One Year & Under Club Part 31
Well Undies, a morning check-in for me.
Carlos- congrats on 11 months!!
Gilmer- I think it's better to vent here than it is to keep stuff inside. I don't think that means you're disloyal or anything like that. Everybody has problems and issues in their relationships/marriages and it can help to talk to others about it rather than just feeling isolated in our problems.
Glee- It's been really great to see your growth in sobriety. I haven't weighed in on Needy in a while as you've gotten so many great responses, but I just wanted to say that I think you're really doing a great job in handling that. Setting new boundaries is a messy undertaking... kind of like a construction project: it's not going to look clean while you're building, but it will be so nice when it's finished.
I had a really great weekend with someone I really like. (Any guesses as to who that might have been?) And now it's time to figure out my work week ahead.
Carlos- congrats on 11 months!!
Gilmer- I think it's better to vent here than it is to keep stuff inside. I don't think that means you're disloyal or anything like that. Everybody has problems and issues in their relationships/marriages and it can help to talk to others about it rather than just feeling isolated in our problems.
Glee- It's been really great to see your growth in sobriety. I haven't weighed in on Needy in a while as you've gotten so many great responses, but I just wanted to say that I think you're really doing a great job in handling that. Setting new boundaries is a messy undertaking... kind of like a construction project: it's not going to look clean while you're building, but it will be so nice when it's finished.
I had a really great weekend with someone I really like. (Any guesses as to who that might have been?) And now it's time to figure out my work week ahead.
Morning Undies,
I woke up this morning feeling down. Fact is I’m not sure if I can even put together a coherent post right now. So I will just offer some random thoughts:
I was just thinking that wouldn’t it be nice to go somewhere. Funny thing is that I really do not need to be anywhere, just want to go there because I cannot.
I went from “leave the cannoli and take the gun yesterday” to the correct “leave the gun and take the cannoli” this morning. I was all charged up at the prospect of deck destruction as my temp cure for the day. Now I just want the cookies and back rub. Either way Courage and Toots, you’re invited.
Thanks for the cautionary advice on demolition, Glee. Being inexperienced at this task, I was feeling rather frisky and might well have destroyed more than intended. Girl, or GF, you are a voice of reason!
Should I change or should I redirect my thoughts? Whew, what a mouthful. I am nowhere spiritually fit enough to change my negative thought about this contraption. I can however get busy and even productive…where are my band aids?
That leads me to crap. Crap smells like ****. Pour some perfume on it and it smells like **** with perfume on it. (note to self: get some fertilizer for my herb garden)
It’s interesting to me how our drinking habits were different. Could be any of countless posts, but let me use Cowboy’s as an example. There was the idea that to have a good time doing certain things he needed an alcoholic beverage. I was never a maintenance drinker. When I decided it was time to drink, I knew it would be fast and furious. Most always in the final few years that was followed by two to three days of deep depression, hating myself and booze, till we fell in love again a few days later for some balls to the walls.
Courage, I am glad that you seem more at peace with your outside drama. You did seem quite sad for them. My best to the parties affected.
Dotty, good luck with the new contract. Sorry to read about your Dad. Yes, what can you really do but watch this deterioration. I was oh so involved at trying to know everything I could, may have helped some, but as I look back, it was much effort for little return. Guess it was just a control thing?
Ah, the last phrase of the serenity prayer…The WISDOM to know the difference. Where do you buy that?
Haha, forget about that ODAAT stuff. I’m thinking ahead. My new driving force for reaching a year clean and sober…to show Toot’s that she can run, but she cannot hide. Lol, thanks Dottie.
Glee, I do not see the negative in you wanting to get sober for fear of dying v kids. That is for you and not another. I relapsed after 11.5 years, but, more importantly, when my girls were grown. While just knowing it means little today, I think my run wasn’t over for me and I was destined to return.
Gilmer, much of what you wrote about bi polar went over my head. I just want to say that I am so happy that we are on this sober journey together.
LB, welcome to the Undies and congrats on your 4 months sober! Expand away.
BF, crank up that tune and enjoy your 4 weeks sober!
Details, DG, details......and CONGRATS! Like, what movie did you watch together, cook or went out...etc...
Well, I’m off to be productive and even destructive. I feel a bit like Sir Black Knight in that Monte Python flick…no arms or legs, but if you come to my house I can still bite. At least my dear Undies aren’t running away.
Have a good one, steer clear of the bad stuff, okay?
Carlos xx
I woke up this morning feeling down. Fact is I’m not sure if I can even put together a coherent post right now. So I will just offer some random thoughts:
I was just thinking that wouldn’t it be nice to go somewhere. Funny thing is that I really do not need to be anywhere, just want to go there because I cannot.
I went from “leave the cannoli and take the gun yesterday” to the correct “leave the gun and take the cannoli” this morning. I was all charged up at the prospect of deck destruction as my temp cure for the day. Now I just want the cookies and back rub. Either way Courage and Toots, you’re invited.
Thanks for the cautionary advice on demolition, Glee. Being inexperienced at this task, I was feeling rather frisky and might well have destroyed more than intended. Girl, or GF, you are a voice of reason!
Should I change or should I redirect my thoughts? Whew, what a mouthful. I am nowhere spiritually fit enough to change my negative thought about this contraption. I can however get busy and even productive…where are my band aids?
That leads me to crap. Crap smells like ****. Pour some perfume on it and it smells like **** with perfume on it. (note to self: get some fertilizer for my herb garden)
It’s interesting to me how our drinking habits were different. Could be any of countless posts, but let me use Cowboy’s as an example. There was the idea that to have a good time doing certain things he needed an alcoholic beverage. I was never a maintenance drinker. When I decided it was time to drink, I knew it would be fast and furious. Most always in the final few years that was followed by two to three days of deep depression, hating myself and booze, till we fell in love again a few days later for some balls to the walls.
Courage, I am glad that you seem more at peace with your outside drama. You did seem quite sad for them. My best to the parties affected.
Dotty, good luck with the new contract. Sorry to read about your Dad. Yes, what can you really do but watch this deterioration. I was oh so involved at trying to know everything I could, may have helped some, but as I look back, it was much effort for little return. Guess it was just a control thing?
Ah, the last phrase of the serenity prayer…The WISDOM to know the difference. Where do you buy that?
Haha, forget about that ODAAT stuff. I’m thinking ahead. My new driving force for reaching a year clean and sober…to show Toot’s that she can run, but she cannot hide. Lol, thanks Dottie.
Glee, I do not see the negative in you wanting to get sober for fear of dying v kids. That is for you and not another. I relapsed after 11.5 years, but, more importantly, when my girls were grown. While just knowing it means little today, I think my run wasn’t over for me and I was destined to return.
Gilmer, much of what you wrote about bi polar went over my head. I just want to say that I am so happy that we are on this sober journey together.
LB, welcome to the Undies and congrats on your 4 months sober! Expand away.
BF, crank up that tune and enjoy your 4 weeks sober!
Details, DG, details......and CONGRATS! Like, what movie did you watch together, cook or went out...etc...
Well, I’m off to be productive and even destructive. I feel a bit like Sir Black Knight in that Monte Python flick…no arms or legs, but if you come to my house I can still bite. At least my dear Undies aren’t running away.
Have a good one, steer clear of the bad stuff, okay?
Carlos xx
Last edited by Dee74; 05-05-2014 at 03:25 PM.
Hey undies! Just checking in. Got through a busy weekend at work and now I'm taking the day off. Even if they beg me I'm not going in. Bike ride is all planned out with hubby. We had a quick apology phone chat while he was on his way back from his work trip and things are ok for now. Biking helps everything. Stepdaughter is back. Hopefully at school being good. No phone calls yet today so that's progress.
I've been feeling exhausted lately so I've started taking my iron pills again. Hard on the stomach though and thought I might even get seasick at work yesterday. Ick, no more pills on an empty stomach.
Welcome Brian! Great group of people here.
Carlos, hope your spirits lift soon.
Hello to everyone reading. Have a great Cinco De Mayo!
I've been feeling exhausted lately so I've started taking my iron pills again. Hard on the stomach though and thought I might even get seasick at work yesterday. Ick, no more pills on an empty stomach.
Welcome Brian! Great group of people here.
Carlos, hope your spirits lift soon.
Hello to everyone reading. Have a great Cinco De Mayo!
hi Undies---Life is good here. I'm on day 9 and feeling pretty strong. I know, it's early ----Ive been here before. But, I'm back to one day at a time.
I haven't had time to read all of the threads yet so, will get back later.
Carlos---I want to give you a hug-----HUUUUUUUUG.
Hang in there everyone we can all do this together.
Babs
I haven't had time to read all of the threads yet so, will get back later.
Carlos---I want to give you a hug-----HUUUUUUUUG.
Hang in there everyone we can all do this together.
Babs
DG - Thanks for the kind words. I am happy you got to spend time with your crush, and, like Carlos, am not ashamed to admit I'd love to hear all the details that are fit to be shared.
Toots - I completely agree with your take on anxiety, at least as it applies to my experience of it.
Carlos - I'm sending virtual cookies, back rubs, and cannolis your way, because you mentioned them. I grew up with a grandmother of Polish descent who learned how to cook from her Italian mother in law. Her neighborhood had great Italian bakeries, so I'm not sending any homogenized, Americanized grocery store rip offs to you, only the authentic goods.
Needyfriend never responded to the text that I sent. I was feeling a lot of generalized anxiety last week and sporadic cravings. Then over the weekend I was feeling stressy over being excluded from an event with friends who I have been getting to know better. The folks whose invitation I declined to the winery took a trip to a bar without me. They texted me from there. I felt numb and stung and friendless. Since I'm sober, I existed in this swell of insecure feelings. Eventually it seceded. There's got to be a therapeutic benefit to processing through my boundaries with Needy or fear of missing out, rather than drinking over it.
Toots - I completely agree with your take on anxiety, at least as it applies to my experience of it.
Carlos - I'm sending virtual cookies, back rubs, and cannolis your way, because you mentioned them. I grew up with a grandmother of Polish descent who learned how to cook from her Italian mother in law. Her neighborhood had great Italian bakeries, so I'm not sending any homogenized, Americanized grocery store rip offs to you, only the authentic goods.
Needyfriend never responded to the text that I sent. I was feeling a lot of generalized anxiety last week and sporadic cravings. Then over the weekend I was feeling stressy over being excluded from an event with friends who I have been getting to know better. The folks whose invitation I declined to the winery took a trip to a bar without me. They texted me from there. I felt numb and stung and friendless. Since I'm sober, I existed in this swell of insecure feelings. Eventually it seceded. There's got to be a therapeutic benefit to processing through my boundaries with Needy or fear of missing out, rather than drinking over it.
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Hi, GF. I seem to be lingering online rather than working today!
Frankly, I am pleased that Needy didn't respond to your text. Has she phoned you or dropped in? If not, problem solved. Perhaps not the way you would have preferred--in a mature mutual friendship; but at least not in that codependent prison you were in. I suspect she is trying to punish you. Don't take the bait--mature, self-respecting people do not play games. Soon you will attract nicer, more appropriate friends.
I think it is sweet that the winery-goers called you from the bar. They may have been misguided, but it shows they were thinking of you and missing your company. They must like you! If they truly like you, then they will respond to your initiating other dates that don't involve drinking.
Frankly, I am pleased that Needy didn't respond to your text. Has she phoned you or dropped in? If not, problem solved. Perhaps not the way you would have preferred--in a mature mutual friendship; but at least not in that codependent prison you were in. I suspect she is trying to punish you. Don't take the bait--mature, self-respecting people do not play games. Soon you will attract nicer, more appropriate friends.
I think it is sweet that the winery-goers called you from the bar. They may have been misguided, but it shows they were thinking of you and missing your company. They must like you! If they truly like you, then they will respond to your initiating other dates that don't involve drinking.
Hello GF--I know the feeling when your friends call you from the bar. I have that happen also and I always feel like I'm missing out on something. I hate that. I just want to be a part of the fun crowd and it's hard to sit back and say to myself I can't join in. I guess i could and I have but, it's a different kind of fun.
We were discussing regaining the WOW factor here a couple weeks ago I think? Anyway, I can promise you that it does return. A story that had a very positive impact on me in my lengthy sober past was about 5 to 6 years in at our annual golf event with my college buds, one of the guys comes up to me and says, "Carlos, it is hard to believe that you don't drink. You are as crazy as ever." Yes, I became very comfortable in sober skin and could go and do anything never thinking of booze.
Glee, seriously, cannoli, and the real thing! Thank you. Is there a better desert?
Hey gang, only a little over a week to go then I won't be like 10 feet from my laptop 24/7. Some Carlos reprieve is soon.
Which leads me to my last point. I really wasn't looking for sympathy, or empathy...although I'll accept it gladly. I was more just blogging at a state of now. Writing it out helps letting it go.
So, in my fantasy world I am fine. Toots, Courage, Babs, Gilmer, BF and Glee are here with huggs, tunes and sweets wearing hard-hats and steel toe boots as we demolish and discuss DG's weekend to the sounds of our very own vinyl spinner, BF. So who gets to whistle at whom in this pic? Ah, the life of Reiley!
I was a binge drinker. I know I'm just as fun sober - plus now I have the new improved feature of not passing out in the middle of the festivities. And while I'm game for ridiculous shenanigans drunk or sober, it's a different experience to be sober while the people around you become less coherent. So, Carlos, I ask did the wow factor that you speak of happen when you are sober amongst your drinking friends? When did it happen? Doing what? I don't want to have to prove that I'm "still cool" even though I'm not drinking.
Carlos, did you feel like you were living sober those 11.5 years, or simply a nondrinker?
At a little over two months sober one thing that's starting to emerge for me is that in spite of some of my troubles, I have a very, very good life.
Carlos, did you feel like you were living sober those 11.5 years, or simply a nondrinker?
At a little over two months sober one thing that's starting to emerge for me is that in spite of some of my troubles, I have a very, very good life.
Hi Brian, and welcome.
BFree congratulations on your 4 weeks, did you get your gramophone?? Lol
GF. I don't imagine I will ever enjoy being around friends once the drinking reaches the slurring and staggering stage.
When I met my brother in law he was sober, he had decided to stop drinking for 10 years, so did. He was always the life and soul of every party he was at, I never even thought about the fact he didn't drink. When after 10 years he began drinking again, at times on spirits he got kinda spiteful and his wife told me that he was often really nasty to her. He stopped with the spirits and just drank beer after being a complete pain at a BBQ of ours. He had to stop drinking again when he went on warfarin, it never bothered him, but I sure liked him better and he was more fun sober.
Although when I first began drinking, back in the Neolithic period, it was because I felt so insecure about being me. These days, it's nice if I'm liked, but realistically I know not everyone will like me, so it doesn't bother me too much. I just think, well, their loss! So I don't need to drink to relax and have fun, once I am familiar with the company that I am in. Until then I am usually quiet. People tend to forget that once they have been around me a while!
Carlos ' I can run but i can't hide???' Actually I can't run, well not for long mu lungs implode and my knee bends the wrong way. But I am ace at hiding!
As for the destruction, I don't still have my steelies, but I really do know how to swing a sledge, spent 18 months labouring.
Gilmer, stepp away from the laptop... Go get your nose in your books... I promise we won't do anything while you are studying we will just sit here eating cannolis and drinking coffee. Pinky swear.
DG you cannot just say you had a nice weekend with crush! Not after we went through everything else with you! We deserve some vicarious pleasures!
Folks, I love you all, but I need to go cook tea for my lord and master.
BFree congratulations on your 4 weeks, did you get your gramophone?? Lol
GF. I don't imagine I will ever enjoy being around friends once the drinking reaches the slurring and staggering stage.
When I met my brother in law he was sober, he had decided to stop drinking for 10 years, so did. He was always the life and soul of every party he was at, I never even thought about the fact he didn't drink. When after 10 years he began drinking again, at times on spirits he got kinda spiteful and his wife told me that he was often really nasty to her. He stopped with the spirits and just drank beer after being a complete pain at a BBQ of ours. He had to stop drinking again when he went on warfarin, it never bothered him, but I sure liked him better and he was more fun sober.
Although when I first began drinking, back in the Neolithic period, it was because I felt so insecure about being me. These days, it's nice if I'm liked, but realistically I know not everyone will like me, so it doesn't bother me too much. I just think, well, their loss! So I don't need to drink to relax and have fun, once I am familiar with the company that I am in. Until then I am usually quiet. People tend to forget that once they have been around me a while!
Carlos ' I can run but i can't hide???' Actually I can't run, well not for long mu lungs implode and my knee bends the wrong way. But I am ace at hiding!
As for the destruction, I don't still have my steelies, but I really do know how to swing a sledge, spent 18 months labouring.
Gilmer, stepp away from the laptop... Go get your nose in your books... I promise we won't do anything while you are studying we will just sit here eating cannolis and drinking coffee. Pinky swear.
DG you cannot just say you had a nice weekend with crush! Not after we went through everything else with you! We deserve some vicarious pleasures!
Folks, I love you all, but I need to go cook tea for my lord and master.
DG -- You put a lot of thought and feeling into getting yourself to a situation where you can be happy and have some fun -- I'm glad you felt some of the rewards over the weekend.
Carlos, I imagine that your moods are all over the place. Maybe I don't want to be around when any one of us is holding a sledgehammer! Also, I don't bake, but I'll make tea & give everyone foot rubs after the boots come off. While we eat Gleefan's cannolis, yum!
Siesta, I'm glad to hear that you & your husband are ok. It must just be like this living with the stepdaughter!
Babs, it's good to hear from you. Are you getting any face-to-face support? I never liked the bar scene too much so it's not a big deal for me to avoid it. Maybe you can become a foodie -- food is often better at places that don't have a big bar crowd.
Gleefan, I'm with Gilmer that not hearing from Needy is a good thing. Don't you dare reach out to her. She's still playing games.
Toots, how are you doing? Boston should be pretty about now -- I hope you're getting out and enjoying it a bit. Did you ever make it to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum?
I've been thinking about my drinking history. I know that now that I have 90 days someone is eventually going to ask me to be the speaker in a meeting and I'll have to tell my story. I'm thinking of it now in 3 phases: the very young, very public, dramatic-splashy phase; the grownup, semi-private, melodramatic phase; and the final, solitary, sad-trashy phase. I'm going to have to think of some vivid but in retrospect funny details to lighten up the whole sordid saga. It's the last few years that are still hard for me to look at with any hint of humor. Look but don't stare, that's what they say.
I hope every Undie has a good day/night.
Dee, that goes for you, too, an honorary member of every club!
Carlos, I imagine that your moods are all over the place. Maybe I don't want to be around when any one of us is holding a sledgehammer! Also, I don't bake, but I'll make tea & give everyone foot rubs after the boots come off. While we eat Gleefan's cannolis, yum!
Siesta, I'm glad to hear that you & your husband are ok. It must just be like this living with the stepdaughter!
Babs, it's good to hear from you. Are you getting any face-to-face support? I never liked the bar scene too much so it's not a big deal for me to avoid it. Maybe you can become a foodie -- food is often better at places that don't have a big bar crowd.
Gleefan, I'm with Gilmer that not hearing from Needy is a good thing. Don't you dare reach out to her. She's still playing games.
Toots, how are you doing? Boston should be pretty about now -- I hope you're getting out and enjoying it a bit. Did you ever make it to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum?
I've been thinking about my drinking history. I know that now that I have 90 days someone is eventually going to ask me to be the speaker in a meeting and I'll have to tell my story. I'm thinking of it now in 3 phases: the very young, very public, dramatic-splashy phase; the grownup, semi-private, melodramatic phase; and the final, solitary, sad-trashy phase. I'm going to have to think of some vivid but in retrospect funny details to lighten up the whole sordid saga. It's the last few years that are still hard for me to look at with any hint of humor. Look but don't stare, that's what they say.
I hope every Undie has a good day/night.
Dee, that goes for you, too, an honorary member of every club!
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