getright15

Very encouraging...I need some too!

thomas11

I wish a lot more people would take that advice. I live in the US, and there is always a way to get the help you need. When I was younger I spent a couple days in the hospital, pretty serious deal. I was not employed at the time, not enrolled in college and too old to be on my parents insurance. I literally had no money. They sent me the bills and I simply told them "I have no money. You can try and try, but you're not going to be paid because I have no money". They sent me some papers to fill out, I did, and never heard another word. By the way, in this particular situation, it DID save my life. I was on life support.

Serenidad

Where do you live? (I understand if you prefer not to say).

Elizabeth333

I know that I have no more chances left to get sober, if I fall back again. Now I feel true grace and am done with that life. Don't pick up.

growpath

Just seeing this Serindad. I cant offer much more than all these wonderful people have.

I want you to know we all understand and are all here rooting for you.

But YOU have to do the work! You CAN do this!! You deserve sobriety & a happy life!!!

Hugs xox

esinger

Can't give you a thumbs up on the rehab I went to but it did get me out of a bad situation for over a month and time to sort things out in my head. I think I had a similar insurance situation. They agreed before I went in to take only what the insurance paid and never billed me my deductible or out of pocket portion. If inpatient rehab interests you call around and find one that works with you. I ended up only paying a couple of hundred bucks for my flight and an off sight doctors bill for an unrelated illness that was spreading around the facility. They even provided transportation to and from the airport.
You can get through this. You just need to stop the self loathing and start taking responsibility for your well being. I know easier said than done.
Anyway, Hang in there and good luck!

CeeFarro

I was sober for 7 years. It has taken me 11 years of drinking after that to get 61 days. So I understand! Just get back on the horse and don't give up! Please don't beat yourself up. Learn from it and keep going. Keep your head up..We are all routing for you and believe in you!

ccam1973

Serenidad, I remember when you started that thread. I had just relapsed the month before and would spend another 15 days before finding the strength and power to get my life back.

What stuck with me was your feeling of never changing. You have to make this change for you... no one else can do it for you. You deserve everything that a sober life will bring.

It takes will power and dedication. You know deep down that it is so worth every ounce of effort you put in.

I wasted over 20 years of my life to drinking. You don't have to waste another day. Stand up for yourself, only you can take control of your today.

We believe in you!!!

strategery

I am not sure if I am remembering correctly, but I thought the first time you got sober, you went to rehab. If you can just get some time under your belt with inpatient, I feel this will help you have long term success.

ArtFriend

I hope you take this the right way, but:

Do you really want to quit?

The knee jerk response might be, "of course I want to quit!"

But REALLY...do you want to quit? Dig deep and try to find the truth.

Serenidad

Ok. I won't give up! What have you done these last 61 days to help you stay sober? By the way, congrats on 61 days! My problem is these unbelievable cravings! Like someone or something just takes over my body! I can go days or weeks without a drink and then BOOM it's like a monster grabs me and pulls me under. I feel defenseless! It's so scary.

site1Q84

CaseyW just mentioned this on another thread, and I absolutely agree:

"Why didn't you come on here before taking that first drink? I have found that just the simple act of admitting my urges before taking action takes a whole lot of the bite out of them. This place is open 24/7."


That and meditating. If I sit down for 5 or 10 minutes and get my mind on something else, I find that by the time I go back to whatever I was doing that craving has passed. It's just like feeling sad or angry, it goes away if you give it a few minutes.

Serenidad

I went to IOP the first time in 2008. It was 3 hours per day X 3 times per week. I actually looked that treatment center up yesterday and they went out of business. :-(

You're right about needing to get sober time under my belt! Well, at least I'm on day 2. I'm going to 2 AA meetings today.

Thx Strat!!!

Serenidad

Absolutely I want to quit! If someone said "if you cut your leg off I will give you sobriety and happiness in return". I would take the offer. I know that will never happen though so I am gonna stay sober (by taking action) AND keep my leg! I'm a skiier so I'd like to keep it.

I want sobriety again sooooo bad. How are YOU Art? Have you been hanging in there?

Serenidad

I don't know why I didn't come here first Casey. I guess I wanted to drink more than I wanted to stay sober. Sad, but true. :-(

Does meditating thru your cravings really help you? Maybe I should try that.

Thank you!

Serenidad

Sorry..that last message was for site. :-)

AnvilheadII

My problem is these unbelievable cravings! Like someone or something just takes over my body! I can go days or weeks without a drink and then BOOM it's like a monster grabs me and pulls me under. I feel defenseless! It's so scary.

ok first, cravings are a b!tch. however nobody died from a craving. and cravings WILL pass. we can make that "easier" on ourselves by using recovery tools. BUT each time we give in, we are writing a script that says "when cravings hit I give myself permission to use".

rather than hog your thread, I suggest you read about Flare Up Periods at this link. Flare Up Periods

really good info, IMHO, and really helped me when I was quitting crack.

site1Q84

It really seems to. I have to do it when I'm not having cravings for practice, because they can be pretty hard to ignore. Now that I've gotten the hang of it just being able to clear my mind of that stupid AV for a few minutes is enough to get me back on the right track.

I also saw someone say that they wrote down their "play it forward list" about what would happen if they took a drink. I guess writing it down instead of just thinking it can be more powerful to some people.

Never hurts to try! Whatever you need to get through them.

Ice Cream is also helpful for me haha

ArtFriend

Thanks for asking Serenidad. I have had to do some soul searching myself and I question whether or not I REALLY want to quit drinking. The jury is still out, but I think the answer is yes. I do self-sabotage though. Working on that aspect.

Give it another go Serenidad...all you can do.

Dharma33

For me, I try to boil down taking a drink to something very black and white.

When I get a thought of taking a drink, I don't consider it a craving. It's a thought, a force of habit.

My response? I don't drink.

I don't believe we are powerless over the thought of taking a drink. It's a thought, that's all. A blip of words in our brain. If I decide to act and take that drink, I have made a choice. I give the thought of having a drink the same power as I do the thought of wearing short sleeves when it is warm out. The thought comes, I act on it.

When I think of ordering a drink, I don't take action. When I think of stopping at the store for a bottle, I don't take action.

This is how I think of it. I didn't give in to a monster. It didn't force me.

If I drink, I made the choice. If I drink, I suffer the consequences.