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Class of October 2015 Part 5

Old 12-20-2015, 03:42 PM
  # 101 (permalink)  
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Juno, I hope you feel better soon!
Busy, productive day for me. I've got to keep going! I just got off the phone with my mom, and she's asking about booze when she gets here. She knows that I quit drinking, but we haven't had a real in-depth conversation about it. I said she can get her own because I don't have any around. Knowing that this was coming, I have stockpiled an assortment of sparkling juices for myself. Literally I am running out of places to put all of this juice! The day I am picking her up from the airport I will have three months sober. I want to keep adding to that, no going back for me!!
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Old 12-20-2015, 05:00 PM
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Good on you grizz
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Old 12-21-2015, 06:24 AM
  # 103 (permalink)  
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Good morning! I have two more work days then five days straight off. I am looking forward to it! Alright gang, let's have a great week!!
Today is 90 days for me! Really never thought in the beginning that I would make that. This is awesome!
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Old 12-21-2015, 10:42 AM
  # 104 (permalink)  
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it sure is Grizz.. Congrats and well done..
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Old 12-21-2015, 10:45 AM
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Its is quiet here I must say...
Raining this morning so don't feel like a walk this morning. I think we are having a wet Christmas as well ...Have a good day everybody.
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Old 12-21-2015, 03:32 PM
  # 106 (permalink)  
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Way to go Grizz

D
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Old 12-21-2015, 05:16 PM
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Thank you guys! I have felt really good today. I remember at 60 days, PAWS hit bad and lasted a little while. So far that hasn't happened again. Here's hoping I didn't just jinx myself...
So much talk at work revolves around alcohol, and as usual it came up again today. My boss said maybe you should start drinking again. He said it in a joking way, but lately it's seemed like he brings up me not drinking more than I do. It made me wonder if me not drinking makes some people uncomfortable. Maybe because it makes them think about their own habits? I don't know. Me not drinking isn't about anybody else, so I don't bring it up unless I'm asked because I don't want to make people uncomfortable. When he said maybe you should start drinking again, I thought I can think of 100 great reasons why I shouldn't! I have goals again! And it's not just some pie in the sky kind of thing. I know what I want and how to get there, and I know it will not happen by drinking. Goals and motivation go out the window as soon as I start drinking. Then the only motivation I have is to get more booze. I'm not interested in that bad deal. I am excited about my life again!
Ok, trying to get excited to run. It's cold and dark, but I'll be glad I did it.
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Old 12-21-2015, 06:58 PM
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Congrats on 90 days, Grizzly!!! Way to go - and you sound great!

I continue to feel yucky so will keep this short. Had to take a lot of Advil and other stuff to get through work today. I don't know what day I'm on... it's okay. My mind isn't really on not drinking, it's not really on drinking, it's just on getting by right now. If that makes sense. I hope everyone is doing well
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Old 12-22-2015, 06:48 AM
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Hey all,day 60 finally😀 in my few years of trying to quit,that's my record,longest sober time since I started drinking 10 years ago,had PAWS-y feelings on Sat-Mon feel better today just had to get over a hump I guess,Grizz,congrats on 90 days😊 everyone sounds great,Juno feel better,hope we all have a magical AF Tuesday
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Old 12-22-2015, 09:40 AM
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I received a frantic call from my sister last night.My mother has been choking on food and drink as her ability to swallow is now taken away. My sister kept this away from me I guess. The only solution is inserting a feeding tube into my mums stomach. So now the last pleasure, food is taken away from her. God I hate this disease.
I ended up drinking some wine . My partner hauled bags full of wine to school but got the same amount back from his teachers so hence the wine at home if you wondering. Not enough to get drunk but I drank. It was there and I saw it when I was on the phone.
I am going for my walk this morning and work and no hangover. I am keeping away from SR until my return as I can not commit to sobriety until I return from Finland. I Mother in law arrives today, the last thing I need as the 2 can argue and the air gets tense.
So Merry Christmas to you all have a safe holiday. Give your loved ones a big kiss and hug and tell them you love them. They can be taken away so fast and easily. We take them so for granted every day.
I do not intend to become who I was before my journey started in October. Who knows maybe I even stay sober. I will return here and post when I get back.
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Old 12-22-2015, 02:55 PM
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So sorry about your mom Sydney,I hate to see you leave though,can't you still check in here and there? You'll be in my thoughts😊
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Old 12-22-2015, 05:26 PM
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Congrats Winslow on 60 days!!! That is wonderful!! What a huge accomplishment : )
Sydneyman, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. You are so right- cherish the time we have with our loved ones instead of taking it for granted. We will miss you here. Please do check in when you can, and I'll be sending mucho positive thoughts your way.
Juno, you feeling better today?
How's it going, Midton?
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Old 12-22-2015, 05:56 PM
  # 113 (permalink)  
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I hope you change your mind sydneyman.

I think you'll deal with the situation in Finland far better sober, and I think you'll do better checking into SR every day.

The AV is not about using anything , even a loved one's bad health, to get us to drink.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I REALLY believe it: the bottom line is you're not the one who's sick Sydneyman - be there for your mum, and be there sober.

You'll be glad afterwards.

prayers and best wishes for you mum and all your family.
D
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Old 12-22-2015, 06:43 PM
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My mind is all over the place at the moment. Thanks D
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Old 12-22-2015, 06:50 PM
  # 115 (permalink)  
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I've had experience with illness (and loss) drunk and sober.
I really regret the drunk one.

D
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Old 12-22-2015, 09:04 PM
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I can't add anything to what Dee said, he just says it so well. I do of course wish you would stay and let us support and encourage you through this difficult time, sydneyman, but I understand you're dealing with a lot right now and trying to process it all. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you, sydneyman.
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Old 12-22-2015, 10:57 PM
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Hi all, I also relapsed with some wine tonight. The pressure was too great. Between my daughter's birthday, Christmas (which I am still not ready for), work (still have more hours to put in before Christmas), two of my kids having some major issues related to school, my cold and not feeling well...I caved in. Like Sydneyman I have thought about stepping away from here until I get my act together - because you all are doing so well (congrats Winslow on 60 days! And Grizzly on 90 days!) and I don't want to negatively influence anyone.

Sydneyman, you are in my thoughts. We both relapased last night - for different reasons but you're not alone here.

Anyway, I also relapsed on a couple of other fronts: Facebook and contacting an old ex that I said I wouldn't get involved with again. I've got some work to do to climb back. I hope Christmas brings new hope and joy to everyone who needs it (me being one of those). Take care everyone, I'll check in when I can.
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Old 12-22-2015, 11:15 PM
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Like I said to sydneyman I think you do better when you're here everyday Juno.

Your AV has already convinced you that drinking is a viable response in some cases...if you step away now the great likelihood is you'll drink through Christmas and into the new year.

I often use to 'come to' in March...

Fight the addiction Juno - you can do this - and what's more you'll be glad you did

D
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Old 12-22-2015, 11:46 PM
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Today is the Emperor's birthday and a national holiday. So I spend the day shopping at Costco and the got back to my city and went Christmas shopping for my kids.

Costco allows me to buy food that I can't otherwise get here. I can but really healthy food which affirms my sobriety a little more, gives me a little bit stronger of a defence. I bought quinao, turmeric, oat meal as well at massive bags of almonds and walnuts. It wasn't all healthy though as I also stocked up on the obligatory marshmallows and also some Hershey's nuggets. Spent over 400 USD which makes me both happy and sad.

I then got my youngest daughter some Christmas presents. She has wanted a digital camera for a while and I initially fobbed her off thinking it was just a phase. She kept asking for one so she'll get one this Christmas.

My son wants an iPhone 6 but Santa thinks he is about 3 years too young so I have a bit of a problem what with less than two days to go.

As far as drinking I'm great. I'm kind of in the holiday spirit but nothing is pulling me towards drink and I really find this shocking. At Costco they were offering samples of wine and champagne in thimble sized plastic vessels, it didn't effect me at all, and the sight of red wine usually does.

I'm confident at present and I think this has resulted in me posting less though I'm still a daily reader. I know that confidence comes before a fall and all that so I am trying to will myself to feel more vulnerable. I need to feel the pain more or the elapsed time will convince me that I have no alcohol problem and can drink again. To be honest that is how I feel right now. I feel that I could drink and be fine if I wanted to. The reason I'm not drinking is that this sober life is going great for me and I want it to continue. Maybe it's time for me to re-read my first post from all those years ago.
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Old 12-23-2015, 12:00 AM
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Juno you are in my thoughts as well! I do not know what to say. Who am I to say anything here anyway.
Been to work and its like haven't been there. I have had thoughts of moving back to Europe, departing immediately, but the what about my partner etc etc....My coping mechanism reaches for what I know calms me down, booze. Perhaps my AV looked at this opportunity and grabbed it perfectly when it could and it did. I do not intend to get drunk but admit I most likely will have wine when I speak to my sister more about this issue tonight as it will be a heated discussion if she has kept issues hidden from me for whatever reason. I am now waiting for mum in law to arrive from airport and apparently she is in a good mood, which is rare, just received a text from my partner. I am cooking dinner and then calling Finland.
I am not running away from SR but I do not see myself in the right state of mind to be focusing on myself until I have seen my mother and made the medical decisions that has to be made there. I feel like Juno that have nothing to contribute here until I am 100% committed to sobriety which I can not guarantee at the moment.
I do not "plan" to binge drink and give it all up. Not at all. I have gained to much since October both physically and mentally.
That is all from me now. You have all become like friends and I have felt REALLY, REALLY bad all day about letting you all down and you D. I am so sorry.
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