Class of November 2015 Part 8
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by patricia68 
Kiki, I've been in the same situation. My husband suggested to take a holiday in the spring. He thinks that it would help our marriage. I don't want to go. He is also a "normal" drinker. But I realized that his drinking is not the problem, I just don't want to spend time with him. It scares me to face the reality that we won't enjoy a holiday together. It scares me to spend time with him only to realize that I don't enjoy being around him. I have no idea how to deal with this...I wish I could give you some better advice...
I am also facing a similar situation. Although in my case I enjoy my husband's company. The problem is the way our life style has been and he wants it to be includes alcohol, social drinking, going out. I find myself caught between what works for me vs what works for him. I stop drinking for a while but our pattern doesn't change do I end up getting confidant after being tempted and I drink. Then I slip, etc. I think this is hard for our spouses and we should tell them that we want to find non alcohol related activities. You and your spouses have a chance to get to know each other again, without alcohol as the focus. You won't have a chance to go that unless you get on the same page. I am not on the same page with my spousal yet. I find this issue extremely difficult to talk about.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Kiki and Patricia-
I think it takes time to adjust to not drinking and not just by us. The family dynamic completely changes and it's hard on everybody. Do you think that by Spring you could deal with your husband if he just drank one or two nights while on vacation? Maybe compromise and then try to find fun things to do that don't include alcohol? Perhaps alone time away from home and all the stress would help all of you out and give you a chance to remember what you originally fell in love with and discover if those people still exist.
I'm lucky that when my hubby drinks it's only one drink (although it's a double)and he never shows the effect of the alcohol because he's a very tall/large man.
It doesn't bother me at all when he drinks, but I have noticed he tries not to do it in front of me. My sobriety is pretty important to him so I'm very fortunate. He's still a butt head though! Lol
I think it takes time to adjust to not drinking and not just by us. The family dynamic completely changes and it's hard on everybody. Do you think that by Spring you could deal with your husband if he just drank one or two nights while on vacation? Maybe compromise and then try to find fun things to do that don't include alcohol? Perhaps alone time away from home and all the stress would help all of you out and give you a chance to remember what you originally fell in love with and discover if those people still exist.
I'm lucky that when my hubby drinks it's only one drink (although it's a double)and he never shows the effect of the alcohol because he's a very tall/large man.
It doesn't bother me at all when he drinks, but I have noticed he tries not to do it in front of me. My sobriety is pretty important to him so I'm very fortunate. He's still a butt head though! Lol
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Hi Patricia,
I completely understand where you are coming from with the PMS. For me and many other women in recovery, PMS is a HUGE trigger for relapse! I just started my second period since getting sober so I went thru my second PMS. This PMS was a lot easier than the first since being sober...but still hard! (If your a man and reading this...sorry! TMI! Haha)
I have an App on my phone that tells me when my cycle is coming. If I feel crazier than usual one day, I will look at it and 98% of the time I am PMSing. There is also a condition called PMDD. https://www.gstatic.com/healthricher...c_disorder.pdf It is worse than PMS but still very common.
I am not saying PMS is an excuse to drink but I AM saying PMS triggers ALOT of women (including me in the past) to relapse so we need to be aware of our cycles and prepare with LOTS of tools! See the link below for more info. It really helped me! It helped me realize that I am not alone. Thinking of you!
https://www.thefix.com/content/pms-and-relapse
I completely understand where you are coming from with the PMS. For me and many other women in recovery, PMS is a HUGE trigger for relapse! I just started my second period since getting sober so I went thru my second PMS. This PMS was a lot easier than the first since being sober...but still hard! (If your a man and reading this...sorry! TMI! Haha)
I have an App on my phone that tells me when my cycle is coming. If I feel crazier than usual one day, I will look at it and 98% of the time I am PMSing. There is also a condition called PMDD. https://www.gstatic.com/healthricher...c_disorder.pdf It is worse than PMS but still very common.
I am not saying PMS is an excuse to drink but I AM saying PMS triggers ALOT of women (including me in the past) to relapse so we need to be aware of our cycles and prepare with LOTS of tools! See the link below for more info. It really helped me! It helped me realize that I am not alone. Thinking of you!
https://www.thefix.com/content/pms-and-relapse
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by enfinthechange
On unrelated news, I have printed out Dees suggested strategy document.on coping with downward spirals etc... am getting a folder and dividers tomorrow from work and am going to make an actual tool kit in writing! I like paper and starionary (a little too.much!!) So this is like a.project, on me!!! Not v good at me, so it will be tough... but could be the thing that makes it work. After the drinks I had, I mentally charted the change in my internal headspace and it was interesting to note it took 3 days to stop feeling so bleak. .. and thus 3 days till the AV appeared back. But after 3 days i feel much more cheerful, connected and positive. The key being I have noticed it. It's not buried in a tonne of other crap. .. it was measurable. So proof of something I guess!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by patricia68
Absolutely Fabat50! I have learned how to deal with the everyday anxiety with the help of my Dr and counselor. But I still have to find a strategy for when I feel overwhelmed and I seem to lose control of my emotions. I know there's something wrong with my hormones. Not only emotionally but also physically. I had labor pain last night while I was laying in bed and trying to sleep. That's not normal! An overwhelming anxiety is not normal! And yet the blood test that my Dr ordered came out normal...that's why I am confused. What I meant with "no harm done" was that I was home. I didn't drive, I didn't blackout. I didn't get hurt, nobody else got hurt. I meant that I was lucky enough that there were no serious consequences. That doesn't make it less serious. I do worry about my sobriety. There's obviously something missing in my plan to stay sober. And I am willing to work harder to make a better pan with the help of my Dr, counsellor and SR.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by tatersalad
Just checking in . Went out last weekend to a going away party for a dear friend of mine that is moving out of state. I sat there at the bar from 6:00- 3:00am with most of my life long friends / ex- drinking buddies and did not have one beer. But i did give in to a good luck toast of a mint luquor shot in his name. It was tiny and i hate that stuff anyway so i didnt feel any urge to drink any more. Now i realize it technically was alchohol but im not acknowledging it as a slip. I acomplished my goal of not experiencing any effects of alchohol and proving to myself that i dont need to drink to enjoy those peoples company. I had a lot of fun.... Actualy more than i recall having drunk. What suprised me is how much people respected my decision (even though they had a million questions). Anyway needless to say by the end of the night i was the only one still sober to drive the straglers home. Lol and not a moment too soon.... Their jokes and stories where starting to get old after their drunk asses kept repeting them over and over (you know what I mean)
I'm glad you had fun with your old friends at a bar and weren't triggered to drink. I'm not sure I would have the strength to do that. Be careful this week. That AV may be LOUD. Or....maybe it won't. Good to hear from you!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by rah555
Kiki and Patricia, I am also facing a similar situation. Although in my case I enjoy my husband's company. The problem is the way our life style has been and he wants it to be includes alcohol, social drinking, going out. I find myself caught between what works for me vs what works for him. I stop drinking for a while but our pattern doesn't change do I end up getting confidant after being tempted and I drink. Then I slip, etc. I think this is hard for our spouses and we should tell them that we want to find non alcohol related activities. You and your spouses have a chance to get to know each other again, without alcohol as the focus. You won't have a chance to go that unless you get on the same page. I am not on the same page with my spousal yet. I find this issue extremely difficult to talk about.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Keepnitreal
Kiki and Patricia- I think it takes time to adjust to not drinking and not just by us. The family dynamic completely changes and it's hard on everybody. Do you think that by Spring you could deal with your husband if he just drank one or two nights while on vacation? Maybe compromise and then try to find fun things to do that don't include alcohol? Perhaps alone time away from home and all the stress would help all of you out and give you a chance to remember what you originally fell in love with and discover if those people still exist. I'm lucky that when my hubby drinks it's only one drink (although it's a double)and he never shows the effect of the alcohol because he's a very tall/large man. It doesn't bother me at all when he drinks, but I have noticed he tries not to do it in front of me. My sobriety is pretty important to him so I'm very fortunate. He's still a butt head though! Lol
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
Hi Patricia,
I completely understand where you are coming from with the PMS. For me and many other women in recovery, PMS is a HUGE trigger for relapse! I just started my second period since getting sober so I went thru my second PMS. This PMS was a lot easier than the first since being sober...but still hard! (If your a man and reading this...sorry! TMI! Haha)
I have an App on my phone that tells me when my cycle is coming. If I feel crazier than usual one day, I will look at it and 98% of the time I am PMSing. There is also a condition called PMDD. https://www.gstatic.com/healthricher...c_disorder.pdf It is worse than PMS but still very common.
I am not saying PMS is an excuse to drink but I AM saying PMS triggers ALOT of women (including me in the past) to relapse so we need to be aware of our cycles and prepare with LOTS of tools! See the link below for more info. It really helped me! It helped me realize that I am not alone. Thinking of you!
https://www.thefix.com/content/pms-and-relapse
I completely understand where you are coming from with the PMS. For me and many other women in recovery, PMS is a HUGE trigger for relapse! I just started my second period since getting sober so I went thru my second PMS. This PMS was a lot easier than the first since being sober...but still hard! (If your a man and reading this...sorry! TMI! Haha)
I have an App on my phone that tells me when my cycle is coming. If I feel crazier than usual one day, I will look at it and 98% of the time I am PMSing. There is also a condition called PMDD. https://www.gstatic.com/healthricher...c_disorder.pdf It is worse than PMS but still very common.
I am not saying PMS is an excuse to drink but I AM saying PMS triggers ALOT of women (including me in the past) to relapse so we need to be aware of our cycles and prepare with LOTS of tools! See the link below for more info. It really helped me! It helped me realize that I am not alone. Thinking of you!
https://www.thefix.com/content/pms-and-relapse
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Keepnitreal
We are all three still syncing up!!!!! Haha. This is the time we hated our spouses last month!
BUT I think some MEN PMS too!!! Some men PMS 24/7! Don't they Patricia? :-/ ha.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Welcome back Missy!
Had a great day, coming out of the fog and feeling somewhat normal again. I actually bit the bullet and got a sponsor so taking more action and not just sitting idol waiting for the next time a craving comes along!
Hope everyone has a good night!
Had a great day, coming out of the fog and feeling somewhat normal again. I actually bit the bullet and got a sponsor so taking more action and not just sitting idol waiting for the next time a craving comes along!
Hope everyone has a good night!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Hi, All! Quick check in for me today. Had a good one: went to another meeting, had lunch with a dear friend, caught up with another friend on the phone, did some errands and chores and now getting ready for bed. Didn't get everything checked off on my to-do list for this wknd but the fact that I started going to meetings outweighs the other little to-do items right now 
Thank you all for being here and supporting one another. We can get through this together
Thank you all for being here and supporting one another. We can get through this together
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Missy7
Thank you Kiki...I've been cycling through a very hard home purchase... I've been frozen. Now I start again.
Maybe add some more tools to deal with stress? Do you exercise? I have a punching bag & do kick boxing in my basement in addition to brisk walks with my dog. It works wonders!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by ultradad
Welcome back Missy! Had a great day, coming out of the fog and feeling somewhat normal again. I actually bit the bullet and got a sponsor so taking more action and not just sitting idol waiting for the next time a craving comes along! Hope everyone has a good night!
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