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Class of October 2015 Part 4

Old 11-16-2015, 12:05 AM
  # 201 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Juno11 View Post
I'm scared of this beast - this insidious beast. I drank tonight. I don't have a good reason - is there ever a good reason? Built up pressure I think. Everything's gone - will start up again tomorrow. This is hard.
The thing about the beast is ...it's utterly powerless on its own.
It really is.

Think about it - without you to agree with its persuasion, without you to get up, go to the shop, buy booze, come home, open it up and drink it - the beast is flummoxed.

It has no arm or legs, no mouth...not even a brain of its own.

It will pull out all the stops to try and convince you that the most dire things will happen to you if you don't drink.

I believed it for years...until I got through bad stuff sober...AND THE PRESSURE WENT AWAY OF ITS OWN ACCORD.

That was a serious revelation for me.

Believe in yourself Juno - you can stay sober and you will find other healthier ways to deal with building pressure.

You can come here and post and rat your AV out.

It won't like it - it will scream and shout and kick and curse - but it will wear itself out...

it's utterly totally and completely powerless if you simply say NO

D
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:14 AM
  # 202 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Juno11 View Post
I'm scared of this beast - this insidious beast. I drank tonight. I don't have a good reason - is there ever a good reason? Built up pressure I think. Everything's gone - will start up again tomorrow. This is hard.
I'm glad you're OK now Juno. You're right, this can be hard, but don't give up. I've failed literally hundreds of times to quit, but I will never give up. As Dee points out, the beast (the cravings) can't hurt you.

My beast has been pestering me these last week or so. I'm not sure why it's doing so now when I was fine the first few weeks of sobriety, but I know it will quiet down in time. So I accept that while I may be annoyed by it now, I don't have to submit to its demands. And neither do you.

Next time you have thoughts of drinking, come here. Someone will be here to offer a shoulder to lean on.
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Old 11-16-2015, 01:11 AM
  # 203 (permalink)  
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Juno,

Kudos for bouncing back so quickly. One day you'll get there even if there's a bump or two on the road. You're heading in the right direction no matter what.
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Old 11-16-2015, 04:51 AM
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I'm so scared. Please don't do what I did. I'm having panic attacks now.
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Old 11-16-2015, 05:18 AM
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You'll feel better tomorrow and the day after that Juno. This can be a blip not a derailment. Stay strong

D
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Old 11-16-2015, 06:34 AM
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Hey all,Juno sorry you drank,try and go easy on yourself today,lots of rest,water,rest,I've been trying to stay quit for good for 3 years!!!! Seems like the first 30 days are a breeze then the real work kicks in and sobriety starts feeling like a punishment instead of a new,positive lifestyle, I've got to break that cycle,I too let the stress build and blow up,you're not alone in this, I know I'm new here but I understand,I hope you're feeling better by now,hello to everyone have a nice Monday😊
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Old 11-16-2015, 08:59 AM
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Thank you for the kind words all. I feel like such a loser today. Right back to square one. I'm ashamed of myself - I was even mean and abusive to another member on a different thread. I also feel like crap today. Why, why, why do we do this??? I had 35 days. I was doing so well. If there's any question that wine is not good for me, I think I put that question to rest.
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Old 11-16-2015, 09:05 AM
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I need to step away from posting for a while. Please know I'm okay and not going to drink again. That was a huge mistake. Thanks, everyone.
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Old 11-16-2015, 09:59 AM
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I wish you well Juno. I know you have been battling this disease for years now. I pray that someday you find what works for you. Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes. We have to want to stay sober more than we want to drink. When that happens, we will go to any length to stay sober and amazing things happen.
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Old 11-16-2015, 11:37 AM
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Day 10.
Juno you drank got drunk like me virtually to the day as I did. What happened happened you drank yesterday now move on. Nip it in the bud while you still can. Do not take time away from SR now is the time you need it most!
You can so do this. You have shown everybody you can.
You were an inspiration to me while counting my daily sobriety days and you still are.
When I drank that Saturday I was not impressed with myself for drinking and knew I was going to be harsh on myself the next day.
However, I was impressed with myself for stopping and having the strength to chose not to drink again the next day.
Now being 10 days back on the wagon I have been thinking and evaluating my drinks that Saturday that broke my over 30 days sober.
So did I enjoy it?YES for the first 1-2 hours, was it worth it? NO, how did I feel the next day? Guilty and disappointed with myself and . However to prove myself my strength and willingness to want to be sober I jumped back on the wagon. You can do that as well Juno and you know that.
As I said before, in a way I am glad that I had those drinks that Saturday as I could really compare my new life sober to being drunk. I did not like the difference. I so much prefer my sober life. Will I ever drink again. I hope not and I that is why I am here.
A year ago when I gave up drinking for the first time in decades for a month my sobriety was broken by 1 beer at Christmas. That 1 beer slowly led to 9 months of getting back to "normal" life of wine, fights, sick days from work, feeling s=+t most of the time, hangovers and more wine to feel more "normal" again. You know the cycle.
Please come back Juno. You are not a failure but a fighter and a champion for coming back. I hope you do.
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Old 11-16-2015, 11:38 AM
  # 211 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Juno11 View Post
Thank you for the kind words all. I feel like such a loser today. Right back to square one. I'm ashamed of myself - I was even mean and abusive to another member on a different thread. I also feel like crap today. Why, why, why do we do this??? I had 35 days. I was doing so well. If there's any question that wine is not good for me, I think I put that question to rest.
Originally Posted by Juno11 View Post
I need to step away from posting for a while. Please know I'm okay and not going to drink again. That was a huge mistake. Thanks, everyone.
no no no no NO!

stepping away from posting is exactly the opposite to what you should be doing Juno!

we all understand how hard this is, and we all remember drinking again.
We get it. None of us can pass judgement on you...

You're not a loser - you're simply one of us and I believe you'll win this fight.

Don't step away from the support you have here.
That's exactly what your addicted self wants.

D
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Old 11-16-2015, 01:14 PM
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Day 35: Things feeling very boring and routine, but I'm aware of it and cutting that line of thinking off before it takes over. Enjoying sobriety and trying not to think myself into depression and drinking again.
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Old 11-16-2015, 03:53 PM
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Everyone's posts of support almost made me cry!!! Seriously! I felt like a loser and that I needed to hide away for a little while, but you've all pulled me back!

One thing I'm going to to differently this time is keep an actual paper and pen journal, and write in it EVERY DAY, no matter what. My psychiatrist suggested this would be a good idea and I think so, too. I got lazy when I started posting here everyday and skipping the journal. I'm not going to skip it this time around - in fact, I just got a brand new journal to write in.

I had the mother of all hangovers today. Must have been in the "top 5" worst of all time. I'll spare you all the gruesome details, but I was unable to eat all day until just now (about 5:00 pm) and only sipping small amounts of water or gatoraid during the day. I did manage to make it into work, though I was late - better late than never. It was good for my morale even though I felt like crap.

Tonight's going to be a better night than last night, that's for sure. Day one just about done.
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Old 11-16-2015, 04:04 PM
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There you go Juno! That's the spirit, thanks for this post, so many of us are pulling for you. You are so strong, you can do this!
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Old 11-16-2015, 04:07 PM
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I'm glad you're sticking around Juno

D
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Old 11-16-2015, 04:21 PM
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Woo-hoo Juno,I like that fighting spirit😁
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Old 11-16-2015, 04:27 PM
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((((Juno)))) you know we are here for you. Get up and go again! Don't hold yourself back!
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Old 11-16-2015, 07:13 PM
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Yay Juno!! I had a bit of a rough evening, but I logged on here as soon as I could, and everybody's posts of support and encouragement for you made me smile! And Dee's "no no no no No" definitely made me laugh out loud : ) Thank you for sharing your experience, Juno. I think that was brave of you. I learn a lot from you, and we'd all be missing like you crazy if we didn't have you here!
Seriously everybody, your posts are great. I look forward to logging on here everyday and seeing the encouragement we get and give. Thank you!
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Old 11-16-2015, 07:52 PM
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There you go Juno.. Now there are 2 of us here who lapsed!! Ok lets support each other not to do it again.. You will feel better in a day or so.. Glad you are back Juno..
PS its not the end of the world, its just a lesson in life.
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Old 11-16-2015, 10:01 PM
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Well, finally! I have reached my 30 days and it feels like I had to summit Killamonjaro to get here. I couldn't have done it without you guys, thank you so much for this class and for all the good words of encouragement and life lessons you have shared along this journey.

So after 30 days of sobriety I can say I feel a lot better overall. I am a hypochondriac, constantly worrying about my health from trashing my body with booze. Well, I don't worry so much my health because I know I am healing. I have so much more energy and a greater self esteem, I'm beginning to feel a little like my old self again which is nice. I know longer have the mental fog I used to live with, I feel sharper, no more headaches or vertigo either. I have to say I am also a much better father and husband because now I have the energy to get through the day and am much more attentive. My blood pressure has also come down a bit. When I gave up alcohol I allowed myself to self medicate with snacks at night and even with all the crap I've been eating I still managed to lose a few pounds.

My goals for the next 30 days is to obviously stay sober, but also workout at least 3 days a week, meet my fitbit goals at least 5 days a week and try to stay in my calorie allowance in my fitness pall, oh yeah, and no more snacking. I'm really looking forward to accomplishing this next 30 days with you guys!
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