KCW

There's a lot of power in the simple act of sharing our struggles and victories, great or small, with each other here, isn't there? Checking in here is already the first thing I want to do when I wake up each morning.

After my early morning fight with my addiction that I posted about in here, yesterday actually turned out to be a pretty good day. Work went well, I spent a couple of nice hours with my parents and nephew after work, and then had a nice, relaxing evening catching up on some television at the house. Got a solid night's sleep once I finally fell asleep, though that took a little while to do. I think I had too much caffeine yesterday evening.

Plan for today is more of the same, minus the evening caffeine, of course. Work in a couple of hours. I think I'm going to make myself a huge breakfast after I shower. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, toast, coffee--the whole nine yards. Hope everyone here has a happy and sober Thursday!

Olivia2011

Just a thought from an old gal...... When my kids were young, I'd get their lunches ready, their clothes and their backpacks ready the night before. You gotta stay ahead of the work load !
If I knew I needed a gift in the near future, I'd buy, wrap and have it ready to go way in advance. Cooking for holidays, I'd do 90% the day(s) before so I, too, could enjoy the day. Of course, my enjoyment was just slamming wine into oblivion!

Best wishes.

Olivia

RallyAly

I didn't have a real cold (yay!) and yesterday went OK. I'm still not being terribly productive for work hours (I have somewhat flexible work ), which would normally not be an issue but we are one one paycheck at the moment so need I to ramp that up now that I've made it past week 1. I read through the AVRT stuff, downloaded Refuge Recovery, and started a jigsaw puzzle my partner got for Christmas (feels very retro to spread one of those out and work on it). Keep trucking, all!

KT222

KCW - I agree, it's funny how simple things mean so much. Your breakfast sounds delicious!

Olivia - Yes! Mornings run so much smoother if clothes/lunches are all ready to go. I wish I could be better about gifts however, I have wrapped (stuffed in a bag with tissue paper) so many in my car in the store's parking log, sigh...

As a quick check in - I slept like a rock last night. My cravings were bad, so I turned in early and read a new book.

Hope that everyone has a wonderful day!

Odelle

Welcome MrFixit, many of us have been here on SR much longer than our sobriety date, that’s okay, we haven’t given up and it will stick if we persevere.

Hang in there, Nic. We have relied on alcohol to numb ourselves for so long that it’s going to take time to retrain our brains to deal with feelings now that we are sober. Drinking again will only reactivate the STRONG cravings; you’ve come too far to throw in the towel!

Me too, JL. I’ve lost many family members to alcohol; it runs on both sides of my family. While actively drinking, I nearly convinced myself that it is my destiny. We have the ability to change, but it’s going to take effort.

Sunflower, your peace will come much sooner than 16 years, lol. There are good days and bad days in raising children, one day you will look back and wonder where all the time went.

Olivia, you write so well, and I relate to every word! My husband has his own business and works 7 days a week too. Not only did I feel like a single parent, in reality, I was! Working full-time, kids, soccer, track, and other activities left absolutely no time for me. One day you wake up and realize that the years have flown by and here you are, dealing with yourself and not knowing who you really are.

Two weeks today, and I have to agree SH, it seems like months!

Together we are strong, hang in there everyone!

SoberinSyracuse

Rougher day today due to poor sleep, which I'm pleased to report is due to my trying to save a few bucks by staying in a cheap hotel on my road trip back to Syracuse. Note: NOT withdrawal-related!

I'm glad to see everybody here sounding so...coherent! Good job, all!

KT222

Odelle, I used to think that due to my genetics it was my destiny too, further contributing to the hopelessness of the situation. I've actually told my husband that I can't stop since it's in my family.

Lulu212

Morning all - rough night sleep wise. For some reason I couldn't fall asleep, had racing thoughts keeping me up, and then woke up a few times during the night. Was bizarre, as I have been getting a solid 9-12 hours a night.

Feeling crappy today - weighed myself and somehow I've managed to gain weight!!!!!! I don't even know how that's physically possible when 17 days ago I was eating the same AND drinking up to 4 bottles a day of wine or champs. Clearly my calorie count is less. Sigh.

I'm feeling pretty low today.

KT222

Oh Lulu, don't let it get you down! Weight can fluctuate like crazy for all sorts of reasons (water/salt intake, time that you weigh yourself, time of the month, etc). It's just a number. How do you feel overall?

Odelle

Good morning Lulu. Yep, bad sleep last night for me too. I woke up at 3:30 am and couldn't go back to sleep, and no weight loss for me either. I'm actually afraid to step on the scales today. But, on the bright side, I am 2 weeks sober today, so that is something to be thankful for!

It is my assumption that I am retaining water due to the dehydration from my daily alcohol intake, and as soon as my body realizes that the abuse has ended, the need to retain water will cease. IT WILL GET BETTER!

Olivia2011

Thanks Odelle! You rock!

I didn't know till about three years ago that alcoholism ran in my dad's family. His dad and uncle died of esophagus or throat cancer. My uncle told me before he died. Said Joe drank a river! Ahhhh, now it makes sense. Fight genetics. That may be a mind set too to some extent.
My drinking had gotten so bad that when I are something warm, it burned all the way down. Yikes!

Well I had something else to say but can't remember... Oh yea.... I used to think that nobody liked me on SR... Told myself I must really put off a cold shoulder! Couple ppl have said how u think the worst. Then I tell myself it's such a fast thread, hard to keep up with it all. Not saying ppl like me but it is nice to be acknowledged once in a while. I tell myself in gonna take notes. I can't see anything from my phone except the basics. Gonna bring my laptop
To the farm and try to run off my phone's data. Bigger screen. My left eyeball hurts since yesterday. Even light hurts it. And... It snowed this week. You know how bright that is. Heading to a funeral with dark shades!

Ok where's Emme, AppleKat, and StrugglingJim? AK has been in lately. Emme and I have been around a while!

My dad had Alz the last ten years of his life. Trust me these forgetful moments kinda linger in the back of my mind! Fight genetics !

Great, helpful class. Thank you all.

Olivia

Lulu212

Thanks all ... Guess I'm just having a pity day. Going to hunker down under my blanket and am sure tomorrow will be better. At least I'm sober and I will stay sober but boy can I hear that wicked AV telling me that a glass of wine would help everything. Glad it's miserable out and I'm home bound today.

First time in 17 days that I've had a "bad day" so trying to develop new coping mechanisms to start my rewiring work.

Odelle

You are much braver than I am, Olivia. I would never attempt to read and/or respond via phone, these aging eyes would protest, I'm sure!

Have a great day everyone, I'm off to force myself to accomplish projects around the house. Although I would rather procrastinate and spend more time here!

Thumpalumpacus

If you don't want to do this, you can't.

Wanting sobriety is necessary, but not sufficient, to attaining sobriety.

Listen to your son. His love for you guides his words.

Thumpalumpacus

((((Sunny))))

There certainly is for me. When I read of the struggles of others, I know that I'm not alone.

Honestly the metaphor that's occurred to me about this thread in particular and this forum in general is the Lifeboat. If no one in the lifeboat shares their efforts and guides their energy in the same direction -- if we don't act as a team -- then we paddle hopscotch, circle in the doldrums until we go under. If we behave as a team and lend support to each others' efforts, we all find land and a place to rest our weary bones.

Hiya Lulu, grab pen and paper and do a little writing? It might help you get closer to the reason for your malaise today. Plus, it'll keep you from getting down on yourself tonight because "I didn't do anything today".

Thumpalumpacus

As for me -- it's my Saturday, I've got to drive into town and run some errands -- pick up groceries, get a haircut, grab some material for the speaker-cabinet build from Lowe's.

I'm looking forward to my meeting tonight.

Sunflowerlife

Thank you so much for the words. I need that, it felt like a virtual hug. I am doing my best to get through this day and yes, something is in the air. Even my 1 year old is cranky today!!

Sunflowerlife

Thank you. I am doing my best as a parent and quite frankly, these are the hardest years of my life. I hear all the time that "time flies" and "they will grow up so fast" and to "cherish the time they are young" but what if I can't do that 100% of the time, why isn't that okay? I have a very hard time handling the mornings. I know what I need to do (meditate) and I just haven't been doing it before they get up. But please don't try to convince me that these are good times because they are downright the hardest years of my life.

Add getting sober to that, moving states away from family and friends and well, I am still adjusting to it all.

After I wrote that post and then dropped my son off I felt terrible. But when I am in the heat of a moment like that where I simply have no control over my emotions, it feels like I am drowning. I am grateful for so much, don't get me wrong. I count my blessings daily. But my emotions still get the best of me sometimes. I was never an angry person until I had kids. I am really working on it.

The lunch making is the easy part. I think what stresses me out the most is that my 1 year old gets into everything. I cannot open the fridge without him pulling out food, I can't brush my 4 year old's teeth without him getting into the toilet (today he threw his toothbrush in it), I can't take a shower with the door closed or he will scream and with the door open he finds things to put in the shower. Putting a diaper on him and dressing him is crazy. I have to literally sit on him to do both because he won't let me. I know they sound like stupid little things but mornings are basically one frustration after another, after another.

illi1111

Sunflowerlife-

I get it. I have a two year that is into everything! You are doing an awesome job! Becoming sober while parenting a small child is unbelievable hard. The isolation and monotony of everyday life were a huge factor for my drinking. It's funny when you try to tell someone how bad your day was because of simple things the kids did. It never sounds as bad but when its happening its insanity.

It really sounds like you need a break. If your tank is empty it's impossible and painful to give your kids what they need. Is there anyway your husband can watch the kids while you get a couple hours of you time? Sometimes you just need a breather and it all becomes much easier. ((Hugs))

Glb82

Lulu, I've put on weight too. I'm on day 16. I think it's cause I'm actually eating breakfast and dinner everyday, nit vomiting in the morning and drinking for my evening meal. Oh well, my liver lives me right now abs my skin is better! Trying to see the positives...