helpimalive

Mmmmm, eh, never mind. Just writing it out like that did it I think. I seem to be okay now. But my makeup on to go to the store and no longer wanted to go.

I really did plan on it though. For like two hours is been planning to go. I don't really know how me *not* giving in to these urges keeps happening.

Dee74

I always say there's no situation so bad a drink can;t make worse.


You have the choice between going back the way you've come - knowing the best it can get is where you were when you came to SR or where you were when you drank again (Re-read your posts after your last relapse).

or...you can have faith that there are better times ahead...the way may be a little rocky for a while but it gets easier.

All that self loathing...look.your AV is a lying callous parasitic piece of crap.
It will use you up and then move on to another poor host.

Why would you even give it the time of day, much less listen to it?

D

helpimalive

Yeah, I know ... I did reread my post. That's what gave my AV the idea to tell me I'd be better off struggling through every day again. It's a very good talker. Sometimes I think I should send it to law school.

:/

But you're right, I know, I try to have faith in the future. I try to believe stuff can be okay for me the way it is for some on here. That's a big thing I try to do. Thank you.

Time2Rise

Help, as you know I recently had similar thoughts. I understand the new hurdles your mind has come up with, but I'm guessing most of it isn't true. Sure, you may have been unproductive the last few months, but that happens to many people who have never had a drinking problem. I'm guessing you're just in a rut.

As for being a loser etc. I don't buy it. Whatever you do, don't act on your decision today. Eat something, watch TV or a movie or whatever you do to keep your negative thoughts at bay and get some sleep. Chances are good your outlook will be different tomorrow.

grizzlybearblue

Thank you everybody!! I really really appreciate the support : )

Time2Rise

Glad to see you most recent post Help. Good for you.

Dee74

If it helps I had very little faith that things would get better either- my life had been a disaster for a long time...and I had every bit of that self loathing too, believe me...

but a little speck of hope seemed better than no hope at all.

I'm glad I hung on - things really will get better. Promise

D

grizzlybearblue

Whatever worked, I'm glad you didn't drink help!! I read on another thread the other day someone said "be good to yourself, you're going through big changes right now". It's true. And by the way, you crack me up : ) you're a very good writer!

Juno11

Hi all,

The very tough week has finally ended. Phew. Work was crazy today. I think everyone is trying to get all this work out before Thanksgiving. Though I feel productive and good about what I accomplished.

I'm trying to not dwell on the things that are out of my control (like other's feelings and actions) and give myself a break on this. I can't fix every problem out there.

I'm also trying to focus more on SELF-CARE. Put on my own oxygen mask before I can be of help to others. With the self-care, here's my updated list:

1. exercise (run or yoga) 6 out of 7 days each week
2. do brain exercises (lumosity.com) every day
3. write in journal every day
4. drink lots of water
5. sleep at least 7 hours (if not more every night)

This is simple stuff, but stuff I need to do and haven't been doing. Tonight I got on the treadmill for the first time in weeks. I blasted the tunes and I feel wonderful. Exercise is one of the main things that has been missing from my life! Now I see that again. Already finished my brain puzzles, now about to journal and drink water. I hope everyone is doing well! I believe I'm on Day 5.

grizzlybearblue

Way to go Juno! I like your list. I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed your time on the treadmill : ) running works wonders for me. It is something I must do 5 days a week. I do it more for my mental health than my physical health.
I had a good day today. I woke up cranky this morning and didn't see how I was possibly going to be able to shake it off, but I did. I went to a 5:30 meeting, and that was good. There aren't many meetings I feel the need to go to, but I do like the 5:30 on Friday meeting because I think it gets my head in the right place for the weekend. Alright, we made it to the weekend! I hope it's a great one for everybody!

Midton

Massive cravings out of nowhere at present. I'm bored and tired. Normally on a Saturday I go crazy with chocolate but my mind is saying a bottle of wine is only 500 calories, skip the chocolate and get the wine.

Today is also my 77 th day, I think. The buzz I got from waking up sober at the weekend is long gone. I was up at 4:30 this morning and just felt numbed as opposed to energetic that I experienced in the first weeks.

I know I want to reach 3 months then 100 days at least and I also know that drinking will depress me ( just like not drinking is apparently doing at present).

My insides are churning and I feel sort of nervous about the whole thing. Time for some breathing I think.

Dee74

There are lots of good tips here Midton
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

the bottom line is don;t just sit there, I think. Try to keep occupied If all else fails I trawl you tube for interesting docos or old songs.

If you feed the craving it will simply grow stronger next time - if you stand firm and let it die, it weakens.

Think of the way you'd prefer to wake up tomorrow morning

D

helpimalive

Midton, I know, real cravings come and go like tides, hard to stand in spite of them, but finite.

I also know what you mean about the loss of how special it is to wake up again sober. It fades in time. That's part of what they mean when they say we forgot so quickly, I think. I forgot. Then I drank again and remembered.

So let me remind you: You can wake up and take either fifteen minutes or *at least eight hours* (of misery) to feel alert, awake, and normal again. Up to you.

Let me be this thread's spelunker in recent relapses. I've been to that room in this here cave, and I don't recommend it. :p

Dee74

Hmmm...maybe it's not happening for you guys at the moment because your addiction is fighting a rearguard action trying to sell you the idea that sobriety is boring and that a return to a fun filled life of controlled drinking might be possible?

Personally I still enjoy waking up sober. Honestly
Some days are harder than others, sure, but I really do enjoy my sober life.

I really hope you guys will come to see it the same way too

D

Midton

YouTube is how I spend most of my saturday nights recently till the British football comes on.

The major carving had passed but my wife being in a foul mood is reignighting it.

Dee, sadly tonight I wasn't wanting to have an attempt at controlled drinking I wanted to get drunk. I would have bought two bottles of wine just to make sure. My AV was at the logistics stage . But I can sense that this is a really important step. I don't want to glibly give up my hard won sobriety and all its benefits, especially just to drink alone at home in front of the TV. I really don't want to give up that easily.

Finally my wife is out to go and get me my fix. I've requested gummi, chocolate, crisps, ice cream and more chocolate.

Midton

You know, the tip about brushing teeth is a good one. I never want to eat or drink after doing so, plus the taste ain't exactly creme de menth.

Juno11

I can't say I recommend drinking, either. I tried it recently and it didn't work out too well for me

Midton, I'm glad you were able to push through that craving. They can be intense -- I've experienced that, too. At times I'm able too push through, and at other times the pressure is to great and I cave. But good on you for getting through... keep posting here when you can.

I'm up on a Saturday morning. Didn't make the 9:00 class (yoga) so going to try for the 10:30. I was very anxious all night last night. I woke up several times with anxiety. I think it mostly has to do with how my daughter is doing, which is not very well. However, I did sleep well at times and had very nice dreams. So a mixed bag in the sleep department. I'm on Day 6 again. Carrying on with what I need to do, will check in later.

grizzlybearblue

Midton, glad to hear you indulged in something other than wine : ) good for you not caving to your craving! Your list of treats reminds me of me right now. I've been insatiably hungry for things I don't normally eat lately.
Two months sober for me today! I am really excited about that milestone, but I woke up feeling pretty yucky this morning. I am foggy, my head hurts, and my right hand is shaking a lot more than usual. I remember that happened when I hit one month also. I thought I was going to wake up absolutely elated and wanting to celebrate the milestone, but instead I felt hungover. It is weird and really annoying that that happens, but I'm hoping as I get busy doing the things I need to do today, it will pass...

Juno11

Congrats on 2 months, Grizzly - that is awesome and I hope you're feeling better soon.

I decided to skip yoga this morning but run instead. It's all good as long as I get some physical exercise. And I'd like to lose some weight and I know running is the thing I like best for that. Yoga is awesome, but I don't lose weight with yoga.

I have some good news - my new necklace is arriving today! I decided to get a new one with my new date because I was really sad about wearning/losing the old one The new date is: XI.XVI.MMXV. That works.

grizzlybearblue

Thank you, Juno! I'm starting to shake it off and feel better already. I think just typing that and getting it out there plus giving it a little time helped. It's looking like today is going to be a good, productive day!
I'm excited for you for your necklace! Good for you : )