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Old 05-12-2014, 02:45 PM   #381 (permalink)
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Gleefan, I admire how well you are able to express yourself in words. Your comments are always so right on for me. There is a threshold there. I never thought about it quite like that before.

Lately, I've been working on what makes me want to use. I've been able to recognize that besides being something in my head there's a subtle physical thing involved. It feels sort of like hunger. Empty stomach sort of feeling. I don't quite know what to do about it but I think recognizing it is a good thing. When that feeling hits I have been eating some protein and that seems to help. I wonder if anyone else notices a thing like this?
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Old 05-12-2014, 02:47 PM   #382 (permalink)
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Jim and Babs, I'm deeply sorry that you both continue to struggle to get sober and have it stick. All I can say is that for me, it's taken a lot of sustained work. I check in with multiple SR groups every day, I avoid people, places and things, I talk at least on the phone with another alcoholic every day, I go to AA meetings regularly, and I'm getting other help as well. That's because I truly fear the thought of going back to active alcoholism. It's a very bad place for me, and I completely admit that I'm an alcoholic and that any amount of drinking will take me right back to it.

Do you want to be sober more than you want to drink? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? It's hard, we all know. It means opening up, facing fears, asking for help, and changing your life. It takes a lot. For me, it's unquestionably worth it, because my life was worthless before I stopped. Not anymore, and many people here on SR could tell you that if I say my life is no longer worthless, there's been a big change.

I hope you both decide to take the leap and make some changes that will let this be the last time you have to be at Day 1. We're here for you, to cheer you on with each successive day and to offer support when it's rough. ((Jim)) ((Babs))
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Old 05-12-2014, 02:53 PM   #383 (permalink)
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Just a quick note on why I am on a Sober Journey. I guess that's what I see as different this time for me, it is a journey. I don't want to just not drink, count sober days. I don't want to just avoid the negative consequences which to date have been significant. All that ever did for me in the past was have me fighting a battle that I was certain to lose.

For me, this journey has a destination, too. That place is a state of peace and serenity leading to a joyous, happy and free life. I may never get all the way there, but that is exactly where I am headed.

If I relapse, not only will I not get there, I will probably die. One of my morning sobriety rituals is to read the following passage out loud from the Twenty Four Hours A Day Book. Its message to me is as important as the air that I breath:

Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
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Old 05-12-2014, 03:25 PM   #384 (permalink)
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Powerful stuff, Carlos! Thanks for that
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Old 05-12-2014, 04:01 PM   #385 (permalink)
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Hi, Jim. Come on here and share with us when you're struggling. We could be of more help to you if you gave us a clue of what makes you tick. You're a man of kind heart, but few words.
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Old 05-12-2014, 04:42 PM   #386 (permalink)
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SJ, I don't want you to leave us, but as an additional source of help, how about joining the Class of June 2014?
Class of May would be better Toots LOL

I think you're right Jim - you need to post more (that goes for you too Babs).

SR works best when you really become part of this community - post daily, post when you're in trouble, before it's too late.

You'll get out of your recovery what you put into it. If you keep going back to drinking, both of you guys need to face the possibility you're not doing enough?

D
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Old 05-12-2014, 05:44 PM   #387 (permalink)
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Carlos - Your post made me think - examine my path and see its infinity. What a wonderfully expansive exercise on a Monday evening. It was so good to think about that I'm even going to save some thinking for tomorrow.
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Old 05-12-2014, 06:45 PM   #388 (permalink)
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If I could say what Courage just said 4 times as strong, I would Jim and Babs. Come on. Stop quitting. You can do it.

It's painful and hard to see you go through that. Is it really part of the sickness? You must not want to be sober enough. Perhaps you haven't really realised what sobriety long term can do to your life.

I'm supposed to be non judgmental but when I read your posts, it feels like you don't really care.

But then I remember Carlos, and I think no one is sheltered from falling into drinks again. Forgive me but I had to say what I feel. You can all give me **** if you like.
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Old 05-12-2014, 06:58 PM   #389 (permalink)
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It took me a long time not to take relapses personally....

I remember what it was like - it was terrifying to think of life without alcohol, and terrifying to think of how much I would have to change.

But...I had to if I wanted things to be different.

If you guys want that too - and I believe you both do - then there's nothing for it....you're gonna have to add to what you've been doing.

Got any ideas on what you might do Jim or Babs?
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Old 05-12-2014, 08:09 PM   #390 (permalink)
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Sorry Dee, I've been time travelling again!!

Dottie, you aren't the only person who struggles with being non- judgemental there have been times I had to completely avoid newcomers posts for fear of what I might say.

Sometimes it isn't as easy as not wanting sobriety enough, sometimes it's about not having enough self belief, or will power, or it's listening to AV when it tells you that you don't really have a problem, not like the other suckers on here.

I do agree with Dottie on the benefits of long term sobriety, and the only way to find out for yourselves is to stop picking up

For what it's worth, I feel both you, Babs and You Jim, could benefit from loading your tool boxes in the early days of recovery while you are still enthusiastic, so reading, posting, looking up urge surfing. Prioritise your sobriety. Make it your number one target.
Think of what caused recent slips, and think about what you could have done differently.

I say this from experience, my frequent falls were mostly before I found SR, but I know that opening up here, owning my alcoholism and asking for help was what got one foot in front of the other on days I wanted to pick up.
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Old 05-12-2014, 08:36 PM   #391 (permalink)
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Today I have to report that I had a wonderful day. I'm always whining so I thought I'd write a little note of feeling good. I made a huge chocolate cake. I don't know who's going to eat it but it sure looks pretty. The day has been sunny and warm. My body is a little sore but I'm feeling strong and well. I'll take it. Thanks everybody.
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Old 05-12-2014, 10:35 PM   #392 (permalink)
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Babs and Jim great Job coming back and being honest about your relapses. 2nd of all you both can do it when you want it bad enough. Something I have really learned especially after all the offers for drinks yesterday. Nothing positive will ever come from drinking and sobriety opens many doors. Glad to see you guys back!

Carlos I copy and pasted that bit from the book you posted. I really like it!

DG great and very inspiring the way you've seen life change with your sobriety!

& hi to the rest of the undies!

Slow dragged out day at work today but glad to have a job with all the people you hear about struggling with unemployment. Getting pretty warm over here and I guess each day it's only gonna get hotter. Makes it difficult to fall asleep when it's this warm. Spent the evening drinking iced tea and playing more records. I was a little worried as to how often I would use my turn table but so far I have been using it every day!
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Old 05-13-2014, 04:39 AM   #393 (permalink)
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After a lot of thought, I withdrew from my current class. I was going through the motions, but my mind wasn't grasping a thing. I don't know if it's the professor's style (certainly possible), or the dry academic-ness of the material (also a possibility)--or if my capacity for learning has just vanished! I kept reading the same sentences over and over and wasn't retaining a thing!

I am busy all this week--too busy to study--and then I have a new grandson coming. I know in the next couple months I'll be called upon to help babysit my granddaughter a lot. I think I will wait to resume my classes till I am really starved for them again.

I am really afraid that my academic gift has been whisked away as quickly as it was given. I used to teach classes, both for adults and teenagers; I put together study guides and taught an entire course that i designed.

Now I couldn't teach if my life depended on it! I have utterly nothing to say! I can't even come up with questions on a topic! My imagination is kaput!

"The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away!" I had the teaching gifts I needed for a specific season, and then the season was over. I wonder if the same is true of my scholastic career. I feel like my brain is suddenly made of stone!
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Old 05-13-2014, 07:41 AM   #394 (permalink)
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Gilmer, I responded to you elsewhere so won't repeat, just to say you did the right thing for you for now.

Elsie, I love it. We often forget to say yay! I'm having a good day!

Talking of which, Cowboy I guess the seeding has you working all hours, which is why you haven had time to post. I look forward to hearing from you when things settle back down. Hugs to Bubba and Hank.

Offski for now guys will check in later
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Old 05-13-2014, 09:19 AM   #395 (permalink)
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Else- I definitely think there are physical aspects to 'craving'. I think that is one reason why HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired or Thirsty) is one of our sayings. I've heard the T as tired or thirsty at times. If we're hungry or dehydrated we can confuse that feeling with a craving. Especially after I first got sober, I didn't really even know when I was hungry sometimes- I felt bad emotionally, but didn't feel physically hungry. But if I ate a healthy snack and had a couple glasses of water, I almost always felt pretty much instantly better. I think we can confuse our healthy cravings for food, water or sleep as being cravings for alcohol or drugs.

Which makes me think of the PAWS article. We have a few new people here that may or may not have read it: Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) | What…Me Sober? It was one of the most impactful and helpful things that I read during early recovery. It really stresses the importance of eating healthy and making sure we don't get too hungry.
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Old 05-13-2014, 09:29 AM   #396 (permalink)
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Oh, and Elsie, send that chocolate cake my way!
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Old 05-13-2014, 09:43 AM   #397 (permalink)
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Oh that I could! I ate a giant slab for breakfast!
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Old 05-13-2014, 09:50 AM   #398 (permalink)
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sounds wonderful Else----Did you make it from scratch?
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Old 05-13-2014, 10:01 AM   #399 (permalink)
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Yes! It took ALL day!
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Old 05-13-2014, 10:24 AM   #400 (permalink)
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wow !!! what a little Susie you are.
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