Class of November 2015 Part 8
 

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-7-a-20.html

D

UD...it's great that you are honest with us about your slips and get right back on here. Are you being honest with yourself though? Do you really genuinely want to give up drinking or are you trying to live both lives, a sober one and one that caters to your AV?

Sorry for being blunt, just being honest and trying to help you brother!

Hi, All! Lots of action here!

Canguy, I'm glad you are okay. We are here for you.

Ultra, I do think you can stay sober. But you have to believe it as well!

Blackbird, I'm glad you are doing well and that the one night did not turn into a binge. Onward and upward!

To everyone else, I hope you are enjoying your NYE so far! Just got to work here. Will check in later.

New thread! New Year! (almost). I pray that 2016 is a amazing year for all of us! :-)

@Canguy-you can have peace & happiness beyond your wildest dreams if you want it. It's yours...all you have to do is take it. Praying for you!

@SnowVelvet-I'm ready for my regular routine again too & that's awesome that your depression and anxiety are gone! Mine are gone too. Yes I agree that alcohol was the cause of those things and I'm so happy to be out of its grips!

@RedAndy-you are doing so great! Maybe it's good that the party was canceled. Maybe it's a safer alternative? I hope you have a great night playing games with your kids. Happy new year!

@blackbird-I think it's great that you were able to pinpoint exactly what your trigger was. I'm glad you got right back on the sober train. I have a feeling you're not gonna let that happen again! I really believe in you and I can see how badly you really want sobriety. You're doing great!

@sobermarathon-39 days is great!!! You really sound determined to make it this time & I feel confident that you will!!! I agree with you that drinking is usually a way to numb ourselves and hide from much deeper issues. That's the way it was for me at least. Counseling, SR and the 12 steps of AA are helping me work through all that crap, get underneath it and get rid of it so I never have to drink over it again and I can truly be happy, joyous and free. Happy New Year!

@SwimKim- Hi!!! :-)

***My prayer for all of us this New Year's eve is that we have an amazing 2016!

I pray that we all find the strength to get through whatever challenge we may face without drinking alcohol (a.k.a. poison).

I pray that our bodies, minds and spirits will be healed so that we can live wonderful lives.

I pray that any pain, depression, anxiety, shame, hopelessness, fear, anger & resentment will all be taken away for this year and for all the years to come.

Lastly, I pray for those who may be still be struggling. I pray that their cravings, shame, sorrow, hopelessness, depression & anxiety will be taken away and that they will realize how amazing they really are. I pray that they will know how special and unique their lives are. I pray that they know that they are worth getting sober and they deserve happy lives.

There is a sweet man in AA that always says "Kiki, don't quit before the miracle happens!"

Class of November 2015, don't quit before the miracle happens!!! Happy New Year everyone!

PS- I could've never gotten this far without all of your support and for that I am extremely grateful. Thank you so much everyone. I'll check back in later.

Just sat here now watching others drink and chatting about drinking - some mention of doing dry January / am I just taking a bit of time out or is that it for good etc etc etc - told them that's it for good - my heads spinning already !!

Driving here which took a couple of hours I was in a pretty bad mood, snapped at the wife over nothing and now not in the mood at all for chatting with others, once I get like this I find it really difficult to snap out of it, prefer if I could just sit in a room on my own but unfortunately that's not an option, feel like a right miserable git - need to cheer up and stop wallowing.

Friends 2 year old daughter now asking me to play with her kitchen - seems like a good idea.

I made it through Christmas watching everyone else drinking. So my AV told me I was okay and I could have a couple with my husband now that it's over and I made it though. No problem, UGH…. the next day I went and had a lot more than a couple beers with my husband. We ended up gambling AGAIN and lost $1,000. I woke up so depressed, I sat around and zoned out on Videos and TV all day. I wanted to drink just to get rid of the nasty hangover, but I was too depressed and angry.

I don't know why I picked up again on Tuesday, :headbange I just keep thinking I'm missing out on something. It's so hard to watch other people drink and it seems like it would be fun. You know to loosen up and get happy spirits, lighten the mood. But it's not worth it. I do stupid reckless things when I drink, stuff I would never do sober. I only had 2 and then drank a bunch of lemon water to try and get rid of the effects and got to bed early. I want to be done with it. I don't like it.

Anyhow I've recommitted again, so I'm back on day 2, that's depressing in itself after having 45 days. Now my AV is saying oh come on it's the last day of the year you can start fresh tomorrow with a brand new year. :261: blaaa… blaaa.. blaaa… yuck.

Thanks Meshelly for posting that, it helps to make me realise whilst sat here that there would be no gain and only self loathing if I did give in to any temptation due to feeling like I'm being a right boring git here. Feel like friends are wishing they'd not bothered inviting us and the wife trying to gee me up to liven up a bit (not by drinking) - normally I'd be life and soul but just sat here wanting to be quiet and finding it difficult to get in the mood for chatting.

I'm feeling lots of anxiety today. I know it's just another day, but for some strange reason I'm scared of leaving 2015 behind. Must be my AV talking dumb ideas again. 2015 wasn't a great year and still I'm scared of leaving the comfort zone and start something new. I'm scared that my marriage and everything else is going to blow up and that I won't be able to handle it. I am scared of change even if it means leaving behind a life that is making me unhappy...ugh. I'm over thinking I know...

EUPHORIC RECALL!!!!!

So as I was doing a few dishes today my mind started wandering. Some of my AV thoughts were "Kiki...don't you remember how FUN drinking was? Remember all those fun times? Are you gonna go your ENTIRE life with out drinking? How boring!"

While I was having all these memories of the "good times" drinking, I actually started having a small craving. Ugh! The ONLY thing my brain was remembering was the fun times long ago! How can it remember the fun times 20 YEARS ago and NOT remember the hellish misery 47 DAYS ago???

So I did a little research on Euphoric Recall & posted the article I found below. I found it extremely helpful! This is why it is VITAL to have support & accountability when trying to stay sober!

Don't drink tonight! It's just another day! Think of all the people who are going to drink tonight and "promise" themselves that it's their "last drink EVER" only to spend 2016 drinking again! The best time to quit is now...this very second. It will always be a dead end road. I don't ever want to go back to that hell! My worst day sober is still 1000 times better than my best day drunk!

The article below really helped me!!! It shut my AV up!

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How Euphoric recall leads to relapse:
*Addiction is both a physical and psychological disease. While many people mistakenly believe that the physical aspect of the disease is more powerful, it is actually the psychological side of addiction that causes more relapse. Learning how the addicted brain works can empower a recovering addict to avoid relapse.

How Psychological Addiction Works:
*The euphoric high felt during drug or alcohol abuse directly affects an area of the brain called the pleasure or reward center. This is the same part of the brain that manages a variety of important psychological functions such as the following:
Emotional response
Anxiety management
Coping with stress
Reinforcing behaviors (forming habits)
The ability to resist impulses
The formation and recollection of memories
Drugs and alcohol provide real, albeit temporary, relief of emotional pain or distress in this part of the brain. When the substance wears off and the underlying psychological disorder begins to take over, the brain will use every psychological tool at its disposal to get those chemicals again. One of the most problematic of these symptoms – especially after months of recovery– is a phenomenon called euphoric recall.

How Euphoric Recall Works:
*Because the formation and recollection of memories is managed in this same area, the brain may choose only to bring to mind the fun times or highlights of past drug use. The user will not remember the pain, sickness, destruction, disappointment or trapped feelings of addiction – only the good times. This can lead a person to romanticize their previous substance abuse and spend too much time thinking back on it longingly. This type of distorted memory can also lead people to feel overconfident in their ability to resist relapse, which may cause them to place themselves in high-risk environments. A recovering alcoholic, when walking past a bar, may think back to some fun times and then tell himself that he can handle the temptation to drink now. He goes into the bar where the positive memories collide with his weakened state of alertness; before he knows it, he has relapsed.

How to Stop Euphoric Recall:
*While you cannot stop euphoric recall, one of the most powerful tools to overcome it is through relational accountability. Make sure you have a friend or sponsor who you have especially empowered to hold you accountable for your time, words, money and actions. Another person can provide the accurate perspective that euphoric recall destroys. You may start to become nostalgic for your party days, but a good accountability partner will remind you of the broken relationships, the misery of withdrawal and the positive aspects of being clean and sober. Journaling can also be extremely helpful – especially as it relates to identifying faulty or incomplete memories and filling in those gaps during weak moments. In time you can train your mind to remember all aspects of the disease of addiction, not just the distorted ones.

I'm sitting in 2016 Patricia and it's not that bad - the sun came up, Friday follows Thursday...

you'll be OK :)

D

I'm sorry you slipped Meshelly. I just posted about euphoric recall a few minutes ago. I think if you read it it will really help you!!! Don't beat yourself up. You still had 45 days & proved to yourself you could do it! You will learn something from this & grow! :-)

Meshelly's post shut my AV right up too! She said it wasn't fun...at all!

Can you leave early Andy? Can you tell your wife you don't feel well??? Why torture yourself?

The #1 thing in my life right now is staying sober and for me to do that I can NOT be around alcohol for a while. If people don't like it...I really don't care. If we don't stay sober we won't have a life, right?

Check in and let us know how your are. :-)

(((Patricia)))

Take a nice deep breath. Everything is going to be ok. 2016 is going to be amazing for you...I just know it!

I over-think all the time too! I'm what they call a catastrophic thinker. I ALWAYS project the worse. I'm working on it in counseling.

Here's an example of the way I think: "In 2016 I am gonna be sober & happy and my life is gonna get really good. As soon as I am really happy my house is gonna burn down, my pets are gonna die and everyone is gonna leave me!"

Crazy!!! It's like I'm terrified to be happy because I'm afraid to lose it.

My sponsor told me when I start thinking too far into the future I need to look down at my feet and say to myself "where are you right this second KiKi?" So I look at my feet and see where I am (right now I am sitting in a recliner in my family room) and I try to stay there.

Where are your feet Patricia? :-)

The sun came up? The world didn't end? Oh GOOD!!! Happy New Year Dee!

You rock Dee, seriously. Thank you. I would be dead if it wasn't for you and SR :grouphug:

That's how I feel RedAndy. I know or i think i know that they want me to drink with them and if i don't i'm a party pooper. And it doesn't help that they keep telling me that I don't have a problem.

There all going to drink tonight but I'm not. No way. I have a date with the gym tomorrow morning. Would that be mean if I went and woke everyone up before i left. haha =D

Omg, I think like that too most of the time! I'm also working on being in the moment with my counselor. I guess I have to be more patient. It's going to take practice to erase all those years of catastrophic thinking! Thank you Kiki!

Thank you for the post KiKi. I saved it so i can read it later. I'm going to go make some yummies for the fam. I'll be back in a bit. I'm determined to make it though tonight.

You and I are a lot alike. I've always thought that. You didn't tell me where your feet are? Haha