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Old 04-30-2010, 04:01 PM
  # 261 (permalink)  
04-04-2011
 
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What about an "N/A" beer. Is that a legit compromise?
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Old 04-30-2010, 04:11 PM
  # 262 (permalink)  
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I'm not gonna prescribe what I think others should do

Do you think it is?

I do know what I feel about it - I was a beer drinker...so drinking something that was packaged like beer and tasted like beer would be very dangerous for me....one step closer to the precipice....

Have you thought any more about whats really going on kyb?
Is it just a mindless craving or is there something more to it?

D
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Old 04-30-2010, 04:18 PM
  # 263 (permalink)  
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Don't do it Kyb! You've put in really great days to get the point you're at now. If you give in now, you'll be starting back at day one. On the other hand if you stay strong tonite, imagine how strong and proud you'll feel tomorrow.
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Old 04-30-2010, 04:18 PM
  # 264 (permalink)  
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Kyb5,

Don't mean to sound like a nosey jerk, but I was wondering if you would describe that" arguement you were having in your head" earlier ?
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Old 04-30-2010, 05:06 PM
  # 265 (permalink)  
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Thank you!

Thank you all so much! You "talked me down". I almost didn't post anything because I didn't want to appear so needy or whiney. I was reading your updated posts all the way home on my cell phone. I almost started crying (and I'm a guy, I don't cry). Still choked up a little while typing this, that I resisted and you all helped more than you know. I knew that's all I needed.

I made it home without buying anything and I can't now because my daughter has a doubleheader softball game and we'll be out late.

Marlow: I know I've come far this week. I really didn't want to let you all down and make all my posts throughout the last week just hollow words that I really didn't mean.

Dee: I guess it was just mindless cravings. I just wanted to taste a beer again. I knew I didn't want to get drunk, just have a taste.

Topspin: Please, please be nosey (and you're never a jerk). That's why I posted. The argument was going something like this (really what everyone has heard before).

Mind: Hey you made it a week. You can just have a few beers and you won't get drunk so it will be ok.

Me: Yea but I know I can't control it and even if I just drink a few tonight I'll probably be back to where I was within a week.

(Please forgive me on this next one but it's what was going through my mind. I'm ashamed to even post that I was thinking this.)

Mind: Yeah but you weren't as bad off as some of the other people here. Some of them are really messed up.

Me: But the alcohol is all out of my system and I don't want to have to start over with all the mood swings and cravings and so on. Plus you're a jerk to be thinking that.

Mind: Yeah but your wife won't be home so she won't know. And you won't get drunk. You'll be relaxed and have a good night and tomorrow you won't drink.

Me: Yeah but I probably won't get a good nights sleep and won't be able to look her in the eye in the morning let alone myself with the guilt of what I've done.

Anyway, it just keeps going so I won't bore you with anymore. I'm sure you've all had those thoughts and arguments.

I just can't stop saying thank you, thank you to SR and everyone here. I'm so blessed to have you all.


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Old 04-30-2010, 05:07 PM
  # 266 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by kyb5 View Post
The argument going on inside of my head is driving me crazy.

I just know I'm going to cave tonight.
Hang in there, kyb5! That sounds lame, but I don't have any words of wisdom. I just wanted to show my support.
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Old 04-30-2010, 05:09 PM
  # 267 (permalink)  
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Wow! That was like watching a suspenseful movie! I'm glad you dodged that bullet, Kyb. Post tomorrow so we all can hear how glad you are that you didn't drink. (I say that because I've had those days, and the worser it was, the happier I was in the morning when I woke up clear-headed).

Rev
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Old 04-30-2010, 05:22 PM
  # 268 (permalink)  
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Good for you, Kyb5! I'm going to save your post, so if I get a craving I'll remember where to come....hopefully!
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Old 04-30-2010, 05:28 PM
  # 269 (permalink)  
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This is Day 12 for me, and it's the weekend, and it's my birthday. I don't feel like drinking, but the possibility worries me a little. I came home to an empty house. My husband's den was unlocked (that's where he keeps his alcohol.) Normally I would go in and steal some, but I didn't even think twice about it. I'm glad I feel this way, but I'm concerned that the temptation will come back.
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Old 04-30-2010, 05:37 PM
  # 270 (permalink)  
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Kyb, my heart goes out to you. I have those arguments in my head every night too....
Something that helps me, sounds lame I know..., but thinking of there being 2 people inside my head, the good n the bad. I get really angry at the bad one that keeps making reasons for me to drink, making all the good excuses....and i tell him to sod off, i dont drink to spite him lol!

Another thing that helps is coming on here and reading back to how I felt on day 1. I never want to go back to day 1.

Really proud of you mate. Keep it up, and whenever you get the urge again...even if you have bought the beer, and your mind is made up, just come talk to us about it okay.....let us know whats going on.
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Old 04-30-2010, 05:41 PM
  # 271 (permalink)  
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Kyb.
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Old 04-30-2010, 06:13 PM
  # 272 (permalink)  
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Hey class of April 2010,

Today is May 1 and am on day 5.

Thanks to all who write in this thread I read this thread at least twice a day and can relate to most of you on your feelings of frustration, fear and victories.

Kyb I can totally relate to your ' in head' conversation and can only say....well done... As many experienced and wise people have already said, if we continue the conversation to the next level where we think out the consequences it puts the whole situation in a different light. Come to think of it, it would help me to think like this in other situations in my life.

Instead of reacting first and thinking later ('cause I am sensitve) it would be much better for me and my relationships with others to think first! -

It's the weekend here in OZ. Saturday morning. and thank goodness I didn't drink last night. I woke early and am physically and mentally there for my daughters this morning not hating myself and the world.

Again, thanks to all that contribute to this thread, it is such a great help.

Big hugs to all.

louise
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Old 04-30-2010, 07:44 PM
  # 273 (permalink)  
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I applaud you Kyb!
I'm starting to lose track of everyone here in April. Again, welcome to any newcomers I haven't already said hello to.

For those that have been having rough or low times, I am so happy that you come here and post about it. For me to know that I'm not alone in this struggle is such an amazing tool, I can't even find the words. I worry about you guys, you know? When I read that you're stressing, I wish like hell that I could just come over and play a game of cards or make a meal or something to help change your atmosphere and maybe give you hope/help.

I am no way near step 12, (haven't even presented my step 1 in group yet), but my heart just feels so full - like it's going to spill over - I want to be here for my fellow addicts/alcoholics/screw-ups The comradeship I feel here is very special to me.

I hope everyone enters May with hope and conviction

May 1st is the Pagan holiday Beltaine - a particularly "hopeful" event. There's a lot to be said about it, but I'd like to just break it down to this: this is a date to fully grasp and appreciate the beauty and wonder of spring and the renewal of life. Even if it's pouring rain tomorrow with hail and thunder, it's still freshness coming out of the darkness of winter. If that's not a great metaphor for early recovery, I don't know what is, -giggle-.
I haven't participated in any pagan events or rituals for nearly 6 years - this will be my first sober holiday of any sort in a looooong time. I'm excited and feel pretty damn good.

No matter where you're at tonight, low, even, or great, I wish you all the best.

I'm still thinking about creating a little banner for all of us.

Take care, and blessed be!
WW
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Old 04-30-2010, 09:54 PM
  # 274 (permalink)  
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Well, it's finally May !!

And what a month it's been. I can't begin to express to everyone here how

grateful I am to be involved in something so much bigger than my small little world.

It's humbling, ..really ; to read your heartfelt posts and, in some way, be part of

the unbelievable experience we are living through together ......Early Sobriety,


Aprillers, Springers, .........................thank you all


stay strong



Being a Priller is a Thriller
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Old 04-30-2010, 10:30 PM
  # 275 (permalink)  
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My daughter hit her first ever home run in her softball game tonight and I got to see it SOBER!!!

Thank you all so much for your support. I'm so glad to be part of a community.

Happy May to all you Springers! Have a great weekend.



.
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Old 04-30-2010, 10:45 PM
  # 276 (permalink)  
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KYB.....Huggs to you for riding out the temptation. It will get better but oh yes those moments I believe will always pop up. Your strength and determination is inspiring.

I would lie if I said that I don't have those moments. I had one last night where I was so irritated at my hubby that I just wanted to go to the store and buy a bottle. Oh....I was pi$$ed but that is part of my recovery. Dealing with conflict soberly. It is a challenge but totally doable. While I thought about it.....I was firmly planted and unwavering. There was no way I would drink again but the old habit was in my head saying....do it do it.

Your moment of vulnerability is a prime example of how amazing and wonderfully supportive SR is. I post at all times but it is at a time like this where we need that instant....help me....I am struggling. There is almost always friends on here to comment and let us know we aren't alone.

God Bless everyone in this community and yes.....I do regard all of you as friends and SR has given me the positivity and support that I needed that 1st shaking detox day to the now where I am learning coping strategies in recovery.

Yayyy for sobriety and I am proud of all of us. Stay strong...one day at a time.

Kim
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Old 04-30-2010, 11:52 PM
  # 277 (permalink)  
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I'm glad it worked out kyb - that's awesome!

D
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Old 05-01-2010, 06:50 AM
  # 278 (permalink)  
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A sober May begins for a Fool

Today is day 13 for me.

Soon, I will be at 2 weeks sober, which was an early goal of mine.

I continue to feel that I have this beat. I am well aware that I should guard against such early optimism, but that is honestly how I feel.

I have not had the desire to drink yet. I've worried about drinking daily, but that little voice in the back of my head incessantly cajoling and rationalizing has been mostly silent so far. I think reading this forum has my addiction scared to death....lol.

I do feel a bit of anxiety over how smooth things have gone so far.

I have read others refer to "waiting for the other shoe to drop." That is an apt description of how I feel.

This sound very foolish (hence my user name) but I almost wish for a "bad day" so that I can overcome it, and prove to myself that this is not just another attempt at not drinking.

This time is different. This time is for real.

Hang in there everyone, and I'll hang right with you.
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Old 05-01-2010, 07:01 AM
  # 279 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by kyb5 View Post
Thank you all so much! You "talked me down". I almost didn't post anything because I didn't want to appear so needy or whiney. I was reading your updated posts all the way home on my cell phone. I almost started crying (and I'm a guy, I don't cry). Still choked up a little while typing this, that I resisted and you all helped more than you know. I knew that's all I needed.


That's outstanding, man. Well done.

As for the tearing up, I'm 6'3 240 pounds and served in the USMC Infantry, and I have been quite surprised myself by getting emotional reading/posting here more than once.

Sobriety is a big deal. The biggest deal in my life right now.
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Old 05-01-2010, 07:51 AM
  # 280 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Gwyntissel View Post
This is Day 12 for me, and it's the weekend, and it's my birthday.
Happy Birthday! Your gift this year is spending it NOT hungover.

Rev
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