Class of October 2015 Part 4
 

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-20.html

D

Thank you for your honest response, Dee. I felt this pang of guilt when I read it because I know deep down I'm not doing enough. The first 5 weeks thereabouts were pretty easy. I was feeling good and I had all this resolve. I was hoping I could continue to sail through and it would be easy. I knew that wouldn't be the case but I was still really hoping for it. Reading and posting on here, and running, have worked for me so far, but that's not a real strong plan. Seems meaningless to say I really do want to be sober then not do the hard work. But I really do want to be sober. I will quit banking on strong willpower and a ridiculously long string of good days and do the work. You've posted some useful links before, and I skipped over them. Would you post some links again, please? I'll bookmark (and read!) them this time! Thank you again, Dee, for making me think : )

These are great links :)

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf

D

Dee,

Like the avatar. I suspect that you know but tomorrow my time there is a new Beatles audio-video series being released. I know what I want from Santa.

yeah I've been seeing snippets from it - looks great! :)

D

Hello class! 18 days and counting, pretty cool, today was awesome. Love waking up feeling great, lots of energy at work through the whole day, my hard work ethic has returned, I can't stand to not be busy anymore. I find myself staying busy at work and home, enjoying my time more with my kids and enjoy the boost in energy to help me do it. Feels good that my kids don't see daddy holding a beer every other night too.

I have found a new appreciation for my self worth and the work I do helping people in the medical field. I really try to do the best that I can for everyone, having struggled and stumbled myself has given me much more tolerance and compassion for others, and that feels so good. I didn't realise that I had suppressed this version of myself for so long, giving it all away to the bottle, so sad. I find that I have a much better attitude at work on crappy days then most because I no longer will allow the day to get to me. Before I would let a bad day ruin me because it gave me an excuse to drink later, now that it's not an option I excel in stressful situations.

On a side note I bought a Fitbit Charge HR, can't wait for it to get here, loving this healthier lifestyle. Im loving my evenings, i no linger waste time infront the tv, instead i dim the lights, turn on pandora (lumineers station), light a candle and write in my journal. Im getting cought up on old trip reports from adventures taken this last fall, being productive has become my new addiction.

Keep up the good work my brothers and sisters in sobriety!

Me, too. I should have added that in my earlier positive points. I feel exactly the same and can also react with a shrug rather than a glug so to speak.

Good morning everyone! Starting day 18 today!! I'm pretty proud of myself, but I do have to admit that the last few days I've been thinking about wine and how much I miss it and wish I could enjoy a few glasses of it. My parents are coming this weekend, and I've drunk wine with my dad my entire adult life (I'm turning 47 next week!!). It's going to be really weird not drinking, and I'm afraid we'll be bored! (I know this is just AV speaking, but the thought is still there.)

Plus, my birthday is a week from Saturday, and I'm going to celebrate with my kiddos since my husband will be out of town. I keep trying to think of where to go for dinner, but all my favorite places have wine memories and urges. It's like I'm afraid to try my favorite spots because I'm afraid I'll break down and order a drink, especially if my husband is not here. Sigh...

Other than that, things are going well. I've been very consistent with my workouts, and it's nice to have energy and no hangovers. I've been sleeping REALLY well for a change, and that feels great!

Sorry I can't check in more during the day. I work in a VERY open work environment where everyone can see my screen, and I don't really want work people to know I'm visiting this site.

Hope everyone has a great, sober day!!


I love my fitbit - it really keeps me on track with getting a healthy amount of movement every day. Let me know if you want to be Fitbit friends! :)

Day 26 - off to work. Very sneezy this morning. Foggy outside and warm.

Dee, thanks for your comments yesterday. Very helpful. I'm closing in on 30 days and a lot of folks have said that cravings creep up around the 30 day mark, so I'll be on alert. I feel so much better not being hungover in the mornings. I truly never want to experience that again, and I know there's only way to achieve that goal (never drink) :)

Have a great Thursday!!!

Day 13,still cruising along ok,I know I need to get some extra help,had an addiction counselor but he dwelled too much on my childhood, hate the AA group that's close to my house,ugh,this all sounds like excuses to me! Am I so stubborn that I just don't want to listen to what they have to say? I can't sweep my addiction under a rug and pretend it doesn't exist but I don't want it in my face all the time either,grr,positives in sobriety ATM are,exercise, eating better(sorta) making sure bills are paid,being productive at work,spending time with family, remembering my night,not waking up with the creeps,hope everyone has a great Thursday😁

Day 32..another sobriety test coming up this weekend. Going away to the country for the weekend with my partner. We used to get drunk (well more so I did than my normal drinking partner) on our weekend getaways and I used to have my "water bottle" with me, filled with cheap wine to see me through the return trip back to Sydney. Well today I do have actual water in my water bottle. I can not wait to get away and visit farmers markets (which I adore as I am a bit of a Jamie Oliver if I may say myself, love cooking)..
Nothing else to add friends. Enjoy another sober weekend!

Seems like everyone is moving along well and I am so glad for you! There will always be a bump here in there..trick is just learning to navigate it and maybe some different tools to use to help us through it. I learn something new everyday. Keep on going..you're doing great! (Hug)!

For the first time in quite a while I had quite strong cravings at work last night, where in my mind I was okay with the decision to drink this weekend. This both helps me and scares me.

It helps in that I know I always have to be focused on his battle, keep my guard up regardless of how confident I feel. And I do have a tendency to feel over-confident, cured so to speak.

It scares me as I feel I will always have this cloud hanging over me and sometimes it will rain and rain heavily. I am unsure if I can always be so resilient, for ever and ever.

It depresses me too and I know that the decision to drink or not it totally up to me. I have to take the numerous steps to eventually raise the glass up to my mouth. I know that if I fail then I will blame myself so much I will end up pretty depressed for a period.

Other than that I'm great.

OMG! You expressed exactly how I'm feeling right now, right up to the difficulties yesterday at work. Well said.:tyou

Midton I can honestly say that it gets easier. I don;t feel like I have a huge cloud of me anymore and I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop.

A lot of that relies on a good recovery plan - I know what I can do if I over find myself in dangerous waters. Even if I never have to use it again, it's peace of mind.

Have a great sober weekend all :)

D

Oh yeah, Midton, I know exactly what you mean. I had a long day at work, and today I wasn't thinking about drinking, but those thoughts crept in again of "sometime in the future I will".
I had a trigger early this morning when an ex-boyfriend sent a picture of the two of us from years ago, when I was carefree and on a lot of drugs, and my AV was telling me how much fun it was to be messed up out of my mind. So I was thinking, "really will I never be like that again?". Gosh, I hope I'm never like that again! That's not a state mature, responsible mothers aspire to be in. Ugh, and I always felt awful afterwards. So just kinda rambling here to get some of these thoughts out of my head. My links from Dee are finished downloading, and I am going to read them Now!!

Hi all - didn't end up going out tonight. My daughter had a 'crisis' after school and I didn't feel up to going out and being social and wanted to be here for her. Maybe for the best - maybe too soon to be putting myself in social situations where alcohol is possible (i.e. wine, which is hard for me to pass up especially at dinner time). So I cancelled, and will hopefully see my friend another time.

Tough day overall and I'm drained. I was pretty sad about a lot of things. The thought of wine did pass through my mind, but when I thought longer it just didn't seem like a good solution to my pain/discomfort/whatever I'm feeling. So I cooked some rice and beans and had lots of cranberry juice. Very full now.

I will be happy to be at Day 27 tomorrow and not Day 1. Hopefully things will get better for me soon. Glad to see everyone's posts.

Can soon count in months Juno.

Day 24: Paranoia about everything (health, money, relationships, intelligence) creeping up again. Drinking was always a wonderful way to shut those thoughts up. Therapy never came close to shutting them down and I'm really not interested in medicating them away with something other than alcohol. Trying to just focus on anything else. Otherwise, life's ok.

Thanks, Midton - I appreciate the morale boost!