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Class of October 2015 Part 4

Old 11-11-2015, 05:13 PM
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I hope tomorrow is better Juno
D
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:23 PM
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Thank you, Dee. I appreciate that! I really hope so, too. I'll be very glad in the morning that I didn't give into the "voice" that said "drink wine." I think my AV is looking for weaknesses in my plan to break through. I've been pretty solid and now am starting to crumble a bit, and the AV is getting restless. I need to keep posting here, see my doctor tomorrow, and get to a meeting soon. Thanks for the support
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:38 PM
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Juno,

Well done, must have been really hard not to pick up.

Don't be too hard on your daughter either. I'm reading a book on "evil genes" and it mentions teenagers' brains. It's a difficult book so I can't even paraphrase but it's along the lines of teenagers basically can't help how they act and think due to adolescent development in the brain.
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:41 PM
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Yes, I've enjoyed learning a little about everyone too. I'm surprised that so many of us are, sorry, middle aged. I thought everyone was younger. I'm 48 myself.
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:01 PM
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Juno, I'm sorry you had such a hard afternoon. I'm so glad you didn't drink though! You're right, you'll be really glad you didn't in the morning.
I was cranky this evening too. I had to get up at 4 this morning to get ready for work, and I didn't get home til 5 this afternoon. So tired. When I got home I was pretty much like please don't talk to me, I just need to lie down. I took a little nap, still feeling kinda cranky : (
I am really amused by everyone's mental image of me! Oh, yall really had me laughing! But I'm going to set the record straight now. I am a 32 year old female, 5'5", 125 lbs, blond hair, brown eyes, athletic but still girly, usually wearing wrangler jeans and cute cowboy boots. I am training as a real estate appraiser.
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:15 PM
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Juno! You're no downer at all! That's why we are here ((hug))!!
Keep on posting..you're fine
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:24 PM
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Thanks - Midton, Grizzly and KeyOfC (along with Dee and everyone else) - you're lifting me up and that helps!

I'm enjoying everyone's descriptions of themselves. I work in a mathematical/financial job that I don't want to be too specific about because it's kind of specialized. But I'm a numbers gal

Midton, "Evil Genes" is the perfect description for what I see with my daughter right now. There have been times when I say to myself, "She's evil." And "Where did she come from?" Evil Genes sums it up nicely. I hope I can survive until she becomes nice again. Her tutor, who has two grown daughters herself, told me to give it 8 years. Yikes, that's a long time.

Anyway, I'll be glad in the morning to be free of the dreaded hangover. Thanks again...
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:51 PM
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Well done Juno!!
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:08 PM
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Hi day 19.... Midton, you are right -- I adore rabbits. They can mess up the baseboards and walls but they are worth it. I have one bunny and one chinchilla (talk about a character!) and they are best buddies. They definitely bring me joy!
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:48 PM
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Bunnyluv, I just realized you are from Chattanooga. I love Chattanooga! I am from Memphis. I know Memphis and Chattanooga are very far apart and totally different, but it's cool to see someone from Tennessee here! I don't live there anymore, but I think I will always consider Memphis my home. And chinchillas are so unbelievably cute!!!
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:34 PM
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25 days and counting, closing in on my previous record of 30, can't wait to kick it's ass. Had a good day, got up early and road the bike. Work went fast, except for that last hour, it's always slow. Met all my goals on my fitbit, I'm still digging it, gives me a healthy hobby that keeps the mind busy. I made dinner for the family then went for a walk by myself afterword. When I was drinking, being along bothered me, now I can really appreciate it, gives me a chance to clear my mind. Tonight's guilty pleasure is white cheddar and bacon flavored popcorn from Trader Joes, it's amazing. Gotta get it in while I can, quitting the late night snacks on day 30.

Juno, it's OK to vent, we're here for ya. Would rather have you get things off your chest here instead of drinking that wine! It can't always be sunshine and lollipops. How was the sparkling pomegranate juice? Sounds good, gonna have to give it a try.

Just a side note, lately I don't crave alcohol I'm just bummed that I may never have the opportunity to drink again, I miss the buzz. To cope I just tell myself it's all smoke in mirrors, and just a temporary high, the depression, anxiety, remorse and the hangover are always left in its wake.
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:55 PM
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Today my anxiety was way down and I took my son to the movies and was feeling like we could have a normal night and suddenly, during the movie, I started getting that dark cloud of doom that always follows me around. All the what ifs? and negative thinking started crowding my brain and I realized why I always go back to drinking---because it's the only thing that turns down the noise in my brain.....arrggghh: I feel like I just want to escape I guess from my mind and there is no escape. But that's okay--one day at a time.
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Old 11-12-2015, 12:11 AM
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It's important to realise you're not the only one who turned to drinking to turn their brain off, bunnyluv. I was the same.

But I stayed sober and, after a little while, I realised that, sober, I could handle the discomfort and the doom and the fear and the spiralling anxiety better than I ever imagined I could.

Give yourself the chance to make that same discovery

D
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Old 11-12-2015, 03:17 AM
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I say all the time..all my worst days sober are a hundred times better than one of those old days drunk! I wouldn't trade it for the world. And this is the feeling and attitude it takes to keep you sober people! You gotta want it as much as you want your next breath! I don't ever want to dance with the devil again. That's how drinking got taken off my table and escorted out of my life. Thank you God!
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Old 11-12-2015, 06:07 AM
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Good morning - I'm very glad I didn't give into the temptation to obliterate myself last night, as much as I wanted to. I would be paying the price right now, and thankfully I'm sober and okay.

Looking4aWagon - how you described alcohol is so accurate for me. Sure, you get the short burst of relief where all is well with the world for about an hour or so, but the aftermath of sickness, anxiety and hangover is really too high of a price to pay for that relief. And the aftermath is a GIVEN. That part of drinking never changes. Also, I wanted to say you're almost there to 30!!! By the time you get to 25/26 it goes really fast and before you know it you'll be at 30 days!!!

So for Trader Joe's, I too am a big fan of that store. They have the most wonderful things to eat and drink, and fortunately for me, they don't sell alcohol in the Maryland stores. I would be tempted by the "Two Buck Chucks" (cheap wine) if I lived over the border in Virginia, where they do sell wine in stores, but I'm lucky that they don't in Maryland. The sparkling pommegranate juice is really, really good. Tart and flavorful and a nice substitute for red wine. After a while, you realize that it tastes a LOT better than red wine and goes well with cheeses and a bunch of other foods.

I hope everyone has a good day, and I hope I have a better day than yesterday. I'm seeing my psychiatrist at 2:00 and will discuss adding a mid-day dose of Campral. Later!
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Old 11-12-2015, 06:11 AM
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Bunnyluv, there really isn't anything too much cuter than a bunny and a chincilla that are best friends
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Old 11-12-2015, 07:14 AM
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Hey all,day 20,feel dizzy this morning but felt that way yesterday too,I just think I'm catching a cold that my coworker had,Bunny,you forgot cords and phone chargers haha,my last bunny chewed through 3 chargers before I got smart and started putting them up higher,Juno,good for you not giving in last night,I think we all have those days,I'm hopefully finding other ways to deal with a bad day,hello to all ,have a great Thursday😊
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Old 11-12-2015, 04:47 PM
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Good evening everyone.

- Juno, well done on not drinking. It sounds like you had a tough evening yesterday, but you didn't drink, so be proud.

- Sydneyman, I'm glad to see you're back on track and on day 5 now, keep at it.

- Winslow, 20 days sober, great

- Looking, congrats on 25 days. I'm sure you will easily surpass your previous 30 days

If I've missed anyone, I apologize.

At Midnight, I'll have completed 40 days sober, and that's my longest stretch since I drank after 72 days in August 2015. This week I've had some pretty serious thoughts about drinking, I'm not sure why they're occurring during week 6 of my sobriety, but that's how it is. But I'm not one to complain. I've always been a roll-up-my-sleeves and do what needs to be done kind of person, and my sobriety is no exception. I know what my goal is, and I know that changing my perception and attitude towards alcohol, drinking and drinking culture is what I need to do. So with that plan in mind, I just need to do the work necessary to achieve the goal.

Stay strong everyone.
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Old 11-12-2015, 05:12 PM
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Hi Time,I always get antsy around the 40 day mark😠 my doctor says its probably PAWS,feels like early withdrawal when I struggle with it, just breathe and let it pass😊
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Old 11-12-2015, 05:47 PM
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Hi all - I'm happy to report a much better day today. In my experience, a really bad day is almost ineviatably followed by a much better day. Just Murphy's Law or something, or the law of averages, whatever - I'll take it!

I had realistic expectations for what I needed to do, and didn't try to overtax myself. Stuck to the plan today and it worked pretty well. My son was a lot better; I didn't worry about my daughter's sassiness and just went about my business.

A few other things:

- My necklace arrived in the mail today! It's so cute! It has "X.XI.MMXV" inscribed on it, my sobriety date of 10.11.2015. I'm sooooooo glad I didn't cave in last night. Would have felt pretty crappy having this arrive in the mail today!
- Saw my very understanding psychiatrist today who helped me sort out some feelings. Also, we are adding a mid-day dose of the Campral because we started conservatively low. It was my idea and he agreed with me, and said there is even room to go up further if needed.
- The other day I bought 4 books for my Kindle that are about alcohol/recovery. I had already finished Blackout and Drunk Mom which were both excellent. I like when they get into the ugly details of drinking. I'm now reading Parched, another memoir. I don't relate as much to this woman - not exactly sure why. She's about 10 years older than me and I don't relate as much to the Baby Boomer generation as I do with younger folks. Also, she's spending an awful lot of time on her childhood and younger years, and while it's mildly entertaining, not enough of the drunk stuff yet. Hopefully I'm getting into the more interesting parts now (I'm half way through). Will report on the next book as I get to it.

The weekend is almost here!!!
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