****!!!!!! Help me God.
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Originally Posted by SoberLife90 
Try to live in the solution...and not the problem. Okay the disease sucks...what can you do about it? Reformulate your recovery plan. How did you stay sober for 5 years? Do the exact same thing because it was obviously working. Just stick to your stuff! Remeber live in the solution...not the problem!
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Originally Posted by dejavu50
Got these few words of encouragement sent to me, hope it can also make you feel better Serenidad: Even the most seasoned believers experience failure and the big question at such times isn't, 'How could I have let that happen?' but, 'What's the right way to deal with it?' Indulging in self-condemning thoughts comes naturally to us, but it does no good. It just produces discouragement, and adds failure upon failure. Are you there? Do you recognise the pattern? Defeat, discouragement, despair, and more defeat. Forget those things which are behind, press toward the goal. Like a child learning to walk, when you fall don't lie down and give up. Minimise your down-time - get back up and walk again! YOU CAN DO IT !!!
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I have no idea what triggers my cravings! They come out of no where!!! Evil!
really??? go back and read the titles to your last 4 or so threads.
Do your husbands/wives/partners make you ANGRY?
Fridays are so HARD & lonely...
Sometimes life just SUCKS! :-(
A TOOL to fight my cravings!
How do you NOT think?
what do you see there? what is the mindset of the person that wrote those (minus the one really postive one about tools)?
here's the thing....IF you have COMMITTED to NOT drinking today NO MATTER WHAT, then cravings might be annoying as hell, but they are not an issue. you are making these decisions to DRINK again when you are.........SOBER. you are making a concious CHOICE to pick up.
assuming you weren't floating in a vat of jack daniels at the time OR that you do not KEEP alcohol in your home, you got dressed, grabbed the keys, grabbed your purse, and ventured off to GET booze. YOU TOOK ACTION. you had to put forth effort.
you either want to be sober or you do not. you will either do whatever it takes to stay sober or do whatever it takes to get another drink. its a matter of which path YOU choose to take.
the disease will always be there, for every alcoholic....drunk or sober. you either feed it or starve it.
really??? go back and read the titles to your last 4 or so threads.
Do your husbands/wives/partners make you ANGRY?
Fridays are so HARD & lonely...
Sometimes life just SUCKS! :-(
A TOOL to fight my cravings!
How do you NOT think?
what do you see there? what is the mindset of the person that wrote those (minus the one really postive one about tools)?
here's the thing....IF you have COMMITTED to NOT drinking today NO MATTER WHAT, then cravings might be annoying as hell, but they are not an issue. you are making these decisions to DRINK again when you are.........SOBER. you are making a concious CHOICE to pick up.
assuming you weren't floating in a vat of jack daniels at the time OR that you do not KEEP alcohol in your home, you got dressed, grabbed the keys, grabbed your purse, and ventured off to GET booze. YOU TOOK ACTION. you had to put forth effort.
you either want to be sober or you do not. you will either do whatever it takes to stay sober or do whatever it takes to get another drink. its a matter of which path YOU choose to take.
the disease will always be there, for every alcoholic....drunk or sober. you either feed it or starve it.
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Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus
I'm sorry you hit a bump in the road, Serenidad, but it's just that- a bump in the road. I admit it's hard to pop the hood and see into our brains to see what's going on. Why did you suddenly get the cravings after so long? What changed in your life? It could be as simple as complacency. Just keep your efforts focused on the problem, and don't beat yourself up.
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Originally Posted by BBQBOY
I feel your pain Serenidad, I was 4 yrs. sober and then just lost it. Many relapses and detox's recently. I enrolled in an IOP (intensive out patient) because I feel I needed a "booster" shot of recovery. I'm glad I did....I will finish up this week and move on the continuing care. The hours are convenient, so I can still work and be home with my family....it is the next best thing to in-patient. I feel very positive right now and my recovery looks good in the future. Just google IOP's in your area, and find one that works for you. Best Wishes.
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Originally Posted by LBrain
If you keep blaming it on the "disease" you may never win. Because it takes the blame away from you. Make the decision to not drink - always. A disease cannot make a decision for you.
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Originally Posted by haennie
I want to be direct and say that your statement about having zero options for treatment is simply not true. Nothing at all, inpatient outpatient, none? Serenidad, there are so many different possibilities, if not in your area, then in a different state. There is Salvation Army. I feel that the truth is what you just said, that you are not doing anything, for some reason refuse to do anything consistent for your recovery. But you see, it's not working this way. Do you think that some sort of magic will just happen now or anytime in the future that will pull this together? Please don't get me wrong, I only speak with good intentions and following your struggles here for a pretty long time. You know clearly what the problem is (stated it in your last post), but you clearly can't make that bridge to another level with the ways you have been trying. What's next, Serenidad? More cycles of these kinds of posts and states for you, or...?
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Originally Posted by site1Q84
Sounds like you know exactly what the problems are. Maybe it's time to take some action? Have you started going to meetings yet while you're looking into more treatment options?
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Originally Posted by soberwolf
Here you can find a lot of cheap rehabs in new hampshire that also accept Medicaid im in London & i found that
New Hampshire - Drug Rehab Centers That Accept Medicaid
New Hampshire - Drug Rehab Centers That Accept Medicaid
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Originally Posted by aasharon90
If folks can make a list of TRIGGERS that would cause them to drink or think about wanting to drink then that would give you something to think about in your own life. We all have triggers. We all have reasons we wanted to drink or use. All sorts of issues that plague us. There are those little itty bitty pesky things that drive us crazy and instead of dealing with them in a healthier manner, we just want them to disappear quickly so we wont have to deal with them. As long as alcohol is present and around us we will automatically run to it. If it is not in ur home or where u can easily reach for it then you have time to use healthier ways to deal whats buggin you.
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Originally Posted by Verte
Returning to AA is a good idea. I have been here on SR for 14 months and cannot help but notice a distinct pattern with your recovery of emphatically begging for help and then very intentionally rejecting it. Like slamming a door. If you can see the pattern, then maybe you can consider what in your life you are consistently recreating? Then work hard to break the pattern. Drinking is not inevitable. You can do this Serenidad. 
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
I have no idea what triggers my cravings! They come out of no where!!! Evil! really??? go back and read the titles to your last 4 or so threads. Do your husbands/wives/partners make you ANGRY? Fridays are so HARD & lonely... Sometimes life just SUCKS! :-( A TOOL to fight my cravings! How do you NOT think? what do you see there? what is the mindset of the person that wrote those (minus the one really postive one about tools)? here's the thing....IF you have COMMITTED to NOT drinking today NO MATTER WHAT, then cravings might be annoying as hell, but they are not an issue. you are making these decisions to DRINK again when you are.........SOBER. you are making a concious CHOICE to pick up. assuming you weren't floating in a vat of jack daniels at the time OR that you do not KEEP alcohol in your home, you got dressed, grabbed the keys, grabbed your purse, and ventured off to GET booze. YOU TOOK ACTION. you had to put forth effort. you either want to be sober or you do not. you will either do whatever it takes to stay sober or do whatever it takes to get another drink. its a matter of which path YOU choose to take. the disease will always be there, for every alcoholic....drunk or sober. you either feed it or starve it.
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Originally Posted by soberwolf
Did you check the link Serenidad they accept Medicaid If im honest i think this by far the best option you can do it and stay sober Whats 30 days my sister done 6 months Hugs Serenidad
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Originally Posted by soberwolf
Im sorry trying to help bud it changed my sisters life both of them done 6 months rehabs I thought everyone gets Medicaid ? im uk
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Originally Posted by Serenidad
I have no willingness to take action! Have I raised my white flag to this disease? God, I hope not!
I'm so beaten up.
I'm so beaten up.
You and I have a history of your openly rejecting my suggestions, and that's okay by me. Apparently I'm not alone in this. I have no personal investment in people doing what worked for me or what I recommend might work for them. None at all. I also have no personal investment in making people feel bad or hurting them in any way. SR is a very small though meaningful part of my life. When people reject my suggestions or attempt to debate me about any particular theme that arises on SR, I go about living the rest of my life with purpose that includes both limited and long-term goals.
So I'll say it again. Given your history of early abuse, it's going to be very difficult for you to feel safe, to care for yourself, to build a meaningful life without getting professional help with someone who has expertise with early trauma (if you haven't already done so). I mean someone who specializes in early trauma. Not all therapists are created equal. Those who specialize in addiction counseling are generally not trained and are therefore ill-equipped to guide people through the healing process that overcoming early trauma requires. Your repetitive relapses hold you prisoner in a life that only has brief periods between each relapse. Your history is written all over you.
You commented at one time that you quit your job in order to focus on your sobriety. You later wrote that you were going to stop attending AA meetings in order to focus on your sobriety. Then you were going to take a break from SR in order to focus on your sobriety, and that you were then going to attend AA again in order to focus on your sobriety. Do you see a pattern emerging?
As long as I chose to remain a victim, I got nowhere. I only became more isolated, more alienated, and developed a talent for rejecting help, and for holding onto the misguided conviction that "I can do this on my own!" with a death grip, despite everything falling down all around me.
I also want to comment on your having had long-term sobriety in the past, and comments around your only needing to do the same thing as you did the first time around.
I was sober/abstinent for twenty five years before my three-year relapse. In truth, the later twelve years or so of that I wasn't taking care of myself, my sobriety, in the ways in which I had earlier. Though I was blessed to be without cravings, I actually picked up the drink about a decade after I'd planted the seeds for my relapse. Because of my situation, I came into contact with other people who'd relapsed after achieving long-term sobriety. We all agreed on at least one thing: The second or third time around was extremely difficult. It didn't have the "glow" of the first time, and something very different needed to be tried. Because I'd relapsed, part of me was convinced that, "Well, that didn't work out. Why should I expect AA to work again?" They couldn't teach me anything I didn't already know. No one could.
I had two choices: Either I die as an active alcoholic, or I do whatever is necessary to achieve sobriety again. The expectation that "what I did the first time should be enough" wasn't, in fact, enough. Nor did clichès such as "redoubling my efforts" or "keeping my resolve," both of which for me were only weak and weakening tributes to will power, provide relief. I got myself into every kind of treatment I could and, despite the fact that I was miserable for the first several months, I got sober again. That's truly the only criterion about "treatment" that has any significance. I also needed to radically change my thinking, the way I engaged the world and other people, and to get honest with myself in ways that often made me extremely uncomfortable. My time with searching for short-cuts and doing things on my own had long since run out.
I truly hope that you find your way through this, but not taking action is not a plan.
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Originally Posted by soberwolf
Ouch is there any way of you applying for medicaid in your name ? i dont know how it works $300 pw is steep
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