Whatever you end up doing, I think you need a willingness not to drink again, no matter what.
You need to have a willingness to come here, or go to AA or whatever, instead of drinking.
That's a big call - and it's clearly something you really struggle with.
That's why I think inpatient rehab - getting away from your life for a while to jumpstart your recovery - might help.
if it costs x amount of bucks, so what? it might just save your life?
D