****!!!!!! Help me God.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 14,320
There is lots of compassion from us here
in SR, supporting you, wanting to help you,
guide you and if we could take your pain
away many of us would.
We SINCERELY Care about your well being.
What may seem cruel intentions for the
words we sternly share with you is only
because we care.
None of us ever want to see a fellow member
go back to their misery that comes with addiction.
We only share our own experiences with you
about our own journey, our struggles, our hopes
that it will rub off on you to seek the help all of
us have gotten ourselves to learn to stay sober
each day.
I hope that what all that we share with
you wont turn into resentments but only
hope and strength to surrender your
addiction to get healthy, happy and honest
in all your affairs.
in SR, supporting you, wanting to help you,
guide you and if we could take your pain
away many of us would.
We SINCERELY Care about your well being.
What may seem cruel intentions for the
words we sternly share with you is only
because we care.
None of us ever want to see a fellow member
go back to their misery that comes with addiction.
We only share our own experiences with you
about our own journey, our struggles, our hopes
that it will rub off on you to seek the help all of
us have gotten ourselves to learn to stay sober
each day.
I hope that what all that we share with
you wont turn into resentments but only
hope and strength to surrender your
addiction to get healthy, happy and honest
in all your affairs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,001
Originally Posted by Serenidad 
The first few years of my sobriety I had a sponsor, went to 5-7 AA meetings a week, worked the steps etc. For some reason my willingness is at zero. I think it's more shame of facing people from AA & saying I relapsed.
You seem to bounce between AA, and other plans. Why not decide on one and follow it with every ounce of energy you've got?
I'm 3 months sober now, and feel older and wiser. My relapse taught me a lot, and I'm never going back there. It really isn't easy but it is possible.
Best wishes to you x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
This is the thread (below) I started exactly one year ago! I was in almost the exact same hell I am in today.
One. Year. Wasted.
Note to self: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over (which is NOTHING) expecting different results.
--------------------------------------------------
June 23, 2014
I made it 5 days and was doing great & then all of a sudden the evil alcohol demon told me I needed to go to a bar for a few drinks! As much as I tried to fight it, I gave in! What can I do to fight this evil demon? Help...anyone?? Any advice is good...thanks & God Bless!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
One. Year. Wasted.
Note to self: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over (which is NOTHING) expecting different results.
--------------------------------------------------
June 23, 2014
I made it 5 days and was doing great & then all of a sudden the evil alcohol demon told me I needed to go to a bar for a few drinks! As much as I tried to fight it, I gave in! What can I do to fight this evil demon? Help...anyone?? Any advice is good...thanks & God Bless!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Past few days i've been seeing the same bumper sticker:
DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK.
since you've mentioned AA, meetings and the Big Book again, here's my suggestion:
Go to a meeting every day, for the next 90 days.
DO NOT DRINK.
FOLLOW DIRECTIONS.
that means for the next 90 days if they say paint yourself green, stand on your head and sing the Star Spangled Banner, YOU DO IT.
if they ask you to read during the intro or during a step meeting, YOU DO IT.
if they ask you to help make coffee, empty ashtrays, or go to the 12th step shop to get 1 year coins for the birthday meeting, YOU DO IT.
when they say KEEP COMING BACK, do it.
because you my darling, don't know jack doodly squat about staying sober on your own. so you go to those who do, and you do what they do. you show up early, and stay late. you stay IN the meeting, not outside on a 30 minute smoke break. and you take this VERY SERIOUSLY. it's not a social gathering. no one is out to GET you.
NO ONE is going to be surprised if someone announces they relapsed. its a damn AA meeting for pete's sake! and no one cares. we don't go to impress others or to not disappoint others, we go to keep our asses SOBER. that is the objective. the whole purporse. The group is there to carry the message. and sistah, you NEED the message!!!
so let's drop the whole "but i used to have...." stuff now ok? we get it. what you REALLY have is TODAY. don't drink and you won't you get drunk.
DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK.
since you've mentioned AA, meetings and the Big Book again, here's my suggestion:
Go to a meeting every day, for the next 90 days.
DO NOT DRINK.
FOLLOW DIRECTIONS.
that means for the next 90 days if they say paint yourself green, stand on your head and sing the Star Spangled Banner, YOU DO IT.
if they ask you to read during the intro or during a step meeting, YOU DO IT.
if they ask you to help make coffee, empty ashtrays, or go to the 12th step shop to get 1 year coins for the birthday meeting, YOU DO IT.
when they say KEEP COMING BACK, do it.
because you my darling, don't know jack doodly squat about staying sober on your own. so you go to those who do, and you do what they do. you show up early, and stay late. you stay IN the meeting, not outside on a 30 minute smoke break. and you take this VERY SERIOUSLY. it's not a social gathering. no one is out to GET you.
NO ONE is going to be surprised if someone announces they relapsed. its a damn AA meeting for pete's sake! and no one cares. we don't go to impress others or to not disappoint others, we go to keep our asses SOBER. that is the objective. the whole purporse. The group is there to carry the message. and sistah, you NEED the message!!!
so let's drop the whole "but i used to have...." stuff now ok? we get it. what you REALLY have is TODAY. don't drink and you won't you get drunk.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,043
It took me 3 months to get sober from the day i said i am alcoholic i was going meetings after every relapse i personally didnt care what ppl thought i was desperate to get sober there was always someone i could talk to i went with the shakes i went with fear that if i didnt i might die i went sweating my guts out
When i got sober (July 14th 2013) i waited 90 days untill i went back
i kept going for close to a year but as much as it helped & taught me it came down on me
I was that scared id die in a blackout some ppl say some forget i wont forget theres no way i could esp since the amount of ppl ive lost since getting sober its a constant reminder & i hate saying that but it is
Serenidad as much as your caught up in the tornado of alcoholism it all stops when Serenidad stops & stops for herself not for family not for anything but you
Serenidad there is 2 ways this could end 1.you stay sober & experience the serenity again 2.you stay getting torn apart by the tornado of alcoholism
My Advice ? seek help i know you rang some numbers today but there has to be something available please seek the help if you can get it
Thinking of you sending strenght
When i got sober (July 14th 2013) i waited 90 days untill i went back
i kept going for close to a year but as much as it helped & taught me it came down on me
I was that scared id die in a blackout some ppl say some forget i wont forget theres no way i could esp since the amount of ppl ive lost since getting sober its a constant reminder & i hate saying that but it is
Serenidad as much as your caught up in the tornado of alcoholism it all stops when Serenidad stops & stops for herself not for family not for anything but you
Serenidad there is 2 ways this could end 1.you stay sober & experience the serenity again 2.you stay getting torn apart by the tornado of alcoholism
My Advice ? seek help i know you rang some numbers today but there has to be something available please seek the help if you can get it
Thinking of you sending strenght
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I don't know what to say on your thread, Serenidad, because I've said it all before. I made many suggestions. Two in particular - therapy & rehab (or IOP) are the ones I'm still inclined to mention. If your insurance won't pay there are options out there that are free. Some of these rehabs will work with you a case by case basis. I have excellent insurance through my husband, and still, the rehab where I attended IOP worked with me and got all of the financials out of the way so I was freed up to concentrate on getting the work done. My suggestion is the call a few and talk to them. Tell them what's going on, your reservations about going due to finances, and you might just be surprised.
Hang in there, Serenidad.
Don't let any shame or embarrassment about relapse prevent you from getting sober again!
Hang in there, Serenidad.
Don't let any shame or embarrassment about relapse prevent you from getting sober again!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
5 years is awesome! You can get back to sober. I've been trying for years, can hardly string 5 days, or 5 weeks together these days.
It goes without saying, we are never free from our addictions. It must be a lifelong thing. Or surrender, I got told that at some meetings. But, the beast never dies, I believe. All we can do is hope to arrest it, day by day. And you've done that! No reason in the world you can't again.
Thanks much for this post. It gives me a lot of hope for my own recovery. Thanks for sharing this. And I've been trying for many years.
It goes without saying, we are never free from our addictions. It must be a lifelong thing. Or surrender, I got told that at some meetings. But, the beast never dies, I believe. All we can do is hope to arrest it, day by day. And you've done that! No reason in the world you can't again.
Thanks much for this post. It gives me a lot of hope for my own recovery. Thanks for sharing this. And I've been trying for many years.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Originally Posted by Serenidad
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
Hi Seren, do you have any idea what triggered the cravings?
We all needed new tools when we stopped drinking. It makes sense that in order to forge ahead and create the life we want and envision that our responses to many things were going to need to change. There is no way to predict or prepare, you just have to commit to doing things differently as life happens.
I have so many examples in my past year of perceived failure (that ordinarily would have led to drinking) where I needed to dig super, super deep and give myself time to reframe and envision how I was going to move forward. There was absolutely no room for self-denigration in this process. Drinking would have stopped the process of getting where I needed to be.
You need as much support and tools as you can get. We all do. I work really, really hard in my everyday life and, because of the nature of what I do, never really get pats on the back or "thanks" or "you are awesome!!"s - when I realized that I longed to hear these things I started saying these things to other people in the same boat. And then started telling people that I genuinely needed to hear these things. Tiny but huge change that makes a big difference in my daily life.
Hey Serenidad. You are awesome! You are awesome for coming here to SR and opening yourself up to the gallery while feeling vulnerable. You are awesome for doing what you do, day in and day out, and being willing to do something different to improve your situation.
High-five!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
Past few days i've been seeing the same bumper sticker: DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK. since you've mentioned AA, meetings and the Big Book again, here's my suggestion: Go to a meeting every day, for the next 90 days. DO NOT DRINK. FOLLOW DIRECTIONS. that means for the next 90 days if they say paint yourself green, stand on your head and sing the Star Spangled Banner, YOU DO IT. if they ask you to read during the intro or during a step meeting, YOU DO IT. if they ask you to help make coffee, empty ashtrays, or go to the 12th step shop to get 1 year coins for the birthday meeting, YOU DO IT. when they say KEEP COMING BACK, do it. because you my darling, don't know jack doodly squat about staying sober on your own. so you go to those who do, and you do what they do. you show up early, and stay late. you stay IN the meeting, not outside on a 30 minute smoke break. and you take this VERY SERIOUSLY. it's not a social gathering. no one is out to GET you. NO ONE is going to be surprised if someone announces they relapsed. its a damn AA meeting for pete's sake! and no one cares. we don't go to impress others or to not disappoint others, we go to keep our asses SOBER. that is the objective. the whole purporse. The group is there to carry the message. and sistah, you NEED the message!!! so let's drop the whole "but i used to have...." stuff now ok? we get it. what you REALLY have is TODAY. don't drink and you won't you get drunk.
BUT....The reason I'm not feeling better is I'm NOT going to AA or doing the stuff that worked for me before! You're right, I know nothing & who gives a **** about how much sobriety I used to have or what people think about me. I get it. I'm saving your message & reading it every morning. It put a little fire up my ass that I really needed!
Do I want to go to AA and do all the stuff they say? Not really. But I'm at a point where I would much rather do that than continue in THIS hell!
Not sure if you male or female but if you are female and lived close I'd ask you to be my sponsor!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by maximus97
5 years is awesome! You can get back to sober. I've been trying for years, can hardly string 5 days, or 5 weeks together these days. It goes without saying, we are never free from our addictions. It must be a lifelong thing. Or surrender, I got told that at some meetings. But, the beast never dies, I believe. All we can do is hope to arrest it, day by day. And you've done that! No reason in the world you can't again. Thanks much for this post. It gives me a lot of hope for my own recovery. Thanks for sharing this. And I've been trying for many years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Verte
Serenidad, I have a long history of shooting myself in the foot. Drinking was just one of the ways I obliterated the road to where I wanted to be. How about you just treat yourself with the utmost kindness, love and respect right now? Seriously focus on loving yourself and not the myriad reasons why you suck and are justified in hating the world and everything in it (or whatever). We all needed new tools when we stopped drinking. It makes sense that in order to forge ahead and create the life we want and envision that our responses to many things were going to need to change. There is no way to predict or prepare, you just have to commit to doing things differently as life happens. I have so many examples in my past year of perceived failure (that ordinarily would have led to drinking) where I needed to dig super, super deep and give myself time to reframe and envision how I was going to move forward. There was absolutely no room for self-denigration in this process. Drinking would have stopped the process of getting where I needed to be. You need as much support and tools as you can get. We all do. I work really, really hard in my everyday life and, because of the nature of what I do, never really get pats on the back or "thanks" or "you are awesome!!"s - when I realized that I longed to hear these things I started saying these things to other people in the same boat. And then started telling people that I genuinely needed to hear these things. Tiny but huge change that makes a big difference in my daily life. Hey Serenidad. You are awesome! You are awesome for coming here to SR and opening yourself up to the gallery while feeling vulnerable. You are awesome for doing what you do, day in and day out, and being willing to do something different to improve your situation. High-five!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Serenidad, I always try and read a bit on SR before I leave for work everyday and yours was the first one, when I read it, my heart sank, my jaw dropped, I felt hurt (not by you specifically). I can't offer anymore than has already been said, just know that I support you 110%. Of course the first thing to do is get sobered up, but even before that, please try and refrain from feeling "worthless", "empty" "giving up" etc... Try to clear your mind of that dark cloud. You know, and everyone here knows you have some hard work ahead of you. SO MANY people here care immensely about you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
I really appreciate the amazing people on this site. I truly feel like you guys are the only people in the world that give a **** about me right now. I just pray that this time next year I am in a completely different place. Or heck...this time next month! I'm ready.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Serenidad
I just pray that this time next year I am in a completely different place. Or heck...this time next month! I'm ready.
Do a few things differently and you can be in a different place. You can do it.My vote is still for calling the rehabs and inquiring about financial help and some sort of workaround.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by thomas11
Serenidad, I always try and read a bit on SR before I leave for work everyday and yours was the first one, when I read it, my heart sank, my jaw dropped, I felt hurt (not by you specifically). I can't offer anymore than has already been said, just know that I support you 110%. Of course the first thing to do is get sobered up, but even before that, please try and refrain from feeling "worthless", "empty" "giving up" etc... Try to clear your mind of that dark cloud. You know, and everyone here knows you have some hard work ahead of you. SO MANY people here care immensely about you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,707
Whatever you end up doing, I think you need a willingness not to drink again, no matter what.
You need to have a willingness to come here, or go to AA or whatever, instead of drinking.
That's a big call - and it's clearly something you really struggle with.
That's why I think inpatient rehab - getting away from your life for a while to jumpstart your recovery - might help.
if it costs x amount of bucks, so what? it might just save your life?
D
You need to have a willingness to come here, or go to AA or whatever, instead of drinking.
That's a big call - and it's clearly something you really struggle with.
That's why I think inpatient rehab - getting away from your life for a while to jumpstart your recovery - might help.
if it costs x amount of bucks, so what? it might just save your life?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
I'm think anvil head mention the thread names for some of your past posts......I just think your unhappy maybe frustrated.....about life......and until you reverse those things....it's going to be a challenge to stay sober......last year about this time I was a mess.....not so this year.....but I changed my life ......including not drinking but not just not drinking. I went out for lunch today at one of my favorite places.....my friend had a 20 oz beer.......I had ice tea......and it was really good ice tea......I was not jealous I was not craving......I just was. I don't know....maybe just try to be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Not sure if you male or female but if you are female and lived close I'd ask you to be my sponsor!!!
that you are considering ANYONE as a sponsor is a good thing!!! and yes I am female - just not the foofy fluffy type. in fact my first AA sponsor was male....Sponsor Bob, god rest his soul. he HAD what I wanted, he was spiritual and grounded and wise. we didn't worry about the "gender rules" because we worked well together that's the thing about sponsorship...it is a working relationship. he wasn't my best friend. I didn't call him if my car ran out of gas or I got a hang nail.....we kept our business to recovery from alcoholism. we didn't do dinner together, or go yard saling. we worked the steps. period. dang, he was the best.
that you are considering ANYONE as a sponsor is a good thing!!! and yes I am female - just not the foofy fluffy type. in fact my first AA sponsor was male....Sponsor Bob, god rest his soul. he HAD what I wanted, he was spiritual and grounded and wise. we didn't worry about the "gender rules" because we worked well together that's the thing about sponsorship...it is a working relationship. he wasn't my best friend. I didn't call him if my car ran out of gas or I got a hang nail.....we kept our business to recovery from alcoholism. we didn't do dinner together, or go yard saling. we worked the steps. period. dang, he was the best.
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