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Class of October 2015 Part 4

Old 11-12-2015, 06:00 PM
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Congrats Winslow and Time2rise! You're doing great!!
Juno, so glad to hear you had a better day today : ) that would have been an awful feeling to drink last night and get your necklace today. Kinda makes me cringe just to think of that feeling. But you didn't drink, and you were rewarded with your necklace today!! Good for you : )
Not a whole lot going on for me today. Everybody at work was frazzled but me. I had a good day. They were all looking forward to drinking as soon as they got off work. I'm looking forward to watching basketball while I'm on the treadmill. I've got to do some laundry and dishes and get to bed early because I have another early morning tomorrow, but I'm not irritable about all that. Just takin care of business!
Keep up the great work everybody!!
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Old 11-12-2015, 06:29 PM
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I can sense a tough weekend coming up.

My son's birthday was midweek so this Saturday my family will go to his, and my, favourite Italian restaurant. There are always massive bottles ofChianti waiting on the table. I've been a few times since being sober but for lunch, a time I seldom drink.

All week at work, when I'm tired and hungry, I've been fantasising about having "some" wine. It will be a big celebratory eat and my psyche is saying wine will be the cherry on the top.

As armour Saturday will be my 70th day. I want to reach three month, 100 days, 6 months etc. Other than than I am absolutely craving free and feeling pretty up.
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Old 11-12-2015, 08:44 PM
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Day 31: Had a good day today, though not as productive as I'd like. Met up with some friends and barely noticed that people were drinking. As long as I can keep myself focused on something positive and interesting, avoiding drink hasn't been too tough. The hard part is pushing through these unavoidable dull, repetitive, boring parts of life without it.
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Old 11-12-2015, 08:55 PM
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This is weird, Midton, but I had a dream last night like your reality is going to be saturday. In my dream, I was at dinner with a friend, and I had a glass of wine sitting in front of me. I kept looking at the wine and thinking about it, but even in my dream I played the tape through and thought I'm either going to be really sleepy after one glass or I'm going to keep drinking the whole rest of the night. I didn't drink in my drinking dream, I was really surprised! I ate a lot instead. I hope you decide not to drink on saturday. If the food is good, you'll enjoy dinner without drinking, and you'll be in good company with your family. I remind myself the time spent feeling bad about drinking lasts a lot longer than the brief time I feel good from drinking. Don't know if that helps at all, but I'm pulling for ya!!
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Old 11-12-2015, 09:20 PM
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Griz,

I think I'll be okay, My desire to be sober is still stronger than my desire to drink. It has taken me 6 years to get to 70 days again despite promising myself to quit every time I wake up hungover . Getting over the initial 5 minutes or so is the hard part. I've done it before and I'll do it again but I just need to slip once to be back binging weekly.
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Old 11-12-2015, 09:37 PM
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The thing that bugs me most at present about sobriety.


So, I work pretty hard all week, nose to the grindstone. During the week, both now and in the past, I'm up at 6. Then I take the kids to school at 7:25, work out 8-10, eat then work till around 9:30. Finally, I eat and go to bed, reading a book for five minutes before falling asleep. In the past I used to do a half day on Saturday. Basically it's a long week.

Like a marathon runner, I would trot through the week, one foot after another. Then come Friday night, my finishing line, I'd have a bottle of wine. Then Saturday I'd have more. This was my release, my relaxation time, my downtime and my escape from the mind numbing routine that's my life (my daily work is exactly the same day after day, week after week and year after year; no meeting, no business trips, no undulations at all).

Now at the weekend I have nothing. I feel a sense of panic that my life is speeding towards its end and I'm not making the most of it. Sure, not drinking has reigned in my lowest lows but so far it has also reigned in the highs. I'm just constant.

I'm about to enter 4 months of pretty bad winter which is even worse, a hibernation of hard labour with the snow we get here.

I'm probably just down because I'm missing drinking. I, know people will say these are the same but, don't have much in the way of cravings these days more a longing for past times.
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Old 11-12-2015, 10:16 PM
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Day 26. Went to work in a crappy mood and remained that way until after lunch, don't know why, frustrating. Day did eventually get better then ended my shift on a good note.

This evening I rode my spin bike so I could meet all the goals on my fitbit, just needed 20 more activity minutes. My wife went to an essential oil thing tonight, anyone here into that? Just curious.

Midton, I'm with you on the whole missing the buzz thing. Would be nice to be able to cut loose and relax on the weekend with a bottle. I just can't stick to one day a week, turns into 2, then 3, and so on. I have even entertained the idea of smoking marijuana, as it is legal in Washington State where I live. My employer does drug test but not randomly, just don't know if it's worth the risk though. I have smoked weed here and there over the years, never got a hold of me like alcohol, much prefer the bottle, so weed would be a safe bet for me.
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Old 11-12-2015, 10:49 PM
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L4w,

I personally wouldn't risk the chance of a random drug test, unless you have something to fall back on.

I've also never been remotely into any other kind of drugs. I'm British but spent a year at university in Iowa and this was the only time in my life I took marijuana. It wasn't for me. I've also never been interested in even trying anything else haven't even smoked a cigarette. Of all the drugs I have to go for the one with calories.

There are only really two things that give me the same pleasure as alcohol can/could. One of these is exercise and I have a tendency to go overboard with that too. I can drink for hours but can only exercise for at most two.
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Old 11-13-2015, 12:41 AM
  # 149 (permalink)  
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As someone who's been addicted to both alcohol and weed I always wince when people say weed might be a safe bet for them.

I know we're all different, and I realise I may be projecting...but...

I don't think anything should be considered a safe bet for any of us.

Any thing that tries to fill a void rather than heal a void is always going to need to be replenished - and I think it's that replenishment where the danger of cross-addiction grows.

The idea that we need a substance to take the edge off or relax is a pretty slippery one for guys like us.

I've learned to switch off and relax without drugs or booze with things like exercise and hobbies and good company- it's not like oblivion - but it is effective

D
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Old 11-13-2015, 01:28 AM
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I have always been the sort of person who feels guilty if I'm just relaxing watching TV and being generally unproductive. Alcohol let me enjoy doing nothing without having that nagging self-talk that I'm being lazy and feeling guilty for it. So I am now going to let myself have at least 1/2 hour a day to just be and not do and not feel bad about it . I am giving myself permission to relax without alcohol.
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Old 11-13-2015, 04:16 AM
  # 151 (permalink)  
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Love this thread! Good posts! For those struggling hang in there it will get better!
I knew when I quit drinking I had to watch not replacing it with another addiction. I quit smoking about 9 years ago and looking back I'm pretty sure that's when I started pouring the booze like nobody's business. When I quit drinking my husband said maybe I could try NA drinks. I told him no because I have a compulsive disorder and an addictive personality. I knew I would replace my addiction with another addiction. Dee is right. Have to be so careful. You already know you have this type of behavior don't fall into the trap of starting up another thing to replace the urge to drink. It'll be more than a problem, it'll be yet another addiction,
Post later! Gotta run to the shower to get ready for work!
((Hug))!!
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Old 11-13-2015, 07:49 AM
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You guys are right, marijuana isn't the answer, I'm sure, with time, the want to cut loose with a substance will pass. I'm better off with nothing, lucky for me right now, telling myself that is enough.
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Old 11-13-2015, 07:55 AM
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Hey all,not feeling too great this morning😠feel like I have too much alcohol on the brain,like I'm obsessing over when I'll relapse again, I really hate these self sabotaging thoughts,I wish I could just take it off the table for good and be done once and for all,it took me a lot of strength to get these 21 days,I don't want to give them up only to start over yet again, this blows,hope everyone has a great day😊
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Old 11-13-2015, 08:36 AM
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Hang in there guys..you can do it! It's so hard but you got to fight with the devil to save yourself. You gotta want it so bad that nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to take it away. There's no way I'm giving in and going through AGAIN what I've been through thus far. No way in hell!
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Old 11-13-2015, 08:56 AM
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Exactly Keyofc,why drink and hafta sweat it out again?laying on the couch or in bed,of no use to our families, spending money on liquid death,no way,trying to keep my thoughts positive, there's no pluses to drinking only negatives,just sometimes stopping the negative loop is hard,but its worth it😊
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Old 11-13-2015, 09:23 AM
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Love all the positive reinforcement in here, happy Friday!
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Old 11-13-2015, 12:57 PM
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Let's make this "lucky Friday the 13th."
My black cat offers good luck to all of us, so let's make this a sober weekend.
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Old 11-13-2015, 01:34 PM
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Is anybody else still really tired? I don't remember being this tired after the first week in any of my prior quits,I could still just be thrown off by the clocks changing, plus its colder who knows
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Old 11-13-2015, 01:37 PM
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I was tired. I think the more times we withdraw the worse it can be Winslow- it's that 'kindling' thing.

It gets better

D
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Old 11-13-2015, 03:38 PM
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Hi all - Winslow, I'm starting not to be tired these days. I'm beyond 30 days now (I think 34?) so I'm starting to feel better. Also got two colds out of the way, so hopefully a healthful stretch coming.

I'm like you, Midton. Not a fan of marijuana. It makes me paranoid and the last time I tried it, I hated it and just wanted the feeling to end. You couldn't pay me enough to try it again! The alcohol buzz is the buzz I like and crave, even though it hasn't always been a happy feeling. Mostly, I like being sober.

I can understand everyone's feelings of missing something - the buzz, the high, the ups and downs, the excitement, etc. that goes along with drinking. I feel that at times, too, but know that deep down this sober life is for me.

Here's what's keeping me going right now:

1. My necklace with the date. As silly as it sounds, wearing this necklace with the date of my sobriety is helping me. How can I possibly drink when I have this lovely necklace on with this great date on it?
2. My psychiatrist and the Campral. I feel obligated to keep sober for him so I can give him the good report. And I want the Campral to help. I have to let it help.
3. Fear of hangover. This is a very real fear for me. I also have an extreme dislike of nausea. In fact, I hate it more than anything. I would become nauseated with as little as 3 glasses of wine and anything more than that and I would most likely be vomiting. I can't go through that again.

I'm happy it's the weekend. Have a good one, everyone!
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