usd and it's something I've been putting off for years. It is tax deductible though. Excited and depressed by the purchase and also longing for and dreading snow as a result of the purchase too. I will want to use my new toy but boy the snow here is terrible.

Over and out.
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Old 12-14-2015, 10:46 PM
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I dunno about you guys but I'm having trouble trying to find the time to fit in everything I want to do right now, so maybe other members here have that happening too?

D
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Old 12-15-2015, 04:53 AM
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Hey good morning! I'm doing okay - day 9 now I think.

My new necklace with my new date XII.VII.MMXV arrived yesterday. I'm happy but I'm not buying another one (this is my third necklace) so that means I can't mess up and drink again. I don't want to at all, so that works out fine

Bad news - I've been experiencing dizziness (vertigo) since yesterday morning during yoga. It's awful at times but goes away other times. I thought it might have to do with the new anti-anxiety med I'm on - so I didn't take it yesterday. I don't have to take it everyday so that's fine. Will discuss with my doctor when I see him. I hope it goes away - I've had vertigo before and it can last a while. Never quite figured out what caused it before and it just went away on its own.

Okay, going to do my best to stay positive today in spite of these challenges! My son is home from school for a "mental health" day today - I think he needed it. I am not going into the office today - have a school visit and some other things to take care of.

Have a good day all and hope our whole crew checks in today!
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Old 12-15-2015, 04:58 AM
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Grizzly, sounds like you really worked through your feelings yesterday and turned your day around. Nice going. That's a good lesson to learn - that if you wake up cranky and overwhelmed, you can still turn it around!

Midton, that's quite a new toy you have. I can see you're excited about it! My kids love snow because it means no school (most of the time). Where I live, there is no telling what kind of winter we'll have. Either we get no snow all winter, or we get hammered with several large storms, or somewhere in the middle. Usually if I try to get prepared and buy lots of snow gear for the kids (boots, snow pants, etc.) we end up having a mild winter. And usually if I'm lax about the snow preparation, we get hammered. This year has been very mild so far. Not even many if any days below freezing so far. Some flowers were blooming on the bushes outside. Must be very confusing for them!
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Old 12-15-2015, 06:03 AM
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Good morning! I've got to get ready for work, but I wanted to say real quick I live in Arizona, and we have snow here! It's up on the mountains, it's really pretty! My mom is coming to visit from memphis, and it's colder here than it is there. Alright everyone, I hope you have a great day!
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Old 12-15-2015, 07:03 AM
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Hey all,swore I posted yesterday?weird, probably Monday hecticness,Grizzly, I'm jealous of the snow!been cold here too but not enough to snow in the valley,still cruising along,had thoughts yesterday though, a customer had beer breath and it was a bit of a trigger even though it stunk,that sounds really dumb writing it down haha,that AV is such a dork I swear!Hope everyone has a great Tuesday,wish Sydneyman would check in
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Old 12-15-2015, 10:04 AM
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Yes I am here.. Yes I have an issue as Dee puts it with permanency!!! That is spot on..
Ok so had Monday and Tuesday away from the office. Monday was always planned but called in sick yesterday as well. I drank and felt miserable..I didn't go for my walks either. I have broken out in a big cold sore perfect timing for Christmas!!!. Anyway I will post more later today. I think. Glad to see you all doing well..

Grizz I LOVE Arizona, spent some time in Flaggstaff and Sedona. Just beautiful places...
Midton- cool new toy!!
Winslow- nice of you to think of me,, well here I am again

Juno good going, its amazing how quick we can go either way.
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Old 12-15-2015, 03:26 PM
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so whats your plan of attack sydneyman?

D
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Old 12-15-2015, 03:44 PM
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Alcohol and drug free house...no temptations around me...feel like crap today.. Feels like I taken all these steps backwards..tomorrow morning back to walking and counting days.. This was far the worst relapse and the thing is I didnt like myself like that.. I like myself straight and sober.. It is the productivity aspect that I like. Well I am againing learning from this.. It makes me realise that booze and drugs are not to be part of my life. It makes me a total rude obnoxious person which I am not.. Ok third time lucky I wish..!!!! Good to be back.. I really need to read your posts and concentrate.. Thanks for your kind words D..
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Old 12-15-2015, 04:14 PM
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Glad you're back, Sydneyman! You can do this

I don't like who I become when I drink, either. Sober is wayyyy better.

Glad you checked in, too, Winslow!

Busy day here... going to take a rest tonight or try to!
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Old 12-15-2015, 07:14 PM
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Glad to hear you worked through your trigger, Winslow! I know what you mean- it's weird what can cause triggers sometimes. Maybe some snow will come your way... It snowed here Saturday even in the foothills.
Sydneyman, it's great to hear from you! I was worried : ( Each day I kept hoping you would check in. I know it's easier said than done to not give in to your urges, but I also know you can do it. Midton said a few days ago that it really does get easier, and I totally agree with him. It really does get easier with time! I'm really glad to read that you've realized you prefer to be sober. That is a great start! It's so good to hear from you : )
So I'm feeling like Juno today. I went Christmas shopping after work, and I loved it! I was in my happy place with my latte and not in a hurry for anything, it was so nice! I wanted to find a hideous Christmas sweater to wear when I go see houses tomorrow, but I couldn't find anything tacky and cheap enough. Ugly Christmas sweaters are surprisingly expensive! I decided on a t-shirt with Santa on in that says I Believe. I thought it was appropriate because I do believe in miracles! I got home and went for a run. That was really cold and not a great run, but I'm glad I did it.
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