Jim and Babs, I'm deeply sorry that you both continue to struggle to get sober and have it stick. All I can say is that for me, it's taken a lot of sustained work. I check in with multiple SR groups every day, I avoid people, places and things, I talk at least on the phone with another alcoholic every day, I go to AA meetings regularly, and I'm getting other help as well. That's because I truly fear the thought of going back to active alcoholism. It's a very bad place for me, and I completely admit that I'm an alcoholic and that any amount of drinking will take me right back to it.
Do you want to be sober more than you want to drink? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? It's hard, we all know. It means opening up, facing fears, asking for help, and changing your life. It takes a lot. For me, it's unquestionably worth it, because my life was worthless before I stopped. Not anymore, and many people here on SR could tell you that if I say my life is no longer worthless, there's been a big change.
I hope you both decide to take the leap and make some changes that will let this be the last time you have to be at Day 1. We're here for you, to cheer you on with each successive day and to offer support when it's rough. ((Jim)) ((Babs))