Frank14

Just checking in as I've been having serious thoughts of "maybe I can just limit my drinking to Friday/Saturday nights." Ugh. I'm on day 46 with no urges or anything like that. Other than a touch of insomnia (probably stress related) I'm feeling great. So, why not throw it away, right? Lol!

I certainly wouldn't have only a few glasses as Juno had. I guess that's a sure indication that I have a problem. Why drink if you're not going to get drunk? What's the point? I've read so many stories on here regarding those who try to moderate. It doesn't work, does it?

Winslow

No I don't think so Frank,you've got 46 days,that's awesome! I get antsy around that time too but I'd rather have 46 days in the bag and counting rather than drink and wonder if I'll ever have another day 1,I had a super bad relapse in January, I drank for 10 days straight and even looked up the number for a dry out place,very scary here in Vegas to have to go there,luckily I got the balls to stop at home finally and even after that scare I continued to relapse again and again, done with the merry go round.

Midton

Just walked to my car after my morning gym session. The weather is beautiful, sunny and with a blue, cloudless sky. I then had a moment of sheer euphoria. I was so happy. I took a minute to think about why and there was nothing in particular except from the fact I haven't been drinking.


Juno, I would probably beat myself up about drinking even though I suggest that you don't. It's not a big deal in the great scheme of things. Personally I wouldn't be interested in just a glass or two., I'd rather not drink. Probably similar to the way Frank thinks.

I also can't relate to most of the stories here and sometimes feel a weak-willed fraud when I post. People are often posting about life and death situation and telling tales of a he'll I'm lucky enough to have never experienced. Meanwhile I'm twirling about like a prima ballerina whining about how I had a craving at work.

Syd, look forward to comparing and then worrying about blood results

grizzlybearblue

Thank you, sydneyman! I appreciate the compliment : ) you are doing so well!
Way to go Frank on 46 days! You already said it, moderation doesn't work for you. I've also tried the only on Friday and Saturday thing, but every time Sunday rolled around I'd keep drinking. Then I'd go ahead and drink on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday as well. Maybe I was thinking only on Friday and Saturday will I drink 2 bottles of wine and 5 to 10 buzz balls (each day). My moderation was drinking a bottle of wine a night the rest of the nights. I'm really glad you checked in here and let us know what's going on : )
Alright, Juno, gettin' right back at it!! Sydneyman did have some really nice things to say regarding that. I don't know if mine is nice or helpful, but I'll say what came to mind. My quitting date wasn't any particularly special day. I wasn't even really thinking about quitting for good. I had only drank a half a bottle of wine the night before- I was being good. But I had really blown it out the 2 days prior even though I started each day telling myself I wasn't going to do that. September 23rd I'd finally had enough. I am the type of alcoholic that you had mentioned. I look at it as a blessing and a curse. I think I do have the gift of desperation. Blood coming from a place it should never be coming from is a strong motivator for me not to go back. I am so glad you were able to stop at 2 glasses and you want something different for today. I'd say that's progress : )

Juno11

Thanks for the kind words, Midton and Grizzly.

I don't really think moderation is an option for any of us here, Frank. The fact that I can moderate now and then is more of a curse than a blessing. It kind of keeps the door open when it should firmly be closed. I know I can go to a work event, have two glasses of wine and be done for the night. I also know that I would have been craving a third but resisted because I had to. I also know that I would feel like crap the next day even with two glasses. See, I really shouldn't be drinking at all, either.

Just for the record, last night I was drinking for a different reason than normal. Normally I drink for stress relief from my life. Last night I was in physical discomfort. I picked up two tiny bottles of wine (like single serving size) with the intention that that was it for the night. I stuck to it, stayed in and slept it off. I wish I hadn't done it, but I was feeling so lousy I can't explain. Anyway, it's in the past.

You all have a better attitude than I do about picking a sobriety date and sticking with it. I must be OCD because I spend way too much time worrying if the date is "good enough" and can stand the test of time. I know it's counterproductive to think this way, and yet I can't help it. That was why I tried really hard to think of this day as "special" even though it was just a regular Tuesday. Ah, oh well. Regular Tuesday it is.

Thanks for sticking with me. Sorry for bringing the group down with so much collective success. Everyone sounds wonderful!

Midton

Juno,

The only thing about dates that niggle at me a little is when I'm trying to get sober. I find it easier to start at the start of a month rather than the end. My strongest periods of sobriety have all happened "by luck" after a particularly bad/embarrassing drinking experience and the dates have been incidental.

grizzlybearblue

No need to apologize, Juno! That's what we're here for : )
Midton, you made me laugh with the "comparing then worrying about blood results" comment!

sydneyman

Tell me about it grizzly!!! . I happily share my results once received early next week,, all good almost home time, tired today.. Making a nice dinner and early to bed.. I love my sleeps again, they are so trippy and colourful. Until tomorrow dear friends..

looking4awagon

Juno, our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. It's not about the date or the number of days, it's only about today, be present, live in the moment. You can do this, I know you can. When I hit 30 days I stopped paying attention, maybe I'm lazy, I have an app on my phone that tells me how long it's been. I found sobriety alot easier when I stopped focusing on how many days it had been, and just payed attention to today, and not drinking today.

Juno11

Looking4awagon, you have some really good advice there. Thank you so much. I will take it!

I'm doing better today. Got the first good night's sleep in a while after getting this yucky physical condition. I hope I'm on the mend... The two glasses of wine are a blip in the rear view mirror right now. I've got to focus on today and staying sober through the holiday season. I know I can do this.

My sleep and dreams were really wonderful last night. I so needed that. Now today I will start back with some yoga and lots of other stuff I need to get done. Another wet foggy day here - 3rd day in a row. They say the sun will be back tomorrow. We shall see. Have a great day, all!

Juno11

Midton, I have too many quirks about numbers to list here. I, too, try to stick to either the start of the month or the end of the month. The middle of the month feels too amorphous. It's the same principle as when I get to a yoga class and I look for a space on the edge of the room or even better, in the corner. I like to feel grounded, anchored and if I'm in the middle of the room it's disconcerting. I remember recently going to a yoga class and I deliberately picked a nice little isolated spot in the corner of the room. The teacher tried to get me to move to the middle of the room with all the people to feel "more a part of the class." Hmmm.... that's how some people's minds works. If she only knew I chose the space because it felt right to me! I declined, and said I was happy where I was. Everyone's different.

I also had a time when I had to pick a date that ended in 0 or 1, except for 20 or 21 which had too many associations for me. So the only dates I could pick to start a sober venture were: 1, 10, 11, 30 or 31. Kind of limited, I know. I was having trouble with the 16th of last month because it didn't meet either of my criteria. I should be happy with my new date because it meets both. And everyone who says none of this matters is right!

Juno11

This was fantastic and funny. Midton, you are very entertaining!

Winslow

Hey all,when I first started posting here it felt like a good,positive vibe,now its a bit negative to me,I belong to another forum too and there's plenty of peeps who say they're"not that bad" I always wonder why they joined in the first place then? I'm focusing on an alcohol free life so I'll peruse the boards and try and find a good fit,I wish you all the best😊

sydneyman

Morning .. Looking4 what's the app you are using??

Winslow why do you say the vibe is negative? Isn't it just all the journeys we are going through, perhaps we are in a lull for you at the moment. I must say the October group has certainly dwindled down since the October group started. We are only a handful left here today. I share a certain special bond with you all. You are my buddies who I can open myself up to that I really don't do to anybody else. Nobody is here to judge but rather to support, motivate and keep us on track. We all understand each others problem with booze. I find it inspirational..OK had my morning walk having a coffee bullet and getting ready for another day in the office, yawn, don't feel like the latter at all today. At least its Thursday here.
Ciao!!

Juno11

I'd be interested to know what app it is as well. I have one that tracks days on streaks - it's good but not perfect and doesn't have anything to do with alcohol.

Sydneyman, your post made me feel happy. Thanks for being here and providing good words of support and wisdom!

We all have different journeys, different sets of problems and addictions, and different levels and patterns of additction but we're here for support and not judgment. One of the number one rules we have in our SMART Recovery meetings is "No judgment." I'm happy to say that most people stick to that.

Winslow, I'm sorry you're not happy with our group. I suspect your post was directed at me since it was posted directly after I posted this morning. I hope I didn't do anything to offend you and I wish you well.

I'm actually having a difficult day. I've been crying a lot. My 3 kids seem to be imploding and I'm not sure why. The one imploding the least is only having trouble with one or two things at school. My son with autism is going through a terrible time and the school keeps emailing me. My daughter is kind of falling apart and I don't know if she'll get through high school. So I've been sitting here crying this morning.

I saw my psychiatrist and fessed up about the relapses. The next time I see him, I'm going to have a better report. The good news is that he's helping me and has prescribed a mild anti-anxiety med to help me with feelings of stress for those times when I turn to alcohol . I can't remember the name of it but he said it's non-addictive, I can take it when I need to or not take it at all, and may use it for help with sleep when I'm having trouble. This would have been something to take instead of alcohol when I was feeling lousy the other night. I'm hopeful and glad to have this guy helping me.

Take care everyone!

Midton

I also use an app. It's called quitter. It's not great but it helps a little.

It counts in months, weeks and days which I don't like. I'd prefer only days. I did come across an app I liked but despite it costing pennies I decided not to buy it. Can't remember the name.


I think Quitter is for quitting anything. It can be set to tell you how much you've saved since quitting. Obviously it's a rough guide but I'm up at around 500 dollars in simply wine alone. That's a nice feel good bonus.

Midton

I think at the start people are hopeful, optimistic and positive. As the initial euphoria/joy/happiness wears off we, naturally, come down a little from out initial beginners high. Our lives revert back to normal, and that for most people is a little mundane and a little less upbeat.

Juno thought the post was aimed at her. I thought it might have been aimed at me. Maybe it was aimed at everyone or no one. Regardless if we're not helping your right to seek somewhere that fits your needs more.

As Syd wrote this is a small group but one that is growing closer and closer. It nice to gradually learn more about each other. It's s nice fit for me too.

Dee74

It's important to document and to talk out the not so good stuff as well as the good, I think.

A thread full of sunshine and lollipops is as useful as a thread that's all doom and gloom

No one should feel reluctant to post here if they need help.

I think this thread strikes a reasonable balance, but I understand everyone has their own needs and perceptions...

I can recommend the Under One Year thread to anyone looking around at other SR threads.

D

sydneyman

Im sticking right here like cement

Juno11

Just FYI - the app I use is called "Wonderful Day." Not sure how I found it but it works well for tracking how many days you can keep up with any type of habit, such as not drinking or doing a particular activity. I haven't used it for things like yoga because I don't aim to do yoga everyday (in a perfect world, maybe I would but I'm lucky if I can do 3x per week). It's good for tracking something you really want to do everyday, like not drink.