Class of October 2017 Support Thread pt. 4
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
I don't think of SR as social media either... thank God for not having to hear about everyone's wonderful fake life and posed pictures when people should just be enjoying whatever they are doing. I envision dozens of Jerry Springer-type reality shows in the future where grown up children are raking their parent over the coals for sucky public childhoods filled with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc appearances.
I appreciate the honesty here more than anything. But to an introvert who likes to live online I guess it is a social type of thing so I'm not offended by the tag.
I appreciate the honesty here more than anything. But to an introvert who likes to live online I guess it is a social type of thing so I'm not offended by the tag.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 108
Checking in & catching up...
Hi all of you 10-17's out there.
I'm just checking in and catching up on the last couple of days posts and to share some thoughts...
Waxfruit, it was very brave of you to share with us your situation with your mum and how your homelife has been this past number of years. Understanding more about your particular challenges fills me with admiration for you and the massive strides forward you have taken to get here. It also fills me with belief that you have within you everything it take to successfully complete this final stage of your journey back to being happy, sober, independent, filfilled and free.
It sounds like your mum has lots of issues but that your relationship with your dad is something that you can still cherish. Maybe as someone suggested much earlier, writing him a letter might be helpful for you both. I hope you can embrace your new space, small and all that it is, but small can be beautiful, compact can be comforting and just think how quickly you can clean the floor and how cheaply you can heat the space :-)
Bob so sorry to hear about your friend. A priest once told me while i was in bereavement that God will look after the deceased, but the living must help to resurrect themselves. That statement holds so much meaning for all of us here, religious or not.
Viper, it probably holds certain resonance for your situation with your friend too. Ive heard people on here say that we must be selfish in recovery and that we must save ourselves before we can try to save anyone else......I'm not sure I entirely agree.....I find that often the person least well positioned to help is the most generous. It sounds to me that you have helped a lot over the years. I
When I think of your dilemma though, I keep going back to the safety advice you get when flying... “in the event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure, please place the oxygen mask over your own face before attempting to assist other passengers”
Soul, so pleased you circumnavigated the booze aisle, and it sounds like youre developing a clear and determined plan for a happy & sober 2018,..Interesting how your planner started in Oct 2017....just like all of us here....maybe thats just karma.....keep on rocking girl!
ChloeRose, good to hear you are strong and getting stronger, its encouragement to us all.
Some thoughts to share from where I stand...
Yesterday was unusual. I collected my 78yr old father to go with him to a mass dedicated to the deceased members of his army regiment.
The old soldiers meet annually and after mass and a wreath laying ceremony, partake of light refreshments and then (mostly) retire to the military bar and spend the day reliving past glories and remembering fallen comrades.
There was lot of beer flowing...I had 2 teas and a coffee before I excused myself. Later in the afternoon I rejoined them. I took a notion to have a couple of alcohol-free beers.
I had mixed reactions to this....
They looked, smelled and tasted like beer, but without the buzzz you'd normally get . It was so like the real thing that it sort of felt like I was betraying myself and all of you.
Critically, It made me feel like I could easily substitute the zero alcohol version for the alcoholised version.
It felt dangerous and it felt scary.
It felt like a sort of twisted reality where the lines just got a little too blurred for comfort.
I dont think its a good idea.
Theres a reasonably well known philosophy out there that if you spend 10,000 hours doing anything, you become an expert.
I was a beer expert, many times over...!
Having that near-real experience of glugging down a couple of cold ones yesterday sailed just a little too close to the edge of my world.
Last night, I attended a 21st birthday party....I drank fizzy water at first, then went on to tonic water.
Gin & Tonic is a drink I would have had only occasionally when I was drinking, so it doesnt have all the same associations for me.
It feels safer.
Its still early days for me (day 22 today)
I'm trying to figure out what works and what doesnt.
For me at least for now, the alcohol-free beer isn't a tool ill be using very soon again.
Wishing you all well for what remains of this Sober Weekend.
GroupHug
V
I'm just checking in and catching up on the last couple of days posts and to share some thoughts...
Waxfruit, it was very brave of you to share with us your situation with your mum and how your homelife has been this past number of years. Understanding more about your particular challenges fills me with admiration for you and the massive strides forward you have taken to get here. It also fills me with belief that you have within you everything it take to successfully complete this final stage of your journey back to being happy, sober, independent, filfilled and free.
It sounds like your mum has lots of issues but that your relationship with your dad is something that you can still cherish. Maybe as someone suggested much earlier, writing him a letter might be helpful for you both. I hope you can embrace your new space, small and all that it is, but small can be beautiful, compact can be comforting and just think how quickly you can clean the floor and how cheaply you can heat the space :-)
Bob so sorry to hear about your friend. A priest once told me while i was in bereavement that God will look after the deceased, but the living must help to resurrect themselves. That statement holds so much meaning for all of us here, religious or not.
Viper, it probably holds certain resonance for your situation with your friend too. Ive heard people on here say that we must be selfish in recovery and that we must save ourselves before we can try to save anyone else......I'm not sure I entirely agree.....I find that often the person least well positioned to help is the most generous. It sounds to me that you have helped a lot over the years. I
When I think of your dilemma though, I keep going back to the safety advice you get when flying... “in the event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure, please place the oxygen mask over your own face before attempting to assist other passengers”
Soul, so pleased you circumnavigated the booze aisle, and it sounds like youre developing a clear and determined plan for a happy & sober 2018,..Interesting how your planner started in Oct 2017....just like all of us here....maybe thats just karma.....keep on rocking girl!
ChloeRose, good to hear you are strong and getting stronger, its encouragement to us all.
Some thoughts to share from where I stand...
Yesterday was unusual. I collected my 78yr old father to go with him to a mass dedicated to the deceased members of his army regiment.
The old soldiers meet annually and after mass and a wreath laying ceremony, partake of light refreshments and then (mostly) retire to the military bar and spend the day reliving past glories and remembering fallen comrades.
There was lot of beer flowing...I had 2 teas and a coffee before I excused myself. Later in the afternoon I rejoined them. I took a notion to have a couple of alcohol-free beers.
I had mixed reactions to this....
They looked, smelled and tasted like beer, but without the buzzz you'd normally get . It was so like the real thing that it sort of felt like I was betraying myself and all of you.
Critically, It made me feel like I could easily substitute the zero alcohol version for the alcoholised version.
It felt dangerous and it felt scary.
It felt like a sort of twisted reality where the lines just got a little too blurred for comfort.
I dont think its a good idea.
Theres a reasonably well known philosophy out there that if you spend 10,000 hours doing anything, you become an expert.
I was a beer expert, many times over...!
Having that near-real experience of glugging down a couple of cold ones yesterday sailed just a little too close to the edge of my world.
Last night, I attended a 21st birthday party....I drank fizzy water at first, then went on to tonic water.
Gin & Tonic is a drink I would have had only occasionally when I was drinking, so it doesnt have all the same associations for me.
It feels safer.
Its still early days for me (day 22 today)
I'm trying to figure out what works and what doesnt.
For me at least for now, the alcohol-free beer isn't a tool ill be using very soon again.
Wishing you all well for what remains of this Sober Weekend.
GroupHug
V
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 107
Wow, a ton of posts. So hard to catch up from even a day of absence. I'll try to be as succinct as possible.
Soul: You said your thoughts have and are working against you. That's the enemy planting a seed of evil that, if you allow it, will turn into evil actions. Drinking, etc. Fight it. Realize that God has forgiven you and you don't have to have those thoughts anymore.
Bob: Not missing your wife is definitely a potential problem and something I strongly recommend that you analyze thoroughly.
Wax: You said you were sorry about complaining but I don't see it as complaining, I see it as venting your emotions to a group that is here for support. Soul mentioned that your urges were taken away magically but there is only one force that can take away urges so suddenly and powerfully. God.
Viper: While I appreciate your feeling that you can't deal with the stress/pressure of talking to your sick friend, please please bite the bullet and talk to her/him (sorry, I don't remember your friend's gender off hand). Your friend is reaching out to you for support and it would be remiss if you were to not support him/her because you don't feel you could deal with it. Please don't take this the wrong way but do you think that to be a selfish act? I only ask because I've been there and done that and I now see that my running away from someone who was reaching out to me because I didn't think I could deal with it was selfish.
Double: Beware being around friends who drink. That is a huge source of temptation. When we choose to become sober we also much choose to change our patterns. Sometimes that indeed means losing some friends who are drinkers and do not support our newfound sobriety.
Rubaduck: Must echo that a forum isn't social media and you should post often or at least read here to gain additional support and strength.
Sober: Beware nonalcoholic beer. I know from my experiences it didn't last. That taste, that smell, the act of drinking a nonalcoholic beer was a trigger for me over time.
Bad, you asked about my weekend. Very cold here, watched a ton of college games yesterday including my WVU Mountaineers knocking off Kansas State. Texas at home next week. Today church, premarital counseling, and a movie before she goes home.
Soul: You said your thoughts have and are working against you. That's the enemy planting a seed of evil that, if you allow it, will turn into evil actions. Drinking, etc. Fight it. Realize that God has forgiven you and you don't have to have those thoughts anymore.
Bob: Not missing your wife is definitely a potential problem and something I strongly recommend that you analyze thoroughly.
Wax: You said you were sorry about complaining but I don't see it as complaining, I see it as venting your emotions to a group that is here for support. Soul mentioned that your urges were taken away magically but there is only one force that can take away urges so suddenly and powerfully. God.
Viper: While I appreciate your feeling that you can't deal with the stress/pressure of talking to your sick friend, please please bite the bullet and talk to her/him (sorry, I don't remember your friend's gender off hand). Your friend is reaching out to you for support and it would be remiss if you were to not support him/her because you don't feel you could deal with it. Please don't take this the wrong way but do you think that to be a selfish act? I only ask because I've been there and done that and I now see that my running away from someone who was reaching out to me because I didn't think I could deal with it was selfish.
Double: Beware being around friends who drink. That is a huge source of temptation. When we choose to become sober we also much choose to change our patterns. Sometimes that indeed means losing some friends who are drinkers and do not support our newfound sobriety.
Rubaduck: Must echo that a forum isn't social media and you should post often or at least read here to gain additional support and strength.
Sober: Beware nonalcoholic beer. I know from my experiences it didn't last. That taste, that smell, the act of drinking a nonalcoholic beer was a trigger for me over time.
Bad, you asked about my weekend. Very cold here, watched a ton of college games yesterday including my WVU Mountaineers knocking off Kansas State. Texas at home next week. Today church, premarital counseling, and a movie before she goes home.
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
Interesting how your planner started in Oct 2017
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,099
Originally Posted by SimplyFree 
You guys are an awesome group and that provides the strength and community to succeed at sobriety. I had an awesome group this spring in April and it was very helpful. I wish you all blessings and strength in the early days of your sobriety. It is worth it.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 247
I'm exhausted today. Just catching up before I move my larger items today.
I feel like you and I viper are on the same plane. Yesterday I was filled with energy and today I have none. I'm gonna keep this short. I'm so tired...
I can relate to how you feel about helping your friend viper. We are in the beginning stages of our recovery, and I know for me I can hardly take care of myself right now, or shall I say I'm learning to and discovering myself again, my boundaries, etc, and some of the external stuff causes me stress. It's one of reasons why I could never start a relationship right now. I've got nothing of myself to give and so much to catch up on. I have to be selfish right now. In a good way. I don't know if I could truly be able to help someone that was in such need. It seems you're battling with it and I'd hate to see any regret. It's a tough one, I can hear it in your voice. Keep talking about it and I hope you can come up with a solution that will be healthy for both of you. Maybe be frank and tell her exactly what's going on? I don't know if you've tried to have a heart to heart conversation?
-Morning thoughts with waxfruit.
Thank you all for encouragement as well.
I'm gonna sign off. I think it's day 8 or 9?
I feel like you and I viper are on the same plane. Yesterday I was filled with energy and today I have none. I'm gonna keep this short. I'm so tired...
I can relate to how you feel about helping your friend viper. We are in the beginning stages of our recovery, and I know for me I can hardly take care of myself right now, or shall I say I'm learning to and discovering myself again, my boundaries, etc, and some of the external stuff causes me stress. It's one of reasons why I could never start a relationship right now. I've got nothing of myself to give and so much to catch up on. I have to be selfish right now. In a good way. I don't know if I could truly be able to help someone that was in such need. It seems you're battling with it and I'd hate to see any regret. It's a tough one, I can hear it in your voice. Keep talking about it and I hope you can come up with a solution that will be healthy for both of you. Maybe be frank and tell her exactly what's going on? I don't know if you've tried to have a heart to heart conversation?
-Morning thoughts with waxfruit.
Thank you all for encouragement as well.
I'm gonna sign off. I think it's day 8 or 9?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,099
Just a pop in to wish everyone a positive day! Do me something for me and do something special for yourselves today. You DO deserve it! We are all fighting a tough opponent and it is well deserved and okay to take a moment for yourself. Don't let anyone hint or imply that it is not okay or somehow wrong, its not. Be proud, strong and happy.
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Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Doubledee, I don’t know if this group is aware of my direct and hostile temperament when it comes to BS, but if I was out and friends were saying, ‘come on! Just have one!’ My response would be, ‘I’ve got an idea, you need to shut the Eff up before I take that beer and shove it up...’
Maybe it’s time to cull a few friends.
Quick mid day check in. Doing ok.
Viper
Maybe it’s time to cull a few friends.
Quick mid day check in. Doing ok.
Viper
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
LOL viper.....
Looking forward into the future I believe that there are going to be dealbreakers for people I hang out with. The silver lining of having no real friends right now is I get to start out with a clean slate. I don't know how I would handle someone who I had been close friends with a long time that just didn't get it.. thinking it might be awful tough.
Looking forward into the future I believe that there are going to be dealbreakers for people I hang out with. The silver lining of having no real friends right now is I get to start out with a clean slate. I don't know how I would handle someone who I had been close friends with a long time that just didn't get it.. thinking it might be awful tough.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by Viperidae
if I was out and friends were saying, ‘come on! Just have one!’ My response would be, ‘I’ve got an idea, you need to shut the Eff up before I take that beer and shove it up...’
Maybe it’s time to cull a few friends.
Viper
Maybe it’s time to cull a few friends.
Viper
They mostly cant believe it at first and think im pulling their leg.
Then that gives rise to what seems like a little bit of remorse, like a little bit of their Old Mate Vic has just died and things will never be the same again.
Two of them (one a recovered alcoholic, the other a very occasional drinker) have got it straight away and have been encouraging and supportive from the first mention of my sobriety. Its the others we have to think about tho.
You see, they are right in a way.
A bit of me is dying(The AV, the Beast, whatever we call it) and no, things will never be the same again.
I just have to make sure that things will be better.
I have to show them that they are getting back someone who's been missing for quite some time.
Naturally, because we've partied together for the greater part of the last 10 years, they think that is the normality.
They forget that I wasnt always wasted at the end of every night and that we could all have a night out without me getting slaughtered.
Pretty soon they'll realise that I'm more fun sober than drunk.
They are really good friends.
I would never trade them.
3 weeks ago I took a life changing decision, I just have to make sure I bring them along with me.
I am a very lucky boy!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 132
Originally Posted by Dee74
I wouldn't categorise SR as 'social media'
I really needed SR three weeks ago because writing my thoughts down was helping to get them in order. I'm still reading SR, and if I think I can offer useful support to advice to someone, I will. If anyone specifically wants to contact or hear from me, I'll definitely respond if I see it.
My sober has life has stabilized, but I know it's a long road. I'm doing fine for now, no problems and no cravings at all. Just donating my time and energy to family and housework at the moment. I feel pretty lazy when I finally sit down.
Best wishes and good luck everyone. I'll drop by and post if something interesting (good or bad) happens.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 107
Originally Posted by SoulShine8
LOL viper.....
Looking forward into the future I believe that there are going to be dealbreakers for people I hang out with. The silver lining of having no real friends right now is I get to start out with a clean slate. I don't know how I would handle someone who I had been close friends with a long time that just didn't get it.. thinking it might be awful tough.
Looking forward into the future I believe that there are going to be dealbreakers for people I hang out with. The silver lining of having no real friends right now is I get to start out with a clean slate. I don't know how I would handle someone who I had been close friends with a long time that just didn't get it.. thinking it might be awful tough.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 247
Two vans, two trips back n forth and all my large items are in house. We just finished and I'm now starting to get things in order, alone! Everything I brought fits perfectly in its place. Amazing! I believe it's probably 350 sq feet?!!
It's all coming together.
Once I get my cat and clothes here, I will be home.
Feeling not to high or low, I'm too exhausted which is probably best.
See you all soon.
Godspeed
It's all coming together.
Once I get my cat and clothes here, I will be home.
Feeling not to high or low, I'm too exhausted which is probably best.
See you all soon.
Godspeed
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,099
Duck- I do hope you stick around, I have found that complacency did me in before. I strayed from SR thinking I had nothing to post, nothing to contribute, that I was doing well. Well here I am again determined to seek out my mistakes from before and maybe what others did to succeed. You are so early in your sober journey, could this be your addiction trying to convince you that your strong enough to go alone? Just a question and an observation, I hope you do not take offense.
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 107
Brighten: What are we going to do about this slump you have been in for a few days? Do you have a plan? Do we need to work to establish one or set some short term goals to get you out of the slump?
Rub: I agree with Dee and Bad. No harm, no foul. I'm so glad to hear that your sober life is stable but beware complacency. You're right it's a long road and one that will continue until the day we die. We could be sober for 40+ years and it will still only take one drink to set us all the way back to square one. Please keep coming here and reading but please also post regularly, let us know what is working, what your frustrations are. Even if you don't think they contribute, someone may read what you have posted and gain insight into themselves.
Rub: I agree with Dee and Bad. No harm, no foul. I'm so glad to hear that your sober life is stable but beware complacency. You're right it's a long road and one that will continue until the day we die. We could be sober for 40+ years and it will still only take one drink to set us all the way back to square one. Please keep coming here and reading but please also post regularly, let us know what is working, what your frustrations are. Even if you don't think they contribute, someone may read what you have posted and gain insight into themselves.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,320
Hi all. Had a fantastic weekend with my son. He is 15 and I'm 57. He has 2 much older siblings. We bonded a lot.
Have mixed feelings about going to work tomorrow. I think it will be tough to face the empty office. Seems like it would be easier by now. Have lost so many.
Have mixed feelings about going to work tomorrow. I think it will be tough to face the empty office. Seems like it would be easier by now. Have lost so many.
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