Thank you all so much! You "talked me down". I almost didn't post anything because I didn't want to appear so needy or whiney. I was reading your updated posts all the way home on my cell phone. I almost started crying (and I'm a guy, I don't cry). Still choked up a little while typing this, that I resisted and you all helped more than you know. I knew that's all I needed.
I made it home without buying anything and I can't now because my daughter has a doubleheader softball game and we'll be out late.
Marlow: I know I've come far this week. I really didn't want to let you all down and make all my posts throughout the last week just hollow words that I really didn't mean.
Dee: I guess it was just mindless cravings. I just wanted to taste a beer again. I knew I didn't want to get drunk, just have a taste.
Topspin: Please, please be nosey (and you're never a jerk). That's why I posted. The argument was going something like this (really what everyone has heard before).
Mind: Hey you made it a week. You can just have a few beers and you won't get drunk so it will be ok.
Me: Yea but I know I can't control it and even if I just drink a few tonight I'll probably be back to where I was within a week.
(Please forgive me on this next one but it's what was going through my mind. I'm ashamed to even post that I was thinking this.)
Mind: Yeah but you weren't as bad off as some of the other people here. Some of them are really messed up.
Me: But the alcohol is all out of my system and I don't want to have to start over with all the mood swings and cravings and so on. Plus you're a jerk to be thinking that.
Mind: Yeah but your wife won't be home so she won't know. And you won't get drunk. You'll be relaxed and have a good night and tomorrow you won't drink.
Me: Yeah but I probably won't get a good nights sleep and won't be able to look her in the eye in the morning let alone myself with the guilt of what I've done.
Anyway, it just keeps going so I won't bore you with anymore. I'm sure you've all had those thoughts and arguments.
I just can't stop saying thank you, thank you to SR and everyone here. I'm so blessed to have you all.
