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Class of October 2017 Support Thread pt. 4

Old 11-19-2017, 10:58 PM
  # 281 (permalink)  
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Good morning

It's 6.30 and I'm up. I'd usually go straight off to work but I have my smear test this morning at 7.45 and I'll be glad when that's done. I got the first appointment I could to get it over with. I'm one of those people that if there is something rubbish that needs doing I need to just get it over and done with. Otherwise I'll just end up talking myself out of doing it at all.

Wax - good plan to avoid the family stuff. I don't mind spending time with my family but it stresses me out now when everyone is together at the same time. My sister had 4 girls in quick succession (at one point 4 under 4) and when they are there they take over. Christmas day is one of those times we all get together and I dread it now. I'd quite happily miss that but it's when we all get together and swap presents so my children love that.

Viper - wow. Thank you for taking the time for that. You have travelled a lot! I think I would have liked to do that too but we had our first son at 18 so our life has been built around trying to make ends meet and keep a roof over our heads. When my youngest leaves primary school I will have been doing school runs for 20 years. I did it all wrong lol. Thanks for the warning about being out at night on Mexico. My sons are 8 and 10 so we won't be out that late. That trip looks great - I'll definitely look into that.

Soul - I have kind of lived through something similar in the sense that I was living through something and I didn't know how it would work out. I did actually manage to stay sober for the most part. My OH was out of work for a long time (like 3 years) and being self employed I never knew how much money I was getting and if I'd be able to cover the bills each month. It was awful and my fear is going back to living like that. His job is not secure so it still hangs over us. I guess I just had to learn not to focus on it and tried to distract myself with other things. I got very involved with activities round my kids and a social life evolved from that with other mums who became friends. Every day we had something that I had to get out of bed early for so I couldn't drink as I wouldn't have been able to manage.

Also does the melatonin work? My son came round last night and he looked terrible because he's not been sleeping. I gave him an aromatherapy spray thing but I don't think that would help much.

Badge- I am with you completely. Decorations up before December is ridiculous. I know someone who puts there's up straight after Halloween. Ours go up the first weekend in December and come down normally the 2nd Jan but I'll be taking them down early this year. Don't want to come back from holiday and them still be up.

So today again I am staying positive. After the doctors I'll get straight off to work and will get loads of work done. Pick the kids up from school and then I'm seeing a friend tonight who is going through a horrendous time atm and needs a lot of support. My OH might be working away tonight but I have a meeting tomorrow with a client and need to be fresh so drinking is not an option. I'm hoping to fit in some exercise too at some point but that depends on whether I can get the living room free to do it lol. Can't do it in front of people!

I'm hoping I won't have time to check back in today so have a lovely Monday everyone.
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Old 11-19-2017, 11:32 PM
  # 282 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by waxfruit View Post
Dee, I was referring to (insert sarcasm) - my Holiday Tune post.
altho- i dont mind them so much anymore....
it's hard to believe the holidays are right around the corner.
i have already made the decision to skip out of family obligations this year.
Maybe in time, all wounds may heal?
back to bed.
good night friends
The capitals are throwing me - I don't know if 'Holiday Tune' is a thing or not I'm afraid lol.

Do you mean Christmas music and things wax?

I'm not big on it usually but I've been known to play some of that on Xmas eve.Day...reminds me of good times

D
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Old 11-20-2017, 02:33 AM
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Good morning everyone.
I prayed starting with asking for forgiveness this morning. I am going to try to just be positive today. I have several punishment tasks to do today along with mom helping. At least I will get the car arrest within the next few weeks I believe and will be off and counting down days. It will be good to start that and not be just in limbo waiting and worrying about it. Nothing I can do about it except hope it isn't too visible, pray it doesn't cost me in malfunctions this next year and will definitely be the star pupil in performing tests and making monthly recalibration appointments. Thank you so much charlie in sharing your story. I am trying to do anything I can to lower my anxiety and stress so I don't do something to my health or think about drinking. I did clean a bit on my living room yesterday. I have so much paper laying around!! I have a shredder and was shredding paychecks from 2009 on Saturday...ridiculous. I would never need those for anything. My whole house is getting a paper purge little by little. One of my big NYE's resolutions.
Happy day everyone - be well ♥
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Old 11-20-2017, 03:24 AM
  # 284 (permalink)  
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Soul: Fantastic that you are praying to God for some help but don't feel guilty about asking for His help. As you may have read, guilt was a HUGE detractor to my getting and staying sober. Through His grace and mercy He has taken that away from me. Scripture abounds in verses about asking God for help. Bold is added for emphasis. (I had to Google this but I am very familiar with these, particularly the last 2 verses I include here).

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
Isaiah 30:18-19 So the LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. He will be gracious if you ask for help.
James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
Jesus Himself tells us in Matthew 7:7 ďAsk, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.Ē

Bimini: Love the quote about "Don't do something, just stand there." Sometimes that is exactly what we need our loved ones to do. Don't ask what you can do to help, don't tell me what to do. Just listen and hear me. I'm having to teach my girlfriend to do that. It is regarding my bipolarism but the same concept is relevant with alcoholism.

Charlie: Melatonin works for a lot of people. It's cheap and natural so I recommend giving it a try to see if it works for you. Just remember to take it about 2 hours before bedtime. I have found and so has...I think it was Brighten, that taking it only 1 hour before bed left me groggy in the morning.
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Old 11-20-2017, 05:46 AM
  # 285 (permalink)  
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Happy Monday folks!!

Checkin in at day 47.

Wishing everyone a great start to the week ahead. Sending positive thoughts to all of us!!

One day at a time is my new thought on sobriety. Time goes by too fast to take it for granted

Brighten
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Old 11-20-2017, 07:07 AM
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Charlie, you’ll have a great time. Be careful as all heck with the water. I had those opprtiitymies for the exact reason you mentioned you did not. I never got married, had kids, or bought a house. I’m happy with that. Everyone has their own way.

Now Australia is a trip I’d like to take. Pretty far away and our dollar isn’t very strong there. I’ll be sleeping at Dee’s. ;D

Begin a new day. I have a few items to get listed online for sale. I think today is the day. Once their gone it should clear out my current charge bills.

I’ll talk later. Thanks so much guys.

Vipe
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Old 11-20-2017, 07:26 AM
  # 287 (permalink)  
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Good Morning all,

Soul- Your post made me remember how some friends of mine, every new years eve, would gather around a bonfire and burn their bills, receipts, etc. They also had this ritual where everyone there was given a pad of paper and pencil and you wrote down anything negative, bad, sad, regretful, shameful etc, that you felt happened to you or that perhaps you felt you had inflicted on others the previous year. Then you would throw that slip of paper in the fire, you could tell others what was on the paper if you wanted to, or not either way. It was declared a "safe" time, no judging, only support. The hope was that you would start out the new year with only positive power within you. Once the note was burned the negative was gone. It was very cathartic, some tears, lots of hugs, mentally exhausting, but the feeling afterward was incredible, so freeing.

Congrats on the 47 Bright!

Kit- how are you doing? everything okay?

LuLu- your cats get settled in? How is the job search going?

Bobdrop- how are you? you havent really left us have you???

Good Morning to you also Charlie, hope your tests goes well, and your Christmas does sound crazy!

Wax, Viper and to all the rest of the Octoberites-

Badge
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Old 11-20-2017, 09:27 AM
  # 288 (permalink)  
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SoulShine-

I can completely relate to the paper problem and I am so glad you brought it up. It something I have to be very careful about or my kitchen table amongst any spot available, will be trails and stacks of paper. The thought of storing them in my oven just passed through my mind. Of course, I won't do that and I must say, I am horrible with organizing, so this place is probably my best solution. Less space, less cleaning. Also, what i'm learning about stress or what I have always known that I need to put into practice is that things I unnecessarily stress about, that I have had zero control over was and is a complete waste of time, not to mention terrible on your body. It's bad any way you look it and is something I need to continuously work on as well. From what I have learned is that things will work out the way they are supposed to, especially when you are putting in effort and not simply existing, but living.

Badge- You just reminded me of a tradition I had every year, where I would sit down a couple days before NYE and write down all my wishes, hopes, dreams, etc for me, my siblings, my parents, my friends and seal it and wait until the following year to read. The times I did it, I was pretty surprised at how many things came to pass.
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:58 AM
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Bad: Cool idea about burning the year's bad things, I like that. May just do that myself!
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Old 11-20-2017, 01:24 PM
  # 290 (permalink)  
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Thank you GB for the verses - very much appreciated. I'm not a church going person but very much a believer. I have no doubt that it was He who kept me alive through 36 years, 4 months and 25 days that I was a drinker. He wants me here for some reason.

They also had this ritual where everyone there was given a pad of paper and pencil and you wrote down anything negative, bad, sad, regretful, shameful etc, that you felt happened to you or that perhaps you felt you had inflicted on others the previous year. Then you would throw that slip of paper in the fire, you could tell others what was on the paper if you wanted to, or not either way. It was declared a "safe" time, no judging, only support. The hope was that you would start out the new year with only positive power within you. Once the note was burned the negative was gone. It was very cathartic, some tears, lots of hugs, mentally exhausting, but the feeling afterward was incredible, so freeing.
badge I wish our whole class could get together and do this...I do think it would be cathartic.
I would sit down a couple days before NYE and write down all my wishes, hopes, dreams, etc for me, my siblings, my parents, my friends and seal it and wait until the following year to read. The times I did it, I was pretty surprised at how many things came to pass.
wax another good idea. I think I may meld these two together for NYE 2018. I thought this coming year was going to be my year. The number eight is my life number (if you believe in such things) and the two numbers of my age in the coming year add up to eight too. So I was thinking 2018 would be double magical. Now look what I've done to it before it even has opened its eyes.
I have to trod on though this mess though. Today I think I found a vehicle in the lot at work that has a camera and it is along the side in the middle of the drivers side windshield-highly visible. I guess that's why they were clear down at the end of the parking lot beside me. It is what it is. Still praying about two things before the end of the year about work and name being in paper. Still waiting on court but more positive that will not be any more charges. If I can make it through that then I will be left with the classes and then just living my life til towards the end of next year. And then continuing what I've started in this terrible time of my life - sobriety.
I am going to put some serious thought into the NYE things - writing down and getting rid of my shame, guilt, etc may help. Also it sounds like it would be an interesting Christmas gift for next year to have something written down now of what I want for the future. I hope I will have grown as a person for sure and that maybe there will be a bit of space between who I am now and the person a year away. Thanks for writing that down you guys.
I'm waiting for the guy that is changing the oil and putting a sticker on the car to call. That's one more thing ticked off the list and hopefully one less person that may not have to find out.
I know I'm such a worrywort and cannot find a way to stop... I'm just hardwired that way. I'm so glad to have a place to let some of it out. Love to each and every one of you. I only hope that my stuff I am going through right now might keep someone reading from drinking and driving and finding their own kind of hell going thru the aftermath.
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Old 11-20-2017, 03:36 PM
  # 291 (permalink)  
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So much to read but I hope you all are doing great! Currently at work so I dont stay on this too long.

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Old 11-20-2017, 05:32 PM
  # 292 (permalink)  
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I hope everyone is having a good night!!

Just poppin in to say Hello!!

Brighten
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Old 11-20-2017, 07:42 PM
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getting close to 4 weeks again . . . wishing other things were as easy as quitting drinking. i can't change my career in one day but i can go from being a drinker to a non-drinker in 1 day, in one day at a time increments.
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:52 PM
  # 294 (permalink)  
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I love that idea burning negative stuff at new year. I love the idea that someone else I think mentioned on here (Kit?) about watching the sun come up on the new year instead of partying it in. We will be in Cancun this new year and I think I'd love to do that.

You all know I've been feeling crappy the last week or so - on edge/anxious/like something bad is about to happen. Maybe it's a sixth sense. My worst nightmare might be about to come true again. My OH is in a meeting today and it looks like they are closing down his company. He has been applying for jobs for months and has had no response at all so it's unlikely he will find something else soon. I hate this. I don't earn enough to pay the bills for all the family.

Soul - if you have a lot of stuff to sort out, I suggest just doing a bit each day and let it be the first thing you do when you get up. That way it's not hanging over you all day and each day your home will be that little bit nicer. I have to exercise first thing or else I don't do it at all. I feel so much better once it's done.

Hi Brighten, Wax, Badge, Loud, Bob. Getbetter and anyone else I've missed- I hope your Tuesday is good.

Kit - you around?
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Old 11-21-2017, 12:57 AM
  # 295 (permalink)  
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Just a quick check in because I’m so busy today. Feeling quite confident today as I’ve had absolutely no desire to drink for quite a few days. Long may it last. However, I’m still being cautious of course. Hope everybody has a good sober Tuesday.
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Old 11-21-2017, 01:59 AM
  # 296 (permalink)  
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charlie i'm so sorry - sending prayers for you and your family. Why oh why do companies always have to do this around the holidays?? why does it have to happen at all. Why do companies always have to continually be overextending themselves rather than just being successful enough and taking care of their employees? In a big way I do understand this cos a company I worked for a long time ago went bankrupt. They lied to us for months telling us it would not happen and then they sent a man down to tell us all in a big meeting.... it sure wasn't sugarcoated either. I wish we lived in the same town, I would help write resumes, I would help search, I would ask everyone I know if they were hiring, I would tell them what a wonderful family this is and they just need a chance......I would come over just to listen..... Again I am so sorry♥

Bob you make a good point..... there are so many things that I cannot change about this thing..... but there is one that I "get to" change every single day. I am not drinking. I stopped the day I got out of jail and have not drank since. I know there will be some harder times with urges coming along but I have been successful each day so far.

One thing about getting the interlock, even if I do get found out by people is that after I get it I won't be in this limbo worrying about it, I will be counting down days not waiting for them to start. And that little piece of this nightmare will be over. I wrote down all the parts (that I know of) that I have to go thru on an index card... I can mark that line off. Still a lot to do but not as much as was on it to begin with.

Feeling quite confident today as Iíve had absolutely no desire to drink for quite a few days. Long may it last. However, Iím still being cautious of course
Doubledee I am feeling like this about my sobriety. I have the dang urges shocked out of me by this I think...ha. But the AV is sneaky and I believe just lying low, waiting for the perfect opportunity to show up and tell me just how ok it would be. You know after alllll you have just went through, one or two wouldn't hurt. I think it is going to happen around February when I am through with everything but the car arrest. Yeah I'm cautious, I think I will be cautious the rest of my life.

36 years, 4 months and 25 days

It's hard to look at that. It was a long time and for years and years, it was nothing but a long, hard war.

I wish you a peaceful Tuesday my friends
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Old 11-21-2017, 03:45 AM
  # 297 (permalink)  
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Soul: I'm glad you enjoyed the scriptures. Do yourself a huge favor please. Go find a church. Please. Try each one 3 times until you find the one that truly speaks to you. It is one thing to be a believer but another entirely to go to church, feel His presence with other worshipers. You cannot imagine the power that God can grant you with regard to sobriety. I had struggled for over 20 years and in the span of mere moments on Sunday, 11/5, God's mercy and grace washed over me. I forgave myself that day. I have not had any urges to drink at all since that day. None. Zero. My anxiety had diminished significantly. I am more confident than I have been in a very, very long time. I have not cycled my mood. Please at least consider it. Or how about this. Listen to sermons if you don't already. I go to Acts church about 10 minutes from my house. You can watch Pastor John's sermons, or listen to them, at this link. Please check them out. Again, give a few a chance to make a judgement on what you think.

Sermons - Acts Church

Pray. Read. Maybe get yourself a reading plan for the Bible.
There's a great book called Armed and Dangerous that I'd like you to check out. It is a small inexpensive book that has sections devoted to different issues like alcohol, depression, worry, etc. In those sections are selected verses that address those issues. The verses are from KJV. I read the NIV translation so I look at the verse in the book, read it, but then read it in the translation with which I am more familiar. Its available on Amazon but I also found it on eBay for cheaper and with free shipping.


Armed and Dangerous (Ephesians 6 Straight Answers from the Bible; Inspirational Library) by Ken Abraham (Author)


Please message me if you want to talk more about this.

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Old 11-21-2017, 03:55 AM
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Thanks Soul - it is awful. We've been here before and I know what can happen which is why I get so worried over it. Having said that, when he was out of work last time it was tough but we managed. I learnt then that although sometimes emotions do take-over a lot of the time I have a choice. I can sit and wallow and worry or I can choose to be more positive. Even if that is just to sit for a minute and say "right now in this moment everything is ok and therefore I'm ok". I need to remind myself of this a lot some days.

DD - good news about the cravings. As long as you have a plan for when they come back, you'll be fine.
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Old 11-21-2017, 07:59 AM
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Always be cautious DoubleD, complacency got me twice. The real test I know will come next year, after the vigilance and stress of the holidays are over. That AV will always be with me, justifying, rationalizing, yes a life long caution.

Soul- I love how far you have come, your posts are so much stronger. Love it!

LuLu- banished the flu bug yet? Hope you are on the mend.

Kit- check in please, we miss you.

Bob4x4- congrats on the "almost" 4 weeks!

Wax, Brighten, GetBetter- I hope you all have a wonderful day!

will be back

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Old 11-21-2017, 11:09 AM
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Charlie: Well said. Take each winning moment and cherish it. Use it to continue to build strength and confidence in the victories that are happening in our lives.

Bad: Complacency is definitely dangerous in any aspect of our lives. Nothing ever stays the same. Things are either getting better or getting worse but there is no staying the same. I have gotten into this debate with others over the course of the year. People will say "well the sun stays the same" or "well that piece of furniture stays the same." No they don't. The sun is slowly but surely dying. We certainly won't be around to see it and it may not be for another billion years but it is dying. The furniture. Just like the sun we can't see the decay but it is happening. That dresser or bookshelf is decaying and in another 100 years it will not look the same as it does not. Long explanation/example to just reinforce your excellent point about complacency and staying the same.
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