Just bunh of Day 1 no alcohol (successful!) Ramblings
Scars,Souvineers we never lose
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 325
Just bunh of Day 1 no alcohol (successful!) Ramblings
TY I am feeling MUCH better just like a HUGE ball of anxiety RIGHT NOW. Like I am almostt spinning, riunning around my house like a crazy person for my first sober night in YEARS, well not true, I had 5 days a few months ago but think I was still ujsing Narcs at the time so I didnt realise the effects of the A WD's as much.
I have a very important interview in the AM, I know its time to focus on myself and put me first and I really am trying to but this is a chance for a 95 actually 8-4 which I have not had in well my entire adult life sue to the undustry I chose and now with a 3 and 1/2 year old i need one more than ever b/c I recently worked a managemrial job (as a ssistant a huge step down for me) but recently never went back about 2 weeks ago b/c in all honesty (although it was a HORRIBLE schedule for my daughter and husband and I basically had to work 60 plus hours a week leaving him to do EVERYTHING, after him working all week in the now super HOT Southern sun outdoors doing physical labor) and then coming home to an empotionally wrecked wife that was an A and narcotic addict, shooting up, crying or bouncing off the walls about every little comment he made leaving him to everything.
So regardless I REALLY need this job it would make my life much easier. I didnt work for a year and 1/2 due to an emergency back surgery, the "economy and nott bigng able to find a job and my drug and alcohol problemns escalating and believing as soon as I got a job everything would be better, i then realised the job added more stress to our life, relationship and family, so i realoise that there are so many layers of this b/c I have to obviously get over that b/c everything time I get "the thing' I think is going o make eveything "all better" it turns out to be exactly the thing that made me worse and worse at my behaviour.
So I am no longer banking on anyhting helping me but me, finding a programn and working the steps, which i have never done before even when I went to NA on and off for a couple years had found a lot of great groups good people, never the right sponser and I am praying I do this time.
As I mentioned going to an NA meeting that about 5 years ago when I went NA there were a lot of old time woman NAers in there and I am praying they still are b/c they were not at the meeting the pther night which was a let down but I remember the last time not bieng easy either but this time I am dealing with much stronger addictions, I dont think you can compare, but I know the needle has been known to be the hardest to kick an I see why....I have literally been seeing visions of thosee danicing in my head everytime (from time to time ) when I blink, spoons and lighters etc. Its a bitch.
I am quite sure I am over the majority of WD sympoms, (I know they can literally last years) but the worst of the worst fo the symptoms of that and could for the first time in over a year be comfortable enough to wear a short sleeved shirt to church and lunch today but I was ampng the people who love me, and although they are not a part of my direct family except for my husband they are the ones (1 that even used w/ me as I mentioned above) but shoewed their concern that I was becomming a nasty full fledged junkie and were worried about me so although i still had light bruises in the crooks of my arms and I can feel my vens are all hard and bumpy (whicch I know I need to get checked out by a Dr ASAP if that doesnt go away in a day or 2 but w/o insurance I have no choice but to wait on that but then again if its a blud clot or something of course I cant wait.
Boy oh boy what have I done every minute of my day is filled with more realizations of what I have done and the hell I have made my life and pray I can overcome this. I love SR it also helped me years ago when I got 30 days clean a few times which besides my ENTIRE pregnanacy I didnt drink or use. SR was super handy during that time and I know will be vital to my recovery now.
So if you made it this far in my novel thankis for reading my babbeling, sorry I have to give my daughter (who I know is up way too late) a bath so no time to speel scheck and I am sure its horrendous b/c I dont even know why I am typing my fingers are just, flying typing my anxiety away, and it has helped so thank you!
What sis anyone do before SR at 11 PM?
Looks like I made it through day 1 no alcohol!!!!!!! Im stoked....<3 (Positive) Dreams
I have a very important interview in the AM, I know its time to focus on myself and put me first and I really am trying to but this is a chance for a 95 actually 8-4 which I have not had in well my entire adult life sue to the undustry I chose and now with a 3 and 1/2 year old i need one more than ever b/c I recently worked a managemrial job (as a ssistant a huge step down for me) but recently never went back about 2 weeks ago b/c in all honesty (although it was a HORRIBLE schedule for my daughter and husband and I basically had to work 60 plus hours a week leaving him to do EVERYTHING, after him working all week in the now super HOT Southern sun outdoors doing physical labor) and then coming home to an empotionally wrecked wife that was an A and narcotic addict, shooting up, crying or bouncing off the walls about every little comment he made leaving him to everything.
So regardless I REALLY need this job it would make my life much easier. I didnt work for a year and 1/2 due to an emergency back surgery, the "economy and nott bigng able to find a job and my drug and alcohol problemns escalating and believing as soon as I got a job everything would be better, i then realised the job added more stress to our life, relationship and family, so i realoise that there are so many layers of this b/c I have to obviously get over that b/c everything time I get "the thing' I think is going o make eveything "all better" it turns out to be exactly the thing that made me worse and worse at my behaviour.
So I am no longer banking on anyhting helping me but me, finding a programn and working the steps, which i have never done before even when I went to NA on and off for a couple years had found a lot of great groups good people, never the right sponser and I am praying I do this time.
As I mentioned going to an NA meeting that about 5 years ago when I went NA there were a lot of old time woman NAers in there and I am praying they still are b/c they were not at the meeting the pther night which was a let down but I remember the last time not bieng easy either but this time I am dealing with much stronger addictions, I dont think you can compare, but I know the needle has been known to be the hardest to kick an I see why....I have literally been seeing visions of thosee danicing in my head everytime (from time to time ) when I blink, spoons and lighters etc. Its a bitch.
I am quite sure I am over the majority of WD sympoms, (I know they can literally last years) but the worst of the worst fo the symptoms of that and could for the first time in over a year be comfortable enough to wear a short sleeved shirt to church and lunch today but I was ampng the people who love me, and although they are not a part of my direct family except for my husband they are the ones (1 that even used w/ me as I mentioned above) but shoewed their concern that I was becomming a nasty full fledged junkie and were worried about me so although i still had light bruises in the crooks of my arms and I can feel my vens are all hard and bumpy (whicch I know I need to get checked out by a Dr ASAP if that doesnt go away in a day or 2 but w/o insurance I have no choice but to wait on that but then again if its a blud clot or something of course I cant wait.
Boy oh boy what have I done every minute of my day is filled with more realizations of what I have done and the hell I have made my life and pray I can overcome this. I love SR it also helped me years ago when I got 30 days clean a few times which besides my ENTIRE pregnanacy I didnt drink or use. SR was super handy during that time and I know will be vital to my recovery now.
So if you made it this far in my novel thankis for reading my babbeling, sorry I have to give my daughter (who I know is up way too late) a bath so no time to speel scheck and I am sure its horrendous b/c I dont even know why I am typing my fingers are just, flying typing my anxiety away, and it has helped so thank you!
What sis anyone do before SR at 11 PM?
Looks like I made it through day 1 no alcohol!!!!!!! Im stoked....<3 (Positive) Dreams
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Way to go on day 1!!!
Keep reading and posting, maybe check out some other NA meetings..I wish I could remember the one someone told me about at work (I used to wait tables in Smyrna, was talking to some customers, conversation ended up revealing 2 of us were recovering addicts and they told me of a "really good NA meeting" but all I remember was it was in downtown...sorry)
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Keep reading and posting, maybe check out some other NA meetings..I wish I could remember the one someone told me about at work (I used to wait tables in Smyrna, was talking to some customers, conversation ended up revealing 2 of us were recovering addicts and they told me of a "really good NA meeting" but all I remember was it was in downtown...sorry)
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Scars,Souvineers we never lose
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 325
You guys are FABULOUS with a capotol F.....<3 all of you and I know with the help of AA or NA wherever I end up 
all of SR and God i can do this I know for me its the only way and I pray for all in a bad place right now that you find what workd for you too, I know its only been a day for me so please know I am not being complacient, just excited i am getting into the swing of things and am startig to find my way, and have begun to find that way I I hope you all do to b/c I know there are a lot of alternative methids that work for pople and I just desided to START with the most well known mist successful ways that I have hears of NA OR AA, and God for me and adding SR b/c that has helped me tremendously in the past so I knew when it was time, and on this mothes day 2010 it is time for me, and I know I may bot stick with these methods or programs forever but its wherre I am now ande for me to ger a day sober, its a frigging complete and total especially where I was just a week ago I NEVER though I would get a day NO MATTER what I did.
I am happy for you all and hope those still suffering and dont have your day 1 yet (probably, at least for me i know I can not speak for anyone else) but I beleive it is BY FAR for me the HARDEST day to get so why? Throw it away,well i have before I have no reeasons why, but this time I dont care what reasons I come up with I just hope when I get to that point I have that support system fully set up aned with theat I can only succeed, I know I have a heel of a long way to go and a world of a lot to learn about this addiction, these programs and mainly myself how I am going to get a lot more days but for now I am very happy.
Sorry still have my daughter up, so nice to be sitting her sober listening to her singing to her dollies to sleep, and actually wondering how many times she did this before because its the first time I noticed. The first time I ever "really" noticed and my heart actually feel a little something sue to it, just a little I know it will get stronger and I cant wait, but am a little scare, of those emptions but bring em on I would rathen have them than not.
I want to be here to see her grow up, get married,a nd mostly have her not think I am like I am the loser alcoholic drug addic my mother is, I want to be her hero and for her to say I am her favorite person in the world and that she respects me and that I have taught her how to be a woman and adult....and dress well of course J/k (kinda) Its the little things I have been missing COMPLETELY, God I have missed her...but trying to kjeep it in the present, its the only way that past guilt will eat me alive, thats why I need a sponser and the steps and need to do work. I have to work this out.
Sorry readers, I wonder if anyone ready every single word of all of my crap,m kudos to you if you do, b/c I dont know if I were you if I would
<3 (Day 1!) Dream Accomplished!
all of SR and God i can do this I know for me its the only way and I pray for all in a bad place right now that you find what workd for you too, I know its only been a day for me so please know I am not being complacient, just excited i am getting into the swing of things and am startig to find my way, and have begun to find that way I I hope you all do to b/c I know there are a lot of alternative methids that work for pople and I just desided to START with the most well known mist successful ways that I have hears of NA OR AA, and God for me and adding SR b/c that has helped me tremendously in the past so I knew when it was time, and on this mothes day 2010 it is time for me, and I know I may bot stick with these methods or programs forever but its wherre I am now ande for me to ger a day sober, its a frigging complete and total especially where I was just a week ago I NEVER though I would get a day NO MATTER what I did.I am happy for you all and hope those still suffering and dont have your day 1 yet (probably, at least for me i know I can not speak for anyone else) but I beleive it is BY FAR for me the HARDEST day to get so why? Throw it away,well i have before I have no reeasons why, but this time I dont care what reasons I come up with I just hope when I get to that point I have that support system fully set up aned with theat I can only succeed, I know I have a heel of a long way to go and a world of a lot to learn about this addiction, these programs and mainly myself how I am going to get a lot more days but for now I am very happy.
Sorry still have my daughter up, so nice to be sitting her sober listening to her singing to her dollies to sleep, and actually wondering how many times she did this before because its the first time I noticed. The first time I ever "really" noticed and my heart actually feel a little something sue to it, just a little I know it will get stronger and I cant wait, but am a little scare, of those emptions but bring em on I would rathen have them than not.
I want to be here to see her grow up, get married,a nd mostly have her not think I am like I am the loser alcoholic drug addic my mother is, I want to be her hero and for her to say I am her favorite person in the world and that she respects me and that I have taught her how to be a woman and adult....and dress well of course
J/k (kinda) Its the little things I have been missing COMPLETELY, God I have missed her...but trying to kjeep it in the present, its the only way that past guilt will eat me alive, thats why I need a sponser and the steps and need to do work. I have to work this out. Sorry readers, I wonder if anyone ready every single word of all of my crap,m kudos to you if you do, b/c I dont know if I were you if I would
<3 (Day 1!) Dream Accomplished!
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