Juno,
You've just got to keep trying and believe that one day it will click. If I'm being honest when I came back here in September I never, in my heart of hearts, thought I would get this far. I hoped for a break before drinking again. Something happened though. I don't know what but this time things fell into place.
One day things will fall into place for you too. Maybe not today or tomorrow, even next week or month. Maybe, you'll just wake up one day and know enough is enough.
I wish I could help more.