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Class Of January 2016 Support Thread part 3

Old 01-22-2016, 12:36 AM
  # 201 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
If you feel a sense of duty and you feel like you have to go - be a professional photographer.
If he's paying you for the shoot, you're on the job. Don't drink.

If he's not paying you for the shoot, tell him that you're having an issue or two and have to take a powder. Don't drink.

eta: sorry about the run of posts ... shutting up now.
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Old 01-22-2016, 03:01 AM
  # 202 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Glb82 View Post
Well, I failed. And it wasn't worth it. Goodbye guys. I'll be back I'm sure. I managed sixteen days and I felt really insecure today. Will think over the next few days where I went wrong.
Wishing you all the best, Januaries.
What are you running from? Your AV is telling you that you can't do this but you can. People slip up all the time but what makes them successful and finally stay sober for good is the fact that they don't give up and they keep coming back here. Please come back. We are all here to support you no matter what. And you did not fail. God, if I beat myself up every time I made a mistake I'd be dead by now.

Stay active, post during your cravings. You have to want this more than you want to drink. Hope to see you again...
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Old 01-22-2016, 03:21 AM
  # 203 (permalink)  
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Good morning everyone. 6 a.m. over here in the Sunshine State and I'm hoping for a better day. I'm actually starting to think that my bouts of anger are some form of anxiety attack because when I am in them they are very hard to snap out of and I do very irrational things (throwing, yelling, cursing). I need to break this cycle somehow as my 4 year old is already having issues controlling his emotions and I blame myself for that.

Woke up with a hangover feeling this morning- weird headache and very thirsty. I remember reading a few of you going through this and now I know what you were talking about. Got out of bed at 4:50, got some water and a Tylenol and got back in bed to do a guided meditation on my iPod. It wasn't what I expected but it was still good (primarily focused on breathing). When I got out of bed again I was kinda loopy! So I suppose the meditation worked on relaxing me

This morning will be a test: I have to get us out of the house 20 minutes earlier so I can go register my 4 year old for school next year. I intend to stay calm and cool and thanks to Olivia's words of wisdom I packed DS's lunch last night and have his clothes ready in the family room. If I don't want to struggle to dress my little guy (the one who does the alligator roll while I try to dress him) I will just take him out the door in his pjs, no big deal.

Thanks again for all the support, I know I sounded crazy which again is why I am looking into possible reasons for this tunnel vision I get during certain situations.

Sobriety wise I am doing well- my AV came out the other day but was quickly and easily shut down. It was trying to convince me to take my lo to lunch after his music class so I could drink wine and eat pizza (there's a yummy vegan pizza place near his class.) I laughed at the idea and told it to bugger off.

Today is day 17 and I am grateful for every minute I am sober. Life really is worth living when you have the freedom to live it and aren't obsessed with a feeling that will never be attainable again (was it ever real to begin with?)
Happy Sober Friday my friends....
~P

Quote of the day:

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Old 01-22-2016, 04:39 AM
  # 204 (permalink)  
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Day 3 beginning. I've been reading through the posts and realized that I'm motivated by the successes as well as the falters.

I would so love to spend more time on SR, but work beckons.

I will be reading more posts later today. Have a great 24!
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Old 01-22-2016, 05:01 AM
  # 205 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
(Sometimes I really think the AV wants us to procrastinate on making a decision until the last moment - it would have been easier to cancel a month ago, for example.)
I hear and agree with what you say Dee. The truth is that when I quit, I don't think I believed that I would make it past the one week point so never thought about cancelling.

There is no way that I will have just the one. That never happens. But I do believe that I can stay sober so long as I keep reminding myself of why I wanted/had to quit in the first place.
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Old 01-22-2016, 05:01 AM
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Sunflower - great post. You sound really good and ready for the kid challenge. I also used to feel at my wits end with kids. Do get a handle on that anxiety/anger. You can see your son is picking up in on it. Kids are smart. Kids ARE the hardest job you will ever have. But it's so worth it.

Thump - you go Mr. Texas! Keep posting!

Behindthelens - funny, every time I saw your name I thought it was Behind the Helens! Ha!
You're a photographer! Behind the Lens! Well, you're prolly in too deep to back out of the bar opening. Dee's right tho, should have canceled a while back probably. Then again, you are bracing yourself for the storm. Hotel is a great move. Your friend will probably be running wild with fun at the opening. It's not like he's asked you to come join him (and just him) at his new bar. Of course, you'll be there more than one day so it will be tough. You know your mission. You are the photographer period. Hang tough my man.

Odelle - how do! You can't be older than me. I turned 58 end of November. Yikes ! We're only as "young" as we feel. I can hang with my 25 year old "darling" pumpkin pickers and fit right in when I want to. The cougars go after my pickers!
This year I will be different. So much more clear headed. I'm a good boss but I'm too lenient. Anyway, don't know where that came from!

Feeling good. Don't know where I'd be wo SR. Loving my self-hypnosis MP3!

Happy sobriety!

Marcia

(yes..... Marcia. Pronounced Marsha). I signed on SR using my phone. Didn't really realize I was naming myself Olivia until it was too late. Love the name Olivia tho. My darling little pistol of a granddaughter! Being a g'ma is the best! I don't have to deal with all of the alligator rolls!

Odelle - I confuse you with Optimist. One of you have a daughter named Olivia. I think it's Optimist ? Take care.
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Old 01-22-2016, 05:04 AM
  # 207 (permalink)  
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Sun - forgot to say I LOVE your quotes of the day.

Not sure my choice of words were correct. I think you have more frustration (and rightfully so) issues vs anger/anxiety. All can be remedied or at least smoothed out. Xo
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Old 01-22-2016, 05:25 AM
  # 208 (permalink)  
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wrong thread!
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Old 01-22-2016, 05:34 AM
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Good morning all. Another early morning here, up at 3:30 am and unable to go back to sleep, sigh; feeling good though, so no complaints.

Olivia, my daughter shares that name. I loved your share yesterday on the perils of raising children under the influence. I have my fair share of stories of disgrace and regrets, but I can honestly say that I have a great relationship with both of my adult children, so no permanent scars apparent.

Behindthelens, if you must go, as Dee suggested, have a back-up plan in place and don’t give in to what will most likely evolve into peer pressure. Have your reasons for not drinking firmly planted (i.e. driving, interaction with meds [no lying here if you consider sobriety your new prescription for an alcohol problem], or health kick). We’ll be rooting for you and will be watching from your smartphone!

Sunflower, you sound good this morning. Just a thought, the next time you have an anxiety episode, try telling yourself that it’s just a healing crisis and this too shall pass. Also, I too used to get irritated by people telling me to enjoy the time because it passes so fast. Child rearing can be exhausting; more so when they are young, and you are sleep deprived with no outside help. Hang in there hon, you getting sober is the best investment you could ever make for your sanity, and theirs!
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Old 01-22-2016, 05:36 AM
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Thump, I love your sense of humor; keep it coming! I need to adjust the font on my phone; even with my reading glasses it was way too small for me last night!

Olivia - 53 here, pushing 52 in June!
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Old 01-22-2016, 05:46 AM
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U just a baby Odelle!

Off to my attorney. Have a great day. It's early out there where u r. Best time of the day. !
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Old 01-22-2016, 05:48 AM
  # 212 (permalink)  
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Angry Rant - Feel Free to Skip

My husband came home last night angry and afraid. His job depends on oil and gas, and I do not have to tell anyone how that industry is doing. He is afraid he will lose his job sometime this year. That would be calamitous for us as we are fully dependent on his income and the insurance it provides. It is going happen, if not this year, then next.

He is a very gentle soul, and it is not like him to get angry like that. What really set him off is the contractor (Lowe's Home Improvement, my lousy previous employer) tried to pull a cheap and nasty move with rain gutters. They were going to screw brackets for rain gutters on top of the roof shingles. It would look terrible (they would never do that to their own homes) and could comprise the roof. They are insisting it cannot possibly done any other way.

They removed part of the existing gutters and I doubt they can repair them now. So, we are kinda stuck and cannot fork over any more money for this job. I HATE dealing with contractors. They are by and large thieves and jerks, and Lowe's is no exception. After working for the greed machine that is Lowe's, I guess I should not be surprised.

I woke feeling nauseous and as though I had not slept. No cravings though. But, I am rocking in my chair like an autistic child.

Earlier this week, I had some passing thoughts that were easy to sweep away. Like, maybe I should just pick up edibles from the dispensary. I do not even like edibles. It is a different kind of high, and I have never liked it. Besides, I like knowing I am saving a couple hundred dollars every week. I feel like being clean and sober is the ONLY productive thing I am doing right now.

I have an appointment with a friend tomorrow. She is going to do the 12 steps with me. I have known her for three decades, but she does not know I am atheist. I am afraid to tell her. Don't say, "If she's a friend it should not matter," well, if frickin' matters to people!

I would love to see half the energy that went into gay marriage go into acceptance of atheists. It is awful, discrimination is everywhere, including on this site, where just yesterday a post equated atheism to satanic worship. WTF is up with that???? Why is that BS allowed, when such hate speech would not be tolerated in ANY other circumstance? I already know why - because it's atheism. And WTF is "hard core" atheism anyway? I have seen that repeatedly in posts.

A little lesson in atheism for uninformed. It is very simple to be atheist, and it starts with a yes/no question. "Do you believe in deity?" If the answer is NOT yes, congrats, you are - by definition - atheist. It is not me who says so, it is the dictionary. Most people who fall under that category would never label themselves as such. Gee, I wonder why.

Now back to the question, WTF is this "hardcore atheism" that I see referenced in posts? If that exists, then there must be such a thing as "softcore" atheism. WTF is that? Anyone care to explain? Oh, BTW, none of the posts that spread that BS are about a person's own experience as atheist. SO WHY IS THAT TOLERATED HERE???? Because, it's atheism, and discrimination and hate speech are not only acceptable, they are to be expected.

I hope everyone here is having a better morning than me.
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Old 01-22-2016, 05:53 AM
  # 213 (permalink)  
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Morning all

Another terrible night of sleep - not sure what's up that I've developed these sleeping problems out of the blue after several weeks of deep, restful sleep. I guess part of the healing process.

I think I'm going to put the scale away - I'm up another 1.5 pounds this morning. That's 4 pounds gained this week alone. When you've already gained 65 pounds in 3 years, more weight gain doesn't feel very good. I think this is causing me to be in a funk because I just feel terrible about myself and am really hating myself lately. Sigh.

Anyway, day 18 today for me. Heading to the doc in a bit and will finally get all my blood work done so I can either stop my obsessive thoughts that i have cirrhosis or deal with whatever the doc finds.
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Old 01-22-2016, 06:02 AM
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SH, I am not atheist, nor am I gay, but I hold no resentment or judgement against anyone who is. Judge not lest you be judged, right? While I haven't attended church in decades, my beliefs and ideas are somewhat unique and I don't expect or demand that anyone else's must align with mine. You have the right to form your own belief. As with politics, there will always be someone who will aggressively defend their choice and browbeat anyone who doesn't agree. Something I learned as a child, unless it is someone I know well, I don't discuss money, religion or politics. Even if I read a post here on SR that I don't agree with, I choose to not respond because I purposely don't invite drama in my life whenever possible.

Not everyone is against you, hon! I got your back.
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Old 01-22-2016, 06:08 AM
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Good morning Lulu, day 15 here and I haven't slept well the past two nights either. Oh well, hopefully, this little glitch will sort itself out. Good luck with your doctor's appointment today. You might want to mention the weight gain and ask that he/she test your thyroid and/or hormone levels. Both could affect your metabolism.

Stop hating yourself and cut yourself a break. Sobriety isn't for sissies and what you are doing will benefit you in the long run; health wise and appearance!
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Old 01-22-2016, 07:20 AM
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SH - I second Odelle's post! I am a strong believer and worshipper of God and I honestly don't care what anyone else believes in. It's a choice. And yea you will always have people saying ride things to you.

I lost a bro-in-law to aids (and lung cancer). I have many friends and family who are gay! So what. Who am I to judge. They do tell me that it is still brutal out there to be gay. I think ppl should mind their own business. Everyone has enough of their own problems.

Onward with a good day!
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Old 01-22-2016, 07:21 AM
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Lulu - my husband and I are picking up pounds too. Real soon I'm gonna concentrate on my diet better. Went back to the gym. Don't be too hard on yourself. Again, I second what Odelle says about your doctor visit.
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Old 01-22-2016, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Odelle View Post
Something I learned as a child, unless it is someone I know well, I don't discuss money, religion or politics. Even if I read a post here on SR that I don't agree with, I choose to not respond because I purposely don't invite drama in my life whenever possible.

Not everyone is against you, hon! I got your back.
Well, thanks, Odelle. But I gotta ask, is that the way you would respond to someone who was upset about a post that equated being gay with Satanic worship? I doubt that. I know you did not mean to, and I know that you meant well, but you have proved my point.

I am going to leave this thread (and maybe SR) alone today because I am angry, crying, and in the mood to do some damage. I do not want to do that to people I like and care about A LOT.

So, signing off from colorful Colorado. Hang tough guys. No matter what happens, go clean and sober, onward through the bog!
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Old 01-22-2016, 07:46 AM
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SH, I would assume "hardcore" atheism is atheism and "soft core" is probably some mix of agnosticism. It is common among newly sober alcoholics. In fact, a whole chapter is dedicated to it in the Big Book (Chapter 4). I actually read it last night.

I champion myself a big defender of reason myself. It does not exclude us from getting sober.

One thing Im trying to remember is I don't have to figure it all out today. Hang in there.
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Old 01-22-2016, 07:57 AM
  # 220 (permalink)  
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Sunflower
I'm not a doctor I'm only repeating what my doctor told me (and I hadn't a clue)
He told me not to take Tylenol if I've been drinking because it puts even more stress on the liver. Ask your doctor what you can take instead...or s/he might tell you that I'm wrong. Better safe than sorry-I always say.
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